sounds like thursday this week should be a rest day

Does your family life revolve around your workout schedule, or is that just a figure of speech?

If it does, then figure out ways to make your workout schedule revolve around your family life. Your wife will be happier, you'll be happier and I bet you'll be just as fast.

That was a not-so-subtle hint, my friend. She's unhappy. You'd better re-examine your priorities. When you're 70, will it matter more to you that you ran a 3 hour marathon and completed RAAM, or that you and your wife had a mutually fulfilling relationship?

wintershade wrote:

I think part of why she loves me and married me was because I strive for excellence.

Then strive to be an excellent husband and father, first. Find a competitive outlet that doesn't consume as much time as pursuing IM/3hrMarathon/UltraRunning/RAAM. You can be competitive on +/-6 hours a week training in any one of the 3 disciplines. If you can't stand to give up any of the 3, you can compete at a pretty high level at the Sprint distance on 8-10 hours a week, especially if you have a swim foundation. I'd start by asking her what she'd consider a "reasonable" workout schedule. Then figure out a goal you can accomplish within that. Maybe her expectations/desires aren't that far off. Or maybe you're spending WAY more time training than she'd like.

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"They're made of latex, not nitroglycerin"

It's a figure of speech. I work my training around my family and work life. For example, doing my weekday workouts either before or after baby generally goes to bed. On weekends, I ask what the wife has planned for us and figure out when I can swim/bike/run around whatever she's organized for the day. I'll occasionally things like "hey, do you think the Smiths could meet us for brunch 30 min later so I don't have to cut my ride short" or "hey, can we do our big vacation in mid-late Sept rather than late August since my big race is Sept 8th this year).

I think what she means is it does sometimes feel like an inordinate amount of my mental energies goes to figuring out when/where/how I'm going to work in my training. When I just ran, it was easy. But when you factor in when the pool is open and least crowded, when to work in massive 4-6 hr rides, etc. it does get somewhat complicated.

The easiest thing to do would be just train from 5-7am weekdays and 4-8am weekends and disruption would be minimal given kid usually sleeps from 7-7, but I've found sleep to be almost more important than the workouts themselves.


What makes me sad, is I think you're right. I think my real priorities are different from what she wants them to be.... It's just hard for me to get excited about competing in Sprint tris (even at something like the National level) when the siren song of Ultraman calls...

So one question is -- can you do an approach where you spend a few years (e.g., in Sprint/Oly) getting very very fast on lower volume and then just boom, ramp to Ultraman in a year?

Saw this post and wondered if it could be that there's something (unrelated to your training) that is going wrong/not going to plan for her that is manifesting in anxiety/displeasure about your training?

Does your wife do any type of exercise?

I think the issue is Ironman. If you want to do decently well for your ability, you HAVE to put in a lot of hours, like 1.5hr/day minimum, in my opinion. Sure, you can 'do it' on less, but you're leaving a lot on the table when dealing with those huge race distances.

You can race Oly and sprints very well, near your max potential, on 7 hrs/wk, which is a measly day. And they are fun and competitive as heck - you'll get all the essence of triathlon racing and then some, without sacrificing your family time.

And if you DO get a better block of time, you can go crazy and race a HIM, and train as hard as you want in the process.

She keeps fit, but nothing structured. She does "ClassPass" classes (palates, spin, etc.) and occasional cardio at the gym. She ran a half-marathon with me last year (in 2 hrs, not bad) but "hated" running and has no interest in cycling. She says she kind of wants to do a marathon at some point (just to prove she can), but my easy/recovery pace is around 8:00/mile which is faster than her 5K race pace.

Wow. This post alone has so much to digest. Ever think maybe she wishes every unplanned minute of the day didn't involve you working out? As someone else astutely responded .. take the hint. You'll prioritize what means the most to you. It sounds like you always have and always will. What this is, well, that's up to you.

Athletically, train short, train hard, go fast. I understand the appeal of distance - I really do. But with a wife and kids to hang out with, friends to visit, sports to watch, parties to go to, beer to drink, we (we're both athletes) pretty much have a 2 hour limit on race length and we love it that way. Embrace a change, hang out with your wife.

Whatever you do, good luck doing it.

Reschedule training sessions to end by 8am. Get to bed early to do it. Not so early that you’re in bed without spending some time together.

If all else fails, increase the intensity of the workouts and reduce the volume. You might have to drop down to 70.3’s, Olympics and Sprints. You do need to listen to your wife though. She is telling you there isn’t enough balance in your life with her.

My wife's workout is to walk four miles at around 14 minute pace. Sometimes, she will walk two miles and run two miles at around 10 minute pace.

On Saturday and Sunday, I do it with her.

Put your kid in a jog stroller and make it a family event.

I agree, you need to make it work with your family, maybe race shorter. Im sticking to 70.3 and shorter for a few years with two todlers. It means on Saturday i can get away with a three hour ride rather then 6 and through the week I just train when I can most evenings for an hour only and one or two mornings. I really want to race ironman again, I did a couple before babies came but as a positive this keep the flames hot when i finally get back to it and also, I wanted to have kids and they need to come first as well as looking after my relationship. Not much fun doing this sport with no one to celebrate with.

Right on man.

Some good advice here. Keep it flowing.......

My plan this year was to take a year off IM and do two 70.3s and two Olympic races with a goal of getting faster (sub 5hrs at both 70.3s), with the official plan being an IM next year. But I kind wanted to keep some big riding in there to do a couple century rides mid-season. Sounds like an easy place to start is nix those, maybe do metric centuries instead.

+1. I’ve been in almost exactly the same situation. For a wife to make a comment like that, it means that your workout schedule has been bothering her for some time. I would seriously consider taking some down time to spend more time with your wife. Keep your relationship healthy; success in triathlon is not worth fracturing a relationship with your spouse.

I've been there. I think what she is saying is she wants you to think about how you can enhance family/relationship rather than can I fit training in amongst this schedule.

When was the last time you said, hey I've got a spare 30min here on the weekend, let's spend some time cuddling on the couch together? Rather than hey, I've got 30 min spare so I don't have to cut a ride short. If you are serious about making this relationship work long term, I'd advise now and then sacrificing workout time for couple time. I guarantee she'll notice you prioritising her over your training and it will be very well received. Again, it doesn't have to be all the time, bit every now and then will keep her realising she's important to you.

Stop doing Ironman. There's nothing that says you have to do that distance. Do 70.3. Do Olympic. Do Sprints

How much volume are you doing? Are you doing 4-6 hour rides every week? What is your current training schedule like?

Depending on your current training schedule, you MAY be able to do less, make more time with the family, and still achieve your athletic goals. I would consider doing less volume and more intensity to make more time.

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blog

Do 70.3's, sprints & olys. bike racing gravel grinders etc

Sometimes what you want and what is best are 2 different things

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Brian Stover USAT LII
Accelerate3 Coaching
Insta

My first wife and I had that discussion once and I told her my workouts were #1, my Job # 2 and she was #3. It was the honest truth in my mind. Needless to say she was my ex--wife not too many months later. I did my last Ironman the day after my wife of 34 years and I got married then retired from stupid lots of training. Hey we were all young and dumb at one time, but I survived and am very happy being old and slow.

I've been there, lived it. Ruined a couple marriages. From personal experience, here is my input: Make your wife and family a priority. Raise your kids. Love your bride to pieces. Blow her mind at how important she is, and how you can take or leave the athletics. Do just enough to stay in shape, and not let yourself go. Now the key... concentrate everything you can on retirement. Stay out of debt, invest, pay the house off, put away all your overtime money, etc...etc whatever you can. It's going to happen someday. When the time comes, your kids will be young adults with wonderful memories of growing up. Your wife will still love you to pieces. And suddenly you will have all day, every day, to work out as much as you want. Do it right, and you'll be living the dream.

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Athlinks / Strava

I share a similar circumstance, wintershade.

First, you might want to collect a little more info from your wife to fully understand what she means because I've been asked that question and could mean several things. This is what it boiled down to for me after discussing and solving in detail with my wife:

One thing we did that helped us tremendously was making my training and talk about training more under the radar/subtle. It's great to have her ask what my [workout] plan is for the day, but I also learned its a "how long will you be gone so I know when to call a rescue team" question. And if she asks how it goes, all she wants to hear is "Great! It was a fun day, even though I had 3 flats. How was your morning/afternoon honey?" [Edit: not in the sarcastic sense] If she wants to know more about my workouts and how my training and racing is going, she WILL ask, particularly if a vacation she gets to plan is coinciding with a race. Your workouts are a part of you, but behind your wife, son, and work. Hold them up high and let them know it. Your family knows training is a part of you and makes you happy, so they will support you.

Another thing that worked for me big time was getting my long ride to fit on a weekday (Thursday), even occasionally if not regularly. Not everyone can work their schedule like that, but if you get creative sometimes you can pull it off. At the very least I have either my long run or ride on a weekday and the other on the weekend, and rarely back to back. The other half of it is not always working on squeezing that extra 30 minutes in but simply sacrificing it, or getting my ass outta bed 30 minutes earlier. Is that extra 30 minutes for the whole week gonna make the difference? Probably not. Especially if it is a question on the day of our social plans, I probably didn't plan/communicate properly with my family anyway. In fact, now I look at it as R&R opportunity. Rest today so you can hammer tomorrow AND you get to be social today. Balance the give and take, and you'll find less is more.

