Like most things in life, a lap dance during a race would be a double edged sword.

1) you would most likely be stopped? but you wouldn't be resting. it would certainly take your mind off the pain however.

2) you wouldn't get any rest while you're getting said lap dance. Your heart rate would stay the same or possibly increase. Hydration would also get worse since you would likely get a dry mouth, depending on the quality of the lap dance, even though you might THINK you would salivate more, you don't. given the time a decent lap dance takes, I think it would be better to have your lap dance during your post race massage. (happy ending or not?)

Go for the lap dance if you must, but after the race is probably the best time for it.

---

TriDork

"Happiness is a myth. All you can hope for is to get laid once in a while, drunk once in a while and to eat chocolate every day"

Transcript: Our September 30, chat with Dave Scott.

Editor's Note: - The following is a transcript of the fifth in a series of on-line chat sessions with Dave Scott, hosted by InsideTri.com on Thursday, September 30, 2004.

Moderator: Evening everyone, we will be starting shortly

Tibbs: Hi, this question is for Dave. Dave, should I get a lap dance during an Ironman, if so, what should my goal HR be during the bike leg after that, at the Ironman in Hawaii? I'll be competing there this October. Thanks!

Dave: I would say your goal heart rate after one of those things will probably be higher than you think. This is going to happen, I guess, after the swim? Right? So, at the outset of the bike, assuming that you are in good shape, a lap dance shouldn't be a problem, assuming finishing time is not too important to you and that she (or even he! ha, ha) can get through with that, quickly. How fast can the dance be done? What can she or he do to make it end faster? Have you teamed up with him or he before, worked on your movements? Is this going to last for some prescribed minutes, or as long as a "song." Make sure its not the song, "Freebird."

All matters and concerns you need to be working on in your race planning with a lap dance, and things to think about during your taper. No matter what happens, your HR should only go up to about 10 beats shy of your threshold during one of these sessions.

As you settle into your pace, and you are staying hydrated throughout the day, your heart rate will actually drop down into your aerobic zone: (approx 20-25 beats below threshold). Your economy or speed at that heart rate should be your goal pace during the bike. Ergo, if you can get the lap dance done without getting disqualified by one of the race directors, go for it.

Offer them at your duathlon!

---

Brian Stover USAT LII
Accelerate3 Coaching
Insta

Dave Scott is the man! I mean he is The Man but I mean he is the man in a non tri sense.

---

customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

It would definitely be worth the "outside assistance" penalty. ;)

---

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

In your case it is not an issue. I am not aware that you have ever done a triathlon, let alone the full distance.
You are what I call a virtual triathlete.

---

---------------------------------------------------------

This has got to be the dumbest fugging question I have ever read.

When, ever, is that answer "no"?

---

--------------
Elivis needs boats.

LMFAO...you beat me to it!

...in my case, it would divert too much blood and I would faint.

Well this brings up a question i've had my mind for sometime...has anyone DONE IT during an IM??? I mean look at LP, plenty of forest out there by the turn-around...would this be considered outside assistance?? WHAT???

---

-----------------
http://www.konashelley.blogspot.com

Words to live by. There is no such thing as a bad time for a lap dance.

Actually, at Ironman Canada this would not be that hard to do as the run course passes right by the front door of Slack Alices - Penticton's finest "Gentleman's Club"!

I am not sure what goes on inside would contravene, triathlon's no nudity rules, but, I think that the patrons are required to keep their cloths on( It's the entertainment that would be unclothed), so I think that you would be OK!!

---

---

Steve Fleck @stevefleck | Blog

Tibbs, we all know, that regardless of whether we say "yes" or "no", you're going to get a lap dance during the IM race (picture the scene of Long Duck Dong in 16 Candles riding the exercise bike with his *girlfriend*). You don't need us to clear your conscience. =)

---

=======================
-- Every morning brings opportunity;
Each evening offers judgement. --

HAHAHA! And before that he'll be saying "Laake. Big Laake"!!!

---

--------------
Elivis needs boats.

