Post your best joke

Feb 18, 19 20:33

Post #1 of 52 (3176 views)

I’ll go first-

2 guys are walking in the woods and a snake jumps up and bites one guy in the dick. He yells to the other guy- run back to the city and get help! (As he falls to the ground holding his crotch).

The other guy runs to the city and finds a doctor. He asks the doctor what to do as he explained his friend was bitten in the dick by a snake.

The doctor said- You have to suck out the poison.

He runs back to the woods and finds his friend. His friend (still grasping his crotch laying on the ground) asks- Did you get help?

The friend says he found a doctor.

The guy who was bitten asks- What did he say?

The friend says- sorry man, the doctor said your gonna die.

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 18, 19 21:20

Post #2 of 52 (3148 views)

I once smoked weed with Peter Frampton. I met him on a movie set and because it was a movie set it was fake weed. Be careful when you smoke weed on a movie set, because it's probably fake weed. Anyway, it was still cool to smoke weed with Peter Frampton, but not nearly as cool as smoking real weed with a dude who looks like Peter Frampton, which I have done many times.

-----------------------------Baron Von Speedypants
-----------------------------RunTraining articles here:
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/...runtraining;#1612485

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 18, 19 22:05

Post #3 of 52 (3134 views)

Knock knock

Who's there?

BK

BK who?

BK is a totally unbiased and personally humble commentator who dislikes buffoons on both sides of the aisle equally.

(gets laughs every time)

Slowguy

(insert pithy phrase here...)

Re: Post your best joke [slowguy] [ In reply to ]

Feb 18, 19 22:53

Post #4 of 52 (3108 views)

and did you know he used to be in the military?
true!

____________________________________
https://lshtm.academia.edu/MikeCallaghan

http://howtobeswiss.blogspot.ch/

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 3:05

Post #5 of 52 (3046 views)

Canada.

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 3:57

Post #6 of 52 (3012 views)

I don't want to see any of the LR people post selfies, with or without their lil' buddy

Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/

Re: Post your best joke [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 4:28

Post #7 of 52 (2992 views)

Here is Canada's best joke.

A false humanity is used to impose its opposite, by people whose cruelty is equalled only by their arrogance

Last edited by: Chri55: Feb 19, 19 4:29

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 5:56

Post #8 of 52 (2926 views)

Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think the second guy would have seen it coming.

--------------------------
The secret of a long life is you try not to shorten it.
-Nobody

Re: Post your best joke [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 6:03

Post #9 of 52 (2919 views)

bluemonkeytri wrote:

Canada.

You stole mine

Re: Post your best joke [slowguy] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 6:33

Post #10 of 52 (2901 views)

slowguy wrote:

Knock knock

Who's there?

BK

BK who?

BK is a totally unbiased and personally humble commentator who dislikes buffoons on both sides of the aisle equally.

(gets laughs every time)

Funny that something along these lines was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread subject...

----------------------------------
"Go yell at an M&M"

Re: Post your best joke [windywave] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 7:12

Post #11 of 52 (2878 views)

windywave wrote:

bluemonkeytri wrote:

Canada.

You stole mine

Dude, you live in Illinois.
Aren't people from Illinois claiming refugee status in Somalia these days?

Long Chile was a silly place.

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 7:56

Post #12 of 52 (2840 views)

pull my finger

_________________________________________________
"The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare" - Juma Ikangaa

http://www.litespeed.com

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 8:14

Post #13 of 52 (2813 views)

Remember - It's important to be comfortable in your own skin... because it turns out society frowns on wearing other people's

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 8:15

Post #14 of 52 (2812 views)

Did you hear that the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on its ships?

It's so they can Scandinavian.

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 8:15

Post #15 of 52 (2807 views)

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 8:18

Post #16 of 52 (2796 views)

Whats the worst thing about having sex with three year olds?

Getting the blood off your clown suit.

____________
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs." John Rogers

Re: Post your best joke [slowguy] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 8:47

Post #17 of 52 (2769 views)

slowguy wrote:

Knock knock

Who's there?

BK

BK who?

BK is a totally unbiased and personally humble commentator who dislikes buffoons on both sides of the aisle equally.

(gets laughs every time)

The BKDS is strong in you.

I miss YaHey

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 8:58

Post #18 of 52 (2751 views)

Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."

"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

Re: Post your best joke [mopdahl] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 9:33

Post #19 of 52 (2720 views)

mopdahl wrote:

Whats the worst thing about having sex with three year olds?

Getting the blood off your clown suit.

Ok that's really bad. But I think I can top it...

A child molester is leading a small boy into the dark woods. An owl hoots in the distance as clouds cover the moon, sending the woods into darkness.
"Please, mister- I'm really scared," pleads the small boy.
"You think YOU'RE scared?" the child molester replies. "I've got to walk out of these woods alone!"

(Sorry)

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 10:32

Post #20 of 52 (2670 views)

An Eskimo's car breaks down on the way home, so he calls AAA. They send a mechanic out.
The mechanic takes a look under the hood and says "It looks like you have blown a seal".
The Eskimo says "No, it is just frost on my mustache".

Re: Post your best joke [wimsey] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 10:59

Post #21 of 52 (2640 views)

wimsey wrote:

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

No idea why - but that made me laugh out loud. Well done.

Re: Post your best joke [Kay Serrar] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 11:09

Post #22 of 52 (2634 views)

Kay Serrar wrote:

mopdahl wrote:

Whats the worst thing about having sex with three year olds?

Getting the blood off your clown suit.

Ok that's really bad. But I think I can top it...

A child molester is leading a small boy into the dark woods. An owl hoots in the distance as clouds cover the moon, sending the woods into darkness.
"Please, mister- I'm really scared," pleads the small boy.
"You think YOU'RE scared?" the child molester replies. "I've got to walk out of these woods alone!"

(Sorry)

A girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car to go to a movie. Dad says, “ok, but you have to suck my dick first”.

Girl says, “oh come on dad just let me use the car,”

Dad says “suck it”.

Girl goes down and starts sucking, she pauses and says, “gross, your dick tastes like shit!”

Dad: “yeah, your brother borrowed the car this morning “.

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 11:20

Post #23 of 52 (2622 views)

Boy with a wooden eye and a girl with a hairlip can’t get dates to the prom so each go alone.

They both stood across from each other with their backs to the wall all night and when the DJ says he’s playing the last song the boy with the wooden eye summons the courage to ask the girl with the hairlip to dance.

The boy approaches and the girl looks at him excitedly....

Boy: “Would you like to dance?”

Girl: “Would I?!?!?!?!”

Boy: “Fuck you, hairlip!”

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Re: Post your best joke [jharris] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 11:58

Post #24 of 52 (1907 views)

My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.
I guess we are raised differently

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.

Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

Re: Post your best joke [wimsey] [ In reply to ]

Feb 19, 19 12:04

Post #25 of 52 (1898 views)

wimsey wrote:

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Where are the Andes?

At the ends of the Armies

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