A - trust that creepy feeling. Your instinct is always right when something tells you that something is just not right. I'd be careful for a while (and I would skip that tri, if it's not big a deal to you) and make sure you don't walk alone at night etc. Maybe even change your gym routine up so as not to see him there. Always trust your gut!

Rach

if I do the race there will be plenty of other people around... would get my brother to come, for one.

Good idea on changing the gym routine, not walking alone at night. *shudder*

Hope you're recovering well from Kona. Do we get a RR?!

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Argh. WTF is up with these weirdos?

I second the advice from runlikeamother:

Be safe and don't do the tri. Keep your eyes peeled for him when you are out and about and shake up your routine. There was a good thread on here a couple weeks ago on stalking. If you haven't read it you should. Just gives you warning signs and advice.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

I second what everyone said. I had a guy 'stalk' me at a couple local tris about 4 years ago. He wasn't a triathlete but would show up. After I skipped a tri he stopped showing up.

Point out to a couple people/friends who he is right away.

Vary your routine some and be careful (tell others where you are going and when you'll be back if you are going alone).

It's not unusual for people to know you do triathlons even if you only run at the gym, but if you get a bad feeling about someone don't ignore it.

Probably harmless, but follow your intuition.

Add my vote to all of the above with an exception - if you want to race, race. But have people you know and trust around any time you aren't on the course and make sure you describe the person to them if at all possible.

I would have been majorly creeped out as well.

And not to hijack or distract, but are those of us that don't dare run in just sports bras and shorts allowed to be angry at those of you that can?? I would frighten people (Godzilla! Godzilla! Ahhhhhh!....as they all run in fear with hands on face) and not be allowed back at the gym...but it would make parking easier and be entertaining....again, sorry to interrupt. I'm going to do a core workout now.....

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AW

Maybe he's been at another tri in your area and recognized you - if you do enough races you start recognizing some people over and over.

What stands out to me and kind of sets off some alarm bells is that he mentioned he was going to watch the race just to see you. If it was just case of a guy recognizing you and stopping to say "hi", he would have said something like "I'm planning on watching that race because I know some people competing. Maybe I'll see you there". Instead he said he was only thinking of going if you're there, which is creepy.

The gym you work out at - is it a college gym, or is it a separate health club (like a Gold's Gym, Bally's, etc.)? You mentioned that this happened while walking from class to the pool - so this incident occur on the college campus? I ask these two questions because I'm assuming your school has some sort of security staff/dept (or if it's a large school, even it's own police dept). It might not be a bad idea to mention or report this to them. They might be able to have someone keep an eye out at the gym, pool, dorm, or other places you frequent. If your dorm has a "R.A." (or whatever it's called there), it may be a good idea to mention this to him/her. The worst that could happen is that they confront the guy, and it turns out he's harmless and gets his feelings hurt.

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_________________________________

Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

Trust. Your. Instincts.

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Come crawling faster

I kind of think everyone saying "don't race" is overreacting... particularly if I have a couple people there aware of it... would SUCK to miss this race, it's my school's... I want to race in MY POOL. And I should do very, very well.

I want to race :-(

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

TriStrut, good points.

To answer your questions:

University fitness center
Yes, talked to him on campus - in our student union. Made me late for swimming, was not happy about this, LOL.

The creepy part to me really is... how the heck does he know I do triathlons? I don't think HE'S a triathlete (or else he'd be racing, right?) and if you were a triathlete then maybe you could pick someone out as one (I've definitely got the runner legs, and broad swimmer's back...I look the part :-) but it's just weird. I am trying to remember if I ever talked to him at the gym, people will occasionally see me and ask "when's the marathon" or something like that (run for an hour and the world thinks you're marathon training....)

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

TC please be careful and trust that creepy feeling. Go with your brother and have fun! Stay away from the creep!!

chances are he noticed you and asked someone about you and they said you were a triathlete. If he were hotter and younger you'd be flattered, and possibly interested. His actions aren't necessarily creepy except that he's more than 2x your age (at least you think). I find that creepy and I bet most women do. However, there are some guys who that's normal for, and some women your age who wouldn't have a problem dating a guy 2x as old as them. I train with a guy who is dating a 20 year old and he's 46. He's a completely harmless guy. Chances are this guy is harmless and would quickly realize you aren't the type of girl he wants to date and he'll leave you alone, but you should take precautions and make people in the real world (ie, your friends) aware of who he is.

