In a race last summer I was doing my usual shoes-on flying dismount. While approaching bike dismount line, threw right leg over saddle while twisting left shoe out of pedal. Forgot when I installed my new Dura Ace pedals to loosen tension on left pedal for just this purpose. When I realized I was going over, yelled "shit shit shit" as if to attract maximum attention from the crowd. The hard twisting motion caused my left hamstring to cramp up while the impact tore my shorts and bloodied my knee...all this 3 feet in front of the mat. Made for a shitty run. Oh we'll, nine years in the sport shit can still go wrong.

Training

A couple weeks after I got my bike trainer I started doing a workout and didn't remember to latch the bike in all the way and it was still loose in the back. Noticed when I started doing the first interval and the bike fell out and I fell down on the basement floor.

Racing

Tried to do a running mount on my bike without ever practicing it and had my shoes clipped and ready to go. About 15 feet after I tried to mount I wound up unclipping my shoes from the pedals, sitting on the ground and put my shoes on so I could actually mount the bike.

Training with swim bands. Rather than use an old tire tube, I rigged up a nylon band that locked my ankles together. You know what happens next. After turning the lap tank into froth and only going ten feet, I was able to save my sorry ass by grabbing the lane rope thanking heaven they were there! I waived the life guard off as he was reaching for the hook. He kept a close eye on me after that.

Flatted on a long ride last summer in the rain. Changed tube on the gravel shoulder and my cleats got very muddy. Clipped back in and road for about another hour when I came to a busy intersection and had to stop. The mud had hardened like cement and couldn't get my cleats off the peddles. Down I went with shoes stuck to peddles lying on the the pavement trying to get my shoes off with all kinds of cars driving buy.

Several years back, the family and I spent 2 weeks in the Fort Wilderness campground at Walt Disney World. After about a week and a half of it, I was going stir crazy and figured I'd rent one of their bicycles and at least try to put in some bike mileage. I started doing lap after lap around the windy sidewalk/trail that circles the campground. It started to drizzle a little, so it cooled down a bit and I started cranking up the speed. After about half an hour, the front wheel slid out on a turn and I superman slid about 20 feet on my belly down the sidewalk. As I lay there, I hear "Are you OK?". It was a bus driver who had stopped with his bus full of tourists, checking to see if I was going to live... Also, not my proudest moment when I had to return the bike with a tacoed wheel all covered in blood.

Brad

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3SIXTY5cycling.com

Bought a pair of new garmin/cervelo bibs at the veloswap for $20, which I swore would only be used for inside training sessions. But alas, the day came when they were the only clean bibs. I snuck outside for a quick one hoping no one was watching. Got passed by Tom Danielson.

While racing a sprint a few years ago, I opted to use my brand new bike that I had only rode once outdoors prior to the race. It had brand new pedals to go with it, and I decided that installing new pedals would be a good time to change my cleats out as well.

400m from the end of the bike leg, attempting to unclip my foot, I realized that I had lost a few screws from my brand new cleats somewhere on the course and that my foot was spinning around freely on top of the pedal. I managed to reach down and undo the strap on the shoe and pull my foot out, but was still pedalling with my other foot... and so my empty shoe whipped around on top of the pedal, the heel caught on the road, and the shoe unclipped and went bouncing back down the road behind me. I had to jump of my bike and run back down the road to pick it up and ride into T2 with one shoe in my hand, as we were in a park and any littering would get you an automatic DQ. I figured that since I was so close to T2 and there were people everywhere, my 'littering' would have been observed by many and my race would have been toast. I don't think I've ever been more red in the face heading into T2.

Learned a few lessons from that race, needless to say.

I had one this weekend.

I went into T1 hoping to make it really quick. I was able to get out of my westsuit faster than ever. I had my sunglasses and helmet on in seconds. I grabbed my bike and headed for the exit. But, I hadn't secured my shoes (attached to the pedals) with a rubber band, so one of them hit the ground and cam off the pedal. I had to circle back and get the shoe. That might have looked silly enough, but there's more.

Since I lost time with this shoe thing, I was rushing and not paying attention well after mounting the bike. While I was fiddling around with my feet/pedals/shoes, I ran into a traffic cone right outside of transition and I went down. Luckily, there weren't many people there to see it.

