If a marriage fails because of one of the people's exercise habits then there is an underlying problem that would have ended in a failed marriage regardless.

Amen!
Being that we can be single only once in our lives, this thread reminds me of why I never want to marry.

Here's another view. I feel somewhat unbiased because I have not done a triathlon since the 1900's but I still love to keep up-to-date on what's happening.

I am going to over-generalize to make my point, but I think this is fairly accurate...

• The number of triathlete's that are type A personalities compared to the general population is quite high. Type A personalities are often focused on themselves more than they are on others. This does not go well will many marriages, friendships etc.
• Triathlete's seem to see themselves as better than others by training a crazy number of hours per week and thinking that they are healthier than others because of it. The simple fact is that this excess is more counter productive to ones health than moderate exercise combined with a healthy diet and sleep regime. The me, me, me attitude can be a turn off to be around.
• Further to the me, me, me behavior, I always get a kick out of eavesdropping on many AG'ers conversations. It is amazing how good they believe they are and how much better they believe they are compared to others. Somehow, doing an Olympic distance event or an IM and taking 50% longer than the pros gives them bragging rights in society. I can only imagine what kind of spouse they would have to have to accommodate that personality.

Just a different view.

My post in the other thread (so you don't have to try and find it):
-------
I, as a womens who has been in this sport for 12+ yrs and who ended a marriage (his reason: Ironman; my reason: we grew apart and you didn't like who I became, fair nuff) pretty much here on ST, I am really torn by all the posts, especially the last one from the OP re: kids. I was going to ignore the whole thread but now I can't.

Triathlon is by its very nature a solo sport. We may train with others, but come race day, on the field of battle, it is every person for themselves. And while we are a welcoming bunch, we are also a very driven and competitive bunch, even if we only compete with ourselves. But when we are an A-type and our spouse is not, as soon as we discover this sport FULL of A-types like us, and we devote all our attention and efforts to this new thing, why are we surprised when they don't like it? or act supportive? It changes the entire dynamic of the relationship. Of course they aren't going to be supportive. Why on earth would you think they would be? Asking them to try and be supportive isn't going to work unless they are similarly minded, likewise constructed, and understand their partner for who they really are , well it just ain't gonna work.

Sometimes we enter relationships when we have a firm grasp of who we are, what makes us tick, what we love and what we hate. Many times we don't - we are naive, we think a chid or 3 will make it all work out, we hope that counselling or restricting activities we find truly satisfying will help carry the relationship.

It never does.

I honestly have come to believe that we end relationships often because we realize that we have been less than truthful about WHO WE REALLY ARE, instead being WHO WE THINK WE SHOULD BE. And triathlon, as such an individual sport, we find a space to find out WHO WE REALLY ARE. And if WHO WE REALLY ARE != WHO WE THINK WE SHOULD BE then whomever is our partner is bound to suffer. IN Japanese, we call it hansei, it is a time and space for reflection. This solo sport we all love affords us the time and space for such reflection. It also affords us the individual challenges against which we pit ourselves. Against which we test ourselves. Against which we find out just how strong, how powerful, how determined we are.

And this is how we find out WHO WE REALLY ARE.

Here endeth the lesson.

AP
--------

I stand by this.

AP

Amen! Being that we can be single only once in our lives, this thread reminds me of why I never want to marry.

Wednesday will be 20 years married, 12 years as an "IronMan." She was real supportive the first 4-5 years, when I was compulsive and competitive. But I didn't have any other (too) bad habits, and generally was either sleeping, working, training, or spending time with her and the kids. But even "when I qualified for Kona" (love working that in anywhere possible), I never trained more than 12-13 hours/week - unless I took a day off work. Now, it's all about the teenagers...and what they have going on. I wouldn't want to miss a lacrosse game, swim meet, or trip to Starbucks for a 6-hour bike ride. Overall, I feel (pat myself on the back) that IronMan / Endurance events has and continues to benefit our family greatly. It keeps my head straight, and helps me live in a balanced way that is good for my family. My wife has done one triathlon in her life, and is mainly a walker and tennis player. Once a year, we all go to a tri in the mountains - I'm long past they entire family (or she) needs to be at one of my races. Anyhow, I'm sure nowdays she's just tired of me saying "I'm just fat, old, slow, and hairy." So I'm working on that - motivated (originally) by LA's comeback (gasp!!). Did I mention that I once qualified for Kona? It was the same year I qualifed for Boston.

" As the veteran of two successful marriages and now happily unmarried"

huh? How do you define a "successful marriage"

And now a word from the other side....the dark side

Wow, I am getting all teary eyed and $hit

As the veteran of two successful marriages and now happily unmarried, for the life of me I cannot see the benefit of all this hard work and sacrifice for ONE (1) person... nope, cannot see it - 50% of marriages end in divorce, the other 50% in death. I do not believe we were meant to be with the same person for life.

I go where I want, do what I want, see who I want, don't answer to nobody... and extremely happy

Isn't that like saying "because we can be non triathletes only once in our lives, all this talk of hard work, training and sacrifice reminds me of why I never want to be a triathlete"?


.

And now a word from the other side....the dark side

Wow, I am getting all teary eyed and $hit

As the veteran of two successful marriages and now happily unmarried, for the life of me I cannot see the benefit of all this hard work and sacrifice for ONE (1) person... nope, cannot see it - 50% of marriages end in divorce, the other 50% in death. I do not believe we were meant to be with the same person for life.

I go where I want, do what I want, see who I want, don't answer to nobody... and extremely happy

Interesting thread to say the least. I'm divorced but it didn't have anything to do with training or tri's. From the perspective of a divorced person who is trying to date and get a relationship. Everyone is interested at first, girls like the fact that your fitter than anyone your age and younger, they love going away for weekends and seeing some races at cool places and venues and appreciate your dedication and hard work when compared other non interesting guys out there. After a couple months, something changes. And the reasons they were attracted to you in the first place are now an impediance to their wanting more time with you. And then they refer to your training as a part time job when you get 12 weeks out from your A race full IM.

Ive experienced that in 4 different relationships over the past 2 years. Just some thoughts from the other side

Not even close but maybe to some. This thread is sad and reminds me of some of the reasons I have elected to remain single. I mean single in the true meaning- never married.

Well, it seems to me that if you have a relationship that lasts for 5 or 6 years, dating, and you have a good time but eventually have a falling out, fine you can say it was great. But marriage has a vow - death til we part & all that. That's what makes it different than dating. If you don't make it until "death til we part" then no, I would say it was less than successful.


Its akin to calling the maiden voyage of the Titanic "successful." It was, in fact, a great trip, the food was wonderful, the ship was opulent & comfortable, the passengers all enjoyed themselves tremendously. Right up until it struck the iceberg.