I keep my "long" fitness by getting a 4.5-5.5 hour ride once a month really, and otherwise I do 3-3.5 hour focused intensity medium-long rides which help immensely with race pacing. The same weeks I do the "shorter" long ride I do significantly longer runs, so it also mixes up like a crash block alternating riding and running each week. I cut my swims to 2-3x a week, only one is more than an hour, the others are 30 mins or so. And, for the 30 minute swims I go to the closest pool/ocean/body of water possible, don't care what length it is, it's all about convenience and good form (just put up with sharing a narrow lane). I drive 25 minutes once a week to use a long course pool to get my long day, thats it. You can excel at IM training with a consistent 10-12 hours a week (with a rest week every couple/three weeks) with right intensity and focused long days for most of your "regular" training, with only a month or two of build before a race taking up more time.

Good luck.

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Matt Leu, M.S. Kinesiology
San Pedro Fit Works, Los Angeles, CA
Endurance Athlete and Coach
Consistency/time=results

Looks like you need to hook up with a triathalon chick.

Or, kill your hopes and dreams of competition and just train harder in shorter intervals.

Best advice I would note is to not make your weekend your long run or long bike days if at all possible, cut out junk miles and just train hard.

For example I've moved my long run day to Wednesday and my long bike to Friday late. In addition I am committed to almost entirely training on the indoor trainer which makes this possible.

If doing a two hour ride I'd perhaps do it from 9-11PM on Friday and than take Saturday 100% off. If doing a 3 to 5 hour ride, perhaps start at 8 and bike into the night.

It can work, just takes a bit of sacrifice. workout when it makes sense for the family, not so much you.

During IM training I push between 8 and 12 hours...very focused. Results have been solid, most recently 10:02 in Texas. (Not boasting just stating for the haters)

Lots of good posts listed so far in terms of prioritizing your family's lifestyle, you need to quantify and communicate your trainining time to family time ratio. I'm sure she has goals also combined with a new son balance is key. Don't let this go.

I would encourage you to ask your wife what she would like to see you balance your training schedule, sounds like it's the variations of workout duration she finds 'crazy'. I train year around for several halves and one full in Nov. my wife is supportive in planning vacations social gatherings around that schedule. I could be faster, maybe qualify for Kona but it would not be worth it without her or my family.

I train based on time and my workouts stop as family obligations need. Life is short, train hard, have fun, do destination races, stay healthy.

I think this might be the answer...

You don't have to do stupid amounts of training to stay decently fast! And especially with a long history of big training, you can go fast on shockingly little training!

I was exactly asking myself this question this week: How can guys with families, jobs, properly train for IM triathlons.../?!/?!/?
Unless you married the ''perfect half'' (whatever that means), I think you have to make concessions.
Balance personal interests, passions, social and family life...
To me it's all about trying to be happy and satisfied with one's choices (husband and father of 4 teenagers all in sports, HS or college...).
Who says you'll be happier if you get that sports goal in a few years but neglect the ''other''important stuff (son, family, etc...).
I'm with the Oly suggestions, or occasional HIM.
Pick some motivating goal ( 1 or 2 / per year), count available time per week, and have fun working out ! Love the process, that's where the real goal is !!
Cycling's your weak sport ? I would mix some short Tris and enter a few short bike races, like criteriums.
That should lift your game in cycling very effectively.

Louis :-)

This is DEFINITELY true. I learned this the hard way - I spent 2 years gutting it out by 'sticking to the plan' when my kid was 1-3 yrs old while training for HIMs, hitting 11-14hrs/wk, probably average around 12, while holding down a full time job and having a wife that also worked full time, which meant I was doing as much childcare as she was, if not more - particularly on weekends. I've never slept well, so I figured that wouldn't be a problem for me. I was tired all the time, pretty much only trained in z2 in those early hours, but I got that dang volume in! Race day actually went fine - did a bit better than expected, was happy about my times.

Then I got a bit burned out from all the sleep deprivation and chasing PRs, and after reading some PurplePatch Matt Dixon's 'balanced approach' to training, where you must incorporate life stresses, I decided to back off training, even if it would cost me performance. I'd prioritize sleep above training at all times, and yes, this meant on some weeks I literally missed 4 out of 7 training mornings, which I couldn't make all up with later doubles.

I raced better and did better than I did while putting up those big hour training - felt better, had more fun, and was much more energetic during the day. The added sleep just allows you to hit a whole higher level of quality in training that you can never get while sleep deprived, and it shows. I def got as much results in 7 hours/wk than I got in 11+ hrs/wk with the added sleep. Sleep is huge - and it's actually not easy for someone like me I have sleep apnea with a machine, have problems sleeping 5+ hrs, etc., but I literally work hard at it!

More sleep >> sleepy training for sure. Of course, the challenge then is to fit the training in with the more limited time you have due to sleep, but def take shorter quality and fun sessions over gut slogging slower sleep deprived ones even if it's a lot more hours.

Well said! Unfortunately, in my case, I'll almost guarantee that arthritis will take me out of racing well before retirement...then I'll have lots of time and money and no clue what to do with it! (Yeah, right...)

triathlon

This was what I thought too when I read that post.
I'm struggling to do more than a couple of hours a week at the moment, with an 8 month old son, partner who works or studies most evenings and is in college on Saturdays, while I work approx 07:30-17:30 on weekdays. She takes care of him during the day, if I don't take over most of the evening, she's can't work/study and I'm already up early to be in work by 07:30 or earlier, so morning sessions aren't realistic at the moment.
I've realised it's not going to be an option to maintain the fitness I had up until last summer. Certainly not in the short term and probably ever. That's okay, some things are a lot more important. I could force the point and train more than I am now, but that's just going to cause tension and resentment - understandably. I could possibly wedge a bit of training into every free moment, work it in around everything that's scheduled and get by, but it would still impact family life by having me tired or preoccupied much of the time.

What does your wife do with her free time? Does she use large chunks of time for her own pursuits outside of those planned joint activities you mentioned? Do you have to make lots of comparable compromises/accommodations? If not you can be pretty sure she's feeling hard done by. Wouldn't you? If she hasn't mentioned it before that doesn't mean it hasn't been bothering her for a while.

I think this is a very common struggle (not enough hours in life), when you want to be a husband, father, worker, and triathlete all at once, and also why you see so many answers to a post like this.

The "long rides/runs" on weekdays, was an eye opener for my self and a good way of not consuming whole weekends for training but instead having time to do a picnic with your family, have friends and family over.

There was 1 thing that struck me in your post/answers (and it might just be the way you wrote it):
1) You said you accomodate training to what your wife has planned for the weekend. I think everyone in a relationships knows at hates the feeling of being the only one planning things to do. Its hard to take initiative if you have training all the time. Maybe she wants you to plan some of the weekend activities, maybe she wants to see friends/family more often, or have you arrange the big BBQ. Finding fun actitivties/get aways for the weekend going to a cabin in the woods or whatever.

Maybe one has to realise that IM is not the thing to do with small kids. If you have already done some IM done well etc. and you are not going to go pro any way, why is it then so darn important to finish top 10? Noone cares except you, no one. I know where you are comming from, yes you could easily just do an IM on less training but where is the fun in that when you want to go faster? I really think that is an itch to consider the importance of.

I presume you were addressing the OP rather than myself?

I agree about the risk that a partner could feel they are they only one's organising joint activities while you only worry about your own training schedule. Even if you make the effort to fit around those activities, it's certainly possible a spouse/partner could feel (correctly or not) that they're doing all the work and that you perhaps even resent the family time interfering with your precious training. Need to put yourself in their shoes.

good advice. unlike many here my goals are probably far more modest but I tend to alternate years where one will be a heavier race volume followed by a year with lower race volume. But that's just what works for me. I've done one IM. Will probably do another. The training volume for 70.3s is seems much more conducive to still having a normal life. Last year I only did sprints and gravel grinders. But I'm not FOP at the big events. Local racing I do fairly well. For me it helps keep myself and my wife sane.

Because, surely, he shouldn’t take his wife’s comments at face value... training for ultra man and ride across America are totally normal endeavors... she must have something out of balance in HER life that is causing her to question OP.

Denial runs deep in some people.

I’ve pretty much gone short course and actually love it. I now have time to mix in some bike racing and real lifting. Racing faster at a higher intensity is also preferable.

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Human Person

I have been thinking more and more about this lately. We do triathlon WILLINGLY. If it is disrupting our home and family life, it is time to re-evaluate. You don't HAVE to do Ironman or Ultras or anything of the sort. Take a step back and think about why you do it? Can the reason be achieved by doing something else? If you have a small baby at home, I can guarantee you wife is overwhelmed (I'm a mom of 2 girls). If you are leaving her and going out on the bike for 5 hours, she resents it. I GUARANTEE it. You definitely need to prioritize, and she's making it known that she's tired of your lives revolving around your workouts. Triathlon is a selfish pursuit, and she's asking you to not be selfish anymore.

Hmm, like a brand new baby, maybe?

Not that it's something that's going "wrong", but the reality is that no-one has a sweet clue how much work it is to have a baby until they actually have one. And if you're adding a second child to the family, you really don't know how much additional work that is until you actually do it. Assuming that you want to be good parents, that is. It's easy to be a shitty parent.

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Swimming Workout of the Day:

Favourite Swim Sets:

2020 National Masters Champion - M50-54 - 50m Butterfly

"It's just tough..... "
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Of course it is tough, but none of us would have it any other way. Tough is what makes it great.


eatmydirt said it about as succinctly as I have seen : "figure out ways to make your workout schedule revolve around your family life. Your wife will be happier, you'll be happier and I bet you'll be just as fast." Although a bit dated, I have been through the same thing and wrote on this topic HERE.


Best wishes,

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David
* Ironman for Life! (Blog) * IM Everyday Hero Video * Daggett Shuler Law *
Disclaimer: I have personal and professional relationships with many athletes, vendors, and organizations in the triathlon world.

