I once smoked weed with Peter Frampton. I met him on a movie set and because it was a movie set it was fake weed. Be careful when you smoke weed on a movie set, because it's probably fake weed. Anyway, it was still cool to smoke weed with Peter Frampton, but not nearly as cool as smoking real weed with a dude who looks like Peter Frampton, which I have done many times.

---

-----------------------------Baron Von Speedypants
-----------------------------RunTraining articles here:
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/...runtraining;#1612485

Knock knock

Who's there?

BK

BK who?

BK is a totally unbiased and personally humble commentator who dislikes buffoons on both sides of the aisle equally.

(gets laughs every time)

---

Slowguy

(insert pithy phrase here...)

and did you know he used to be in the military?
true!

---

____________________________________
https://lshtm.academia.edu/MikeCallaghan

http://howtobeswiss.blogspot.ch/

Canada.

I don't want to see any of the LR people post selfies, with or without their lil' buddy

---

---

---

Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/

Here is Canada's best joke.

---

A false humanity is used to impose its opposite, by people whose cruelty is equalled only by their arrogance

Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think the second guy would have seen it coming.

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--------------------------
The secret of a long life is you try not to shorten it.
-Nobody

You stole mine

Funny that something along these lines was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread subject...

---

----------------------------------
"Go yell at an M&M"

Dude, you live in Illinois.
Aren't people from Illinois claiming refugee status in Somalia these days?

---

Long Chile was a silly place.

pull my finger

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_________________________________________________
"The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare" - Juma Ikangaa

http://www.litespeed.com

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Remember - It's important to be comfortable in your own skin... because it turns out society frowns on wearing other people's

Did you hear that the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on its ships?

It's so they can Scandinavian.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Whats the worst thing about having sex with three year olds?

Getting the blood off your clown suit.

---

____________
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs." John Rogers

The BKDS is strong in you.

---

I miss YaHey

Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."

---

"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

Ok that's really bad. But I think I can top it...

A child molester is leading a small boy into the dark woods. An owl hoots in the distance as clouds cover the moon, sending the woods into darkness.
"Please, mister- I'm really scared," pleads the small boy.
"You think YOU'RE scared?" the child molester replies. "I've got to walk out of these woods alone!"


(Sorry)

An Eskimo's car breaks down on the way home, so he calls AAA. They send a mechanic out.
The mechanic takes a look under the hood and says "It looks like you have blown a seal".
The Eskimo says "No, it is just frost on my mustache".

No idea why - but that made me laugh out loud. Well done.

A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car to go to a movie. Dad says, “ok, but you have to suck my dick first”.

Girl says, “oh come on dad just let me use the car,”

Dad says “suck it”.

Girl goes down and starts sucking, she pauses and says, “gross, your dick tastes like shit!”


Dad: “yeah, your brother borrowed the car this morning “.

---

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Boy with a wooden eye and a girl with a hairlip can’t get dates to the prom so each go alone.

They both stood across from each other with their backs to the wall all night and when the DJ says he’s playing the last song the boy with the wooden eye summons the courage to ask the girl with the hairlip to dance.


The boy approaches and the girl looks at him excitedly....


Boy: “Would you like to dance?”

Girl: “Would I?!?!?!?!”

Boy: “Fuck you, hairlip!”

---

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.
I guess we are raised differently


After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.

Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

Where are the Andes?

At the ends of the Armies

Had a big problem at the store today. The checkout lady tells me "strip down facing me". I guess she was talking about my credit card.

Why do good Christian women love Jesus?

Because he’s hung like this...

What's the best thing about having sex with a 9 year old girl in the shower?

When wet their ass looks like a 6 year old boys.

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____________
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs." John Rogers

I heard a slightly different version...

What’s the best thing about showering with a 12 year old girl?

When you slick her hair back she looks 9.

---

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

This thread is no longer in any way appropriate.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I’ve never paid $200 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

---

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.



(Do I win?)

Ha!! Yup, that's the winner!

That one is definitely a winner.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick down someone's throat.

(Anyone want to place bets on how long this thread stays up?)

---

Long Chile was a silly place.

OK, I'm gonna try to clean it up for those of you who don't obsess about child sex ; )

Actually, this is a completely true story:

Kid 1 (age 8)
Kid 2 (age 6)
In the car driving them home years ago:

ME: How was your day at school
Kid 1: Good. My friend Trevor got in trouble for using the 'F' word in class
ME: That's terrible. He got sent to the principal?
Kid 1: Yep.
Kid 2: Yeah, my teacher said we should never use the 'F' word....we're supposed to say 'chubby'

Duffy and Louise had been making eyes at one another for weeks at the old folks home.

One afternoon, Duffy saw his chance and asked Louise to walk with him through the garden. Louise anxiously accepted.

Easy small talk quickly led to a passionate - albeit slower, older, and a bit less coordinated - encounter.

As things heated up, Louise begged Duffy: "I've always loved a man between my legs - please lick my pussy!"

"Hot damn!" Duffy replied. "That's always been my favorite!!" And down he went.

He'd only been between Louise's thighs for a few moments when he had to come up for air.

"Is... is everything Ok?" Louise asked nervously.

Gasping, Duffy replied: "I'm so sorry, my dear, but I... I just can't keep going. It's just... it's..."

"Do I smell?" asked Louise.

"Yes, horribly," Duffy sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"I understand," Louise said dejectedly. "My arthritis is acting up again."

Confused, Duffy stammered, "Arthritis? How... how do you have arthritis in your pussy? And how does it make it smell like that?"

"No, no," says Louise. "My pussy doesn't have arthritis - my shoulder does. And when it acts up, I can't wipe my ass."

I'll go last.

Why did the chicken cross the road. To get to the other side.

Heard that one in grade 1 and it still cracks me up. Just not a big fan of the perv/peds jokes. Let's keep it clean.

Lighten up, Francis

Ummm, pretty sure that horse done already left the barn...

Did you hear about the guy who drowned eating a bowl of muesli?

Apparently he was pulled under by a strong currant!

--- what a bastard of a way to spend the long Easter weekend

---

RayGovett
Hughson CA
Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"

OK the,

time for Army jokes


What's the difference between a truckload of balloons and a truck load of babies ??





Can't unload balloons with a pitch fork !!

---

RayGovett
Hughson CA
Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"

-- oh , he said best not sick


never mind

---

RayGovett
Hughson CA
Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"

A joke that cracked me up when I was 10. And I once told it to a hockey team of 8 years olds and had them in stitches. Probably can’t tell it any more.

There was an Indian Chief who couldn’t fart so his wife went to the Dr. and she said “Big Chief no fart”

The Dr. gave her a can of beans and told her to report back tomorrow.

The next day she came back and said “Big Chief no fart”.

So he gave her two cans of beans and told her to report back the next day.

The next day she came back and said “Big Chief no fart”.

So he gave her three cans and told her to report back the next day.

Once again: “Big Chief no fart”.

This went on for 10 days. After the 10th day with 10 cans of beans she came back and reported:

“Big fart no Chief”.

---

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He drunk his coffee before it was cool.

How do West Virginians celebrate Halloween?
They pumpkin.

Did somebody say horse?



AN AMISH LADY DRIVER IS PULLED OVER.



"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer, "I just wanted to warn
you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could
be dangerous."



"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair
it as soon as I return home."



"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is
wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty
to animals so you should have your husband check that too."



"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get
home."



True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband
about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on
immediately.



"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something
wrong with the emergency brake."

A firefighter was outside at the station one day when a girl approached. She was leading a cat that was pulling a red wagon.

"How do you like my firetruck?" asked the girl.

"I like that. I see that the wagon carries your gear and has a ladder on it, and a pail of water for putting out fires. Your cat is doing a good job pulling your firetruck too, just like horses pulled the gear in the old days. But why do you have a rope tied around the cat's testicles?"

"Oh. That is my siren"

How did Staten Island get it's name?

Henry Hudson was sailing around back in the day, looked over and asked, "Hey, Is dat an island?"

...elicited a decent eye-roll dad joke this AM....

"Want to see a cool mind reading math move?"

"Ok."

"Thank of two numbers that add up to 7."

"Ok."

"Now tell me one of those numbers."

"Uh, 4."

"Got it. The other number you're thinking of is. . . 3. . . Told you I could read your mind!"

Farmer with a duck under his arm walks into his kitchen where his wife is sitting having her morning coffee and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking".

Wife says, "You idiot, that's a duck not a pig!"

Farmers says, "I wasn't talking to you."

I’ll add a duck joke:

A duck waddles into a bookstore. The duck grabs a book and waddles over to the register, sets down the book, and continues to shop. The cashier figures, ok, something is up. I’ll go along with this.

The duck continues to grab books and lay them on the counter by the register and finally checks out with the cashier. The cashier rings up the books and says to the duck,” That will be $39.53.”

The duck says, “Just put the books on my bill.”