BallsJesus wrote:
I really appreciate everyone's input here and it has truly allowed me to step back and realize I shouldn't care too much about what other peoples #'s are. I need to keep focusing on the task at hand and just concentrate on growing for myself. I really do love this sport and the community!
THANKS EVERYONE!
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I used to be skinny,fit and fast.I have even won a few races but I can tell you that I get far more inspiration from the slow,overweight newbies who are trying so hard to overcome things that so many faster people just don't understand.After years of illness,injury and the following depression I ended up putting on so much weight that I added over 50lbs to my 5'7" frame and went over the 200lbs mark.
With that weight gain came so many obstacles and social changes which shocked me into actually being glad I put on the weight because it made me realize just how hard it is for overweight triathletes to face every day training and racing.It made me a better and more caring person.
I was publicly shamed,I had people make fun of me at events,my 30 years worth of knowledge of the sport in people eyes seemed to apparently vanish as "fat athletes" can't possibly know anything. All that led to me being too ashamed to go to the pool,to join any groups and had me bed bound with depression and the constant process of thinking about creative ways of killing myself without bothering anyone.I moved to the place I am now so nobody in the pool knows me,I ride alone,I run alone,I do everything alone because of the shit I got and the looks in the eyes of "friends" who I used to train and race with.I hid in a small village in Thailand for almost two years and I will be eternally grateful to the guys from the Thailand Triathlon Association for accepting me "as is".
It is interesting because,in the last year or so I have joined the Bikepacking community here in Australia and have been welcomed with open arms as an overweight slow guy and it is awesome.The triathlon community that used to love to introduce me to their friends,as that Ultraman guy,have now pretty much cast me out.I no longer fit the acceptable mould.
There is a saying credited to Greg Lemond that goes "It never gets easier you just get faster", well I can tell you as I have told others, that is such a load of crap because when you are fat and slow and sick everything is harder.When I was fit and winning Ultraman's everything was easier.Getting out of bed was easier,getting the motivation to train was easier,running was easier, getting aero was easier,riding up hills was easier,tying shoelaces was easier,wiping my ass was easier. When I was fit everything was easier, so I have much respect for you and the challenges you face.Keep up the good work.
I am on the road back now and the advice I'll give you is to just take it one day at a time and not look to other peoples results as they are irrelevant in your journey.Just do you own thing and as long as those things are being done for the right reasons,in the spirit of your own journey then the positives will be so worth it.