Why is she not allowing it? There are myriad reasons she may have said no, some or all of which may or may not be valid.

Is she concerned about the cost?
How is your behavior (have you a history of daliances with other women, a past alcohol problem or gambling issues)?
Do you already go on a guys fishing trip, a guys hunting trip, and 5 guys triathlon weekends a year?
How well does she know and like the company you would be keeping?
Is it a bad time to be away from work (proposed layoffs, busy time etc.)?
Have you family obligations - which includes something like sticking her with sole responsibility for seven kids for a week?
Are you a persistent workaholic and she'd rather you used your vacation time to spend some quality time with her?
Would she just miss you like hell?

Without knowing the reasoning - and a little more about your relationship - that's not a call any of us are equipped to make.

If the shoe were on the other foot, would you allow her to go under the same circumstances?
ETA: Would I allow my other half to go? Absolutely, were that amount of money not an issue in our case. I trust him implicitly, he does a lot for me in our day-to-day life, he supports my athletic endeavours, and isn't generally frivolous about finances nor a shirker of family obligations. It would be a rare treat, and I wouldn't begrudge it at all. I'm also lucky in that he'd rather go with me than any of the guys, so I get the best of everything :o)

I posted this primarily to get some opinions from other married women about the "vegas man trip" in general, not to analyze why my wife is opposed to it which I already know is from her insecurity about strippers, and the general availability of sex/hot women.

I have never given her a reason not to trust me so no infidelity issues-5 years of marraige and 2 young children. No money issues. No other guy trips. She knows the other guys going--brothers-in-laws, although she doesnt like my brother (husband of the wife she hates--our sister inlaw). No family obligations although she would be watching our 3 yr old and 1 year old but lots of help from family available. Not a persistant workaholic and no she wouldnt miss me like hell--lol. And yes I would absolutlely let her go--In fact I have encouraged her to get out of town for awhile wherever she wants to go.

Again I'm looking for thoughts from other adult married women on their husbands going on guys trips to Vegas.

I think this all boils down to trust and this "trip" is just fleshing out the truth from my wife.

The reasons behinds the "why" make a lot of difference when forming an opinion, whether you like that fact or not!
And I am an adult pretty-much-married woman, your target audience, so less with the defensive pushback if you don't mind. Believe it or not, I'm trying to help you :o)

Why do you want to go? What do the guys want out of this trip? Hookers and blow, strip clubs, gambling, shows, the experience of drinking on the strip? If they're the kind of guys who are going to go away for a long weekend and do nothing but perv at strippers and get laid as much as possible, I can dig why she'd be uncomfortable. I would be too - but I wouldn't rescind permission. Express my disappointment, perhaps.

If it's a trust issue, it's difficult. My ex-husband was almost entirely paranoid every time that I left the house without him that I was having an affair. Utterly convinced. After seven years of that and no tangible reason to not trust me, I finally decided enough was enough and I left him. (Yes, there was a little more to it than that.) For him, control over my whereabouts was a way of dealing with his own personal insecurities. I know.... BlahBlahBlahPsychobabble.

Do you still treat her like she's a hot woman - THE hot woman in your life? Or do you stare at other women on the street? Or maybe point out that she hasn't lost that baby weight yet/her roots are showing/she wears Mommy Jeans all the time now? Have you guys been able to have a rational conversation about this, or does it descend into a screaming match every time? Communication....

From what you're saying it doesn't sound like you've done anything to explicitly destroy trust in your relationship, so it comes down to whether you want to go anyway and to hell with her feelings, or whether you respect her enough to abide by her wishes. At the end of the day, you're a grown-up and if you book that flight and go, she can't stop you. But that's not a good foundation on which to build a marriage. Nor, for that matter, is framing things in a context of "NO! I forbid you!"

I would have no problem with it. Never would have, even when we were first married. The funny thing about it, though, is that my husband would want me to go with him so we could go to the strip-clubs together. :)

Married almost 23 years.

UK2ME

To answer your questions, I want to go because I was invited by my bro in law to go as a guys trip during March madness. Its a fun week for gambling on bball games, great food, casinos and all that Vegas has to offer--and I dont mean strip clubs which I've had fun at before I was married but don't really care about now--not that I wouldnt go for awhile but not as 'into it' as I was when younger/single. So I'm not looking to get laid as much as possible with hookers and blow. Not worth losing my kids over.

My wife is a hot woman and very successful professionally. Keeps in shape, looks fantastic, and yes I tell her this but not really sure she can take the compliments due to her insecurities. Never has been able to. No I dont stare at other women, make comments, or have all my ex gf's as friends on FB (no chit chat with them either in any form). So far the conversation descends into an argument.

Honestly what I need is for another woman that she trusts to have a rational, reasonable, realistic conversation with her about Vegas and 'the guys trip'. I think in her head its all crazy sluts running around the streets offering bj's and cocaine to every guy on the sidewalk.

My husband will jokingly tell his friends that I 'allowed' him to go out with them. It drives me nuts (which is why he does it). Saying "I don't want you to go" is quite different from "you aren't allowed to go" and is a whole other can of worms.

Unless there was a legitimate reason - money, lack of family vacation time, stress of taking care of home/family while he's gone - I would have no problem with it.

I have some guy friends that did a weekend trip to Vegas a while back for march maddness. Their wives/SO's were all for it. See, they realized that not everyone goes to Vegas to to screw around (they could do that in their hometown and save a little money). They also realized that it's normal and healthy for husbands/SO's to have "guy time" whether it's in town or out. They love their guys and want them to be happy.

Now for the part you didn't ask for: Maybe sit down with her and, in a nonthreatening way, ask her what her concerns are. If they are reasonable, explain your reasons for wanting to go.

Ding ding ding

She may be feeling insecure about her own hotness, especially if she knows it's something you tune into with other women (all guys do, but not all do it OUT LOUD). I don't know how you two interact but I promise you, if she's not feeling at the top of her game she's going to be very sensitive about you looking (even just looking!) elsewhere.

Helping her believe she's the hottest thing in your world could relieve some of the mistrust.

I'd happily let my hub go on this kind of trip because he wouldn't make me regret it. Good luck!

Thank you for the clarification.

FWIW, I'd have no problem with you going. You sound reasonable, it sounds like a fun time. I think you're right in that finding someone that she trusts to have the conversation with her may be your best bet. Or, taking her to Vegas for a long weekend prior (and leaving the kids with some of that family support!) and proving to her that it's not all about the sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.

Of course I'd let him go. Sure he'll go see strippers, and drink too much, but I'm totally OK with that. He can get himself as many lap dances as he wants. He gets his sex at home thank you very much. Almost everything else is available to him whenever he, as an adult, feels it's appropriate. I'm his partner not his mother.

AP

---

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

Okay, I'll be honest.

As a wife, whose husband has gone to Vegas (and is going for work tradeshows later this month) - I don't like it. There I said it. Let the harassment begin.

For whatever reason, I have issues with a guy's trip to Vegas. A guy's trip anywhere else, usually not an issue. Just Vegas. Maybe it is a subconscious layer of trust, insecurities , the Vegas stereotype - I dunno .

Fair enough. I wouldn't really have a problem with it because my husband doesn't drink & the people he would go with would be boring & keep him out of trouble.

Under other circumstances I could see being uncomfortable with it.

I don't "allow/disallow" my husband to do anything and vice-versa. If he wanted to go on a boys trip to Vegas, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. (I am secure in my hotness. ;-P) It doesn't hurt that my hubby's dream trip to Vegas involves poker and not strip clubs, but that's neither here nor there. Basically, if he wanted to do something that I wasn't comfortable with, we'd talk about it and come to some sort of compromise. If you want to go to Vegas and have an idea of why your wife doesn't want you go, it seems like you guys need to work those issues out. I've been married for sixteen years and counting, but I'd be out in a hot minute if he were the "You're not allowed to do this" type.

Good luck!

Michelle

---

------------------------------------------------------------
The beatings will continue until morale improves

It's because of "The Hangover"

;-)

---

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Well, I don't allow or not allow another grown adult to go where they want, first off.

And, really, honestly, I've never had a concern or even a thought about Vegas. I know all these guys hope it's going to turn out just like The Hangover, but it's not. Why not "allow" someone to go? Because there are strip clubs? And betting? And drugs? Newsflash: I'm pretty sure that exists wherever you live too -- though, maybe not, I dunno.

So, the whole idea of not allowing someone to go somewhere because they could do something bad is pretty juvenile and willfully blind to me.

Now, if you're planning a weekend of no-holds barred illegal (and possibly dangerous) debauchery that just happens to be in Vegas, then, yeah, I'd probably be upset if I was her too. Though I'd be more upset that you were a douche...

---

kelly dunleavy o'mara
@kellydomara

My question is why you would stay married to someone like that? (Or have married her in the first place.)

Of course, I'm not married, so maybe that's why since I wouldn't put up with crap like that.

---

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

Interesting timing as my husband is in Vegas for Interbike right now (and he's gone every year for at least the last 10 years). He has been there since last Friday and will not be home until Saturday night. He was also there the week prior working at 70.3 worlds. So, while his current and recent trips have been work-related, its Vegas - its obviously not all work and no play.

Aside from work trips each year - for as long as I can remember, he went to Vegas with his brothers and various friends for March Madness. Last year, a work commitment sent him somewhere else and he couldn't make the trip - but when work doesn't interfere, he'll always go for March Madness. He's also been known to fly out just for Superbowl betting...but I digress.

Do I have a problem with any of his trips to Vegas? Nope. Not at all. Periodically, I've joined him for Interbike and we'll try to take a trip there together when we can, which isn't often these days with two busy kids and my full-time job, but I would never consider crashing the guys trips, nor would I ever consider telling him he was not allowed to go.

Our reality is that my husband travels a lot for work. Each year when we look at his hotel totals, we realize he spends more time in hotels than he does at home. While there is a difference in work travel and "fun" guys trips, in many ways, they are the same. Would your wife tell you you aren't allowed to travel for work (if that is / or were a part of your job)? In my opinion, whether he is traveling for work or for fun, it is all about trust. I trust him. I miss him when he is gone - I married him because I truly enjoy being with him. However, we both enjoy our time apart doing our own things. We would never tell the other they "could not" do something that was important to them.

Would not only allow him, but would encourage it. My husband is headed to Mexico next week with some buddies. When the "planner" friend first pitched the idea, we talked about dates. I said that, as long as he didn't go during certain dates that would have put our household in a bind, he should go and enjoy himself. From past experience, he will send me hilarious emails while he is gone and will have me laughing so hard, I have tears running down my face when he gets home. Guys do funny stuff when there are no women around to impose maturity. He'll have fun. I'll laugh. And yes, he will look at cute young things with nice boobs when he is there. It's okay. We have a good thing going. Neither of us has any desire to mess it up.

I wouldn't care if he went. I also know that LV is about the last place on earth he would choose to go to and that strippers, clubs etc are not his thing. Booze, food and maybe $50 in a slot machine; yes.

I trust him though and even if he did like strippers...meh. I'm sure 23 year giant old fake books would be like a trip to the zoo, exotic and not in our natural habitat.

I got lucky. I married a United States Marine. Semper fidelis. Yes he is. He can do anything he damned well wants to, and once he sets his heels in the ground, heaven or hell will not move the man from his duty. Love him more than life itself.

He'd be sitting at the video poker machine drinking diet coke with lemon. And paying for his trip.

Marry the person you respect, and life is very good indeed.

~~ kate

I let my husband go to Vegas for his bachelor party. They ate good steaks, drank good scotch, smoked good cigars, and yeah, watched some strippers. He lived in Vegas for 2 years and doesn't like strippers - they make him sad - and only let the guys drag him there because it's traditional.

I trust my husband implicitly, and I think that's what it comes down to. If it was really important to him to get a lapdance, fine by me. If it was really important to me that he not, I know he'd respect that.

They also went to a massive gun range and shot heavy weapons. That made me a little jealous.

---

-----------------------------------------------------------------
You. You make me stronger.

Yes, I would let my husband go to Vegas. He doesn't drink, and he loves bicycles more than women, probably myself included, hahahaha! And yes, I am smoking hot (for my age, haha) and still pushing men away, but I think that has nothing to do with it. It's a trust issue, and he's earned my trust.

Also, he'd probably be in Vegas to start a road trip by bicycle from there.

I don't "allow" or "disallow" anything. I'm not his mother.

---

---

mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
Handmade beverage charms, jewelry, and miscellanea
http://momocharms.wordpress.com

lol! Agreed about my husband loving bikes more than women. I'd be more worried about him in a bike shop than anywhere in Vegas.

It doesn't matter what we would do or not do. What matters is figuring out why this is an issue in your marriage.

---

No coasting in running and no crying in baseball

We just got back from Vegas. My husband came to watch me death march the 70.3 My biggest regret is that I was too sick and too tired after the race to go to The Spearmint Rhino and buy him some lap dances.

I don't even GET the idea of allowing / not allowing someone to do something. I encourage everything he wants to do and vice versa. I trust him implicitly (he's an airline pilot and he is gone 10-13 days per month, then likes to go travel, race, sail, whatever when he is not working, so he can be gone for weeks at a time). Its about being an adult and trusting someone. Your wife needs to grow up.

How is that different from your birthday? ;p

---

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

Exotic, perhaps, but I much prefer real books.

---

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

I'm not married, but if I was, I'd have the exact same outlook...this is very healthy, at least to me.

---

---

"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Theo911 wrote:

Would like to hear some opinions on whether or not you allow your husbands to go and what your feelings are about it. I havent been there in years and my bro in law is planning a trip and my wife is not allowing me to go.

WOW, not allowing you to go..

---

---

"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

It's times like this that I really wish Slowtwitch had a "Like" button. Well done, sir!

---

------------------------------------------------------------
The beatings will continue until morale improves

My husband travels constantly and Vegas is sometimes on the itinerary. Early on in our marriage (we've been together over 22 years), he used to go to Vegas and New Orleans for bachelor parties. He usually ended up calling me from a strip bar at 2am, drunk, whining about how much he missed me. My favorite call was one I received from a friend of his at 6am who'd been out all night and couldn't remember what hotel they were all staying at. Would I want to witness everything that goes on during these outings - no; do I worry about it - no.

I'm not that trusting of a person. Long ago, I accepted that there is always a risk that my husband is up to no good when he's on the road. I doesn't seem like he is, but unless I have him followed, there is no possible way to know for sure. I'm not going to have him followed and I'm not going to tell him what he can and can't do (except for motorcycles - he's not allowed to own one until the kids have graduated from college:).

"wife is not allowing me to go"


You either need to grow a set of balls or your wife needs to lighten up. Both my wife and I have had weekends away from each other and its never been a problem. Sounds like there is a trust problem in your relationship.

x2. to the OP - i wouldn't have a problem with it but no one forbids me from doing anything (and vice versa).

---

http://harvestmoon6.blogspot.com
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/katasmit

This. Our conversations are generally, "Do you mind if I'm gone this day/weekend/particular point in time?" vs. "Can I go do this?"

If I ever find myself reacting badly to something he wants to do I 1) ask myself why, and 2) ask myself if this is the hill I want to die on. The answer is always no. Like others have said, I'm not his mother.

Wow, you must be really hot, really rich and really hung b/c that's what Vegas strippers are seeing all the time.
As a female, who has even gone to some strip clubs, I would not disallow, and would probably encourage.
A wife has more to worry about from a coworker or a neighbor than a random Vegas stripper.
If you go to Vegas for March Madness the games go on so long you probably won't ever leave the sports book. It's the most wonderful time of the year!

If my soon-to-be husband wanted to take a trip like this, I would fully encourage it. I work in a male dominant career, and we have all had many work trips to Vegas, so I am fully aware of what the city has to offer. I also know that when a man values his wife/girlfriend/family, there isn't a distraction in the world that would get in the way of those values. He knows me well enough to know how disappointed I would be in him if something happened, and I think he would be more effected by my disappointment than my anger. Do I have insecurities about my body (hello, I have the chest of a 12 year old boy)? Of course, but do I need constant validation that I'm beautiful or perfect in his eyes? No. He's never given me a reason to not trust him and I'm not about to start looking for one. You may want to let your wife know that it's healthy to support each others desires to do things-more imposed boundaries can lead to regrets later on down the road, and that's never good for anyone involved.

you must be really hot, really rich and really hung

Please don't drag me into this.

Whether or not I understand/agree with my partner's reasons for being uncomfortable with something, it comes down to deciding to respect his feelings or let him know I no longer care.
As long as I wish to be with my wonderful partner, I will respect his feelings as he respects mine.

Great timing as my hubby just got back from a guys trip to Vegas with 3 other triathletes. It was never a question for me - if he wants to go, we can afford it, and there's nothing else going on that weekend, why not? Vegas isn't the seedy place it once was (though I'm sure you can still find those places) and even though he was the only married guy out of the three, I trust him implicitly. The best pictures of the weekend were the ones of them trying to ride the mechanical bull at PBR and one of the four of them labeled "the Wolf Pack".

What did they do all weekend? Drink, watch sports, play poker and lie by the pool.

---

************************
Forward is a pace!
I get to represent Betty Designs for the 2014 season
http://www.bettydesigns.com/

There are a whole lot of us out here that consider going to strip clubs,
topless bars and the like as a form of cheating and it is the most
disrespectful and insulting thing a person can do to their partner. THis
is something that can do a lot of damage to a marriage/relationship.
It isn't really about trust, it is mostly about respect for your partner. I
know that as soon as a woman says anything about being opposed to
this sort of thing she is automatically considered to be non trusting,
controlling, insecure, jealous, and a few other things, the honest truth is
that most women are made to feel insecure and etc., by this very thing.
This is something everyone feels differently about and every couple should
decide how they feel about it and if either one feels it is cheating or
betrayal then it should not happen. There is usually very little said about
a man that is so insecure in his own masculinity that he cannot or will not
stand up to peer pressure and is therefore ashamed or embarrassed to
show his partner the respect she deserves for her feelings and moral
values. Maybe if you could promise her you will not go to the strip clubs,
stripper shows and etc she would be ok with the trip. You did say that
you might go to a strip club for awhile and she probably knows this. I
am not saying strip clubs and the like is right or wrong, I am saying those
of us that are opposed to them are as justified in our feelings and
thoughts as others who see it differently. When a partner in a marriage
or relationship is made to feel they are no longer special to the other in
that sexual way, they quite often feel they are just another piece of meat
for entertainment and that is the most hurtful and desperate feeling in the
world. Try to talk to her and understand where she is coming from, maybe
compromise, you can go on the trip but no strippers or strip clubs..

Wow, did you really register just to say that?

---

No coasting in running and no crying in baseball

Agree with the others who have said that I don't allow or disallow my husband from doing anything. I'm not his mother. I would encourage him to go and have a good time. There would be no issue for me, except maybe I'd be pissed at him because he thought he needed to ask my permission.

FWIW, I was in Vegas last year during March Madness and it was a blast. You should definitely go.

I travel all the time without my hubby. My work schedule is much more flexible than his, and I enjoy the adventures more than he does. He's never raised an issue about it, and is happy that I get to go do things that I enjoy.

I agree with you, Elizabeth. What you wrote hits a chord with me. It irks me that it's a socially acceptable activity for married men to visit strip bars. I agree that it is "cheating" to ogle naked women (whether on the internet or in a strip bar), and it pisses me off that it is peer pressure that makes it difficult to say no. Bachelor parties are another social convention that I think is outright antiquated and ridiculous. Young grooms are no longer virginal, needing to experience their last infidelities before marriage. Most grooms have had dozens of sexual partners, and to use the upcoming wedding as an excuse to do one last memorable "cheat" is ridiculous. Also, with half of marriages destined to end in divorce, it's more like a last fling before the next bunch of flings.

thank you karencoutts, most of the time I get blasted, and you are exactly right
about the bachelor party thing. My intention was to suggest to theo that his
wife/s objections was quite likely the strip club/stripper thing and not the trip
in itself, it sounded like he was trying say it was just her own insecurity or
non trust, and not even considering that is could well be a much more
serious issue with her. I agree completely, if a groom has to have a
"one last fling" with strippers or other women at his bachelor party then
it is a pretty sure bet it won't stop there after he is married.

In my opinion and feelings, strip clubs and topless bars and the like are
for one thing, and that is foreplay. Strippers are there to sell their bodies
for sexual pleasure whether it is visual or physical and many will do so
in most any form for every dollar they can get. To me, for a man to go to
one of these places and then go home to his wife and USE her to finish
off the nights entertainment cause she is clean and its free is the most
insulting and disrespectul thing a person can do to their partner, there is
no love or respect there for sure. But these are my opinions and feelings
and I realize not everyone would/will agree and that is ok, to each his/her own..

A lot of married couples go to these places and use it as foreplay
for "hot sex" when they get home and if that works for them then fine
for them, some call it entertainment and enjoy it, ok, fine for them
but I have never wanted or needed a third party stimulation or arousal
in my marriage and to me that would be like settleing for another woman's
leftovers, and it would be a big turn off and quite insulting.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're the wife of "Theo911" seeing that you registered just to post this. Anyway, you are extremely uptight and need to relax. And if you for one second think your husband doesn't turn his head at the hot young college chick or even sneaks a peek a porn once in awhile, you're very naive.

---

---

"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

well, Kmh1225. you couldn't be more wrong. I don't even know Theo911
and my only intent was to point out that this could be a very serious
issue with his wife and not just insecurity or non trusting as he wanted
to think. As for my husband, he and I talked about all this sort of
thing before we were married because we had both been very
badly hurt before, we both agreed that going outside our marriage
for anything sexual in any way from another person would be a
dealbreaker because we both feel it is cheating in one form or
another. We have been married over 35 years, and yes, I am
sure we have both seen attractive women and men walking down
the street, at work, in a restaurant and etc, but neither of us have
gone to a source outside our marriage specifically for sexual pleasure,
entertainment or whatever .

No, I am not naive nor uptight, as I said, everyone feels differently
about this sort of stuff and those of us that are opposed are as
justified in our feelings as others that see it differently. Everyone
has a right to his/her own feelings and to live accordingly. When
a couple is married both need to be in agreement on this type
thing or it can cause some very serious issues in the relationship.
I know and have seen first hand how much hurt and damage
this can cause to a person and a relationship, no, I am not
at all naive about any of it.

I'm curious why you signed up on a Triathlon forum and your only 3/4 posts have been to this thread, nothing else. Maybe you're not this wife, but there is some connection, you're probably her friend. My point being, people don't just stumble upon ST, create and account and post to one specific topic...Typically, this happens in the MF and someone is or very close to getting outed for cheating at an event and either they have created an account or one of their friends have and gone into defense mode. So, please excuse my skepticism.

All I know about your marriage is what you've posted. But, men are men. Men look at other women (other than their respective partner) and fantasize about them, sexually....this is human nature. I personally feel we as humans are not programmed to be monogamous, whether that is fantasizing about people outside our marriage/relationship or actually having physical contact/sexual relations with them.

Have you read through any of the posts in the LR? There are some great happily married men who love their wives. However, they are after all, men aka pigs. There are posts about the hot Beverly Hills women in their Lululemon workout clothes to Michelle Jenneke to women bending over and they are checking out her ass. They are all salivating over all these women and as happy as some of them are in their marriage and love their wife, I guarantee they are going in the bathroom and locking the door - thinking about these women.

---

---

"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Actually, i stumbled upon this quite by accident, I read Thoe911s plea
for a married woman to help convince his wife to agree to him going
to Vegas. You don't believe in monog. relationships, but let me say
that there are many men and women who actually see their marriage
as an equal partnership, both deserving the same respect for their
values and feelings. Everyone has his/her own feelings and opinions
about this type thing and rightfully so.

I would not mind my husband going on a trip like that, as long as I
knew there would not be any strip clubs, stripper parties and the like,
and he would feel the same about me going.

There are a lot of women and actually many men who feel the same
way, and what I have learned over the years, is that a man will walk
out of a relationship over his partner going to these places, doing
these things quicker than a woman will. We are all going to see
others that we find attractive almost anywhere, but to most of us,
going to a source specifically for that purpose is finding sexual
pleasure outside that relationship and is a form of cheating. Not
everyone feels that way and that is fine for them, as i said, everyone
has a right to his/her own feelings and to live accordingly.

THis is a really biiiiiiiggggggg sore spot with me as I was hurt
very badly by this stuff and much much more as a result of it and
to this day, it still hurts, the damage doesn't ever go away. I
decided to learn everything I could about all of it and I did, and
have kept up with it over all these years,

No one has the right to tell you that you are wrong to feel and think
as you do, and i personally would never do that, you are right to
think and feel whatever is right for you,we just believe in keeping it
at home and after 35 years plus (many new g-strings later) this is
what works for us, I am 63 yrs and my husband is 83. and very happy.

I am guessing you are a male, but no matter
have a good life

lol...that is awesome!!!

I'm a 41yo woman. I know shocking with the view points I have.

I think age does have something to do with it...you're being 63 and your husband being 83 (please, don't take offense to this..it's not my intention). You both grew-up in a time where people respect marriage and their partner. I'm not saying people don't now, but I feel people think it's very disposable. We become an instant gratification world and if we don't like something we get rid of it.

---

---

"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

There is usually very little said about
a man that is so insecure in his own masculinity that he cannot or will not
stand up to peer pressure and is therefore ashamed or embarrassed to
show his partner the respect she deserves for her feelings and moral
values.

Not sure how you deduced this from Theo's post. He says' that he is going for March Madness, which alot of guys enjoy and have done. Peer pressure has nothing to do with it. I think you may be projecting your issues onto Theo's situation.

KMH1225, no offense taken and you are exactly right about
the age we grew up in and the difference now. Honestly, my
only intent was to suggest to Theo that there might be more
to his wife's issue than just insecurity and non trust and I tried
to give him an idea of how it can make a partner feel.. I don;t
even know if he read it or any of the posts for that matter.This
is really a sore spot with me for a lot of reasons.

You will love this, when I was young, I remember when a lady
did not wear colored nylons or eye shadow or dark/colored
nail polish until after 5:ooPM, most of us in high school was
not allowed to wear pink lipstick or makeup of any kind until
we were 16, and didn't think of dating until then.

You are exactly right in your comments, now it seems it is
mostly instant gratification and little or no consideration to
the partner, husband/wife most of the time.

Squid, my comment about male insecurity was aimed at the
fact that maybe his wife was concerned about the group
he would be going with and going along with everyone else
regardless of her feelings on the subject.

Anyway, I didn't mean to offend anyone with my comments
and am sorry if I did, but I just hate to think of anyone being
hurt or another marriage damaged by this type thing.

take care

Please know you absolutely did not offend me or anyone here!!! Thank you for your responses. Although we see differently, I respect your opinion and can understand why you feel the way you do. You taught me something the last few days. Plus, engaging with people who always agree with me, gets boring ;-)

I hope you have a wonderful evening and thank you again!!

---

---

"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

I think you are a lovely person, and even though we see
things differently as you said it is interesting to hear
other opinions, although, I have, over the years heard
both men and women who feel the way you do for
many different reasons, I sincerely hope and wish you
the best in life and hope to hear from you.

take care