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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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It doesn't matter what we would do or not do. What matters is figuring out why this is an issue in your marriage.

No coasting in running and no crying in baseball
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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We just got back from Vegas. My husband came to watch me death march the 70.3 My biggest regret is that I was too sick and too tired after the race to go to The Spearmint Rhino and buy him some lap dances.

I don't even GET the idea of allowing / not allowing someone to do something. I encourage everything he wants to do and vice versa. I trust him implicitly (he's an airline pilot and he is gone 10-13 days per month, then likes to go travel, race, sail, whatever when he is not working, so he can be gone for weeks at a time). Its about being an adult and trusting someone. Your wife needs to grow up.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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AndyPants wrote:
Of course I'd let him go. Sure he'll go see strippers, and drink too much...

How is that different from your birthday? ;p


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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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QRgirl wrote:
I'm sure 23 year giant old fake books would be like a trip to the zoo, exotic and not in our natural habitat.

Exotic, perhaps, but I much prefer real books.


<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Eileen] [ In reply to ]
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Eileen wrote:
Would not only allow him, but would encourage it. My husband is headed to Mexico next week with some buddies. When the "planner" friend first pitched the idea, we talked about dates. I said that, as long as he didn't go during certain dates that would have put our household in a bind, he should go and enjoy himself. From past experience, he will send me hilarious emails while he is gone and will have me laughing so hard, I have tears running down my face when he gets home. Guys do funny stuff when there are no women around to impose maturity. He'll have fun. I'll laugh. And yes, he will look at cute young things with nice boobs when he is there. It's okay. We have a good thing going. Neither of us has any desire to mess it up.
I'm not married, but if I was, I'd have the exact same outlook...this is very healthy, at least to me.



"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Theo911 wrote:
Would like to hear some opinions on whether or not you allow your husbands to go and what your feelings are about it. I havent been there in years and my bro in law is planning a trip and my wife is not allowing me to go.

WOW, not allowing you to go..




"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Khai] [ In reply to ]
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Khai wrote:
AndyPants wrote:
Of course I'd let him go. Sure he'll go see strippers, and drink too much...

How is that different from your birthday? ;p

It's times like this that I really wish Slowtwitch had a "Like" button. Well done, sir!

------------------------------------------------------------
The beatings will continue until morale improves
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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My husband travels constantly and Vegas is sometimes on the itinerary. Early on in our marriage (we've been together over 22 years), he used to go to Vegas and New Orleans for bachelor parties. He usually ended up calling me from a strip bar at 2am, drunk, whining about how much he missed me. My favorite call was one I received from a friend of his at 6am who'd been out all night and couldn't remember what hotel they were all staying at. Would I want to witness everything that goes on during these outings - no; do I worry about it - no.

I'm not that trusting of a person. Long ago, I accepted that there is always a risk that my husband is up to no good when he's on the road. I doesn't seem like he is, but unless I have him followed, there is no possible way to know for sure. I'm not going to have him followed and I'm not going to tell him what he can and can't do (except for motorcycles - he's not allowed to own one until the kids have graduated from college:).
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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"wife is not allowing me to go"


You either need to grow a set of balls or your wife needs to lighten up. Both my wife and I have had weekends away from each other and its never been a problem. Sounds like there is a trust problem in your relationship.
Last edited by: cerveloguy: Sep 20, 13 19:34
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [mmrocker13] [ In reply to ]
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mmrocker13 wrote:
I don't "allow" or "disallow" anything. I'm not his mother.

x2. to the OP - i wouldn't have a problem with it but no one forbids me from doing anything (and vice versa).

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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Eileen] [ In reply to ]
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Eileen wrote:
Would not only allow him, but would encourage it. My husband is headed to Mexico next week with some buddies. When the "planner" friend first pitched the idea, we talked about dates. I said that, as long as he didn't go during certain dates that would have put our household in a bind, he should go and enjoy himself.

This. Our conversations are generally, "Do you mind if I'm gone this day/weekend/particular point in time?" vs. "Can I go do this?"

If I ever find myself reacting badly to something he wants to do I 1) ask myself why, and 2) ask myself if this is the hill I want to die on. The answer is always no. Like others have said, I'm not his mother.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Wow, you must be really hot, really rich and really hung b/c that's what Vegas strippers are seeing all the time.
As a female, who has even gone to some strip clubs, I would not disallow, and would probably encourage.
A wife has more to worry about from a coworker or a neighbor than a random Vegas stripper.
If you go to Vegas for March Madness the games go on so long you probably won't ever leave the sports book. It's the most wonderful time of the year!
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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If my soon-to-be husband wanted to take a trip like this, I would fully encourage it. I work in a male dominant career, and we have all had many work trips to Vegas, so I am fully aware of what the city has to offer. I also know that when a man values his wife/girlfriend/family, there isn't a distraction in the world that would get in the way of those values. He knows me well enough to know how disappointed I would be in him if something happened, and I think he would be more effected by my disappointment than my anger. Do I have insecurities about my body (hello, I have the chest of a 12 year old boy)? Of course, but do I need constant validation that I'm beautiful or perfect in his eyes? No. He's never given me a reason to not trust him and I'm not about to start looking for one. You may want to let your wife know that it's healthy to support each others desires to do things-more imposed boundaries can lead to regrets later on down the road, and that's never good for anyone involved.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [wickedcheezit] [ In reply to ]
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you must be really hot, really rich and really hung

Please don't drag me into this.