Okay. The rules would be:

A lap dance(or, optionally, a sensual massage) is acceptable during Ironman only under the following circumstances:

• Both the dancer and the 'patron' must be registered participants in the race. Otherwise, this would violate the outside assistance rule.
• Alternatively, the race could provide male and female volunteer lap dancers. In this case, the racer receiving the lap dance would be expected to have a large wad of singles in their Special Needs and transition bags to provide tips for the dancer.
• If both the dancer and the patron are competing in the race, a lap dance may only be performed after the swim, in T1, T2, or on the run. A competitor may not give a lap dance during the bike portion of the event because technically they would not be riding the bike at that time. Perhaps the rules could be modified to accomodate a tandem bicycle.
• If the race were to provide lap dancers, they would be available in T1, T2, and at aid stations on the run. Participants would be expected to tip generously, and the aid stations would have a three Gatorade minimum, with each Gatorade costing $14.

The final rule:

No competitor receiving a lap dance or sensual massage may receive a 'happy finish.' This is Ironman, the only finish is the one 140.6 miles from the start. The recipient may, however receive a hard slap across the face after their lap dance to get them back in the mindset needed to complete the race. That mindset being that they just paid a lot of money to feel a great deal of pain.

---

------------------------------------------------------------

I only just convinced my wife that I need to purchase a power meter. How the hell am I going to explain that I need the daily service of a lap dancer to prepare for IMH? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. This would bring the enjoyment of triathlon to a whole new level.

Perhaps the best way to train for it would be to treat it as a multiple brick workout. For example:

Lapdance --> Run 400m --> Lapdance --> Cycle 1km --> Lapdance --> Swim 100m --> Lapdance --> Lapdance --> Lapdance

The added lapdances at the end are because I have had less experience in that "event" and would need to really work on the technique.

Great suggestion Tibb's.

---

________________
Adrian in Vancouver

Ah...that just reminded me that I have a massage today at 2pm. Thanks!

---

--------------
Elivis needs boats.

Only If you are wearing baggy shorts. No Lycra!

Wouldn't lap dancing between participants qualify as PACING but I guess if it's not on the bike it could be allowed.

I think the HR would go up too much and make the rest of the ironman difficult. Maybe if there was a dance waiting at the finish line you would finish faster?

---

-----------------------:)
SUPPORT OPERATION REBOUND:
http://www.operationreboundcalifornia.kintera.org/ejs3

Kestrel Syndicate
Macca Fan Club

It would only violate the pacing rule if both participants were making forward progress, and one participant was using the other to make said progress. As long as the recipient of the lap dance is properly seated in a USAT-approved, M-Dot branded Ironman Lap Dance Seat, there would be no violation of the rules.

For the single participants, photos of your lap dance will be available on Brightroom.com. In the case of married participants, for an additional fee paid at registration, they will not.

---

------------------------------------------------------------

Even in said Mdot branded chair someone is making progress and if not the lap dancer needs to work on their technique.

Let's see, 3 ironkids, 4 olympic, 2 Texas Hill Country and a smathering of sprints.

---

customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Do you know if the M-Dot branded Ironman Lap Dance Seat is going to be made available to the general public? That seems to be something I won't mind spending considerable hours on outside of normal training hours.

---

________________
Adrian in Vancouver

"...and if not the lap dancer needs to work on their technique."

Don't be elitist! Ironman is a sport for everyone. Just because one person might not give a good lap dance doesn't mean that you can just go and criticize their technique. Perhaps a lap dance takes some people longer than it does others, well so what?!? That doesn't mean they shouldn't be dancing. Maybe they are just happy to be there dancing, and aren't concerned with being the most sleazy, grindy, or fastest dancer that ever wrapped a leg around a pole.

Geez, the next thing you know you guys will be saying that anyone who takes more than 15 minutes to get a lap dance shouldn't even be doing Ironman races, and that you shouldn't call your boys to tell them that you're getting a lap dance during Ironman. ;p

---

------------------------------------------------------------

this is just a silly question -

why not ask - should I eat and breath during an IM?


IF at any time you can get a lap dance - stop the world and get the dance!

---

http://www.clevetriclub.com

rob reddy

They are currently in negotiations with a few manufacturers. There is a US company that wants to custom-make the chairs, but isn't willing to give M-Dot the cut they want. There is also a Chinese manufacturer that can make the chairs very cheaply, but only in quantities of 100,000 or more.