Come flying into T2, nail my dismount and carrying so much speed I blow past my rack and don't realize it. I rack my bike and start taking off my helmet and I'm like WTF where are my shoes...WTF... someone put their wetsuit in my spot and took my shoes. Then I realize I'm in the wrong spot. To make matters worse, I then run 50y to the end of transition and realize I forgot my GPS watch... and go back and get it.

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TrainingBible Coaching
http://www.trainingbible.com

Forgot to take my cleat covers off my shoes. Took about 100m after the mount line to figure out why I couldn't clip in. Had to move over and chuck them in the bushes. Not so embarrassing as no one saw me but after racing for over 25 years it was a total noob show.

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Formerly DrD

admitting I have an ST account......

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"I would definitely smell her seat after a century ride"

I had one two weeks ago. Let's just say it was tummy turning and explosive.

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You can't buy happiness but you can buy a bike and that's pretty close.

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Everyone here wishes you didn't. So we know how you can fix this for everyone....

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"Sweep the leg...Do you have a problem with that?" - John Kreese

Not nearly as bad as this gif that was just posted:

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"Sweep the leg...Do you have a problem with that?" - John Kreese

This.

Flat tire at 2013 Rev 3 Knoxville 5 miles in day after crashing on the RR tracks. Funny part of this was on the drive down we were all talking about our bad weekends of racing and unfortunate problems, which I said I never really had before. I think I jinxed myself at that exact moment.



It ended well for me though. I got a new Trek 9.9 P1 Speed Concept out of it, and the disc now strikes up some great conversations at races, and sometimes get the mention of the above race and people asking, great way to meet new athletes and laugh a bit.

Head to California’s Central Coast and run on a beautiful coastal mountain trail on the first weekend in April: Montana de Oro State Park.

See the main trail heading gradually down and northeast. But you wanted a real RIDGE trail. So you take that little, faint, unofficial ridge trail southeast until you get to the end of all the ridges and have to decide if you want to backtrack to Hazard Peak or bomb down that little game trail you can kind of make out heading straight down to Islay Creek Road.

You choose to go for it and crush your quads with the 900 foot descent (a descent of a little less than one mile in less than 7 minutes) and pound down the side of the mountain. What freedom! What a mess as you get up to your waist in overgrowth not knowing what kind of creature broke this trail in the first place and if you’re going to end up falling into its den on the way down.

Fall, roll, jump down to the Islay Creek Road and hear the wonderful sound of the rushing creek as you parallel it on a nice gravel road that gradually leads back down to your starting point at sea level.

See the crashing surf, smell the salty air and immediately head south on the Bluff Trail. You’re 50 feet above the water on a curvy gravel trail that teases the sides of the cliffs. Finally turn around when the trail ends and head back to Spooner’s Cove. But you have more energy to burn and more excitement still ahead.

Climb north out of Spooner’s Cove on the very sandy trail that stays above the surf. Oh, you noticed again that it’s very sandy, very deep sand. But you’re having a great time as the rain starts to head your way after staying above Valencia Peak all afternoon. Retrace your deep sandy footprints back to Spooner’s Cove and consider soaking in the little tidal pools and rinsing off. But no. You decide the day’s been perfect, so you just pack it in and change clothes in the car never imagining the lingering consequences of your decision.

Ten days later back in Phoenix your legs EXPLODE with poison oak exposure, but you don't know what it is for another week until you see an expensive dermatologist. After first inspecting every millimeter of your completely naked body, slowly, SHE takes one look and whispers to her FEMALE assistant only seven words, "Maximum steroids, maximum antihistamine, the Big Guns," and then leaves.

Constant physical insanity reigns supreme, but seven days later the welts and lesions begin to shrink and the antihistamine has you sleeping the sleep of the comatose, and you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You make the ultimate sacrifice and throw away your beloved trail shoes and all your running clothes which may have been exposed to the noxious weeds. You even start to laugh about the experience and make jokes now that you've read all the literature and research about how to avoid secondary and future exposure.

Until two weeks later you drive to Flagstaff, Arizona in a pair of bermuda shorts that you wear and launder regularly but don't realize were the same pair of shorts you put on after your beautiful coastal mountain trail run 21 days earlier. Three washings later and they still contain traces of the evil allergenic plant oil which in quantities as small as the tip of a pencil can put 500 people through two weeks of agony.

Except for you the two weeks is now four weeks because of the secondary exposure. And now the affected areas aren't just your legs but also your arms which you wiped dry with the infected shorts and everywhere on your body INSIDE YOUR SHORTS that your shorts may have touched on your drive up to Flagstaff for a beautiful mountain trail run at the end of April. Yes, right THERE.

I was on a ride and saw young lady on the road in a stopped car. Being the gentleman my parents raised I pulled off the the side of the road to help her or at least offer use of my cell phone. Only to get up to the car and realize she was breast feeding a child. Thank god for the dark sunglasses hiding the giant look of surprise in my eyes.

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I still lapped everyone on the couch!

First ever pool sprint tri, cold but sunny early season race.

Don't think I had ever swum a continuous 400m at that point, but managed it on the big day (with a few end of lane rests) in a princely 11mins or so. Out to transition, kit on, grab the bike and I'm wheeling it to the mount line when the Marshall shouts 'your sunglasses are on upside down'.

For some reason I assumed I had to do this back at the rack so I then ran back to my racking spot, reracked my bike and started trying to remove my helmet, with the gloves I had put on. Tried this several times, before realising that I needed to remove my gloves to get my helmet off. So I did, then put my sunglasses the right way, helmet back on, gloves back on, back to the mount line and away....

....it never occurred to me that once told my sunnies were on upside down I could have just stopped, slid them out and then back in the right way up under the helmet before continuing to the mount line...

Had a pair of running tights that were a little tight and ended up splitting at the exact location of my butthole, I was on a popular running trail and flashed a good amount of people. My buddy looks at me and said I was going to say you have something on your shorts but realized that's your asshole. Go home wife noticed immediately and laughed.

Similar. My jammers were clearly on the way to splitting down the crack at any. I ignored it for months, then eventually 300m in to a swim set they split. I still swam my whole set, wasn't going to miss a session. Then had to walk back to the changing rooms with a kick board covering my arse.

Soooo much poop in this thread!


My first adult bike was a borrowed Trek 1100. Downtube shifters and mtb spd pedals. I crossed the road to a sidewalk going to a greenway. I decided to try to cut the 90-degree corner where the sidewalk meets by bunny hopping.

Totally missed it. Fell sideways, cracked helmet on sidewalk, right in front of a couple out for a walk.

I was totally fine. She runs over "oh my God, oh my God" like it's a tragedy. Husband looks at the spd pedals thinking all the plastic is gone from some kind of platform pedals "that looks really bad".

I get up, dust off, and say "thanks for stopping!".

I now practice my bike "tricks" away from public eyes, usually in soft grass first.

I recall finishing a set with split jammers. I only noticed because of the cool water passing across my butt was a nice relief. Good thing it was not busy and the guards were on the other side of the pool.

two things ring a bell:

In college - JUST got done with a 5k race. Of course I drank heavily the night before as I was in college. Ran as someone else (it was for charity and my fraternity). I was walking through the main outdoor hall way feeling like absolute and total garbage. Thought I was going to puke but mixed feelings on it. Dean came through with a tour group of new incoming freshman. Asked if they could ask me questions. I said sure. Someone asked me a question. I proceeded to say, "one second - and walked 3 feet to my right and hurled like no ones business in the trashcan"...got done like nothing happened and proceeded to ask the young lady to repeat the question. The parents were not pleased. Some of the dads were dying laughing. the girls were horrified. the guys all laughed. I was a student athlete so the dean had a word with me the next day (blamed it on the race).


Another college 5k fraternity race. Got done and had to shi* like no ones business. Panic. People could see the terror in my eyes. needed to find a port o john. Saw one. was making a bee line for it. A girl i had a crush on decided to run and jump and wrap her legs around my waist - flying hug style. I was caught off guard. I shit myself something good as soon as impact occurred. it was beer sh*ts. needless to say after digging myself out of that whole. i did end up dating her.

oh college days.

#Iamdyingrightnow

My worst was a swim meet at university. My jammers split and my giblets and ass were exposed.