I wish that I had something meaningful to say, but sometimes life is just shitty. Death has to come to us all, we can only hope that we do not suffer unduly, or make our family suffer. I hope that your father is not suffering.

I think that your acknowledgement that you don't feel bad for him, and your guilt over that, indicates that you do love your father, and care about him. Take comfort in that, and be assured that grief will come. Often those who are closest to the departed take the longest to come to terms with their loss.

Gotta go. just thinking about this has me remembering my grandmother.

J.

I'll add my condolences to others on this board. I was numb when I lost my Grandfather a few years ago, a 6'4" powerhouse of a man that had alternately terrorized me and challenged me all my life. It was damn hard to see him on machines unable to speak because of the Parkinsons.

I was there with my son 20 minutes before he died to say goodbye. I was numb for several weeks, but the grief still comes in spurts 5 years later. It helps to work out, it helps to have friends you can be with who can let you feel like crap.

And I'll echo what others have said, write whatever you need to on this board, plenty of people here are thinking about you and hoping to help.

Leigh

Record, I'm an infrequent poster, I always enjoy reading your thoughts. Last night I spent time with my 86 yr. old parents, I'm 54 and an only child. They are both, thank God, health and active but increasing the signs of age are showing through my denial and rose colored brain. My heart goes out to you because I am so afraid of what you are going through and how I will get through it. Ironman I can do, deal with the illness and eventual death of my parents I'm not so sure (can't train for it). Anyway, be strong, you're in alot of people's thoughts and prayers, it's got to help.

Ted III (my Dad's the second)

Record10ti,

I am with everyone else here. It is a hard time for you and your family. Recently we lost my mother to cancer. It was her time. She was tired of the battle and there was no end to it in sight. She has been greatly missed by my father and my brothers. Strange--though not so strange--her death really brought our family together in a way that we needed. She had always been the glue that held the family together and now that she is gone we have been forced to bond in good ways. Hang in there.

The best advice I got after her death was from my pastor who had also recently lost his mother (and has since lost his father). He told me that grief is a funny thing. When everybody thinks that you should be over it (Some think you should be ready to move on), you probably aren't. I found that on long rides I needed to stop at a bench and just sit and think. I needed to sit in my rose garden (she loved roses) and pray. For each of us it will be different. But give yourself permission to grieve on your on time schedule and in whatever way works best for you.

I will be praying for you

JonB

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Jon Bergmann
http://jonbergmann.com

"And you're a real sensative guy (not). One of the amazing things about the net is that you can sometimes talk to total strangers who can relate to you and be sympathetic. Maybe sometimes there is no one else to turn to."

My point exactly. "On the net you can turn to total strangers.....maybe sometimes there is no one else to turn to."

Why is this? We should all seek out relationships where we can turn to in times of need. If the impersonal net/forum is your last recourse, this is sad (particularly a triathlon forum). If the impersonal net/forum is your last recourse then you should look deep inside yourself and determine what are your barriers to interpersonal *real life* relationaships.

My deepest sympathies for Record10's father.

My condolences...

We are all here to talk if you should want

Taku

I usually refrain from direct confrontation with people on this board but ehre goes.

I myself have been on this board for several years and I feel like I have made some Real Relationships with several people on the board. Some of us email back and forth and help each other out when we can. I haev even made an effort to meet several people in my area. This does not make me a loser, pathetic, or anything else and it certainly does not make record a loser.

If there is a loser here I would point to you, who has the gall to lecture a total stranger about his desire to look to his friends for some comfort. Just becuase he looks to the forum for comfort doesn't mean he hasn't looked elsewhere either.

Lastly I have not found this forum be impersonal at all, perhaps if you had been around for while you would have figured that out

... my condolences...

Why is not really the question... or, as Slowman so perfectly said,

"...maybe (our reactions) in retrospect...(were)... inappropriate. they just were what they were."

Hey, Francois... Very sorry to hear about your situation... e-mail me when you get back...

Thoughts and prayers to all...

FWIW Joe Moya

I recall the shock when I saw your posts entitled: "I am dying" a year or so ago when I believe you were in a hospital on your death bed.

Maybe somehow your experience has affected your feelings towards your father in the exact same situation.

Maybe you've rationalized that he has died in peace and did not suffer.

Although this forum is a wonderful community, I think you should consider having a "live" dialogue with someone... a counselor, a church-head, a friend, a family member. If anything, sometimes it helps just to have someone listen actively. Just don't go it alone.

Wow, I remember those posts too. Man, record, you've had quite a time recently.

It reminds me of a period a few years ago in my life. Within a three year period I lost my mother (cerebral hemorrhage) my son (stillborn) and my dad (alzheimers).

Afterwards I was able to rationalize that although their sudden deaths were extraordinarily painful and almost unbearable for me, they, in turn, did not suffer through long and painful deaths. Essentially, they each died happy... and I thanked God for that. It gave me peace.

Maybe you've realized the same with your father, and you already have peace.

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http://irondad06.blogspot.com/

http://irondad.blogspot.com/

Record10Ti,

My thoughts are with you and your family in this time of difficulty. May your dad rest peacefully and without suffering.

-John

"I know this will fire people up....but I dont believe in god"..."I wish that I could have done things better...I wish things were not what they are. I dont feel guilty for what I have as I have earned it all..."


There are so many comments to make about your post, I am not sure where to start or how to summarize. What I do want to say is that you should not be so hard on yourself or worry so much about what people are going to think. You are entitled to your own beliefs. They may be different from mine - or not - they may be different from other people, so what, as long as you are at peace with yourself.

You have faced and conquered many challenges in your relatively short life, probably more than most of us will face in our whole life. May you keep your fighting spirit!

Then why exactly are you here Mr. MMM? If that is your real name. Just read 5 posts and you know we are a bunch of goofs. If you find it so god awful then split. Go on forums with normal people.

I think you like it here though. I think you want to be in the nerd club but are afraid to say "Hi. I'm MMM and giving people shit when they are down makes me feel good."

So leave or stay. I say stay and have fun.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I am sorry to hear this Chip. I have been there and done that. You are right to not feel too bad for him. My trip on this path was to watch my father die slowly from cancer. Your father's path is much better.

I seem to recall that your father was quite a successful guy. Dwell on his life and its fulfilled promises rather than his death, if you can.

First off, totally respect your look at the crap that's flowed into your life and can't see any evidence of grace, love, or divine care. I've had a similar conversations with incest survivors. To a person none were rescued. Why doesn't God rescue the innocent from evil? I don't know for sure. I have thoughts but that does not matter right now. I think your desire to honor your father's wishes is what I would hope my children would do for me. That's the best you can do, the best any of us could do. Faith is often praying to the God we do not understand. Hang in there ironbrother.

my thoughts are with you... truely an awful time. My dad died relatively suddenly, about 4 years ago. You feel everything and nothing, all at once. It was without a doubt the most painful thing I've been through, including my divorce, and it takes a long time to work through it. But, you do....so again, I'm thinking of you and your family.

Record10ti, you are someone to be admired. You're still alive. Amazing.

Hang in there buddy. Hang in there.

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Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com

"I dont even know what to call this topic"

Just do what my artist buddies do. Make shit up.

I recommend...

record10ti in reprose untitled #8

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Sorry to hear of your dad's situation. We all have the same fate, one way or another, as your dad. For me, when I've seen family/friends in a similar condition, I feel the worse for the family members. Usually, the person on the machine is, for the most part, unaware of their situation. Sometimes, they can still hear...but, that's not the real reason it often is good to talk to them...it's often best for the family members to talk to them for their own benefit.

I don't know what is the best way to die. Quick and unexpected without any discomfort, or to be diagnosed with a disease that is known to do it's job in X months. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. But, to be stricken with something that lays you incapacitated is a really tough one, if you are aware of what is occurring. I think knowing someone in your father's condition: someone who is unconscious and lingering, while maybe not the "preferred" way to come to the conclusion of life that we all must go through, at least you know it's not the worst way to "check out". Maybe that's why you don't feel so bad for him at the moment.

I wouldn't be surprised if you always feel this way about his impending demise, nor would I be surprised if you change the way you view it. I was relieved for my Grandfather when he finally died after suffering with cancer for many years. Now, years later, I feel the loss more than the relief. I wish he could be here to see my son and daughter growing up.

I think of this every time I see a Blue Jay...during his funeral, a Blue Jay flew across the family and friends gathered at the gravesite....for those of you that know about this bird, they can be quite noisy, and this one was true to form. I had to smile when this occured, because I knew that from that moment on, whenever I would see a Blue Jay, I'd think about my Grandfather. I hope, somehow, that he can see my son and daughter growing up, and I always consider that possibility when I see a Jay or even just hear their raucous call.

I wish for the best for you and your family in this time of loss.

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Quid quid latine dictum sit altum videtur
(That which is said in Latin sounds profound)