flynnzu wrote:
The below was posted by "GentlemanJerseyDave" over in the TRS Triathlon forums on this topic and it's really well written and provides an important perspective for all of us. Please read and consider.
"This is such a lovely tribute. He was such a talent as both an athlete and personality. His transition to triathlon shows so much about his level of physicality. The hardest thing in the world to ask for is help. And the hardest thing for those who don't suffer from depression is to understand when someone is asking for that help. In these moments I like to remind people to keep their ears and hearts open to those around them. Because I can tell you from experience that asking for help is so damn hard the first time, it's pretty much impossible to do a second. My thoughts are with him and his family and all those suffering.
I'd like to also just toss out something I learned a while back. Those in psychology, who deal with suicide in particular, say the person "Died by Suicide" instead of "Committing Suicide". It's a subtle but important acknowledgment to the underlying mental disorder that leads to the action - it is as much a cause of death as it is an act. I've mulled through this a ton. When my friend died by suicide in August I kept saying "committed" in anger but my goodness - the pain you must be in to do this when being a parent. I lean back often upon the love of my son and that bond in my worst moments and I can see the pure beauty - to be so sick, in so much pain to not feel that has to be excruciating. I honestly can't imagine anything worse.
I've been modestly open over the years with people about my struggles as a manic depressive and severe anxiety disorder sufferer. I've been less specific about some of the details because of the stigma that's often attached. I always find these stories so hard to read and I hope in the end we all can just look in 360 degrees around us and remember that someone is likely hoping you ask how they are - keep an open mind and heart and a couple fewer stories like this will be written along the way."
Thanks for posting this. I recently read a quote, which went along the lines of, "If you only had 1 year to live, how would you live today/tomorrow/next week/next month". It brings a bit of clarity into what is and what is not important in life. If he was thinking along the lines of taking his life, outwardly he could be doing everything you would do if you knew you did not have a long time to live, towards friends, family and public. Who knows. Maybe this is why we are most surprised when someone who has it all actually turns out to be battling himself/herself internally. I had a college classmate last summer die from suicide ~10 years after coming back from deployment in Afghanistan, outwardly with a great life with an awesome family, and working in the tech field etc. He posted on fb visiting his grandfather's grave in Europe from WW2 not long before he died. He just looked like a late 40's guy with kids grown up, professionally set, and doing just fine. He had to make some tough decisions at work laying off staff, and I think his military loyalty to his troops was too much in civilian life. In the military we are entrusted with the lives of men and women, and treat that with intense loyalty because that's the job of an officer. In the civilian world, staff are resources in the same category as capital assets, inventory, account receivable, to be monetized into earnings. It is hard leap. We're not sure if this triggered his downward spiral. I guess you never do. The family left behind is the one stuck with questions for life. The rest of us get to move on and it does not affect us day to day.
As an athlete, I wonder if his mindset would be happier if he got what he wanted out of triathlon and if it was filling the void after pro BMX.