Like most things in life, a lap dance during a race would be a double edged sword.

1) you would most likely be stopped? but you wouldn't be resting. it would certainly take your mind off the pain however.

2) you wouldn't get any rest while you're getting said lap dance. Your heart rate would stay the same or possibly increase. Hydration would also get worse since you would likely get a dry mouth, depending on the quality of the lap dance, even though you might THINK you would salivate more, you don't. given the time a decent lap dance takes, I think it would be better to have your lap dance during your post race massage. (happy ending or not?)

Go for the lap dance if you must, but after the race is probably the best time for it.

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TriDork

"Happiness is a myth. All you can hope for is to get laid once in a while, drunk once in a while and to eat chocolate every day"

Transcript: Our September 30, chat with Dave Scott.

Editor's Note: - The following is a transcript of the fifth in a series of on-line chat sessions with Dave Scott, hosted by InsideTri.com on Thursday, September 30, 2004.

Moderator: Evening everyone, we will be starting shortly

Tibbs: Hi, this question is for Dave. Dave, should I get a lap dance during an Ironman, if so, what should my goal HR be during the bike leg after that, at the Ironman in Hawaii? I'll be competing there this October. Thanks!

Dave: I would say your goal heart rate after one of those things will probably be higher than you think. This is going to happen, I guess, after the swim? Right? So, at the outset of the bike, assuming that you are in good shape, a lap dance shouldn't be a problem, assuming finishing time is not too important to you and that she (or even he! ha, ha) can get through with that, quickly. How fast can the dance be done? What can she or he do to make it end faster? Have you teamed up with him or he before, worked on your movements? Is this going to last for some prescribed minutes, or as long as a "song." Make sure its not the song, "Freebird."

All matters and concerns you need to be working on in your race planning with a lap dance, and things to think about during your taper. No matter what happens, your HR should only go up to about 10 beats shy of your threshold during one of these sessions.

As you settle into your pace, and you are staying hydrated throughout the day, your heart rate will actually drop down into your aerobic zone: (approx 20-25 beats below threshold). Your economy or speed at that heart rate should be your goal pace during the bike. Ergo, if you can get the lap dance done without getting disqualified by one of the race directors, go for it.

Offer them at your duathlon!

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Brian Stover USAT LII
Accelerate3 Coaching
Insta

Dave Scott is the man! I mean he is The Man but I mean he is the man in a non tri sense.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

It would definitely be worth the "outside assistance" penalty. ;)

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<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
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In your case it is not an issue. I am not aware that you have ever done a triathlon, let alone the full distance.
You are what I call a virtual triathlete.

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This has got to be the dumbest fugging question I have ever read.

When, ever, is that answer "no"?

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Elivis needs boats.

LMFAO...you beat me to it!

...in my case, it would divert too much blood and I would faint.

Well this brings up a question i've had my mind for sometime...has anyone DONE IT during an IM??? I mean look at LP, plenty of forest out there by the turn-around...would this be considered outside assistance?? WHAT???

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http://www.konashelley.blogspot.com

Words to live by. There is no such thing as a bad time for a lap dance.

Actually, at Ironman Canada this would not be that hard to do as the run course passes right by the front door of Slack Alices - Penticton's finest "Gentleman's Club"!

I am not sure what goes on inside would contravene, triathlon's no nudity rules, but, I think that the patrons are required to keep their cloths on( It's the entertainment that would be unclothed), so I think that you would be OK!!

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Steve Fleck @stevefleck | Blog

Tibbs, we all know, that regardless of whether we say "yes" or "no", you're going to get a lap dance during the IM race (picture the scene of Long Duck Dong in 16 Candles riding the exercise bike with his *girlfriend*). You don't need us to clear your conscience. =)

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-- Every morning brings opportunity;
Each evening offers judgement. --

HAHAHA! And before that he'll be saying "Laake. Big Laake"!!!

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Elivis needs boats.

Okay. The rules would be:

A lap dance(or, optionally, a sensual massage) is acceptable during Ironman only under the following circumstances:

• Both the dancer and the 'patron' must be registered participants in the race. Otherwise, this would violate the outside assistance rule.
• Alternatively, the race could provide male and female volunteer lap dancers. In this case, the racer receiving the lap dance would be expected to have a large wad of singles in their Special Needs and transition bags to provide tips for the dancer.
• If both the dancer and the patron are competing in the race, a lap dance may only be performed after the swim, in T1, T2, or on the run. A competitor may not give a lap dance during the bike portion of the event because technically they would not be riding the bike at that time. Perhaps the rules could be modified to accomodate a tandem bicycle.
• If the race were to provide lap dancers, they would be available in T1, T2, and at aid stations on the run. Participants would be expected to tip generously, and the aid stations would have a three Gatorade minimum, with each Gatorade costing $14.

The final rule:

No competitor receiving a lap dance or sensual massage may receive a 'happy finish.' This is Ironman, the only finish is the one 140.6 miles from the start. The recipient may, however receive a hard slap across the face after their lap dance to get them back in the mindset needed to complete the race. That mindset being that they just paid a lot of money to feel a great deal of pain.

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I only just convinced my wife that I need to purchase a power meter. How the hell am I going to explain that I need the daily service of a lap dancer to prepare for IMH? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. This would bring the enjoyment of triathlon to a whole new level.

Perhaps the best way to train for it would be to treat it as a multiple brick workout. For example:

Lapdance --> Run 400m --> Lapdance --> Cycle 1km --> Lapdance --> Swim 100m --> Lapdance --> Lapdance --> Lapdance

The added lapdances at the end are because I have had less experience in that "event" and would need to really work on the technique.

Great suggestion Tibb's.

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Adrian in Vancouver

Ah...that just reminded me that I have a massage today at 2pm. Thanks!

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Elivis needs boats.

Only If you are wearing baggy shorts. No Lycra!

Wouldn't lap dancing between participants qualify as PACING but I guess if it's not on the bike it could be allowed.

I think the HR would go up too much and make the rest of the ironman difficult. Maybe if there was a dance waiting at the finish line you would finish faster?

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It would only violate the pacing rule if both participants were making forward progress, and one participant was using the other to make said progress. As long as the recipient of the lap dance is properly seated in a USAT-approved, M-Dot branded Ironman Lap Dance Seat, there would be no violation of the rules.

For the single participants, photos of your lap dance will be available on Brightroom.com. In the case of married participants, for an additional fee paid at registration, they will not.

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Even in said Mdot branded chair someone is making progress and if not the lap dancer needs to work on their technique.

Let's see, 3 ironkids, 4 olympic, 2 Texas Hill Country and a smathering of sprints.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Do you know if the M-Dot branded Ironman Lap Dance Seat is going to be made available to the general public? That seems to be something I won't mind spending considerable hours on outside of normal training hours.

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Adrian in Vancouver