"I'm 26."

I rest my case. That's why I asked about your age. If you were 46 then it would be more definate.

I felt the same as you when I was your age, which btw was thirty years ago. I was still single and doubted that I would ever be married or have kids, but things changed just a few years later. You're about the same age as my daughter who is asking some of the same questions and I tell her to let things fall in place as they happen an whatever will be will be.

Maybe you won't have kids and that's if so that's your choice and nothing wrong with that. The world has too many unwanted kids already. But at your young age with a number potentially reproductive years in front of you there is a lot of things in your life that may change your mind. So never say never until it's no longer a physiological option.

"It's about a choice, not an ability"

Here you are proclaiming loudly on a public forum that you don't want to be a mother but then say you could still have the ability to be a good one? Nobody who doesn't want the kid in the first place will ever be a good parent.

Yes, of course you rest your case. Because no one in their mid-20's could possibly know what they want. I love it when people your age come out with their self-righteous "I've lived the life so I know" attitude. Boy oh boy I'm glad my 70 year old father doesn't take this kind of role. You know when they ask kids, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was, "a cop". What line of work am I in? Law Enforcement. Yes, that's right. 20+ years later I'm doing something I said I would do as a 5 year old. And being 45 makes things more definite? There's still 40+ years of life from there. If things can't be definite at my age, as you suggest, why the heck would they be definite at that age?

I didn't say at any point that I would never be married, I just said I wasn't sure. Do I want to be? I would say yes, but I'm awfully picky so I'm not holding my breath on meeting the right one.

"Nobody who doesn't want the kid in the first place will ever be a good parent.". I just want to make sure everyone sees that. Strikes me there are many "mistakes" made by many people who had never intended to be a parent. I happen to know one. I also happen to know they are one of the best parents out there. Your previous comments would have hit a chord with people, but this one will definitely offend.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Life's crazy and has way of throwing curve balls when you least expect. I was adamant in my 20's that I did not want children. I met the man I was to marry at 31. At 32 something changed and I decided I did want to have a baby. I spent two years desperately trying to get pregnant. Daily peace in your life is what's most important and to heck with what other people project for you. All that matters at the end of the day is whether or not you are living the life you want. It sounds like you are. Ignore others and have peace about your decision. You sound like a thoughtful and introspective person who contemplates life. That makes you more not less.

If you noticed in my post I said I never wanted kids, even in my 20s. No one took me seriously and my Dr. wouldn't discuss long term birth control with me because she was convinced I would change my mind. I knew I wouldn't. Yes, people change their minds about kids but when we know we don't want them, we don't want them.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

"I love it when people your age come out with their self-righteous "

OK I'll admit it. You already know it all.

Sorry I bothered.

"Yes, people change their minds about kids "

That's all I'm trying to convey to this kid but she's awfully hostile about something.

Of all my friends when in our 20's most said we didn't want kids. Today most have them and are glad we did.

There's only one reason to have kids - because you want them. If you know you don't, then don't have them.

I completely understand her hostility because I heard it all when I was her age. No one takes a woman in her 20's seriously when she says she doesn't want kids. It just happens and it is frustrating as hell not to mention insulting. As if we aren't old enough to have made up our minds by then. I would always get these condesending smiles and hear, "don't worry, you'll change your mind" and it got really really old. There is a fundamental belief that women want to have children and if we don't then we are broken or haven't found the right guy or are too young to know better. Having ovaries doesn't make us driven to reproduce. It is freeing to be in a world where now we can find relative peace with this because other women have made that choice. Not long ago all women were made to feel like less than a woman if she couldn't or wouldn't have kids. Cuds now has a group of women around her who get it.

I'm afraid you stepped in it on this one, cerveloguy. You did the exact thing that pisses girls like us off, talk to us as if we aren't old enough to make up our minds yet. Yup, 26 is plenty old enough.

This is one of those conversations that it is probably best to slowly back away from because unfortunately you are the exact person that drives us nuts. I don't hold it against you and certainly I'm not mad at you but it is out of concern for your own safetly that I tell you to stay out of this one :-) Some conversations you can't win.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

I think you just reaffirmed my point. I'm not a child, and referring to me as such is just rude.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

It's okay to admit that you like the attention... :p

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<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

This is such a funny post b/c I was totally opposite of you. In my 20's I wanted kids, then I got married and got a career -- once I discovered $$$$ I changed my mind. Then I discovered Triathlon and got a body and really ruled out kids. I also decided that maybe I did not have to be married either.

Now, I have family that says the same things to me. "don't you want kids" and "aren't you scared you will be alone when you are old", I find that its just a very midwestern way of thinking. I have no idea where you are from, but now that I have moved to a larger city, I find less people willing to say that kind of crap to me.

I do agree with some posters, in your 20's you really don't know what you want yet. I know that sounds bad, but man, did things change in my 30's! And I don't mean I became old or anything but WOW, my thoughts changed about lots (O and Murphy Brown did not lie, the sex is better too)!!!

Bottom line, I think as long as you are okay with the decisions you make and stay well informed about the consequences -- IE, singles not being as financially secure, needing to keep up with your own benefits, etc -- then that is what's important and, ultimately it is your life to live.

BTW, I think many women have this mentality that "kids take care of them when they are old" and always think that is a pretty selfish reason to justify reproducing.

...but there just isn't enough time!


Smelly.

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ErgVideo.com

It's nice to actually be "around" (if you can call it that) women who are in the same boat as I am. I'm 34, and never once in my life wanted children. When people ask why I say "I wasn't drawn that way".

Now that I'm in my 30s, people argue with me less about it. I don't hear "you'll change your mind" anymore when they find out my age. The tough part is finding someone who feels the same, and I mean TRULY feels the same.

We are in the minority, and it's my opinion that children are a deal-breaker when it comes to relationship. I would never ask my boyfriend to change his mind (he just happens to like to race cars too much), and I would never want someone to try to change mine.

I have never felt one twinge of doubt, and love my life the way it is.

cuds- you're living the life you were drawn to live. Now go out there an live it!!

Remember- life's a garden- dig it!

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Come crawling faster

My wonderful aunt has always chosen career over anything else--she's wildly successful, has everything that she could want, dates occasionally, and is a wonderful, loving aunt--who's always given me so much time/love/etc.

I say, screw the age-old thought that to be a good person you have to have a family, kids, white picket fence, etc. Everyone's different and if you are happy, that is all that matters. . . and that's all that's important!

I do not think you should feel bad at all. It is actually refreshing to hear someone who shares similar views. I am 29 and enjoy my lifestyle of distance running, triathlons, and hopefully more traveling. I decided years ago that I did not want any children. I was lucky enough to find a man who has the same views, and we are happy doing what we do. I always get the "oh, you will change your mind about kids" from pretty much everyone when I tell them that we do not want kids. That gets old, as if i will magically change my mind in a few years. I basically think that when you have children you give yourself completely to that child, becoming almost selfless. I guess I am just selfish in that there are so many things that I want to experience in life.

Kudos to you for knowing what you want!

As a father of three, I think the last thing we need are parents who have kids that they really don't want and therefore resent. I see this too often and can't figure it out. Stick to your guns and try to forget what others may say/think about your choices. As for why everyone seems to think it's their business to ask childless adults when they're having kids, I don't have a clue, but it sure is common.

Cud,
Don't feel any lesser than what you are. If you are comfortable with your life and don't want kids, don't have them. If you wish to keep things casual with men, continue to do so.
I am 36 and have traveled around the world (alone), have never been married and have no kids. I have a very serious partner who has been married and has two adult children. Kids are not an issue for us, as he had a vasectomy years ago. I don't wish to marry but will never rule it out. I take one day at a time to see which avenue is worth traveling.
If your friends start telling you that to have a family is the greatest thing, listen to them now. Wait a few years and hear them yell at their kids, husbands/wives and how they want out. This is very typical. I hear it from my friends and laugh because that is extra stress that is not on my plate.

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DISH is how we do it.

wow. when i was your age (i'm 56) we were kinda/sorta coerced into being wives and mothers and it just sorta got embedded way down in our brain cells like automaton programming. i kind of always knew even as a little girl that i would have a husband and children. it was as natural as breathing. and so i did. and i think it's really cool that you're able to make fresh decided introspective choices about your own life that i wasn't able to do, either culturally or maybe because i just didn't have the emotional strength to rub crossgrain against the *flow.* but i will say that i never once regretted the choice to bear and rear my children. and i certainly equally respect your choice not to. good for you for knowing yourself so well!

39 here, never married, no kids. I think the only time I really kind of wanted kids was when I was in my early 20's but that urge went away at some point. I lived abroad for three years, came back home, started a career and have just never met "my man." Since the urge went away kids were more of a no way sort of thing. I'm not nuts about babies or little kids, but I truly do belive it when people say it's different when they are your own. My approach has been never say never. Luckily neither my parents nor friends ever really pressured me in to getting hithched or reproducing. My goal has been to find a person I want to spend the rest of my life with, not get married for the sake of being married. As for the kid thing, my thought was that if I were to meet a great guy who stirred some maternal urge in me, well then maybe, but it's hasn't happended and I really have no desire to be a mom at 40+.

So far no luck although I'm quite smitten with my current beau and thinking he *may be* the one. This is very scary and exciting at the same time. I'm really good at being single and enjoy being alone.

I have a great social network and supportive friends and family. I also have a few sets of friends in their late 40's and 50's no kids so of course I never get any kind of questioning from them.

I'm not sure where this post is going... um, I guess just live your life as you want but keeps your options open. :-)

"Some conversations you can't win. "

Yeah I know jenhs, from lots of previous experience - female "logic" at it's best.:-)

If you read my previous posts I started off being supportive by saying that cuds shouldn't feel less if that's her decision, but then casually mentioned that not every women is cut out for motherhood. She's already says she doesn't want kids and then loses it accusing me of saying that she'd be a lousy mother????? WTF!! I think cuds took that a bit too personally wouldn't you agree?

Maybe she really does know that she doesn't want kids. Nothing wrong with that. All I said is that I've heard it lots of times before from people in their 20's that changed their minds later, which admittedly doesn't mean that she will be one of them though. However, just look at the recent rash of women in their 40's that all of a sudden are deciding that they now want to have babies for the first time in the eleventh hour before the biological clock runs out .

It is a sensitive topic. I understand where she is coming from.

I'm going to argue about a recent rash of women in their 40s... I would argue that this isn't new at all, we just have the technology to help them do it now. And, there is a lot of press about it so it looks like this is new.

I'll let her speak for herself as to what pissed her off.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

You seem upset about it. I say each to their own. There comes a time in some women (not all) that their biological clock starts ticking. It may happen to you or it may not. How you feel right now may not be the same in 2 years time. You are young and yes you can be free to do as you please. You are lucky enough to do so. You are born in a society that allows women to be equal. One day you may meet a male triathlete who shares your passion I know whole families who breed triathlon babies, the whole family is involved. It sort of because a religion and I admire them. I thing growing old and being alone can be lonely. I am ethnic so I am biased when it comes to having children and I have had 3 glasses of wine with my husband so I am happy at the moment.
My answer to you may be different in the morning when my 3 children wake up and drive me crazy. I find being a mum rewarding, but that’s me. I have a cycling friend who just has a dog that she loves to death and a boyfriend who she likes a lot. She will not be having children due to her biological clock which has stopped working and she is ok with that.

"I'll let her speak for herself as to what pissed her off."

From what I've heard thru the grapevine .......and to anybody that will listen in local Vancouver bike shops!!!!

Hehehehe.......I've got spies in all kinds of places.:-)

Cuds, you're taking me way too serious. Nobody else on any of the ST forums does or should. My apologies if I offended. It was entirely accidental.

I am 42 (male) and one thing I have come to understand and embrace (at least for me) is the notion of "never say never"

Now if you were not in your 50 and a bloke the conversation might have gone differently.

Oh yeah this one is going to go down as well as previous post (the Kid post comes to mind)

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Simple Simon
Where's the Fried Chicken??

I say whatever makes you happy is what you ought to do. Are you less of a woman? Maybe in some cro-magnon cultures.
As for the folks that question you...it never ends. Before my kid, the rudies wanted to know when we were going to have kids, and now that we have one, when are we going to have more. I always reply 'why, is there something wrong with the one we have?'

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Don't be so easy on yourself 'cause this one might be all that you have left

NO way!! Life is too short. Do what makes you happy!