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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Whether or not I understand/agree with my partner's reasons for being uncomfortable with something, it comes down to deciding to respect his feelings or let him know I no longer care.
As long as I wish to be with my wonderful partner, I will respect his feelings as he respects mine.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [katcycle] [ In reply to ]
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Great timing as my hubby just got back from a guys trip to Vegas with 3 other triathletes. It was never a question for me - if he wants to go, we can afford it, and there's nothing else going on that weekend, why not? Vegas isn't the seedy place it once was (though I'm sure you can still find those places) and even though he was the only married guy out of the three, I trust him implicitly. The best pictures of the weekend were the ones of them trying to ride the mechanical bull at PBR and one of the four of them labeled "the Wolf Pack".

What did they do all weekend? Drink, watch sports, play poker and lie by the pool.

************************
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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There are a whole lot of us out here that consider going to strip clubs,
topless bars and the like as a form of cheating and it is the most
disrespectful and insulting thing a person can do to their partner. THis
is something that can do a lot of damage to a marriage/relationship.
It isn't really about trust, it is mostly about respect for your partner. I
know that as soon as a woman says anything about being opposed to
this sort of thing she is automatically considered to be non trusting,
controlling, insecure, jealous, and a few other things, the honest truth is
that most women are made to feel insecure and etc., by this very thing.
This is something everyone feels differently about and every couple should
decide how they feel about it and if either one feels it is cheating or
betrayal then it should not happen. There is usually very little said about
a man that is so insecure in his own masculinity that he cannot or will not
stand up to peer pressure and is therefore ashamed or embarrassed to
show his partner the respect she deserves for her feelings and moral
values. Maybe if you could promise her you will not go to the strip clubs,
stripper shows and etc she would be ok with the trip. You did say that
you might go to a strip club for awhile and she probably knows this. I
am not saying strip clubs and the like is right or wrong, I am saying those
of us that are opposed to them are as justified in our feelings and
thoughts as others who see it differently. When a partner in a marriage
or relationship is made to feel they are no longer special to the other in
that sexual way, they quite often feel they are just another piece of meat
for entertainment and that is the most hurtful and desperate feeling in the
world. Try to talk to her and understand where she is coming from, maybe
compromise, you can go on the trip but no strippers or strip clubs..
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [elizabeth] [ In reply to ]
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Wow, did you really register just to say that?

No coasting in running and no crying in baseball
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [Theo911] [ In reply to ]
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Agree with the others who have said that I don't allow or disallow my husband from doing anything. I'm not his mother. I would encourage him to go and have a good time. There would be no issue for me, except maybe I'd be pissed at him because he thought he needed to ask my permission.

FWIW, I was in Vegas last year during March Madness and it was a blast. You should definitely go.

I travel all the time without my hubby. My work schedule is much more flexible than his, and I enjoy the adventures more than he does. He's never raised an issue about it, and is happy that I get to go do things that I enjoy.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [elizabeth] [ In reply to ]
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I agree with you, Elizabeth. What you wrote hits a chord with me. It irks me that it's a socially acceptable activity for married men to visit strip bars. I agree that it is "cheating" to ogle naked women (whether on the internet or in a strip bar), and it pisses me off that it is peer pressure that makes it difficult to say no. Bachelor parties are another social convention that I think is outright antiquated and ridiculous. Young grooms are no longer virginal, needing to experience their last infidelities before marriage. Most grooms have had dozens of sexual partners, and to use the upcoming wedding as an excuse to do one last memorable "cheat" is ridiculous. Also, with half of marriages destined to end in divorce, it's more like a last fling before the next bunch of flings.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [karencoutts] [ In reply to ]
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thank you karencoutts, most of the time I get blasted, and you are exactly right
about the bachelor party thing. My intention was to suggest to theo that his
wife/s objections was quite likely the strip club/stripper thing and not the trip
in itself, it sounded like he was trying say it was just her own insecurity or
non trust, and not even considering that is could well be a much more
serious issue with her. I agree completely, if a groom has to have a
"one last fling" with strippers or other women at his bachelor party then
it is a pretty sure bet it won't stop there after he is married.

In my opinion and feelings, strip clubs and topless bars and the like are
for one thing, and that is foreplay. Strippers are there to sell their bodies
for sexual pleasure whether it is visual or physical and many will do so
in most any form for every dollar they can get. To me, for a man to go to
one of these places and then go home to his wife and USE her to finish
off the nights entertainment cause she is clean and its free is the most
insulting and disrespectul thing a person can do to their partner, there is
no love or respect there for sure. But these are my opinions and feelings
and I realize not everyone would/will agree and that is ok, to each his/her own..

A lot of married couples go to these places and use it as foreplay
for "hot sex" when they get home and if that works for them then fine
for them, some call it entertainment and enjoy it, ok, fine for them
but I have never wanted or needed a third party stimulation or arousal
in my marriage and to me that would be like settleing for another woman's
leftovers, and it would be a big turn off and quite insulting.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [elizabeth] [ In reply to ]
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I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're the wife of "Theo911" seeing that you registered just to post this. Anyway, you are extremely uptight and need to relax. And if you for one second think your husband doesn't turn his head at the hot young college chick or even sneaks a peek a porn once in awhile, you're very naive.



"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [kmh1225] [ In reply to ]
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well, Kmh1225. you couldn't be more wrong. I don't even know Theo911
and my only intent was to point out that this could be a very serious
issue with his wife and not just insecurity or non trusting as he wanted
to think. As for my husband, he and I talked about all this sort of
thing before we were married because we had both been very
badly hurt before, we both agreed that going outside our marriage
for anything sexual in any way from another person would be a
dealbreaker because we both feel it is cheating in one form or
another. We have been married over 35 years, and yes, I am
sure we have both seen attractive women and men walking down
the street, at work, in a restaurant and etc, but neither of us have
gone to a source outside our marriage specifically for sexual pleasure,
entertainment or whatever .

No, I am not naive nor uptight, as I said, everyone feels differently
about this sort of stuff and those of us that are opposed are as
justified in our feelings as others that see it differently. Everyone
has a right to his/her own feelings and to live accordingly. When
a couple is married both need to be in agreement on this type
thing or it can cause some very serious issues in the relationship.
I know and have seen first hand how much hurt and damage
this can cause to a person and a relationship, no, I am not
at all naive about any of it.
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [elizabeth] [ In reply to ]
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I'm curious why you signed up on a Triathlon forum and your only 3/4 posts have been to this thread, nothing else. Maybe you're not this wife, but there is some connection, you're probably her friend. My point being, people don't just stumble upon ST, create and account and post to one specific topic...Typically, this happens in the MF and someone is or very close to getting outed for cheating at an event and either they have created an account or one of their friends have and gone into defense mode. So, please excuse my skepticism.

All I know about your marriage is what you've posted. But, men are men. Men look at other women (other than their respective partner) and fantasize about them, sexually....this is human nature. I personally feel we as humans are not programmed to be monogamous, whether that is fantasizing about people outside our marriage/relationship or actually having physical contact/sexual relations with them.

Have you read through any of the posts in the LR? There are some great happily married men who love their wives. However, they are after all, men aka pigs. There are posts about the hot Beverly Hills women in their Lululemon workout clothes to Michelle Jenneke to women bending over and they are checking out her ass. They are all salivating over all these women and as happy as some of them are in their marriage and love their wife, I guarantee they are going in the bathroom and locking the door - thinking about these women.



"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Re: Question for married women: how do you feel about your husband's guys trip to Vegas? [kmh1225] [ In reply to ]
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Actually, i stumbled upon this quite by accident, I read Thoe911s plea
for a married woman to help convince his wife to agree to him going
to Vegas. You don't believe in monog. relationships, but let me say
that there are many men and women who actually see their marriage
as an equal partnership, both deserving the same respect for their
values and feelings. Everyone has his/her own feelings and opinions
about this type thing and rightfully so.

I would not mind my husband going on a trip like that, as long as I
knew there would not be any strip clubs, stripper parties and the like,
and he would feel the same about me going.

There are a lot of women and actually many men who feel the same
way, and what I have learned over the years, is that a man will walk
out of a relationship over his partner going to these places, doing
these things quicker than a woman will. We are all going to see
others that we find attractive almost anywhere, but to most of us,
going to a source specifically for that purpose is finding sexual
pleasure outside that relationship and is a form of cheating. Not
everyone feels that way and that is fine for them, as i said, everyone
has a right to his/her own feelings and to live accordingly.

THis is a really biiiiiiiggggggg sore spot with me as I was hurt
very badly by this stuff and much much more as a result of it and
to this day, it still hurts, the damage doesn't ever go away. I
decided to learn everything I could about all of it and I did, and
have kept up with it over all these years,

No one has the right to tell you that you are wrong to feel and think
as you do, and i personally would never do that, you are right to
think and feel whatever is right for you,we just believe in keeping it
at home and after 35 years plus (many new g-strings later) this is
what works for us, I am 63 yrs and my husband is 83. and very happy.

I am guessing you are a male, but no matter
have a good life
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