Disclaimer: For my opinion and US$ 4.25, Stabucks will sell you a grande mocha, so take it for what it's worth, but I'm 52 with a daughter about to graduate high school and head off to college and I've been married to the same woman for 26 years. I was a MOP triathlete on my best days and those days are long past, but I think I'm a damn good father and a pretty good husband.

If your life doesn't look like this: #1 Family, #2 Career and Triathlon #3 or lower, you're doing it wrong. Pretty soon, your kids are going to start doing something - maybe sports, maybe dance, maybe something else entirely.- you need to be there. When your wife wants to sleep in and have a Sunday brunch, you need to be there (and not wearing sweaty bike shorts). It sounds like you've got your priorities pretty screwed up right now and your wife just fired the first warning shot. Quit whining, put triathlon in its proper place and become a good dad and husband.

pretty much this.

When your kids are grown, do you really think that they are really going to give a shit what your ultraman PR was? Or any of the other people who you care about? They might look at it and say "oh that's cool", but only if it means that you were their FATHER first and foremost.

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Swimming Workout of the Day:

Favourite Swim Sets:

2020 National Masters Champion - M50-54 - 50m Butterfly

All of that is code for she has hit her limit. You have a family now, they come first, pick a single event and give more time to your family. You will be much happier. This sport isn't going anywhere.

My trade off was to wake up at 3am-4am to do all my workouts. I am usually always done by 8am-9am, so it doesnt interfere with anything but sleep.

Purchasing a trainer was the single event that led me to be able to complete an IM

"your wife just fired the first warning shot."

WHS.

I remember when i was training for an IM last year and began to think that spending 12 -15 hours per week playing at my sports was completely normal and reasonable until my wife lost her temper in a big way and screamed at me "I wish i'd never heard the f****g word "Ironman!""...

it's only a game. do it for fun, nobody cares how fast you are but family:wife/kids etc must come first or you'll end up paying for it...

 

this might be mean but ill say it: if you are still chasing a 3h marathon, you are not competing at high level. you are probably fast, and maybe like all of us at times doing some event-hunting to see where you really can compete at a high level. but you might be happier just re-focusing on "what is fun, what fits my idea of a good life".

i've had to reject my bad thinking about this stuff many times. it is easy to get sucked in to distorted perspective on something we work so hard it, and are often legit talented at.

maybe you'd have fun to keep some swim and try zwift race, cylcocross, crits, tts for a few years. its fun, social, and if you wanna go do long boring stuff later, then you'll be a stronger cyclist.

I think Dean had a great reply. I also hope you did a lot of training and racing when you were single and could really enjoy it. No matter how much time you have when you are retired and the kids are grown, I don't think you will be able to enjoy training and racing like you could when you were young.

I'm curious. Were you doing long-distance tri when you were dating your wife? Did you discuss in depth your desire to train and race before marriage? Did you and your wife discuss how both your priorities would need to change before you decided to bring a child into the world? I didn't get married until after I was tired of long-distance tri. We don't have kids. My wife certainly knew of my multisport passion before we got married, so when she gets upset about my training/racing, etc. I understand and usually come to a compromise with her but I also remind her that she knew a great deal about my lifelong passion to train and race before we got married and I never indicated to her that I expected that passion to diminish when we got married. When we have talked about what would have happened if we would have met earlier in life, I admit I probably wouldn't have got seriously involved with her because I was so focused on IM.

I wish you the best coming to a compromise that works for you and your family.

I've found (personally and with talking to friends) that being a triathlete is selfish but we all try to reason our way out of thinking that it actually is that. You tell yourself, and others, things like "I work out super early before kids/wife get up", or "I work out after everyone goes to bed", or <insert a number of other excuses>.
Unless you are single, someone else is losing out, and typically it's the wife. We are pretty good at not making the kids lose out - at least that's what we think - they are probable losing out too. Your wife is taking most of this as she has to deal with scheduling your families life around your training. And shes' also the one losing time with you when you go to bed early every night, or leave for good chunks of the weekend to go train.
The best answer is to do shorter events. Olys can be a hell of a workout if you go hard. And maybe every few years talk to your wife about doing a long race. Yes that long race will require more work to get back in shape but it's easier than a divorce.

If you want to try 2 sports, take out biking. It takes the most time by far. You might be able to make swimming and running work. Go for that sub 3 marathon.

With kids, your time is just going to be less and less as they get older.

"The easiest thing to do would be just train from 5-7am weekdays and 4-8am weekends and disruption would be minimal given kid usually sleeps from 7-7, but I've found sleep to be almost more important than the workouts themselves."

This is basically what I do. I am sure I could be "faster/ better/ whatever" if I trained more but I just do what I can off that and am happy with it.

First of all, wow! I just want to express my gratitude for everyone who has weighed in here and shared their personal stories. I must have hit on a topic that many have wrestled with, as I've never started a thread on any forum that's generated so many responses.

To summarize what I've taken away so far:
0) Heed the warning shot. I don't want to end up divorced. I love my wife. She's an incredible person, and honestly I probably don't deserve her.
1) Figure out if my wife's complaint about triathlon is really the tip of an iceberg (which it is, more below)
2) Have an candid discussion about is a "reasonable" amount of training, and potentially focus on shorter distance races (or single sport races) depending on time permitted by wife
3) Try to do that training at more convenient times for the family, and talk about training/racing A LOT less
4) Make it clear I'm putting my family (and work) ahead of triathlon (or any of my other self pursuits for that matter)

There were lots of questions asked of me, which I'll try to answer.
-- Could this be the tip of the iceberg? -- YES, it is. Whoever asked this should be a psychologist! I spoke to her last night, and she said the triathlon obsession is just a symptom of a more troubling disease. When we got married, we promised we'd be "equal partners" in domestic duties since we're both career driven, and she doesn't feel like I'm pulling my weight, especially since our son was born. She's a fast-rising jr partner at a top management consulting firm (works 65-80 hrs/wk with a ton of travel). I also have a demanding high pressure job but her hours are worse. Apparently, she feels like she has "three jobs: work, domestic chores, and now a baby" but I only have two jobs: "Work, and triathlon, which isn't a job because it's fun." So good to know where all this is coming from because now we can address the underlying issue, and I'm going to sign up for more chores around the house. This was all news to me, so if nothing else good comes out of this, at least we'll solve for that

-- Did my wife know about triathlon before we got married? Not really. She knew I was an athlete as a kid through college (and that Ironman broke up my post-college relationship of 4 years), but I was injured when I met my spouse. Except for the last 18 months, I wasn't training/racing. So she might say, "I didn't sign up for this." Shortly after we started dating, I was sidelined by two surgeries from overuse injuries, and didn't train for anything for most of the decade we've known each other. Since I couldn't do triathlons, I started racing cars at a high level (which was also very selfish, time consuming and WAY more expensive), but after a crash that could have killed me around when we started trying to get her pregnant, wife asked me to stop, which seemed reasonable. Needing a competitive outlet, I figured I'd give running a shot again, started with a 10K and worked my way back up to Ironman over about a year.

-- Can I compete at the highest level if I can't run a sub-3hr marathon "yet"? Well, the truth is, that's not what matters to me. My goal is not to be the fastest man in the world, but to discover how fast I can be and how far can I go. I don't yet know my potential, because just when I was getting into things hardcore in college and making progress, I blew out my knee running. My genes are good. My dad held track and field records that were only recently broken. I had my VO2 max tested in college as part of an academic study, I forget the VO2 max number but it was in 99% percentile so I know I have a big aerobic engine. Will I be an IM AG World Champ, probably not. Could I KQ? Maybe. But again, all I really want to know is.... how far can this sack of flesh carry me.

There reason I'm here, asking these questions, is because I know that in the end (having volunteered in hospice when I was younger) is almost everyone treasures most the time the spent with the people they love, not the their selfish achievements. The happiest ones were the once who find balance between feeling like they lived up to their potential while putting their loved ones first.

There is some good advice here about how to do it.

The plan that's resonated with me most so far is -- using shorter events (maybe Olympic distance or a mix of half-marathon + shorter/fun crits or gravel riding) to stay in shape for the next 10-15 years, then retire early and use all the free time to train for Ultraman etc. But key to that plan is keeping the body healthy, especially given my history of overuse injuries which historically have been my main limiter.

What I hope you have done is sit down with your wife and ask her what she wants. Don't interrupt her, don't make suggestions, don't make the conversation about you until you fully hear her out.

Seems to me that you're sort of guessing at what the problem is, or the extent of it, and coming up with your own solutions that you think she might be amicable to. Seems like a backward approach to me.

If you are both career focused, do you have the money to outsource some of the domestic work? It could free up more time for you to spend together, and individually on your own pursuits. The $ we spend on a cleaning service is some of the best money we spend every two weeks.

Good on you for the self reflection and communication/followup with your wife. Honestly, it sounds like a bad time in general to be focusing on a high-hours racing program, with two high stress/hours jobs and a baby. I couldn't imagine doing IM training in that scenario. I got the IM monkey off my back as a single 20-something, and decades further along (with a wife and two kids) I don't have the motivation to beat my faster, younger self. I see friends get bit by the IM bug and I feel bad for them to be honest, for the most part it seems to be a huge time-swallowing journey with no end or resolution. Nobody ever says 'ok, i finished an ironman, I don't need to do that again'. It usually turns into "I think i can go faster if I train more/harder".

I understand the allure of epic, long races; however, shorter doesn't mean 'less impressive'. Maybe you should try to be your best/fastest self in sprints? Or ODs? You can still satisfy the competitive drive (and get the stress reduction benefits) without doing 20 hour weeks. Trainer/vasa/treadmill at home and you could be very fast on an hour a day.

You mention that ironman training broke up a previous 4-year relationship; be very careful, don't let this become a pattern. Not worth it.