That said, M-Dot is trying to ink a deal with the North American Pimp Association to make the M-Dot chair the standard lap dance chair of many strip clubs. If this deal goes through, it is expected that the Chinese chairs will be available for $399.99 US. It will be a $30 folding chair with a $12 M-Dot sticker attached to the back. The American chair will also be available, at a price of $799.99, but will consist of a solid leather easy chair with the M-Dot being a leather inset and having mahogany details. A reclining model will be optional for 999.99, and one arm flips up to store your beverage, remote controls, or a big wad of singles.

It is expected that the chairs will be wildly popular as a way that out-of-shape geezers can remind everyone who comes to their study that once, twenty years ago, they did an Ironman.

And got a lap dance.

---

------------------------------------------------------------

Why didn't you do Texasman last month?

I wasn't talking about time heaven knows some people need pracitce which is encouraged and some just have natural endurance.

Must go swim(4700) now then get lap dance in prep for IMH

Lapdance, cell phones, laptop computers...all during an Ironman race. Why does it have to be an Ironman race?

Here's a few more to ponder.

"Should I scratch my balls during an Ironman."

"Should I grab my crotch and make adjustments to Elvis and the Band while doing an Ironman."

Just for kicks, it would be funny to see someone plant a bunch of props (laptop, Walkman, Cell phone) in their Special needs bag and go accross the finish line using all of the above while grabbing their balls.

Funny post Tibbs.

Safe training this weekend folks!!!!!

Hi, village idiot here, crashing this thread like a cannonball gone wrong.

When I go to make a post I get this little tiny grey screen to write on where I used to get the big blue one. WTF? How the hell did that happen? How do I get it back to the way it was?

Lost, confused...I need my woobie...

LaWoof

I am already getting excited thinking about all the gadgets that will be available for this new event! I suspect a pacing meter would be beneficial since you would likely want to start slow and finish fast. Some men like to start fast but usually the training partner is against this. Bear in mind that if the participant is female and the lap dancer is male you have the added benefit of being able to start fast from the beginning - I believe this would place you a kilometer or two further up the road from your male competitors.

---

________________
Adrian in Vancouver

[reply]Let's see, 3 ironkids, 4 olympic, 2 Texas Hill Country and a smathering of sprints.[/reply]

Ironkids? Is that not for kids?

Did you do the 7-10yrs or the 11-14yrs?

I think it includes 100 meters swim, Cycle: 5 km and Run: 1 km. At your age you should be able to do it without too much training.

Anyway, as you indicated above you have to do much more training, perhaps a few Half Ironman races, and then enter an Ironman. We are probably taking at least 2-3 seasons, so the lap dancing routine is yet to be relevant.

---

---------------------------------------------------------

<Should I get a lap dance during an Ironman?>

During the run would be o.k.,but I wouldnt recommend it before the bike.

Riding in the aeros with full wood doesnt sound to comfortable.

Before the swim could be an advantage. The full wood could act as a rudder around the buoys making it easier to make those sharp turns. The tightness of the turn would naturally depend on the size of the equipment or the quality of the lapdance.

---

________________
Adrian in Vancouver

[reply]

Just for kicks, it would be funny to see someone plant a bunch of props (laptop, Walkman, Cell phone) in their Special needs bag and go accross the finish line using all of the above while grabbing their balls.[/reply]

With God and all of you slowtwitcher's as my witness, I swear that if I ever do another Ironman, this is how I will cross the finish line.

---

--------------
Elivis needs boats.

>>grabbing their balls

If you do an Ironman I can do it for you.

---

---------------------------------------------------------

For the price of registration, the least you should get is a lap dance before the start, at each transition and a double lap dance at the end.

Do you still have a lap under that gut?



(Oh, that is so so wrong.)

---

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

OK, but no cell phones.

Ask your wife. :-o

---

customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Is that not for kids?


I used to be a kid. It is wierd but I wan't born in my 30s.

---

customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I have to work weekends for the next few months. It sucks.

---

customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Pluto--Please be nice to Mr. Tibbs. or I will get one of my poodles after you! You will be three months getting the saliva off your face.

Love to all on Slowtwitch.

Monk

Poodles are almost as cool as rat terriers. Almost but close enough.

---

customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

So long as you remember to go in through your nose and out through your mouth, then I think lap dancing would be fine...

---

kiwipat

per ardua ad astra

..I have big manly-man poodles.