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Was I rude? No kids please...
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I'm planning a little game night/cocktail party with some friends on Saturday. Three couples have kids, two (including me) do not. Two of the 3 kid having couples are getting sitters, the third, who is one of my dearest longest standing friends e-mailed to say they were planning on coming and can they bring their kids? Honestly, her kids make me nuts and it seems that everyone has more fun if kids are not around.

I e-mailed saying the other couples were getting sitters and that her kids would probably have more fun with a sitter or at grandma and grandpas.

Was I rude? I really want it to be an adult gathering.

Parents out there are you offended when your kids are not invited/welcome? What is the best way to make this clear without being offensive? Should I have stated it when I sent out the original e-mail invite?
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I'm planning a little game night/cocktail party with some friends on Saturday. Three couples have kids, two (including me) do not. Two of the 3 kid having couples are getting sitters, the third, who is one of my dearest longest standing friends e-mailed to say they were planning on coming and can they bring their kids? Honestly, her kids make me nuts and it seems that everyone has more fun if kids are not around.

I e-mailed saying the other couples were getting sitters and that her kids would probably have more fun with a sitter or at grandma and grandpas.

Was I rude? I really want it to be an adult gathering.

Parents out there are you offended when your kids are not invited/welcome? What is the best way to make this clear without being offensive? Should I have stated it when I sent out the original e-mail invite?
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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perhaps you could have casually slipped that into the invite. but if your invite included the term cocktail party, then it should be obvious that kids are not invited.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I'm assuming you are talking about M.W. If that's the case then yep, you should have said something (especially to her) since this always seems to be a problem area. Next time, make it clear and be direct. As a parent, I would rather know up front if I need a sitter or not. And there is NOTHING wrong with wanting a kid-free evening.

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Last edited by: leslieW: Nov 26, 08 17:54
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [leslieW] [ In reply to ]
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Yep.

I got an e-mail back talking about high school memories at my parent's house and nothing about we can't come if our kids can't so I think it's all good...

My bad on not stating it initially, but sheesh don't you parents want to have a kid free evening once in a while? ( In know you do L.)
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [slink] [ In reply to ]
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perhaps you could have casually slipped that into the invite. but if your invite included the term cocktail party, then it should be obvious that kids are not invited.

Totally agree. "cocktail party" is totally code for no kids and a starting time of say 8pm will pretty much tip off even the most clueless parents to leave the offspring at home.

You can also mention "hot tub" but don't bother to bring your bathing suits.
Last edited by: android: Nov 26, 08 19:21
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I e-mailed saying the other couples were getting sitters and that her kids would probably have more fun with a sitter or at grandma and grandpas.

That seems perfectly reasonable to me. Unless it 's customary for that group of friends to include kids when they get together, I'd assume that a gathering (especially in the evening) would be for adults only unless "bring the kids' was explicitly stated. Now it might be different if you (as the host) had kids, but that kind of goes back to my initial condition.


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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I have a son who is 9 and I'm sooo in agreement with QR Girl.

God created babysitters so parents can get a break.

It is important for kids to learn that there are other authority figures in their lives aside from parents !!! It is important for parents to have time with adults.

You are doing your friends a favour by pushing the issue.

Tri Hard !
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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Your reply was perfect. If you often spend time with them and their kids, then it's understandable that they didn't know whether they should bring their kids or not. We have dinner with some friends several times a year; sometimes we bring the kids, sometimes not. I agree that you should just state it on the invite for those of us who are clueless and don't think these things through.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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NO way! I am never offended when kids are not invited. If I was invited with my husband to a game night I would assume it means no kids unless the invite said for The Cohen Family or had each of our names on the invite.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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More and more I seen invites that say "Kids and dogs are welcome" if the invite doesn't say that I assume kids (and dogs) aren't invited. I also consider late afternoon type things (BBQs etc) too be more kid friendly than an adult game night/party. Now if I were hosting and had kids it might be different, but since you don't have kids I'd assume you are the same way.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [PirateGirl] [ In reply to ]
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We've got three kids, and if an invitation from another adult does not explicitly say "kids welcome," I assume they aren't. I think your approach was just fine. Don't sweat it.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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No way. I don't assume my kid is invited to everything I am. Depending upon who the invite is from and what it is to, I may actually assume it is adults only unless specified otherwise. If it's not an obvious grown up occasion (which, a cocktail party is, btw) I ask. But if you have a specific friend that requires special handling, then it's probably best to do so. But that's not ettiquette. And I certainly would not call you rude.

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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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Wow. I am absolutely and completely stunned that anyone would assume kids WERE invited. Seriously??? That is stunning (and quite disturbing) to me. I cannot recall a single party attended by my parent to which I was invited.

I am likely in the minority here, but, I think the parents who asked whether the kids could attend were the ones being rude.

I am quite distubed by the ever increasing trend where parents think any and every situation/event should include kids.

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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [JSA] [ In reply to ]
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Absolutely agree. We have two young boys and assume not to bring the kids unless the invite says kids are welcome.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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I guess it would have been a good thing to include it in the original invite, but I would never assume that my kids should/would be welcome at a cocktail party... and I honestly wouldn't even think of asking if they could come. I don't think you were rude at all.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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My GF and I went to a game/cocktail party last night that started at 9. It was never stated that kids could not come, but was pretty understood, like everyone else said, that they shouldn't be brought. One couple showed up with their 2 yo daughter and let her run lose all night. She kept flipping peoples drinks over on purpose and causing a mess. People were not happy the kid was there.

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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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No, I don't think you were rude. BUT, in the future, to save yourself some confusion, etc., just put that on the invite or say it when doing a verbal one. Fwiw, we have kids and when we have parties that are meant to be adults only, we put that on the invite. Actually, for the last one, we put "we love kids but we're planning on keeping this party adults-only". We had one person call and ask if they could bring their kid even after that but I say, I was sorry, we'd love to see them but we were keeping it adults only.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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So, my friends with no kids came, one couple with kids couldn't come and of the other two, only the wife came as neither couple could find a sitter. Hmmm. We had fun, but it would have been more fun with the hubbys too. Maybe next time I'll just have to invite everyone, kids included. Grrr.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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From growing up I remember my parents having "date night" with the two couples they were closest to. They all had kids, but still liked adult nights. Since all the kids were friends, it usually just meant I was the sitter for all four of them at one of the houses not used for the date night. Perhaps encourage some kind of joint sitter idea? I know it was easier for my parents since they all just took advantage of my being way older than my sis or any of the other kids, but it might be something to try.


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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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"Maybe next time I'll just have to invite everyone, kids included"

Kids aren't a problem if there are a bunch of them. Stick them all in a room together with their toys and some cartoon DVD's and they'll entertain themselves for the night. One or two kids are much more problematic.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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Just out of curiosity, how much notice did you give for the party? This is a tough time of year to find sitters on short notice so maybe that was just the issue?
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [Nemostrin] [ In reply to ]
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I gave at least two weeks notice, maybe a bit more.

It was a random group of friends, not people that get together on a regular basis at all.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [QRgirl] [ In reply to ]
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First...I have kids...love babysitters and believe in them immensely. However, some do not. And, you have to decide if you wish to keep this friend or if this is something you can tolerate for the sake of your friendship. If you can tolerate it.....make it a movie night in another room with popcorn they will love it....if you decide you can't, just prepare for your friendship to be sacrificed.
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Re: Was I rude? No kids please... [fidgetmagoo] [ In reply to ]
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You really think that they will stop being her friend if they can't bring their kids? I wouldn't want friends like that, personally. I'm not into kids and I'd hope that if my friends have them I wouldn't be forced to invite them to everything or not be friends anymore. Seems a bit crazy to me.

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