Hey, really not nice to call people "fatties." Respect people - whether they are thin, overweight, short, tall, beautiful, ugly.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

My two daughters have gone to a pre-school that, until we moved, was 200yds from my house. One of the girls is still there (kindergarten). The owner, now retired, passed the school to her daughter (probably around my age). Her daughter also runs the place, and is married to a guy who might be older than her mother, and is likely older than me (and much slower, as I used to see him running around the neighborhood). We're talking mid-20s and mid-50s. She's a real looker; him, not so much. Their son is in their school. Everyone seems to be happy.

So, there are those out there, near your age, to whom the attention of a 50 year old is cool. You should ask yourself why you think it's not cool. There can be advantages to each in such a relationship, as should be obvious to you.

(I was 38 when I got married, and my bride was 30. Luckily, I look much younger than I am, because she said she was surprised when she found out my age)

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"Go yell at an M&M"

But it's the behavior that is creepy, not the age, right? Had he been, say, 30, would it have been equally weird?

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"Go yell at an M&M"

The age, in my case, was very creepy. Especially since the messages started with "I know I'm much older than you..." and things of that nature. There are very few, if any, relationships with 20+ years age difference that make any sense, in my opinion. I believe you said you have 8 years of difference between yourself and your wife? And you were married in your 30's? That's a hell of a lot different than someone in their 20's (myself and tc) and someone in their 50's+.

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______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

It is my experience that we men are guilty until proven innocent with pretty much everything these days.I'm not trying to start any arguments here but just stating a sad fact.

.

I am not trying to argue with anyone either but:

the guy who hit on me yesterday is guilty of nothing except... hitting on me. I did not say he's stalking me or has bad intentions. But I am going to be quite cautions about the POSSIBILITY of that because better safe than sorry.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

See what cuds said about there being a big different between 20 and 51 and the 8 yrs between you and your wife.

I dated a 25 year old from last Oct to this August and even THAT age difference was too much for me to handle sometimes.

To answer your question about if he were 30 would I feel differently - no, the WORDING of it felt creepy too "I thought I'd come see you..." and the mumbling about other friends.

The way an interested college guy would say it: "I'm coming to watch (better yet,volunteer) at the triathlon on Sunday. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out after."

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

shouldn't you be 'better safe than sorry' regardless of the age of the person who hits on you? A good friend of mine had a really bad experience (I won't go into detail, but it was bad) years ago when she was in her early 20s and you can bet it was not a 'creepy old guy' but it was a guy around her age she had met recently, who looked definitely 'not creepy' but in the end definitely was. I am not sure where this "it's creepy old men that you need to watch out for" thing started, when if you actually look at the statistics I am not so sure it would pan out.

yes, that's easier though... first couple dates you go out with a group of people, or to a public place, tell friends where you're going...

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

without going too much into detail, this was at a second date, at a party, with a lot of people around. Also age doesn't make somebody 'creepy', people that have bad stuff on their mind come in all ages, shapes and forms. The 'creepy' test should be more along the lines of 'if person x did this, would it still be creepy? what about person y?' if it is really a creepy thing odds are it would be creepy no matter who did it (see the other thread with the parking lot creep, which would be scary at any age) the whole 'he/she is old/young/unattractive therefore any attention they give me is creepy' is different from 'he/she is making me feel unsafe' or at least it should be.

Nicely said. I like the "would it be creepy if someone else did it" question.

I am learning a lot from this incident.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

and note that it works the other way around too, some women end up in dangerous situations because they are so taken with a guy that they will not question what's going on, when the red flags are waving all over the place. Definitely try to be careful, but also don't give in to paranoia: bad things can happen to anybody, and no matter what you do the risk will never be zero, but you can go a long way towards minimizing it and still living a happy life. I find it surprising how for example a lot of women will not run in a park alone (even during the day) but they don't bat an eye running on a very crowded road's bike path/sidewalk, where the odds of them being run over are a lot higher than the odds of somebody assaulting them...

That's a good test, but sometimes we pick up on things and don't realize it and then when we apply that test we don't realize exactly what it was that made it 'creepy'. This guy is probably harmless, but still keep your intuition in mind.

creepy, decidedly. Old guys who come across like shy teenagers are not normal I think. By 50 his technique should have improved..
mine hasn't, but then I've been married so long I've mercifully forgotten the impervious horrors of courtship.

chances are he's harmless but it's worth taking the usual precautions.
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The right to go out

"I had this older guy......kept sending me messages.......it was totally weird "

There you go again huh Cuds. Putting me down again.:-)

Some guys in their 40's and 50's have no idea how to approach women these days especially if they have come out long term relationships.The rules of the game have changed so much in the last 20 years that it is pretty frightening to be a decent guy who single these days,mainly because it is tough to convince women that you are a decent guy.

.

I raced - I won - creepy guy never showed up. RR on the main forum.

HAPPY!!!!! for lots of reasons.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

>>Wow, I'm not getting a nice feeling from your post either. Are you saying you think it's okay for a 50 year old to be interested in a 21 year old? cuz from the 21 year old perspective, ummm it's not cool at ALL. <<

Not all 21 yo people feel the same as you. Not that most 50 yo and 21 yo would have that much in common, but some might and if so, it's their business.

Not everyone is out to get you, believe it or not.

clm

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

I don't have a belief that "Everyone is out to get me" at all... I don't know how you got THAT impression. Most people are actually quite nice. Key word... most.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD