katcycles wrote:
... I do intend to rise from this someday when I stop feeling like a huge pile of crap that someone just piled more crap on. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later as I am struggling with food and body image and just even feeling like a person who wants to do things. I'm sort of just operational right now.
Sometimes simply being operational is a full-time chore unto itself, and the best we can do is keep on going.
I am just disillusioned at the moment. I had all these plans and hopes and dreams for this season and nothing has gone the way it was supposed to. I was going to do the 100KM Tour de Cure ride, participate in the Maine TT Series, get in at least 4 tris to justify my USAT membership, and lose 30 pounds. Instead, I dropped down to the 50KM TdeC, didn't ride a single TT, did one tri horribly underprepared and am now contemplating not even starting the second, and I'm plateaued anywhere between 2 and 4 pounds under my end-of-winter weight. For crying out loud, I bought a tri bike at the end of 2013, and I haven't even ridden it because the gearing on my road bike is so much better aligned with my current level of fitness.
I'm trying to concentrate on the positives, like the fact that I was invited back to a previous employer into a management position and I just got A's for all my summer semester courses, but it's been really tough to not just throw all the cards up in the air instead of continuing to build the house. I also found out this week that I need over $500-worth of dental work, including 4 fillings and a wisdom tooth out, and one of my core employees has accepted a position elsewhere in the company (great for him, sucks for me). It's been a tough summer, and I just don't see any end in sight.
That being said, I'm looking forward to the Labor Day weekend!
Goals for the next couple of weeks:
* Try and get in some swimming. ANY swimming.
* Ditto running. Oh, and riding.
* Convince myself that Pumpkinman is a good idea (especially since I've already paid), and maybe Pilgrimman would be fun
* Book a weekend away for SO's birthday
* Remember to keep checking my blood sugar twice a day now I've started new meds