Had a big problem at the store today. The checkout lady tells me "strip down facing me". I guess she was talking about my credit card.

Why do good Christian women love Jesus?

Because he’s hung like this...

What's the best thing about having sex with a 9 year old girl in the shower?

When wet their ass looks like a 6 year old boys.

---

____________
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs." John Rogers

I heard a slightly different version...

What’s the best thing about showering with a 12 year old girl?

When you slick her hair back she looks 9.

---

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

This thread is no longer in any way appropriate.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I’ve never paid $200 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

---

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.



(Do I win?)

Ha!! Yup, that's the winner!

That one is definitely a winner.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick down someone's throat.

(Anyone want to place bets on how long this thread stays up?)

---

Long Chile was a silly place.

OK, I'm gonna try to clean it up for those of you who don't obsess about child sex ; )

Actually, this is a completely true story:

Kid 1 (age 8)
Kid 2 (age 6)
In the car driving them home years ago:

ME: How was your day at school
Kid 1: Good. My friend Trevor got in trouble for using the 'F' word in class
ME: That's terrible. He got sent to the principal?
Kid 1: Yep.
Kid 2: Yeah, my teacher said we should never use the 'F' word....we're supposed to say 'chubby'

Duffy and Louise had been making eyes at one another for weeks at the old folks home.

One afternoon, Duffy saw his chance and asked Louise to walk with him through the garden. Louise anxiously accepted.

Easy small talk quickly led to a passionate - albeit slower, older, and a bit less coordinated - encounter.

As things heated up, Louise begged Duffy: "I've always loved a man between my legs - please lick my pussy!"

"Hot damn!" Duffy replied. "That's always been my favorite!!" And down he went.

He'd only been between Louise's thighs for a few moments when he had to come up for air.

"Is... is everything Ok?" Louise asked nervously.

Gasping, Duffy replied: "I'm so sorry, my dear, but I... I just can't keep going. It's just... it's..."

"Do I smell?" asked Louise.

"Yes, horribly," Duffy sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"I understand," Louise said dejectedly. "My arthritis is acting up again."

Confused, Duffy stammered, "Arthritis? How... how do you have arthritis in your pussy? And how does it make it smell like that?"

"No, no," says Louise. "My pussy doesn't have arthritis - my shoulder does. And when it acts up, I can't wipe my ass."

I'll go last.

Why did the chicken cross the road. To get to the other side.

Heard that one in grade 1 and it still cracks me up. Just not a big fan of the perv/peds jokes. Let's keep it clean.

Lighten up, Francis

Ummm, pretty sure that horse done already left the barn...

Did you hear about the guy who drowned eating a bowl of muesli?

Apparently he was pulled under by a strong currant!

--- what a bastard of a way to spend the long Easter weekend

---

RayGovett
Hughson CA
Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"

OK the,

time for Army jokes


What's the difference between a truckload of balloons and a truck load of babies ??





Can't unload balloons with a pitch fork !!

---

RayGovett
Hughson CA
Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"

-- oh , he said best not sick


never mind

---

RayGovett
Hughson CA
Be Prepared-- Strike Swiftly -- Who Dares Wins- Without warning-"it will be hard. I can do it"

A joke that cracked me up when I was 10. And I once told it to a hockey team of 8 years olds and had them in stitches. Probably can’t tell it any more.

There was an Indian Chief who couldn’t fart so his wife went to the Dr. and she said “Big Chief no fart”

The Dr. gave her a can of beans and told her to report back tomorrow.

The next day she came back and said “Big Chief no fart”.

So he gave her two cans of beans and told her to report back the next day.

The next day she came back and said “Big Chief no fart”.

So he gave her three cans and told her to report back the next day.

Once again: “Big Chief no fart”.

This went on for 10 days. After the 10th day with 10 cans of beans she came back and reported:

“Big fart no Chief”.

---

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He drunk his coffee before it was cool.

How do West Virginians celebrate Halloween?
They pumpkin.

Did somebody say horse?



AN AMISH LADY DRIVER IS PULLED OVER.



"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer, "I just wanted to warn
you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could
be dangerous."



"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair
it as soon as I return home."



"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is
wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty
to animals so you should have your husband check that too."



"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get
home."



True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband
about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on
immediately.



"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something
wrong with the emergency brake."

A firefighter was outside at the station one day when a girl approached. She was leading a cat that was pulling a red wagon.

"How do you like my firetruck?" asked the girl.

"I like that. I see that the wagon carries your gear and has a ladder on it, and a pail of water for putting out fires. Your cat is doing a good job pulling your firetruck too, just like horses pulled the gear in the old days. But why do you have a rope tied around the cat's testicles?"

"Oh. That is my siren"

How did Staten Island get it's name?

Henry Hudson was sailing around back in the day, looked over and asked, "Hey, Is dat an island?"

...elicited a decent eye-roll dad joke this AM....

"Want to see a cool mind reading math move?"

"Ok."

"Thank of two numbers that add up to 7."

"Ok."

"Now tell me one of those numbers."

"Uh, 4."

"Got it. The other number you're thinking of is. . . 3. . . Told you I could read your mind!"