no, i don't think you're less than anything.

i think the statement "family is most important" probably should apply to those who choose to have one. once you've made that choice, you've made your bed and you better take care of your business. but if you choose not to have a family, then you don't have to live by that mantra at all.

i guess what i mean is - you have kitties. thus, you've chosen to have kitties and now it's your responsibility to take care of them, love them, and consider them important in your life. but "kitties are important" would not make sense to someone who chooses not to have kitties.

so basically what i'm saying is, i think your choices in life are perfectly valid - there are days when i wonder if i ever want childrens myself. people who make you feel like you are less than just because of your choice to not have a family are lame, but people who put their own families first are making no less a valid choice than you are. people can and should choose to do whatever they want in this regard.

keep your chin up and don't let the man get you down! :)

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<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

Certainly not. You should be accorded a lot of respect for knowing what you want and being steadfast in that knowledge.

I was just having this discussion with a friend the other day about how much I hate when people say to me "when you're married ________" or "when you have kids ________." Thereby assuming that, as a woman, I have the ultimate goal (or destiny) of marriage and children. I personally, at this point in my life (age 28), have no intention of having children. I'm not barring myself from it, but at this point, I don't see how it could fit into my life and what I have planned and it would be unfair to bring a child into this world when I feel like I have to squeeze them into my life plan.

I get the impression from your post that you're likely in the same boat. No, it's not the "normal" path for most women in the U.S. to choose but anyone who would choose to judge you on making your own life choices and sticking to those choices can bugger off as far as I'm concerned.

Edited to add:

Also, good on you for making a choice in a world where so many women get pigeonholed into a certain role where it is questionable whether they ever really had a choice at all.

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my severely neglected blog

How old are you? My thoughts are different if you are still in your twenties compared to your forties or fifties.

You're not less. It's just a different lifestyle. Marriage and kids isn't for everybody. Not every woman is cut out for motherhood. There are women who put career first or themselves first.

But if you really don't want marriage and kids be absolutely sure when you make that choice. I have a 60 yr old still single cousin who always said she didn't but now she seems quite bitter and angry that she didn't.

When I hear this is says to me that her years of saying "I don't want" may just have been a cover for the frustration of wanting but not finding...

Funny thing - my sister always said that she'd never marry. She's been married for 10 years.
She also said that she never wanted anything to do with kids (and has truly never been fond of them) - she just had one and is absolutely infatuated with him.

Sometimes it really is people changing what they want after a certain point in their lives. Other times, they really do know right from the get-go, and happily travel down that path for their entire lives.


This above all: to thine own self be true

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<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

You are not less.

Family is what you make it. I do not want kids, but I really want to be an important part of my neices and nephews lives, and my brother and sister in law know this.

I will say this, I can't remember how old you are, but I think mid-late 20s..and the older I get the more and more I think maybe (then I realize, no I still don't want them). And I was always the nope, never, none type.

No, you are not less than anybody. Nor an asshole. Now, the most important thing is family IF you have one. But since you don't and are not planning on having one, then the most important thing for you can be whatever you decide.

Hey Cuds. That would be a resounding NO, you are not less because you do not have kids.

I am in a similar situation, but I am a dude. I would have thought that I would have kids by now, but life did not go quite according to plan. I am now not sure if I was thinking I would have kids because I was expected to or if I really wanted them. Now I am not sure if I want them or not. Not having them is OK in my book.

But, most of my friends have them. Some of my lamer friends will use the "baby shield" as an excuse not to do anything.

As someone else mentioned, family is what you make it. Family can be kids/spouse but it can also be relatives, close friends, or animals.

In my mind family is the most important thing and training shouldn't put a significant strain on family relationships. But whether that means your spouse/kids or your close friends or kitties is totally up to you. Obviously if your definition of family is your friends and cats then you have more flexibility when it comes to training then those with kids as I don't think your friends need you to drive them to their soccer games, but if one of those close friends called you up saying she was in the hospital you'd probably be more than willing to ditch a few workouts to make sure she was ok.

At the end of the day, in my mind at least, training is one thing but it's the relationships with we have others (not necessarily romatic relationships) are what makes life fun and interesting. Now if those close friends who are "family" also happen to be avid triathletes then you're golden. :)

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http://smallfoodbiz.com
</blatent self-marketing>

I agree with PPs: If one chooses to get married and have children, one owes it to one's family to give them the time and attention they need.

However, you have chosen not to have children. If you consider your career and sport more important than having a family, you have made a responsible and mature decision to remain childless, and I respect that.

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"Real winners aren't content with yesterday's victories"

You most certainly are NOT less. Your family is whom ever you love and care for, regardless of blood ties. Sometimes a family can be very very small, or very very big - both are OK, they are just different.

If/when you decide to have kids or not, to be involved in a longterm relationship or not, it's your choice and no one can say you are making the wrong choice except you.

Asshole? heck no
Honest? you bet.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

I'm 39 and never wanted kids, even when I was a teenager I knew I didn't want them.I hated babysitting and only did it once or twice. I just don't have that need. I have cats and dogs and love them like they are my children. I think they need me more than the earth needs more children.

My mom is sad that I dont want kids and kept telling me I'll change my mind. Finally 3 years ago she asked one last time and I told her no, I don't want kids. Luckily my brother has two so I can get my fix of playing with youngsters and shopping for cute clothes and she gets grandkids to go ga ga over.

I've looked into permenant birth control many times but didn't want to go through surgery. My husband doesn't want the vasectomy but that is a whole other conversation. I just decided I couldn't take the artifical hormones and got a copper IUD which will prevent pregnancy for the next 10 years. I feel much better and am relieved I will not be put in the position of being pregnant when I don't want to be.

My husband and I agreed when we first met that we don't want kids so that has never been an issue in our marriage.

Some people give us a hard time about not wanting kids and pull some bullshit about being selfish but for me, we aren't being selfish at all, we are being honest and not caving in. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be childless. Fortunately most closest friends feel the same way.

As far as being married. I've told my husband that if we are no longer together for whatever reason then I have no intention of getting married again, and I mean it. I like my life a certain way and I've quite independant so having someone else in my life where I have to change who I am or how I live has no appeal to me. That doesn't mean I won't have a relationship but it does mean that I'll draw a line.

Life is short, life it the way you want and fuck everyone else. This is your time on earth, use it the best way you can.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Thanks everyone. I share the same sentiments as most of you. Those of you who think I might change my mind about kids, maybe you're right. BUT... I HATE babies (and am definitely not fond of kids at any age - they're never all that cute, except for SQW's PK... wow, she's amazing!) so I think I may have an uphill battle in changing my mind on this one.

I'm very much the same as you jenhs - pets, pets, pets! If I had time for more (and space, of course) I would definitely. If I don't stick to the law enforcement route of a career I will be definitely be looking into something working with animals. I'm an animals before humans kinda girl... not that I don't LOVE all of you!!! :D My cats are definitely my family... I've skipped a couple workouts for them lol.

And I decided to reply to Khai for this since he is the one mens who managed to, sort of, hit on me in his first reply lol.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

"When I hear this is says to me that her years of saying "I don't want" may just have been a cover for the frustration of wanting but not finding... "

I'd suspect that applies to a lot of people, probably my cousin also.

I'm very much the same as you jenhs - pets, pets, pets! If I had time for more (and space, of course) I would definitely. If I don't stick to the law enforcement route of a career I will be definitely be looking into something working with animals. I'm an animals before humans kinda girl... not that I don't LOVE all of you!!! :D My cats are definitely my family... I've skipped a couple workouts for them lol.

My long term plan is a rescue shelter. It is probably 10 - 15 years off as I need to make $$ while I can but it will happen. I've always loved animals and my first job was at a kennel cleaning up, walking the dogs and helping wash them. I was in heaven.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

"I'm 39 "

That's why I asked the original poster her age. At 39 you know what you want (or at least should by then), but who does at 25? When I was in my 20's I didn't want to have kids either, but know feel it was he best thing I ever did.

I'm 26. Of course your thoughts will be different if I'm in my twenties because people in their 20's can't possibly know what they want yet, right? Except that I do. And I have known for several years now even. Not everyone is the same there and to generalize sucks.

"Not every woman is cut out for motherhood." Really? That's your response to me? Not really a fan of that statement. It's about a choice, not an ability. But thanks for that vote of confidence - I'm sure all womens who don't have kids, by choice especially, will enjoy that.

Sorry if I'm a little flaming at your remarks, but those statements are the kind that put me in a position of questioning in the first place. And it's seems pretty clear from others that I shouldn't have been questioning.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Cuds, I say this as the father of two boys and a wonderful wife.

Don't even entertain the thought that you are somehow doing the wrong thing. YOU live YOUR life. If others are critical of you so be it. They are not YOU. Ignore them. Do YOUR thing not theirs.

People that judge other people and look down on other people because of their choices tick me off.

I saw that statement and thought the exact same thing. And just because someone wants kids doesn't mean they are cut out for it (motherhood or fatherhood).

In defense of cerveloguy I don't think he meant what he wrote as the way you took it. Which brings up my point........

Women.....especially wives (hehehe) have a way of reading more into things than what is actually there. Because someone says to put family and SO's first does not imply that if you don't have family and SO's you are less signifigant. Some may say lucky! But I could read that thread 100 times and never come to that conclusion like a woman can. (I'm ducking and dodgeing right now)

If you have a spouse, if you have kids.....your first prioity should be living up to your responsibilities as Husband / Wife and or Father / Mother. When I set out this year to train for my 1st Ironman I promised my wife and kids that nothing will suffer because of my training. well......I withdrew 5 days ago ;-( So anyway.....If you don't have kids......it still means living up to your responsibilities as a son or a daughter. And on and on and on. My inlaws already think I'm stuck up. If I blew off on of their cookouts to make my 5 hr bike I'm just digging myself a deeper hole.

Cuds....I love your post. Your a very insightful lady who really seems to have her sh!t together. If your getting badgered by friends and family about mates and kids......thats another issue. It has nothing to do with training for an Ironman and what is really important in life.

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Hurry Up Every Chance You Get

(formerly LuctorEtEmergo)

hanks very much. I appreciate that.
Though I should admit, while I'm a woman... I'm no lady! teehee :)

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

I also found this post interesting, and I agree with what most of the prior posters said.

I'm a male in his mid 30's who is single and has no children - and it's interesting that I nobody ever makes the same kind of comments to me. Maybe it's just my friends and family are different than Cuds's peeps....or maybe it's just indicative of how people view men and women differently. Or just indicative of my inability to get a date :-)

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Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

Holy crap, I could have written that post word for word! (Except for the fact that none of my siblings have kids and it's KILLING my mom... ) I've been pretty lucky about not getting flack about not having kids, although early on I did get a lot of "Oh, you'll change your mind" and at the time I imagined it was possible. I never thought I'd get married, do anything athletic, know how to use a computer, etc. so I try not to even bother taking adamant stances on such things, but as I close in on 40 it seems like that mythical biological clock would start ticking if it was going to.

M

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The beatings will continue until morale improves

Hey cuds--I knew from about age 18 that I didn't want kids. At least my own 24/7. I can borrow the Mini Katy and love her like my own, and recently a very cute 7 yo guy has come into my life that I could get used to also. And I also have my 19 yo nephew. But again, none of them are full time.

And like Michelle, my mother used to hold out hope she'd have more than one grandchild. She even suggested that I could adopt one as a single mother. No thanks.

You know what you want. Don't listen others tell you how it should be.

clm

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

"I'm 26."

I rest my case. That's why I asked about your age. If you were 46 then it would be more definate.

I felt the same as you when I was your age, which btw was thirty years ago. I was still single and doubted that I would ever be married or have kids, but things changed just a few years later. You're about the same age as my daughter who is asking some of the same questions and I tell her to let things fall in place as they happen an whatever will be will be.

Maybe you won't have kids and that's if so that's your choice and nothing wrong with that. The world has too many unwanted kids already. But at your young age with a number potentially reproductive years in front of you there is a lot of things in your life that may change your mind. So never say never until it's no longer a physiological option.

"It's about a choice, not an ability"

Here you are proclaiming loudly on a public forum that you don't want to be a mother but then say you could still have the ability to be a good one? Nobody who doesn't want the kid in the first place will ever be a good parent.

Yes, of course you rest your case. Because no one in their mid-20's could possibly know what they want. I love it when people your age come out with their self-righteous "I've lived the life so I know" attitude. Boy oh boy I'm glad my 70 year old father doesn't take this kind of role. You know when they ask kids, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was, "a cop". What line of work am I in? Law Enforcement. Yes, that's right. 20+ years later I'm doing something I said I would do as a 5 year old. And being 45 makes things more definite? There's still 40+ years of life from there. If things can't be definite at my age, as you suggest, why the heck would they be definite at that age?

I didn't say at any point that I would never be married, I just said I wasn't sure. Do I want to be? I would say yes, but I'm awfully picky so I'm not holding my breath on meeting the right one.

"Nobody who doesn't want the kid in the first place will ever be a good parent.". I just want to make sure everyone sees that. Strikes me there are many "mistakes" made by many people who had never intended to be a parent. I happen to know one. I also happen to know they are one of the best parents out there. Your previous comments would have hit a chord with people, but this one will definitely offend.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Life's crazy and has way of throwing curve balls when you least expect. I was adamant in my 20's that I did not want children. I met the man I was to marry at 31. At 32 something changed and I decided I did want to have a baby. I spent two years desperately trying to get pregnant. Daily peace in your life is what's most important and to heck with what other people project for you. All that matters at the end of the day is whether or not you are living the life you want. It sounds like you are. Ignore others and have peace about your decision. You sound like a thoughtful and introspective person who contemplates life. That makes you more not less.

If you noticed in my post I said I never wanted kids, even in my 20s. No one took me seriously and my Dr. wouldn't discuss long term birth control with me because she was convinced I would change my mind. I knew I wouldn't. Yes, people change their minds about kids but when we know we don't want them, we don't want them.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

"I love it when people your age come out with their self-righteous "

OK I'll admit it. You already know it all.

Sorry I bothered.

"Yes, people change their minds about kids "

That's all I'm trying to convey to this kid but she's awfully hostile about something.

Of all my friends when in our 20's most said we didn't want kids. Today most have them and are glad we did.

There's only one reason to have kids - because you want them. If you know you don't, then don't have them.

I completely understand her hostility because I heard it all when I was her age. No one takes a woman in her 20's seriously when she says she doesn't want kids. It just happens and it is frustrating as hell not to mention insulting. As if we aren't old enough to have made up our minds by then. I would always get these condesending smiles and hear, "don't worry, you'll change your mind" and it got really really old. There is a fundamental belief that women want to have children and if we don't then we are broken or haven't found the right guy or are too young to know better. Having ovaries doesn't make us driven to reproduce. It is freeing to be in a world where now we can find relative peace with this because other women have made that choice. Not long ago all women were made to feel like less than a woman if she couldn't or wouldn't have kids. Cuds now has a group of women around her who get it.

I'm afraid you stepped in it on this one, cerveloguy. You did the exact thing that pisses girls like us off, talk to us as if we aren't old enough to make up our minds yet. Yup, 26 is plenty old enough.

This is one of those conversations that it is probably best to slowly back away from because unfortunately you are the exact person that drives us nuts. I don't hold it against you and certainly I'm not mad at you but it is out of concern for your own safetly that I tell you to stay out of this one :-) Some conversations you can't win.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

I think you just reaffirmed my point. I'm not a child, and referring to me as such is just rude.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

It's okay to admit that you like the attention... :p

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<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

This is such a funny post b/c I was totally opposite of you. In my 20's I wanted kids, then I got married and got a career -- once I discovered $$$$ I changed my mind. Then I discovered Triathlon and got a body and really ruled out kids. I also decided that maybe I did not have to be married either.

Now, I have family that says the same things to me. "don't you want kids" and "aren't you scared you will be alone when you are old", I find that its just a very midwestern way of thinking. I have no idea where you are from, but now that I have moved to a larger city, I find less people willing to say that kind of crap to me.

I do agree with some posters, in your 20's you really don't know what you want yet. I know that sounds bad, but man, did things change in my 30's! And I don't mean I became old or anything but WOW, my thoughts changed about lots (O and Murphy Brown did not lie, the sex is better too)!!!

Bottom line, I think as long as you are okay with the decisions you make and stay well informed about the consequences -- IE, singles not being as financially secure, needing to keep up with your own benefits, etc -- then that is what's important and, ultimately it is your life to live.

BTW, I think many women have this mentality that "kids take care of them when they are old" and always think that is a pretty selfish reason to justify reproducing.

...but there just isn't enough time!


Smelly.

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ErgVideo.com

It's nice to actually be "around" (if you can call it that) women who are in the same boat as I am. I'm 34, and never once in my life wanted children. When people ask why I say "I wasn't drawn that way".

Now that I'm in my 30s, people argue with me less about it. I don't hear "you'll change your mind" anymore when they find out my age. The tough part is finding someone who feels the same, and I mean TRULY feels the same.

We are in the minority, and it's my opinion that children are a deal-breaker when it comes to relationship. I would never ask my boyfriend to change his mind (he just happens to like to race cars too much), and I would never want someone to try to change mine.

I have never felt one twinge of doubt, and love my life the way it is.

cuds- you're living the life you were drawn to live. Now go out there an live it!!

Remember- life's a garden- dig it!

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Come crawling faster

My wonderful aunt has always chosen career over anything else--she's wildly successful, has everything that she could want, dates occasionally, and is a wonderful, loving aunt--who's always given me so much time/love/etc.

I say, screw the age-old thought that to be a good person you have to have a family, kids, white picket fence, etc. Everyone's different and if you are happy, that is all that matters. . . and that's all that's important!

I do not think you should feel bad at all. It is actually refreshing to hear someone who shares similar views. I am 29 and enjoy my lifestyle of distance running, triathlons, and hopefully more traveling. I decided years ago that I did not want any children. I was lucky enough to find a man who has the same views, and we are happy doing what we do. I always get the "oh, you will change your mind about kids" from pretty much everyone when I tell them that we do not want kids. That gets old, as if i will magically change my mind in a few years. I basically think that when you have children you give yourself completely to that child, becoming almost selfless. I guess I am just selfish in that there are so many things that I want to experience in life.

Kudos to you for knowing what you want!

As a father of three, I think the last thing we need are parents who have kids that they really don't want and therefore resent. I see this too often and can't figure it out. Stick to your guns and try to forget what others may say/think about your choices. As for why everyone seems to think it's their business to ask childless adults when they're having kids, I don't have a clue, but it sure is common.

Cud,
Don't feel any lesser than what you are. If you are comfortable with your life and don't want kids, don't have them. If you wish to keep things casual with men, continue to do so.
I am 36 and have traveled around the world (alone), have never been married and have no kids. I have a very serious partner who has been married and has two adult children. Kids are not an issue for us, as he had a vasectomy years ago. I don't wish to marry but will never rule it out. I take one day at a time to see which avenue is worth traveling.
If your friends start telling you that to have a family is the greatest thing, listen to them now. Wait a few years and hear them yell at their kids, husbands/wives and how they want out. This is very typical. I hear it from my friends and laugh because that is extra stress that is not on my plate.

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DISH is how we do it.

wow. when i was your age (i'm 56) we were kinda/sorta coerced into being wives and mothers and it just sorta got embedded way down in our brain cells like automaton programming. i kind of always knew even as a little girl that i would have a husband and children. it was as natural as breathing. and so i did. and i think it's really cool that you're able to make fresh decided introspective choices about your own life that i wasn't able to do, either culturally or maybe because i just didn't have the emotional strength to rub crossgrain against the *flow.* but i will say that i never once regretted the choice to bear and rear my children. and i certainly equally respect your choice not to. good for you for knowing yourself so well!

39 here, never married, no kids. I think the only time I really kind of wanted kids was when I was in my early 20's but that urge went away at some point. I lived abroad for three years, came back home, started a career and have just never met "my man." Since the urge went away kids were more of a no way sort of thing. I'm not nuts about babies or little kids, but I truly do belive it when people say it's different when they are your own. My approach has been never say never. Luckily neither my parents nor friends ever really pressured me in to getting hithched or reproducing. My goal has been to find a person I want to spend the rest of my life with, not get married for the sake of being married. As for the kid thing, my thought was that if I were to meet a great guy who stirred some maternal urge in me, well then maybe, but it's hasn't happended and I really have no desire to be a mom at 40+.

So far no luck although I'm quite smitten with my current beau and thinking he *may be* the one. This is very scary and exciting at the same time. I'm really good at being single and enjoy being alone.

I have a great social network and supportive friends and family. I also have a few sets of friends in their late 40's and 50's no kids so of course I never get any kind of questioning from them.

I'm not sure where this post is going... um, I guess just live your life as you want but keeps your options open. :-)

"Some conversations you can't win. "

Yeah I know jenhs, from lots of previous experience - female "logic" at it's best.:-)

If you read my previous posts I started off being supportive by saying that cuds shouldn't feel less if that's her decision, but then casually mentioned that not every women is cut out for motherhood. She's already says she doesn't want kids and then loses it accusing me of saying that she'd be a lousy mother????? WTF!! I think cuds took that a bit too personally wouldn't you agree?

Maybe she really does know that she doesn't want kids. Nothing wrong with that. All I said is that I've heard it lots of times before from people in their 20's that changed their minds later, which admittedly doesn't mean that she will be one of them though. However, just look at the recent rash of women in their 40's that all of a sudden are deciding that they now want to have babies for the first time in the eleventh hour before the biological clock runs out .

It is a sensitive topic. I understand where she is coming from.

I'm going to argue about a recent rash of women in their 40s... I would argue that this isn't new at all, we just have the technology to help them do it now. And, there is a lot of press about it so it looks like this is new.

I'll let her speak for herself as to what pissed her off.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

You seem upset about it. I say each to their own. There comes a time in some women (not all) that their biological clock starts ticking. It may happen to you or it may not. How you feel right now may not be the same in 2 years time. You are young and yes you can be free to do as you please. You are lucky enough to do so. You are born in a society that allows women to be equal. One day you may meet a male triathlete who shares your passion I know whole families who breed triathlon babies, the whole family is involved. It sort of because a religion and I admire them. I thing growing old and being alone can be lonely. I am ethnic so I am biased when it comes to having children and I have had 3 glasses of wine with my husband so I am happy at the moment.
My answer to you may be different in the morning when my 3 children wake up and drive me crazy. I find being a mum rewarding, but that’s me. I have a cycling friend who just has a dog that she loves to death and a boyfriend who she likes a lot. She will not be having children due to her biological clock which has stopped working and she is ok with that.

"I'll let her speak for herself as to what pissed her off."

From what I've heard thru the grapevine .......and to anybody that will listen in local Vancouver bike shops!!!!

Hehehehe.......I've got spies in all kinds of places.:-)

Cuds, you're taking me way too serious. Nobody else on any of the ST forums does or should. My apologies if I offended. It was entirely accidental.

I am 42 (male) and one thing I have come to understand and embrace (at least for me) is the notion of "never say never"

Now if you were not in your 50 and a bloke the conversation might have gone differently.

Oh yeah this one is going to go down as well as previous post (the Kid post comes to mind)

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Simple Simon
Where's the Fried Chicken??

I say whatever makes you happy is what you ought to do. Are you less of a woman? Maybe in some cro-magnon cultures.
As for the folks that question you...it never ends. Before my kid, the rudies wanted to know when we were going to have kids, and now that we have one, when are we going to have more. I always reply 'why, is there something wrong with the one we have?'

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Don't be so easy on yourself 'cause this one might be all that you have left

NO way!! Life is too short. Do what makes you happy!

No, you are not "less then". I know I've posted in S/T about my marriage of 34 years and about my three grown children and grandbaby at one time or another but I've never considered others that have chosen other paths "less then". We have all chosen a sport, even if we are able to do 1/3 or 2/3 of it :) that consumes our time and requires a focus that pushes many other things to the side. Since you are the age of my middle child my only fatherly advice is: give it everything you've got... you don't get many "do-overs". I think the people with bitterness and regret left something on the table.

Good luck,

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Jay