Race, but be careful, and if he starts coming to other races you do, then consider skipping one or two to break his habit.

yeah, I wouldn't find it creepy if it were someone my own age. I'd be flattered...

I think my intuition right now is saying, race, tell Ian (my brother) about the guy, point him out if he shows up... that is what I would need to feel safe.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

After sitting on it - I agree - good point on the age thing. Race, just make sure your brother/friends are aware. Good luck, kick some butt!

I agree with what most everyone else said. My EDO counselor told me that she used to teach self defense classes to women...and that 9 out of the 10 women who came to the class after being assaulted had had that "creepy" feeling and not heeded it.

BTW...you do realize, I hope, that you give out an awful lot of personal information on Slowtwitch. The first thing I would do if I had run-ins with someone who seemed to know a fair bit about me would be to reassess my online prescence.

Then race, my friend. Race your heart out and do well. Get your brother there, tell him about the situation, give him a brief description of the guy then put it out of your mind and race your best race. Sport is the thing we do to get away from the world, the thing we do for our release and our fun. Don't let someone ruin that for you because as someone else said - it's clear you're an athlete, maybe he asked someone about you (which should still be a compliment even if he's older, it's not like he said "you're a triathlete and I want to do you now...") or maybe he's seen you around on your bike or outside of the gym with some race stuff on, or unintentionally overheard you speaking with someone else. I'm just throwing out random scenarios because all of these things have happened to me - I've seen someone on a bike and recognized them from the gym and said hi (I didn't know them and still don't), I've seen someone at the grocery store with a shirt on from a race I did and made a comment and I've asked people about others at the gym that I've seen before. Having a creepy feeling means your antennae are working and you're looking out for yourself - but it doesn't necessarily mean the guy's a creep. His comment was a bit off - but again playing devil's advocate - some people have really stupid social skills and say stupid stuff. Ever been nervous talking to someone you're interested in?

I date a cop and I tend to either be overly paranoid about people because of him or be waaaaay too trusting of them because of my own upbringing. But I also have a photographic memory, so I remember faces and names eerily well (sometimes), so I can really creep people out sometimes when I recognize them from X or Y....and there are times I don't make much sense blabbering (case in point...). So....do what you want to do, but be smart about it, and enjoy it.

Again, playing devil's advocate...but always be true to yourself. Just pay attention to the rest of the world. Got it?

Alli

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AW

I definitely agree with trusting your instincts. I think sometimes as women we don't do that enough. I don't think skipping the race will make a difference since he obviously sees you at the gym. I do think approaching you like that is really strange. An older man with any sense would know that was not the way to 'get to know you'. If some guy my husband's age did that to my college age daughter, I would be at that race and I would let the man know his actions were inappropriate. IF he is a weirdo maybe someone, your brother or a friend, could go up to him and tell him that his 'attention' is inappropriate; then he will know that other people are aware of him and his actions. That could serve as a deterent if he had any 'creepy' ideas.

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Nor do I use punctuation in the way a child sprinkles glitter over a ribbon of glue on construction paper - Trash Talk

I would have been creeped out too!

On a side note...We did a sports clinic with my business last week called "Women's Self defense" It was only an hour and it was soooo helpful. We had one instructor who taught us some handy tips on what to do if someone comes at you while you are running, biking or just walking to your car. I know it doesn't make me a black belt but I would suggest anyone get a couple of friends together and go to your local Tae Kwon Do or karate place and see if they will give you an hour. I know we don't have much time but it is so valuable- we also even opened it up to mom's and daughters. Just a thought!

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COtrimom

First- I say you should race. If theres gonna be hundreds of people at this race, what could he possibly do? Creepy old guy wont get too far with that many witnesses.
Second- you run in a sports bra at the school gym? thats awesome, our gym (UConn) had manditory sleeves- no tank tops, wife beaters- you needed at least teeshirt sleeves- unless you were at the climbing wall or playing skins in pickup basketball. I hate shirts when i work out, and I def wouldnt have minded some of the girls around to be rocking sports bras (and because I was their age, as you said, it cant be considered creepy)

As a 50 year old man, I might refer to what this guy has done as "doing his homework". Back in the day, if we were interested in someone of the opposite sex, we'd find out whatever we could about the person so that we knew what we were getting into and to demonstrate, at the appropriate time, said interest to that person. So he sees you at the gym, is interested, asks around (maybe), keeps an eye out for you to figure out who/what you are, then sucks it up and strikes up a conversation (at great personal risk, if the responses on this thread are any indication!).

Think of it this way: how many initial interactions like this one end in relationships or nothing, and how many end up as stalker incidents? I'm guessing something around 100,000 : 1. It's your choice whether to respond with paranoia (some will call it caution) or feeling flattered. If it's the age difference, ask yourself what the problem is with that. There are those older guys who give up nothing to twenty-somethings, and indeed pass 'em in some pretty important areas :-)

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"Go yell at an M&M"

pfft. college tri at 9am on a Sunday morning, the people there will be (1) athletes, of which there will not be tons, and (2) whoever I drag out of bed to cheer for me.

On running in a sports bra at the gym:
if I go early in the morning I can get away with it. Because there is no one else there. Technically I think there is a shirt rule... which is dumb because you can wear a string bikini in the pool and that is perfectly acceptable but a sports bra that covers a whole lot more, no dice.

HATE the feeling of a sweaty shirt clinging to me. Hate hate hate.

---

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Wow, I'm not getting a nice feeling from your post either. Are you saying you think it's okay for a 50 year old to be interested in a 21 year old? cuz from the 21 year old perspective, ummm it's not cool at ALL.

If college boys want to hit on me, fine, they're my age, dating's fun and so is just plain flirting. As long as they don't try and talk to me during a swim workout and make me miss an interval. Training is far more important than boys.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

I'm thinkin that aside from the sanitary aspect of making people wear teeshirts in the gym, they may also let it slide cause... well. you're in shape. If they let it go when the gym was packed with all the fatties who go to the gym to socialize while walking 2mph, then the fatties would think they can pull off the sports bra thing too... Our gym was not so friendly towards real athletes, and enforced their rule pretty effectively.
On the note of older guys hitting on young girls- hell, im 23 and I feel creepy/dirty even looking at a girl in high school (even tho the train i take is flooded with all the private school girlies). and they're just a few years younger than me. A 30 yr gap, not only could this 50yo guy be your dad, he could have had like 10 children before you!
and just to stir up commotion- as wrong as I think that is, I wouldnt mind a cougar hitting on me...

I'm with you on the old man creepy thing. I had this older guy (definitely past mid-50's) that kept sending me messages on the online dating thing and it was totally weird and made me feel really uncomfortable.

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______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Hey, really not nice to call people "fatties." Respect people - whether they are thin, overweight, short, tall, beautiful, ugly.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

My two daughters have gone to a pre-school that, until we moved, was 200yds from my house. One of the girls is still there (kindergarten). The owner, now retired, passed the school to her daughter (probably around my age). Her daughter also runs the place, and is married to a guy who might be older than her mother, and is likely older than me (and much slower, as I used to see him running around the neighborhood). We're talking mid-20s and mid-50s. She's a real looker; him, not so much. Their son is in their school. Everyone seems to be happy.

So, there are those out there, near your age, to whom the attention of a 50 year old is cool. You should ask yourself why you think it's not cool. There can be advantages to each in such a relationship, as should be obvious to you.

(I was 38 when I got married, and my bride was 30. Luckily, I look much younger than I am, because she said she was surprised when she found out my age)

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"Go yell at an M&M"

But it's the behavior that is creepy, not the age, right? Had he been, say, 30, would it have been equally weird?

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"Go yell at an M&M"

The age, in my case, was very creepy. Especially since the messages started with "I know I'm much older than you..." and things of that nature. There are very few, if any, relationships with 20+ years age difference that make any sense, in my opinion. I believe you said you have 8 years of difference between yourself and your wife? And you were married in your 30's? That's a hell of a lot different than someone in their 20's (myself and tc) and someone in their 50's+.