Good insight here. I would also add to thank her for bringing this to your attention before it festered beyond repair, because your family is your priority. Let her know that rather than resenting her for making you suspend your long-course goals, you appreciate her for reminding you of what is most important. Women like to know you get it.

I made the original comment that you objected to. I made it because in my experience as a wife, my tolerance for my husband's hobbies can be affected if I'm having a stressful time, whether that's work/family/school/injury/whatever. It wasn't intended to be denial at all but a prompt to have a conversation to get to the root of the problem. It looks like the OP did this.

Key for me was to make sure my family's dreams and goals are being met as well.
I work full time, travel once a month, coach and have 3 kids. My wife also works a full time demanding job.

I make sure #1 Wife's wants and dreams are attainable.
She wanted to get a masters online, I made sure we made it happen and didn't just let it be a unicorn fart in the wind.
She wants to go after a job that requires 60 to 80 hours a week in an industry she loves. I'll support that best I can covering the family.

Make sure #2 the kids get what they need and have the chance to reach their goals. Luckily they aren't super competitive, yet. So they play their sports, cover the homework basics, get quality time, etc.

Then I arrange my stuff around the family to keep my sanity.

Kind of like fit the boulders in, then smaller rocks and then fill the voids in with sand.

It's a BUSY life, but I won't look back and wonder what I missed out on.
It's also made me keenly aware of wasting time in social media, watching mindless tv, etc. Cut out the time sucks and BAM, plenty of time. ;)

---

Ryan
http://www.SetThePaceTriathlon.com
http://www.TriathlonTrainingDaddy.com
I got plans - https://www.trainingpeaks.com/...dotcom#trainingplans

Life coaching on a triathalon forum... but most of us have been there, or are going through it.

I will spin it a bit. Everyone else is right, but i will flip it a bit just to be cheeky/for sake of argument.

1. Do what is right for you...
2. So that you can be happy enough in life to do what is right for your family...
3. So that you can do what is right for work/career.

The logic, is that if you are not happy, how can you be a good husband/dad? Or a good employee/businessman?

But shooting fireballs all weekend may make you happy, but it is all about balance.

My advice:
- Take you time each week.
- take you and wife time each week
- take you and kids time each week (wife alone time)
- take family time each week
- keep the above four balanced.
- figure what level of work/finances keep you happy.
- money is great when you are old, but memories of your kids/wife can not be bought. (Edit: a little midlife crisis is not bad... but remember that wheels are cheaper than legs.)

Live life, but it is about balance.

That's not really a solution either though is it?
I assume there are three issues there:
1. You are sleeping less therefore (assuming you didn't oversleep before) you will be more tired and less engaged, less helpful, and less fun to be around.
2. You may feel that slipping out of bed early effects no-one but yourself but your partner may feel differently. I know mine likes me to actually be around from time to time!
3. If you're willing to go to these lengths to keep training, your partner, and children, are likely to believe (perhaps correctly) that it's the most important thing in your life. They may ask themselves whether you'd willingly give up hours of sleep on a regular basis for them.

+1
I'd want to spin it a bit too. I've read the wife works 65-80 hours a week + commute. When family comes first, as it should be IMO, you don't want to spend so much time on work. I truly think the OP needs to make amends (especially on sharing domestic chores and "mental charge" ie taking his part in planning the activities of the family), but his wife needs to assess her own life too.

Best point so far was the guy who told his wife his training came first, job second, her third.

Don't do that.

I'm 45 and have been doing tri for 27years. Five things I have learned:

1. See the big picture. Stand back and look at it. A life in sport is a marathon not a sprint, and you'll need your team around you. Treat them well and prioritise their needs. That way, when you need them to give you space and time to train, they probably will. And don't peak too soon.

2. Find balance. Life coaches have those "wheel of life" diagrams where one spoke is career, one spoke is health, one spoke is relationships, one spoke is community, one spoke money, one spoke is personal fulfilment, and so on. In tri we are lucky because if done right, it can score on more than one spoke - health, fulfilment, relationships. Note that it scores negative on money. One thing all cyclists know is that if you get out of balance, you crash.

3. Share the love. You love being fit and healthy - who wouldn't. So ease your family into it too. When we first got married, my wife thought running was mad. I kept looking for ways we could do it together - a jog/walk along the beach, a ride with the kids, That was over 20 years ago and now she's often the one pestering me to go out for a run with her before breakfast. Honestly. (There's give and take - she is a musician and I have been dragged to sooooo many classical music concerts with her over the years. I used to hate classical music but these days sometimes I almost like it.)

4. Remember the U shaped curve. Many things in life follow this trajectory. You do a little, you get a lot better. Then you do some more, and you get a little bit better. You do too much, and you get worse.

5. Bag the easy wins. Keep your weight low by eating right. Have kit in the car so you can run 30 minutes opportunistically sometimes. When you have to go anywhere, ride rather than drive if you can. Then it's not training, it's just living- it won't count against you on the scoreboard. And life just feels better this way too.

A special mention for the competitive instinct, and the big ticket races that drive so many of us type As. I don't claim to be "high level" but am OK at a local level, still love the sport and the community and have no injuries or barriers yet. Kona is a lifetime goal for me but I'm playing the long game. The time in life will be 50-54 or 55-59 when the kids have left home, the coffers are full, and work can take a back seat. Having looked at the big picture - start to finish - that's where it fits best. But if it never happens - that's fine too. It's just once facet of a 20+ sided die.

Wintershade - hope you find your sweet spot & get it dialled in so it works for your family.

I would have thought she's probably done that and decided she needs to let her partner know she's not happy with the impact of his training on their lives. Seems presumptuous to say it the way you have. Since we haven't heard from her, we're all just guessing.

This is probably the answer.

"Reschedule training sessions to end by 8am. Get to bed early to do it. Not so early that you’re in bed without spending some time together. "
"You do need to listen to your wife though. She is telling you there isn’t enough balance in your life with her."

This is how.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw

You had the epiphany, don't view this as a polarized decision. If you have this much capacity to train and perform you could probably become the guy that wins every single sprint and Olympic triathlon he enters.

My Dad was not an athlete. But he certainly worked a lot, ran a business, and spent endless hours on his adventurous hobbies. He left everything else to our Mom. During his dying years, he regretted it. The quality of time was great, but he wished for more QUANTITY of time with all of us. That was a different era, Father knows best, Father is educated, the most important thing is my husbands job, lets ask your father, the husbands were idolized in many cases and allowed to disappear for the weekend, and the wife wasn't even allowed to have a checkbook. It's 2019 most families run much more balanced now.

Ultraman and RAAM, its extremely extreme.

You have an extremely supporting wife who also works. Don't screw it up. My wife was a STAY AT HOME MOM, I did all the dishwashing and overnight feedings, grocery store runs, and changes and vacuuming and everything to take the load off of her. If I so much as went for a 20minute swim or jog without her explicit permission she would explode for hours like I had an extramarital affair. Consider yourself blessed.

I understand the emotional pain you feel when she said that, Once my first daughter was born I stopped racing every month, I dropped all the dreamy dreamy championship athlete dreams. I still trained and stayed fast and raced. Just remember when your kids are 12, they will be "too cool to hang out with you" you have to capitalize on these formative years.

What you experienced is the truth hurts. It's not just an expression on a meme. The truth really hurts. You can improve as an athlete, you may have to drop the exotic distances for a while.
After both my daughters were born I still slowly got faster and hit some PRs in my late 30s, don't worry about it too much.

Now. I'm getting my daughters ready for their first kids triathlon in 2 weeks :)

Currently some executive leaders with mediocre performances look back on their life with regret that they didn’t have meaningful discussions with their staff and key people within their organization. No tough discussions that would have resulted in improved employees’ performances, better services/products, and higher profits. Your spouse, being a partner in a top mgt consulting firm, can understand the analogy here. She probably sees lack of needed difficult conversations in every one of her clients, and saw it within your family.

Also, with text being a preferred communication mode of conversation of many, and verbal language used in passing, the lack of those really difficult conversation will only increase at the detriment of sustainability of valuable relationships.

Your summarized your current issues well. I’m coming late to the thread on this one. Sorry if too long.

Scientific research shows we really don’t like those tough conversations. We avoid them. Sure more people will become CEO’s, full partners, and successful triathletes without the conversations but by doing so, they forego much better life outcomes than those who do engage in the talk and modify their actions going forward based on understanding, compromises, and mutual agreement. The latter requires trust with each other and discussions about the real issues, not the easy stuff. What you actually do today lays the groundwork for outcomes, hopefully successes, of your future.

Both of you need to understand where you’re coming from. Looks like you did that well. Continue it for a lifetime. Both of you need to continue in the dialog. It’s not a late night monologue or college class auditorium lecture that one voice fits all. Keep the dialog positive. When either of you see a slip into negative territory, then step back and work together to reach a joint agreed to outcome that is wanted by both of you. This brings positive solutions to negative step-backs. Beware, don’t accept the easiest solution to move on. Work together to identify three or more solutions. Multiple options force more thorough, and hopefully, best outcomes of honest desires or goals in life. Still not there? Ask something like: “What would it take for you to accept ______ (you fill in the blank outcome)? Have your spouse ask the same question back to you to reach concurrence on a path forward.

Realize, this is a not a one-and-done conversation. It’s a beginning. Tough communication will probably not translate well if texting one-another either. Who knows?
If you’re still reading great. Here some tri specific input:

• If you know hospice, then you probably know that no one said, “I wished I had worked more hours at my job.” However, some people have said their most fulfilling moment in life was competing with family present on a racecation as supporters, alongside them in the race, or even as a family team in the same race.
  
• With your aerobic engine, you could be an extremely competitive sprint and standard distance tri guy on 5-7 hours a week in season, then back off when not in season to maintain a base level of fitness.
  
• And with a base like yours now, you could step back to IM or Ultras if time is allotted, and mutual agreement is reached, in the near term or a couple of decades out. Talk. At IM Utah during the pre-race dinner, Mike Reilly had a wife on stage surprise her husband that she too was doing the race. He was a clueless husband, and she, a silent wife. I wonder if they’re still together.
  
• Get a Burley trailer or running stroller for training with your kid(s). You’d be surprised how close you could go in a sub 3-hour marathon attempt.
  

Finally, you and your wife should become familiar with polarity management as your situations will change over time. A few mgt consultants know the tool. View some templates on this topic. Fill one or more out for your situation(s). These will help you identify signs together to watch for to maintain best outcomes. And when a situation reveals signs of deterioration, the tool will provide early detection of signs of change showing impairment. As you see early warning signs, you learn to modify behaviors sooner to keep your relationship strong before you’re too deep in disrepair. Polarity management is a powerful tool for managing anything, like business or life.

Grow up and be happy. Live long and prosper. Few of us seem to heed Spock’s or John Lennon’s wisdom. But we should.

https://www.palmtreesahead.com/tactics2faster-new
https://www.palmtreesahead.com/

As a veteran of 30 Ironman races, & family like you, I managed to luckily have a wife who also does Ironman & triathlon. We trade off kid watching on weekends (we can't really ride or run together as our training speeds are vastly different), but you have a lot of GIVE when doing so. We both do. Luckily, our work schedules are quite opposite and we both have the "family time" on the weekends, so don't feel guilty about stepping our each other's time we have available for "us"--until the weeknend. In short, she has her time, I have my time (opposite schedules), then the WE time (all of us). During the week, there is work, training when kiddos school starts. Wife trains before work / before school, on her lunch...so it is a VERY tight fit, but we all make it work. The best part is, we have time to get the kiddo/s all to ourselves each day, then we all share the time on weekends together.

I've not done Ironman in about 3 years maybe? So my time has opened up. I just got sick of all the training. I'm enjoying what I call "maintanence" training and less long days out on the bike, or so many run miles. I sleep better, have more time and less stress and accomplish way more (although still too busy). I would like to say, social life does suffer, but others in your circle may be in the same place, so it doesn't matter if that is the case, we all have stuff to do, limited time (in more than one way). Cut the crap wasted time stuff, plan ahead, talk with your partner, be realistic on what you actually need for training (most here will tell you some ridiculous training numbers for Ironman...it's not true). Your relationships don't have to suffer. The one thing I would caution on is, taking your family for granted and not spending enough time with them. Talk it over. If all are honest, you can come to a reasonable plan to accomodate all.

i knew it was time to quit Ironmans when my wife said "I am not ready for your next Ironman"

Good for you. Short course is a lot of fun. I love just running for 1/2 an hour and calling it good. Eat well, lots of rest, more family time now. My wife is only 2 Ironman finishes away from a Kona Legacy slot so she is full bore ahead--her only chance to get to Kona. It's a big commitment in all ways, some just aren't set up for that in their lives. Best to be realistic. The heart wants or says one thing and the mind often wants or says another. Only when the two are "at peace" with each other, is it the right decision.

It was easier for me back when I was doing IM training/racing since my wife was as well (instant training partner!). This was before our daughter was born, but I knew it was time to step back when training began to feel more like a second job rather than something I enjoyed. Not long after I finished my last IM in 2007, we found out that we were going to be parents, which made scaling back easier. My wife did one more IM in 2011 and switched to focus on running afterwards.

My focus now is cycling and my workouts during the week are done on the trainer, and I get outside on the weekends whenever possible. Our daughter has plenty of sports/activities on weekends so I schedule rides around those as much as I can.

It can be hard as others have noted and plenty of good advice has been given throughout this thread. I hope you find the balance that works best for you and your family.

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"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race." - Richard Butler

I'm a new father here as well - have a 4 month old at home...

Swimming too is my strength - and as such, I think it is something you can really modulate towards a race. You certainly do not need to swim year around to get a decent result...ramp up 6 weeks before a race and you'll be fine.

Anyways, I decided to train less, but train harder, and more consistently - 6-7 hours a week, max 8 in "heavy weeks" and see what happens. And I am going to lose 1-2% in BF - trim up a few pounds. That just takes discipline, right?

I'm with others on the forum - will be great to have some good results...but will be better to be there for my kiddo or wife. Truth is that while the kid sleeps 7-7, the quality alone time with the wife is very different now, she uses those hours to "catch up" - so the dynamic is different, and training shouldn't be "squeezed" in.

Wife works 80h weeks. Husband works 50+ tri training, so comes in around 80 as well, lets assume. 80/5= 16h per day...max daycare hours per day=12... leaves 20h for the weekend...

I think the math just doesn't work.... I am always amazed by this forum where people work 60+ hours, train 15+ hours, sleep min 8h per day AND have a great family life.....

Sub 5 hrs at a 70.3 should not require more than ~5 hrs training per week. If you need more, you’re doing it wrong.

Seriously? Maybe 5 hours during the week, sure, but you are not going to build that kind of speed on only 5 hours including weekends unless you are already incredibly talented, have a giant engine, and maybe supplement with things you shouldn't supplement with.

There's a reason most people think ultraman is nuts - because it is when you put it in the context of lives with kids, relationships, jobs, etc. Just because you CAN do it does that mean you should?
I'm in a similar place with a new baby and trying to figure out how to scale things back so that I can be a good father, husband, and still feel fulfilled with athletic challenge. At the end of the day it means cutting back on volume, so my focus right now is on running with just a little swim/bike to keep it going and to mix it up. Running takes the least amount of time in terms of logistics (treadmill at home) and keeps me more present with our 7 week old baby. My goal is a marathon at the end of April. Will I be as prepared as I would normally want? probably not and thats ok, its more just to do it and set a good example than it is to excel right now. There was a time I wouldnt even consider it if I wasnt in Boston qualifying shape.
My wife has signed off on me doing a HIM in June, but even that feels like a stretch simply because of the bike hours, so my hope is that the run focus will carry me through there and I just add a few 2-3 hour ride and still be in reasonably good shape. After that its going to be pretty much just sprints and olys, which I'm fine with. I'd rather still do 7-9 hours per week and do well there than go do HIM/IM and wish I'd been able to train more. So HIM will be an experiment to see if its viable on that time or not for me. My wife used to do triathlon as well, so she gets it. She continues to swim/run and I want her to be able to get back to where she wants to be with it, which means I will have to do less and take the kid to allow her time as well.
Priorities man, thats what it really comes down to. Heed the warnings. I would not do any of this without her sign-off and regular checkins for feedback on how its going for us, because even if she was cool with it initially the reality might be different.

HIM in June with a 7 week old - you're nuts!

Take some time off man, do a HIM in September or something...

It sounds like you’re doing it wrong...

Sub 5 doesn’t require any real speed. For a male in his thirties (which I suppose applies to the OP) ~5 hours/week as a yearly average of hard, proper training should be enough if you have normal talent and are not overweight.

I am not doing anything wrong, but I am also much faster than 5:00. Regardless, you moved the goalpost here. You said someone should be able to go sub-5 on 5 hours per week, which I am arguing is not really possible. You then said 5hrs per week as a yearly average. This is not even close to the same thing. I'll even agree with you that as a yearly average, 5hrs per week is enough, but the last 4 weeks of a 70.3 training cycle is going to have to necessarily be a bit more than 5hrs if the goal is to go sub-5.

If you could pull this off as a coach, and get all of your M30-40 age-athletes (NOT hand-selected talents or ones with deep endurance sport background!) to go sub 5 on <5hrs/wk training over the course of a year averaged, you would be the best coach in triathlon by far. Even the top coaches in the sport can't pull this off.

If you somehow manage to accomplish this with the results to prove, not only will I give you kudos in public, but I will sign up for your services at $400/month. (I'm not holding my breath...)

You said it man, how are they calculating this? What's with the inflated rounding up? Adding your commute time?

Some people factor in all the fluff hours inside and around their job and factor it in. If you open your business at 7:AM, then walk across the street to get breakfast, work for 2 hours, go have lunch with a buddy, spend 2 hours web surfing, do three more hours of work, stop by the car dealership, go back to your business. Shuffle a few things around for an hour, lock up 7:PM Make a few business calls on the way home.

Honestly, your NOT WORKING A 12 HOUR DAY. You just waffled about 8 hours, and possibly worked for 4 hours.

I've met countless people in the business world that drop 16hr days because they just don't want to go/be home.....

I personally sometimes do extra work at night remotely, good grief it takes like 20-30 minutes. If I run some massive systems update, and have to just check on it two hours later so make sure it ran and sign off I can't say OH I WORKED 2 MORE HOURS!!!

Google Bistromath from The Hitchhiker's' Guide to the Galaxy :)

"""The Bistromathic Drive is used in Slartibartfast's craft Bistromath and works by exploiting the irrational mathematics that apply to numbers on a waiter's bill pad and groups of people in restaurants."""

I read most of the thread and I don't think this has been mentioned:

When you ask her what the schedule is for the weekend it puts pressure on her. You are making her responsible for scheduling family time. You may see it as allowing her to decide but after awhile it becomes a burden for her. She knows that if she doesn't explicitly schedule time with you then you are going to be off training. She has probably already asked herself "If I don't schedule family time will we ever see him?"

Error on the side of your family. I am about 15 years down the road from you and 17 years after my last Ironman. They are still running Ironmans and my kids don't care if I do them or not but they care if I go to water polo or soccer. In a few years they will be out of the house and I will have all that time to train and do an Ironman. Or not.

My wife is so much more important than winning my age group at Kona let alone qualifying.

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The first time man split the atom was when the atom tried to hold Jens Voigt's wheel, but cracked.

This post for the win. I signed up but didn’t start an IM after my son was born. I lost morning workouts because I brought him and eventually my daughter to daycare in the mornings for a combined 10 years. I went from IM and 2 HIM a year to maybe 2-3 10K’s. My training was almost exclusively lunch hour runs. Looking back, I could have left the kids in daycare 10+ hours a day and after school care for 3 hours a day to pursue my hobby versus taking them swimming, to dance, gymnastics, soccer, skiing etc.

As I've posted before: I know a few folks whose IronHubby or IronMissus is now an IronEx

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

I am not saying everyone will do it, though anyone could do it (I admit it may be difficult during your first triathlon year if you’ve never done any endurance sports before). If you have your mind set and are willing to work five hard hours and race through some pain.

My experience is that most people are not willing (at least not when it comes down to actually executing) to do either of the two. In my opinion this is the main reason why most people don’t succeed in reaching their goals, not because of their coaches.

I've dialed it [racing] back enough that we've gotten to the place where D'Kid will ask: "Dad, have you signed up for any races yet? I want to see you in one"

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

I still seriously doubt you or anyone could take 100 random M30-35 guys in decent health, and get even half of them to sub5 on <5hrs training per week if that's all they did. That has nothing to do with the athlete's unwillingness to suffer, and has everything to do with the unrealisticness of that expectation for the average person.

Now you take D1-D3 collegiate runners or swimmers - I suspect you'd be able to train them for 3-4 hrs a week and get a large majority of them sub5 pretty readily. Obviously that's a hugely different cohort than Mr Joe average.

You sound like I did when I was ages 18-30, and assume that the reason I could run an 18:xx 5k and that Joe Avg over there could only run 24:xx was my awesome training, awesome commitment, awesome effort. Turns out the reality is that sure, I trained hard, but genetics are far and away the reason I go that speed. I could train 2x as much and go slighter faster, or 2x as little and go slightly slower. Similarly, Joe Avg 24:xx runner could train as much as me, possibly get down to 21:xx if lucky, but he's never getting down to 18:xx. That's not training, that's just genetics. People with ability constantly lowball the contribution of genetics to their performance, and hugely overestimate their personal hard work and system, when it's actually reverse. Just look at how many sibilings race at the similar level, even if they're living totally in different countries under different coaches.

I'm curious about the details of said < 5 hours per week plan. I'm late 40s so I've missed the boat on this one ;) but I'ver never heard anybody mention this little training for 70.3

She sent you a clear message.

Let' try that last part this way

"When you're 70, will it matter more to you that you ran a 3 hour marathon and completed RAAM, or that your wife [at the time] asked 'Do you think there will ever be a time when our life doesn't revolve around your crazy workout schedule?'"

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

My boys are 14 and 16 years old right now. The thing that makes me the happiest is that I was able to be their soccer and baseball coach for the past six or seven years and was able to be at almost every practice and game. They also do volleyball and wrestling, and since I have no expertise in those sports, I had to be content with being at almost every game/match.

I hope that this is something that they can do with their kids too.

I am well aware that people have different abilities and not everyone is able to do a 15 min 5 k despite hard and dedicated training. Likewise, hitting a low 4 hrs 70.3 would not be for everyone as it requires a lot of speed.

Sub 5 hrs doesn’t require a lot of speed and is accessible for most everyone. This is my firm belief.

Also, I don’t say it is the best way to do it. But if you, as myself and the OP, are in a position where you have other things in life such as a wife and children that matter more than triathlon or any other sport for that sake, you have to work with what you have. And in such case I stand by that 5 hrs should do it if you do 5 good hrs.

Again, you should become a coach and just coach a stable of dedicated long-time MOPers to sub-5 on <5hrs /wk. You would literally be the most successful AG triathlon coach on the planet.

People believe all sorts of stuff based on what they see as a young man, and then change it drastically once they see a wider variety of athletes and effects of training on them.

I'm actually curious if Slowman himself has changed his views from this old-school post from 2004 that comes up from time to time. (Slowman was a pretty fast runner back in the day, I think he was sub 4:20 mile if I vaguely recall?)

And I'll definitely disagree 100% with the bolded section below about 1 out of every 5 men at age 45 having the capacity to run a 38min 10k. I've always placed in local running races in the top 15%, from ages M20-40+, so I'm probably already above Mr. Joe average genetics for running, and I ran a 10k 2 years ago while maintaining 75mpw for a marathon over 5 months (which is def 99%-maximal training for me.) I went 39:01 on a totally flat, fast course, and I was barely over age 40. There's no way 1 out of 5 males at age 45 can pull that off, even with maximal training.

https://www.slowtwitch.com/...Your_10k_PR_258.html


What do I mean by “run fast.” How fast? I’ll be blunt. I believe just about every reasonably fit male the age of 45 has the theoretical physiological capacity to run his age for a 10k, that is, a 10k in 45 minutes. Subtract 20 seconds for every year under 45, down to the age of 25, and add 20 seconds for every year over 45. Do the math, and you’ll see that according to my formula a 27 year old ought to be able to run a 39 minute 10k, and I mean almost ANY 27 year old. Likewise, the significant majority of 54 year old men ought to be able to run a 48 minute 10k. Women add 4 minutes.

“You’re grossly generalizing,” you might say. Yes, I am. “You have no independent, peer reviewed, published data on which you rely.” No, I don’t. Furthermore, it gets worse. Assuming you have no anatomical problems that keep you from training and running regularly, my contention is that 60 percent of those reading this are able to achieve what I describe above. Twenty percent cannot, that is, you have other things you’re good at. Running is not among your skills. However, that leaves another 20 percent, and you are capable of much, much more than the modest 10k speeds I published above. One out of every five men reading this can run 38 minutes for a 10k at age-45.

Closing in on 40, I hardly consider myself a young man anymore. However, what I’ve seen in my years is that most MOP athletes (in any endurance sport) are (i) overweight, and (ii) not aware of what it means to suffer during training/races.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am happy for everyone who get there asses off the couch and exercise in any form - be it FOP, MOP, BOP or whatever as long as they enjoy it. But if we’re talking performance, most have never been even close to really push their bodies to their maximum during training sessions.

If they did, they would no longer be MOP. Even on a 5 hrs/week training regimen. But since most people are not willing to really push their limits and suffer, it will not happen and no coach in the world will change this.

I attended the weekly track workout for 2 different tri clubs and a running club in CA over 3 years, went to a lot of the workouts. Saw the saw group of folks more or less, weekly. These folks went to their max or nearmax on those workouts. I even asked them how hard they were going, as I 'felt' like I was going much harder than them, but they told me they literally couldnt' go any farther/faster (and if you made them do another rep, they'd die, so they were telling the truth.)

I'd say the vast majority of those AGers trained over 5 hrs per week, and for tri, well above that. And I would say for sure very, very few of them would be able to go sub5 on 5 hrs per week in retrospect, esp since I couldn't come close to sub5 on 5hrs/wk and I was def faster than they were.

I'm sure you'll still disagree with me, so if you really want to prove your point, just list the workouts you would do to have any <M35 AGer go sub5 on 5 hours per week. Shouldn't be hard, as there are only 5 hours to work with!

How to stop it eating your life? Easy. Stop doing it. It's that simple. Unless it's how you pay the bills, it's a hobby. I haven't done a full distance since 2016. We had our daughter that year and there is *no way* I'd ever spent 20+hrs a week training now over being with her and my wife.

Instead, i smash myself on my MTB or road bike for 3hrs max, row on my Concept2, and run 5-10k. No more. I'm happy with my ongoing level of fitness (the rower was my single best ever sports purchase) and I actually have a life that isn't dictated to me by Training Peaks.

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For sure I agree with everyone here that you must not put training in front of your family but it is equally important not to put your own needs too far to the back of the queue.

Middle-age and parenthood is full of responsilbity and obligation and day in, day out, year in, year out sat in the same office doing the same sorts of tasks. Even in high flying jobs you can feel "i've been doing this crap for 20 years now and i'm bored with it", but you've got to go back tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next because you have a mortgage to pay and a family to feed. This endless drugery can make you feel old and so far away from the youth that you once had that it can grind you down towards an unhappy life and arguably not being the best dad/husband/role model.

If you can get some joy from being active and eating well and enjoying the fact that you are 20 Kg lighter than every other 45 year old in your office and that you can run 10 miles without stopping, or do 100 miles on a bike without having to make a big deal about it and get the office to sponsor you like it's an epic voyage then go for it.

A few 1 hour slots out of your week to bang out a bike session, or go for a run at sunrise, or get up early and do 100 laps of the pool while the rest of the world is asleep is a small ask from those in your life that you work to support, taxi around constantly, pick up after and run around after for the rest of the waking week.

Like everything else it's a matter of balance and priorities and about being efficient with your time.

And for those who say they've got a child now so they can't do x or y. Wait until you have 3 kids - you'll look back at having only 1 kid and laugh at how easy it is but how much of a meal you made of it at the time.

(Full-Disclosure: i'm not allowed to do IM any more, my wife told me so!)


(Right, now i'm going to the garage to sit on my trainer for an hour, having already herded 3 kids through breakfast, tidied the kitchen, driven child#2 30 miles to a swim meet and had a work conference call)

It sounds like you know what to do but you don’t like the answer.
I think we understand. We are all driven and give it our best shot.
Think of this as a cramp that will force you to slow down. Once your kids are in school, you will have more time.

This contention about one in 5 men under 38 min at age 45 is just not true. I was 36 min 10 runner and had done a 5 K at 16 min in my late teens. At 45 I was a 44 min 10K guy. My best friend, at that time could do an ironman in 10:30 and a half in 4:50. Same age. The best he could do was 39 min for 10 K at that time. Race times are getting slower but in 10K with 100 people in it around here (Southern Ontario) you could win a 10K outright in 38 min sometimes. At 45 if you train hard enough to run 10k at your potential you will probably get injured.

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They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

Right on the money! I wish I could go sub 5 on 5 hours nut if I did that I’m not sure I would go sub 6.
I’ve been in the sport for a few years and even though I’ve improved the sub 5 has been elusive. I’m giving it a go in 8 weeks at Galveston. I am currently training 13-15 hours a week (~900tss/wk) for it and it’s not all z2. Tower26 for swim which is rough, mid volume TR plague and 35-40 mph running BarryP style with sprinkles of intensity. If you could have me do it in 5 hours a week I would seriously hire you right on the spot and you name your price (reasonably).

Plenty of good posts on emotional intelligence in this thread. I'll leave that side of this alone.

But I think the training challenge here is equally interesting. You seem like an intelligent guy, so reframe the challenge to optimizing your performance out of 8 or 9 hours a week. You should be able to fit that load around your life.

Assuming you were VO2 tested in the low 60s in your early 20s, you should still reasonably be be able to break 3hours off of a base like 20 miles a week, building a bit, and a well-rounded SBR program of like 8 hours total-- even with your durability challenges. If you cant, something is out of balance and you aren't getting the stimuli right. No reason you couldn't go 4:30/4:40 in a HIM off of that type of program, either. That's my N=1 at 8 hours a week, with a lower VO2 max.

You'll just have to use the bike for most of your top end and interval work and be careful not to overdo the running intensity. I cant push my run intervals, or my achilles falls apart. So focus on run durability is key.

If you're training 13hrs/wk with Tower26 swim program, Trainerroad midvol plan (hard!), and 35-40mpw run, I'd say sub 5 is definitely coming your way sooner rather than later - that's some legit training!

I hope so. Cramps are my kryptonite.

Chipping in with a view about the claim that 1 in 5 men aged 45 have potential to run sub38 for 10km.

Sounds right.

Im one - 37.55 at last race, which was a PB

I'm nothing special and never win races or even m45+ prize. So it seems likely to me that there are plenty of other 45 year old men out there who could run 38 mins if they focused and trained.

I had been running races for 25+ years, but got a new lease of life from the combination of Strava and a new Garmin watch with pace & km splits. Run 5 or 6 times per week for 60-80 km at an average pace of 4.30 per km

My training buddy is 49 and can run sub 35. He does win the M40+ prize quite often and is looking forward to turning 50 so he can dominate the dojo.

Dont know if that is the best approach....and again this is for HIM only!

I tell her that I will be MIA for 3 months. 3 Months of training, not a lot of alcohol and very few social things.

After this base I do my A race and kind of let go of all the crazy schedule and try to keep fit for the remaining of the Season! So by the time I start again it has been 9 months since the last time and I have to say she kind of enjoy a break from me.

No kids so that makes everything a bit simpler.

But if Tri is starting to make my married harder I easily would drop it! Life is way more important that Kona or anything like that.

That's my opinion.

Dude, chill with the generalizations. I spent my teens, 20’s and 30’s studying and working while you were running or swimming or whatever. It’s easy to say “work smarter” when you have the talent for it. There are a lot of thing that you would have to work much harder than me at because of talent difference. I don’t know you so this is no know knock on you but I’m pretty sure somethings come much more naturally to me than you.

"Do you think there will ever be a time when our life doesn't revolve around your crazy workout schedule?

She is saying is there a time when you will think I will be more value and more relevant then your workout schedule.

also note

she said crazy!!!! ( she thinks you are not acting in a normal behaviour pattern anymore. )

workout schedule ( workout, not training) WHY, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO THE OLYMPICS and she is aware of this.

Training is towards a single goal with a positive outcome working out is just a consumption of time to avoid others or real issues that are being overlooked ( addiction). Just like in other additive situations.

e.g. someone training properly has down periods and up periods where family and friends and other hobbies fill up time in the down periods.

working out is like hitting the tree with the wrong end of the axe. They watch you swing for 4 hours on the bike and then listen to you complain about how hard it was even though all that effort didn't yield a results great enough for the time and effort. ( but you do it again anyways)
Therefore if x is > y. X being time and effort and Y being results they see it's about being mentally away from them not in pursuit of a goal.

I don't know you but hope you make a honest choice towards your happiness and hers but the writing is on the wall now.

SHE HAS HAD ENOUGH!!! she is telling your time,effort, lack of focus to the family unit vs results is not aligned and although you say it's when the kids are sleeps etc. She knows your free time goes to you and workouts not her..... Rather be punched with the truth then kissed with a lie.


AS I coach/ ex-pro of endurance athletes. I see this a lot. Both is cycling, running and tri. It's hard too be good at everything and chase three or four chickens at once. Also remember by Wednesday no one carries how your race when on the weekend. But your family and friends will care about what you are up to next weekend and if you want to come over. They also don't care about your personal best FTP when you had 10 lbs of extra winter wt on.

Side note if you get a sub 3 hr marathon you will just go for a sub 2:50 marathon same life different goal. Likely you will get worse even in pursuit of this goal being more difficult.

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Technique will always last longer then energy production. Improve biomechanics, improve performance.
http://Www.anthonytoth.ca, triathletetoth@twitter

Love the metaphors:

Hitting a tree with the wrong end of the ax

Better punched with the truth, than kissed with a lie

Chasing three chickens at once

:)

Man.....that's pretty harsh!

Nevertheless true! I`m as well scared of this possible situation some times. Triathlon is an awesome sport, that keep us in shape and in good health...but it is still a hobby!!!!!

We always have to remember that! Running a 3h20 Marathon is wayyyyy cheaper than pay alimony! Lol

If you are reading all the posts on this....too late.

Hello,

I decided this year to have all my week training during the morning before going to work. I ask her 2 hours in morning on saturday and 3 hours on Sunday.

Now, my wife can propose me any activities during the week and i'm free. Also, if I miss a workout, it's totally because of me.

Martin

What a ridiculous comment.
Time spent training is NOT the primary indicator of performance but low volume will make it far harder to achieve faster times for most people. Actual achievable time depends mostly on background, natural ability, recent training volume, training quality, and specific race route and conditions. Any one of those will have a major impact.
I would hazard a guess that there are very few people who can complete a correct distance 70.3 race in <5 hours on 5 hours good training a week unless they're pretty talented and/or had previously been capable of that before dropping volume.

Wintershade, I highly recommend reading Conrad Goeringer's book, The Working Triathlete. It's on Amazon and it's amazing. It could save your marriage!

If I did not get my workouts in i would be miserable, if I where miserable that would have a negative affect on my marriage. I did recently change my work structure to reduce the hours I was working and reduce work stress thus allowing me to workout more.

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2024: Bevoman, Galveston, Alcatraz, Marble Falls, Santa Cruz

Lucky you

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

That, potentially, is a very convenient rationale to facilitate self indulgence.

If I did not get my workouts in i would be misserable, if I where misserable that would have a negative affect on my marriage.
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Sure, and if you have an excellent spouse, they'd recognize this and encourage it. However, this is not an unlimited quantity. There's a balance between getting in some workouts to maintain your sanity and being gone so long that you cannot maintain your marriage.

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Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/

I agree with this 100%. Always like everything has to be a balance. My wife likes her alone time as well; so her getting to wake up late on a Saturday drink coffee with just her and the dogs while I train till 2pm works in our life well. Before triathlon I would be gone surfing all day long so in our little relationship bubble it works.

If my wife woke one morning and said what the OP wife said; man I dont what I would do..... I would feel similar I imagine.

One thing is I try when I can to incorporate my wife into my workout life, if I have a 10 mile run a lot of time I will do it in the gym and get her to come to the gym as well to workout we set a time limit as to how long we will be at the gym and it helps motivate us both.

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2024: Bevoman, Galveston, Alcatraz, Marble Falls, Santa Cruz

Common I cant be the only one here that if I dont get my workouts in I am super cranky. My wife basically says I am like a dog that's hyper active. I am more effective in my daily life if I am excising. I cant be the only one.

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2024: Bevoman, Galveston, Alcatraz, Marble Falls, Santa Cruz

I said potentially. Wasn't saying it's bit true.
At the same time, I reckon it's a short term effect of missed training. If you become used to less training, I think you won't suffer withdrawal. So I don't think it's a legit reason you must keep training at high volumes.

I don't want to put words in someone else's mouth but I read it as working out, not training for an Ironman. I could be wrong though. I get cranky and my wife does push me to workout sometimes too. But there is a massive difference between doing a swim/bike/run for an hour a day and training for an Ironman.

I want to do another Ironman this year but I am trying to figure out how I am going to be able to get enough time to train 18-20 hours while still being a good husband and father. Now if it was just me and my wife things would be a lot easier but having my daughter makes this more difficult and I also seem to have a little less motivation to go out on a 5-6 hour bike ride. Everyone has their priorities but when training takes priority over being a good husband/father that is when something isn't right.

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Twitter - Instagram

It usually takes me a couple days of missed training before Endorphin Withdrawal sets in, and I start acting like a dick

Then, she'll basically order me to run or ride or do something to "take my meds"

YMMV

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

I will respectfully disagree. I tend to find I need a bare min of 8-10 hours a week in my life to feel "normal".... at 12-14 I feel that optimal... weeks of 17-22 hours.

To the OP I like the idea of maybe backing off all 3 sports. If you had to be time effective the choice has to be running. You can spend 5-6 hours a week running and get great run fitness. while spending another 1 hour a week swimming. Fit biking in if there is extra time.

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2024: Bevoman, Galveston, Alcatraz, Marble Falls, Santa Cruz

When's the last time you have NOT trained for a prolonged period?

Who on this forum really doesn't? I would be very surprised to find that more than a vast minority don't do something physical almost, if not, every day. Even when I'm not "training" I'm on the bike for 60 minutes on the trainer or running 4 or 5 miles in the morning to start my day. Not doing something at least daily sounds like hell.

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@floathammerholdon | @partners_in_tri

Uh-oh

Sounds like another addiction thread might be popping up soon

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

No it would be tough IF your wife tells you she wants a divorce....like mine did
No it would be tough when you've spent over $50,000 on legal fees with no end in sight
No it would be tough when you only get to see your kid(s) 50% of the time
No it would be tough spending thousands of dollars on psychologists for the kid(s) because they are so messed up from the divorce
No it would be tough if you're forced to sell your house
No it would be tough if you have to tell your kid(s) you have to sell the house they grew up in
No it would be tough when you're sitting in your empty house by yourself eating chips and drinking beers because you've lost ALL motivation to train
No it would be tough when you gain 20 pounds

Decide what's really important in your life. After five Ironman finishes (MOP), I have decided what's important in my life and its not finishing another Ironman [or Ultraman or RAAM etc].........its my kids

I wish I had known better................

This needs to be stickied.

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@floathammerholdon | @partners_in_tri

Might I suggest that you subtly encourage your wife to have an affair. That way she'll be keen to have you out of the house often and for long periods with the bonus that when you are there you won't be expected to do that affection stuff that eats into your recovery.

This is actually one of the reasons I have a coach. My coach helps me keep a balance between training and meeting my goals while also staying uninjured and actually having a life outside of training. Granted I'm MOP, but no way would I be happy consistently training 12-14 hours a week.

Lots of good life advice here, and my wife and I have had some good conversations about how I can integrate training into our lives better and make it clear that she and our son are the priority, rather than Ironman. I think what's clear coming out of that is the time I'll have available for training over the next couple years would allow to be competitive at the Olympic and MAYBE HIM distance, but not full IM. And that's okay.

What I guess I'm looking for is how to get excited about these shorter distances. I can't be alone in building up Ironman (and Ultraman, RAAM, etc.) to be the holy grail in endurance sports. Somehow going further and further and further always seemed to interest me more than going faster..... like there's more glory or something.

So I ask, for those who have had to modify their primary race distance to Oly or 70.3 down from IM, how do you get pumped about the challenge. I really like what MadTownTRI suggests: "reframing the challenge" to optimize my performance based on the time I have available, rather than trying to figure out how far I can go on a self-centered, unlimited volume approach.

I get pumped up about going faster.

Training with constraints still allows for improvements in triathlon performance.

Also, I tend to have off season goals and shift my hours accordingly. Last year I did an open marathon and raced the full BWR within 6 weeks of each other. I have my 10 - 12 hrs per week on average and had to be creative and use some days off to go from marathon to BWR. During these blocks the other sports go into maintenance mode or fall off completely.

I do what makes me happy and competitive.

This year I am trying to get my running mileage up through to Boston and then will try and take that fitness into Tri season.

The point is Oly is pretty much the same training volume as HIM and you require more intensity to be competitive. What’s there not to get pumped up about?

Be pumped up just to do the workouts. Some new parents needing that fix get shut out and that's a problem. As for your challenge, it depends. Do you race for the endurance activity fix or do you need the competition fix?

If for the activity fix, enter local races. They're easy for family travel, relatively less expensive, you meet people you see that generally live nearby, and it's a family bonding experience.

If you need the competition fix, then go to races where you will get the competition level you look for. Could be local, regional, or Nationals. Go to "event" races for the top competition and the cool experiences. Combine the destination races of competition with things for your wife and kid(s) such as fun parks, National Parks, motor car race events, restaurants, etc. Tie races into combination events. Something great for everyone. In 10, 20, 30 years when you look back on life, no one will talk about all the money you spent on a new car, new bike, new nursery, etc. but you will talk about the great trips and stories about the events during those trips. And that's family bonding with creating life long memories. With your background, you could probably do top tier AG racing with 7-10 hour/week of training for Oly and HM. USAT Nationals are spectacular events. There other great, competitive events to choose from too.

Recognize as your kids grow, your wife and you'll serve as primary role models for them. If you swim, bike, run, compete, and have fun; then your kids probably will want to do the same. They watch you compete. Later you'll watch them compete. Maybe same sports. Maybe different sports. If you sit on the couch, do e-games, drive race cars (again), or veg out; then expect them to do some modeling around what they see as acceptable behavior. I saw this first hand when living in Phoenix. At my oldest daughter's 5th grade graduation, the kids gave a quote of what they wanted to be when growing up. About a one-third of the class said they "... wanted to grow up and be a professional ________ (baseball/basketball/soccer/football player) like my dad". No kidding. Another 1/3 wanted to be marine biologists, and the other 1/3 chose more mundane things. (If interested, my daughter wanted to grow up and be a mom. I wasn't much of a role model for her. But she did swim, bike, run, and compete in other sports).

Finally, looking down the road in10-20 years you will have a strong base to step up for competitive IM's. Probably not as fast as you could now but with much less stress and spousal pressure. And that alone should be enough for you to get pumped up now for shorter races and near-term pay-offs while building base and a kid-parent relationship for going long on a future payouts.

https://www.palmtreesahead.com/
https://www.palmtreesahead.com/tactics2faster-new

The day you complete an Olympic triathlon or sprint and your individual splits are close to your open PR's the those disciplines you'll feel like, Whoah - I've arrived!

In 2007 I was your friendly neighborhood fast 5k guy getting into triathlon. I was so cocky about my run everyone down skill and ran a 19:07? on the 5k leg of the Newport Beach triathlon. Don't get me wrong I'm sure the course is not a true 5k.

In 2012 after 5 years of getting seriously faster swimming and biking, I completed in the same race after a 5 year break laying it all out on the swim and the run and...... ran a 19:04, that was my triathlon - I've arrived moment.

The thrill you'll get competing at the front of the race (I believe that's where you'll be very quickly) may be like nothing you've experienced in longer distances. If you end up leading the race its almost kind of scary like "uh oh - this is all on me"

It's quite a rush.

Reading that gave me chills. Now THAT sounds fun. Okay, so now I think I know what to strive for until the kids are too cool to hang out with me 15 years from now.

Okay, off to go crush my local 10K this morning, see if I can at least win my AG.... this will be fun.

I got caught up in this with running. Going to 50K, 12 hour, 100K, and 24 hour stuff. I've even won a 24 hour, and a 50K. The interesting part is that the "more glory" is BS. There's fewer folks in them, and sometimes award ceremonies are hours away and attended by a handful of stragglers. And all you want, is to go home and go to bed. The crowds are small. You often spend hours running alone, and the finish, even for the winners, is often just the RD and a couple volunteers, and if your lucky, a family member who's bored to freaking tears. The courses are so different, that there's really no PR's or bragging, like there is in short fast stuff. And non runners of course don't care, and don't know the difference between a 5K marathon and a 24 hour marathon... it's all stupid to them. But most of all, I know how to slog along for hours and hours and hours at a time, walk when I no longer feel like slogging, and then slog some more every now and then. and I don't have to prove that I can anymore. Even with some small successes, I got nothing out of it, like I do winning my age group at a local short tri, or 5K, surrounded by friends and "rivals". I've even won two small local sprint tris, and comparatively, I can vouch that the thrill is out of this world! It's kind if interesting now, because I still follow friends that are still doing those long ass events. Spending entire weekends training, and then slogging more weekends away racing. Nothing against them, but I look back at my time doing it, and think what a waste.

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Athlinks / Strava

As someone who had the opportunities to focus on long course tri from my mid 20s to my mid 40s and am about to turn 60, I can testify that what I really miss now is being able to run as fast as I could when I was young. My 5K pace is now slower than my PR marathon pace and I have trained consistently for the past 40 years. So enjoy the 10Ks and short course tris now!

I certainly understand the thought that going long is the holy grail. I decided that for my 60th birthday I was going to train for a 50 mile trail run in the Alps. I've never run longer than a 50K and that was 30+ years ago on flat roads. Although I'm very excited about that challenge coming up in three months, you know what I end up thinking about on a lot of my runs? How I can't wait to return to training where I don't have to focus so much on the mileage and can try to feel fast again.

Don't train for UberMan...

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Washed up footy player turned Triathlete.

In a similar situation as all the Dads on here. Worked 2 Ironmans in when she was pregnant then him 3 months, now just half Ironmans so I can have more family time. Not sure how old your baby is but I've found running with a jogging stroller to be a win win. My wife can study, and I'm watching him for 30min to an hour a day. Done up to 2 hours and he just falls asleep. Only time my son gets fussy is windy days, but I got a wind blocker and that seems to be working. Running 25-30 miles a week with the stroller for the last couple months.

Yes I always joke with people 70.3 is "The working man's ironman"

And yes I know people who work full, time, have a family, and still do 1-2 fulls per year and are still peppy and alert at work. I don't think everyone has that capacity tho.

This is why I still primarily do shorter racing. I've led coming off the bike in multiple sprint/oly races. The feeling of overtaking the front person on the bike and pushing the pace to increase the gap is such a rush. Having the only thing in front is the lead motorcycle is such a great feeling, but you better hope you put enough of a gap in so you can hold off #2 on the run.

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@floathammerholdon | @partners_in_tri