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______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

It is my experience that we men are guilty until proven innocent with pretty much everything these days.I'm not trying to start any arguments here but just stating a sad fact.

.

I am not trying to argue with anyone either but:

the guy who hit on me yesterday is guilty of nothing except... hitting on me. I did not say he's stalking me or has bad intentions. But I am going to be quite cautions about the POSSIBILITY of that because better safe than sorry.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

See what cuds said about there being a big different between 20 and 51 and the 8 yrs between you and your wife.

I dated a 25 year old from last Oct to this August and even THAT age difference was too much for me to handle sometimes.

To answer your question about if he were 30 would I feel differently - no, the WORDING of it felt creepy too "I thought I'd come see you..." and the mumbling about other friends.

The way an interested college guy would say it: "I'm coming to watch (better yet,volunteer) at the triathlon on Sunday. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out after."

---

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

shouldn't you be 'better safe than sorry' regardless of the age of the person who hits on you? A good friend of mine had a really bad experience (I won't go into detail, but it was bad) years ago when she was in her early 20s and you can bet it was not a 'creepy old guy' but it was a guy around her age she had met recently, who looked definitely 'not creepy' but in the end definitely was. I am not sure where this "it's creepy old men that you need to watch out for" thing started, when if you actually look at the statistics I am not so sure it would pan out.

yes, that's easier though... first couple dates you go out with a group of people, or to a public place, tell friends where you're going...

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

without going too much into detail, this was at a second date, at a party, with a lot of people around. Also age doesn't make somebody 'creepy', people that have bad stuff on their mind come in all ages, shapes and forms. The 'creepy' test should be more along the lines of 'if person x did this, would it still be creepy? what about person y?' if it is really a creepy thing odds are it would be creepy no matter who did it (see the other thread with the parking lot creep, which would be scary at any age) the whole 'he/she is old/young/unattractive therefore any attention they give me is creepy' is different from 'he/she is making me feel unsafe' or at least it should be.

Nicely said. I like the "would it be creepy if someone else did it" question.

I am learning a lot from this incident.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

and note that it works the other way around too, some women end up in dangerous situations because they are so taken with a guy that they will not question what's going on, when the red flags are waving all over the place. Definitely try to be careful, but also don't give in to paranoia: bad things can happen to anybody, and no matter what you do the risk will never be zero, but you can go a long way towards minimizing it and still living a happy life. I find it surprising how for example a lot of women will not run in a park alone (even during the day) but they don't bat an eye running on a very crowded road's bike path/sidewalk, where the odds of them being run over are a lot higher than the odds of somebody assaulting them...

That's a good test, but sometimes we pick up on things and don't realize it and then when we apply that test we don't realize exactly what it was that made it 'creepy'. This guy is probably harmless, but still keep your intuition in mind.

creepy, decidedly. Old guys who come across like shy teenagers are not normal I think. By 50 his technique should have improved..
mine hasn't, but then I've been married so long I've mercifully forgotten the impervious horrors of courtship.

chances are he's harmless but it's worth taking the usual precautions.
--
The right to go out

"I had this older guy......kept sending me messages.......it was totally weird "

There you go again huh Cuds. Putting me down again.:-)

Some guys in their 40's and 50's have no idea how to approach women these days especially if they have come out long term relationships.The rules of the game have changed so much in the last 20 years that it is pretty frightening to be a decent guy who single these days,mainly because it is tough to convince women that you are a decent guy.

.

I raced - I won - creepy guy never showed up. RR on the main forum.

HAPPY!!!!! for lots of reasons.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

>>Wow, I'm not getting a nice feeling from your post either. Are you saying you think it's okay for a 50 year old to be interested in a 21 year old? cuz from the 21 year old perspective, ummm it's not cool at ALL. <<

Not all 21 yo people feel the same as you. Not that most 50 yo and 21 yo would have that much in common, but some might and if so, it's their business.

Not everyone is out to get you, believe it or not.

clm

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

I don't have a belief that "Everyone is out to get me" at all... I don't know how you got THAT impression. Most people are actually quite nice. Key word... most.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD