it sounds like hes a touch lazy?

my 6 year old can be pretty active, but really she has a lazy streak in her. i dont push her and never will, but im def all about trying to link the work you put into something to the net gain you get out of it, be it sport, education, work... whatever.

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80/20 Endurance Ambassador

I didn't want to say it.......but, I have thought it. Agreed.

Wife works hard at things. She does the Camp Gladiator stuff. Has run some half marathons. I show some work ethic at work, home, and in riding my bike. So we at least backup our talk with demonstrating the principle.

I don't want to force it and ruin an activity, but a some point you gotta put something in.

He likes riding the bike in the neighborhood with his younger brother, but he's soooooo slow I have to run instead of ride my bike to "make the ride work". And I don't run fast, I'm not a runner. A fast run for me would be 7:30 on a pan flat road. That's a lazy cruise on a bike.

not everyone is wired the same. some people love physical activity, getting dirty and sweaty and putting work in. some people want to stay inside in the air conditioning.

i read here on the twitch the other day that some peoples kids have been running MILES a day on their own during all these crazy times and i got really jealous. my little girl loves to ride her new bike but not for long, and i cant really get her to go for a little 1 mile jog with me ever.

i think the best thing you can do as a parent (from what ive observed and try to do as a parent) is do what youre already doing. do what you can to make the physical activity your kid does enjoy FUN, try and link the work that needs to be put into something with the output of being better at it, and promote it but dont push it. if you push too hard you're going to get resistance and the proverbial middle finger and turn the kid off to what youre trying to promote.

sounds like youre already doing all that... just keep at it and let your kid find their own path.

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80/20 Endurance Ambassador

This lack of pedaling effort/force is common among kids. I see it in one of mine and in my nephew. They just don't push hard on the pedals, they want pedaling to be like a leisurely stroll, they'll average 8-10 mph on the paved flats.

sounds like you have a fairly young child :)

Don't sweat it. The more he plays the more it will eventually click. Rec league is not really a skills oriented goal. Rather it's an introduction and the goal is to have fun. At that level, the giant kids tend to do best as they simply plow through everyone. My kids were small so they got smashed all the time. The most important thing I learned is that kids do not get better linearly. it's a crazy stair stepped progression so try not to compare him with the other kids (it's hard not to do) as it will lead to lots of angst.

My daughter (now 16) used to go to most practice kicking and screaming but she wouldn't quit at the end of each season. Plus she was terrible. She would never do drills on her own. Now she has found self-motivation to get her brother to train her this summer to get into better shape and skills. She is so so much better. My son (age 20), OTOH, when he was young would do footskills with little rocks on the ground. He loved touching the ball.

Both are decent players. He is way better with skills and passing but she is more fearless. They are just wired differently. Just encourage them and it will click.

Final thought, if you want them to get "better" at footskills and they don't want to do it with you then look around for teams/coaches that focus on footskills. Most rec leagues don't do that. Plus they don't seem to mind being told by their coaches to do drills. Good luck!

I am going to offer a different perspective on this. I am a 35 year old father of two (7 and 5 year old girls -- almost, they age up in June) and husband. I grew up in a family of 4 kids. My dad ran track and cross-country in high school and my mom was never into physical activity. My dad also worked crazy hours to put food on the table and never encouraged any of us to do sports. We all played baseball as kids and all 4 of us went on to play hockey. The three boys all played ice hockey and our sister played field hockey. We were all just "Okay" at the sport. Better than 95% of humans but never able to get to the pointy end of things. But why?

I honestly think it was due to a lack of direction and a lack of a push from our parents to really be great at something. We all learned how to "work hard" from mom and dad, but never how to achieve at a seriously top-notch athletic level. I look at a lot of the friends we grew up with whos parents pushed them in sports and the results that came from it. We lived in a nice area around Pittsburgh where a lot of ex-pro NHLers, NFLers, MLBers would raise their families. The absolute level of outside coach, training, and push from their those kids parents (and subsequently everyone else around them to keep up) was impressive. I also want to point out that not everyone had the genetic gifts to be good at sports. I truly saw how much consistency and hard work matter when it comes to athletic performance. I have been able to use those two things to become a "pretty okay" triathlete as an adult.

My kids are also pretty good at "going hard" when I ask them to. Its mostly on the bike or running that they really push when asked. My oldest loves to race other kids but does tend to quit when she gets behind, my younger one really just likes to participate and sometimes cheats to try and "win". My oldest is still afraid of swimming and the water, my younger one is happy to loaf around the swimming pool for hours with floaties on. I will certainly be pushing them in health and athletics.

Here's my point:

• I wish my mom and dad had pushed me harder in sports (all they ever did was drop us off and leave it to the coaches)
• I wish my mom and dad provided some sort of guidance in sports (again, all left to the coaches)
• I wish my mom and dad had instilled healthier lifestyle habits when I was a child (we now drive these healthier changes in our parents)
• DO NOT BE AFRAID YOU ARE PUSHING YOUR KID TOO HARD

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Ironman Lake Placid 2021| 70.3 Worlds St. George 2021

My elementary school son has similar tendencies - he gets frustrated if he makes a mistake, plays bad or his team gets smashed, however his reaction is normally to just stop. It's the same with school work. Things generally come easy to him, but as soon as they don't he loses his mind and storms off. It's a complete foreign reaction to me and drove me crazy for a while. I come from the line of go until they have to carry you off field/court. He loves organized practices (he is very social) and lessons, but won't do anything outside of those environments.

Along the way it has become apparent that our son is motivated by achievements even if they have no tangible value. We got him the DU app for soccer and he did it religiously on his own with no prompting. His foot skill really started to improve and translate to the field. It wasn't improving his performance that motivated him though, he was just obsessed with keeping his tracked streak going while earning the various badges/levels the app provides. One day, DU updated the app and the active streak and badge/level components were removed. Since that point he has no interest at all and we have to force him to even do a 2 minute daily workout.

Same thing with music. We tried a guitar/keyboard teacher. He enjoyed the lessons but would not do anything outside of the time the teacher was actually here. It was frustrating because he has some natural ability, but he just didn't have any interest beyond lesson time. Someone gave him the simply piano app and now the bigger battle is getting him to take a break. He is obsessed with completing lessons, earning stars and moving up levels. As a result, he is really learning the piano and how to read music even though to him it's just a game he is playing.

Obviously we don't want the solution to always be screen based, but we have learned that if we can turn tasks more into some sort of game play or create a tiered approach, he generally will jump right in. It doesn't have to be anything with any actual value. Earning stickers, have a chart with boxes to check off, etc. Just little goals to earn really motivate him.

Heck, we even got him to join the morning mile club at school (3 days a week for 25 minutes when school was a thing). Because he likes running? Nope. Because his parents are active? Nope. Because his friends do it? Nope, none of them do it. It was because for every mile they complete they get a stupid shoe shaped plastic charm that goes on a shoe string. Whenever the club is offered (usually a few months a year) he wants to sign up.

Every kid is different and none of this works as well on our younger daughter, but maybe something along these lines might be helpful in your situation.

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"It's good enough for who it's for" - Grandpa Wayne

How old is this child?

This is the most important.

I've spent a lot of time coaching youth cycling in a fairly performance based program.

Up to Age 13:
It should be mostly fun and games. Instead of "Intervals" We do relay races. Instead of focusing on racing and results, we focus on challenge and riding fast with friends. This is mostly about skill development and shorter rides with more intervals (kids metabolism works better this way than long-steady efforts). Kids are able to race in junior races, but it's more from love of the sport than focused on results.

Skill based Games:
Smashing a water balloon with front tire to learn to "wheelie".
Limbo on a bike
"Bump and Thump": Riding in a small circle with other riders; riders get "out" when they put a foot down. As more riders get out, the circle gets smaller.

From 13 to 15:
Here you start to naturally see who is "In it to win it" and who just wants to enjoy the activity. At this age we focus more on "training" with purpose. We introduce true intervals, etc. More focus on racing, tactics, etc.

From 15 to 18:
For those who want to compete, it's full-game on. This traveling to national and international level events. Focused on specific training for improved performance.

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I talk a lot - Give it a listen: http://www.fasttalklabs.com/category/fast-talk
I also give Training Advice via http://www.ForeverEndurance.com

The above poster has eschewed traditional employment and is currently undertaking the ill-conceived task of launching his own hardgoods company. Statements are not made on behalf of nor reflective of anything in any manner... unless they're good, then they count.
http://www.AGNCYINNOVATION.com

I feel your post is a bit contradictory.

I'm having a difficult time with "Generic health, balance" and "enough ability to play how they want" because I feel the second really get into a "performance" situation.

It sounds like your son is fulfilling the "healthy" portion, but not the "higher performance" to be as good or better as the other kids.

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I talk a lot - Give it a listen: http://www.fasttalklabs.com/category/fast-talk
I also give Training Advice via http://www.ForeverEndurance.com

The above poster has eschewed traditional employment and is currently undertaking the ill-conceived task of launching his own hardgoods company. Statements are not made on behalf of nor reflective of anything in any manner... unless they're good, then they count.
http://www.AGNCYINNOVATION.com

Counterpoint: kids should just play and not have to work at being fit.

When I was a kid we headed out for hours every day running around playing without ever having an adult watching us or telling us what to do and we were fit. Sadly, it's different today, but fitness shouldn't be work for kids. If they want to be good in a sport, when they're into their teens it'll take some work, but that motivation can come from their peers, their coaches, and themselves.

My son played lots of sports, organized and otherwise, but we never pushed him. He was just always playing with other kids or wearing me out in the backyard in baseball, basketball, and football, In junior high, he and we got sick of organized sports and he pulled out for a couple years and got into skateboarding with his buds and we spent the weekends hiking and got a deal to do trail tracking for Backpacker magazine, a couple of our trails appeared in the magazine. In high school, he got into football, basketball, and track, ended up state MVP in track and did track in college where he was a D1 All-American in the decathlon. I never once told him to work out or exercise or practice. He's coaching now and his athletes get on him to work out.

Our twin daughters were always outside and active and at some point decided they wanted to be on a swim team and that's been their thing. They were all-state in high school and will swim in college. They also ran track. And they also got into hiking with me for a couple stretches. For swimming, they made us take them to 5:30 AM practices when we told them to skip. They definitely pushed us. They're running and doing exercises now that pools are closed, but again, we have never made them do anything.

Our oldest daughter, well, okay, she could have used a push. Never had an interest in sports or physical activities. She would ride her bike and rollerblade around our large flat driveway for fun and was not unfit, but she's not like the other three. As an adult, I think she gets zero exercise.

My counterpoint isn't that counter really, but the primary thing is just let the kids play.

https://www.bobbigelow.com/...et-the-kids-play.htm

Almost 11. And he is the big kid in the group that could plow through if he wanted to.

I guess why I said "not performance" is to differentiate between "rec league" level stuff and kids who are on some kind of professional trajectory. Even at rec it's comments like "well that happened over there blah blah blah".........."well, it happened because that kid is faster and touches the ball better".

It's definitely more of the lazy part. It's in school also. And other stuff. As soon as it moves from just farting around fun into something unpleasant, like school work he's not as gifted at, he's out.

We'll soldier along with good examples and try to point out the successes born out of good efforts.

This is a complicated issue because I feel like my kids already did a good job of choosing good genes from their parents as me and my wife are talented at endurance sport, yet they don't demonstrate much interest in it. At least not the kind of interest I have as an adult with more ambition than time it is hard to see your kid with ample time and sporadic ambition. The killer is when you see that they can be really good at it, but genetics is only part of the story. They need to want it.

So that is the frustrating side of it but when I think back to my own childhood I was a sporadic athlete. I ran while track & field or cross country season was on and swam during the summer or only during actual practice sessions. My bike tires went flat over the winter. I had times of sustained improvement but by my adult standards I was a crappy athlete. I'm prone to remember my stand out times when I was actually behaving like an athlete or achieved something, but the truth is I probably wasn't that much different from my kids.

I had the opposite experience. My parents were not sports parents at all. I ended up swimming D1 and my parents did not know how to pronounce IM my senior year in high school. I was not allowed to join a club team with morning practice til I had a license and could drive myself.

My husband on the other hand had super intense parents. I would argue he is innately way more athletic than me- but every kid in his family quit sports because they was no joy in it whatsoever- just the chance to get cut down.

I think you can do a lot by social engineering though. Put your kid around people you think will motivate them. My kid is into dog agility. Our summer nanny is the local high school kid who rocks at agility. They are laughing in the back yard while working on stuff and she’s hearing what it takes to be successful. Pay attention to the coaches too. My daughter skipped a year of softball cause I didn’t like the parent coach. Almost all of the kids that were on the team that year have quit playing.

Also, don’t be afraid to let them lose early. My daughter has finally learned that winning takes work. She learned that by losing. Just like I did.

I think you hit the nail on the head here with setting good examples. I worked for 5 years with kids and families as a family therapist and the dynamic that always plays out is that kids do what they see. Sure we can instill some concepts by talking to them about it, but in the end, they always do what they see their parents do. I now have a six year old son who has grown up watching me train and race and be competitive in triathlon. He doesn't just ride bikes with his friends, he always wants to race them. My wife and I haven't preached winning, but we've always preached hard work and cheered him on when he works hard, even if he doesn't succeed.

On the other hand, I fully agree with other's experiences that different kids are wired differently. Your son may not be into pushing himself right now, but maybe he just hasn't found the right activity to click with his brain. Maybe introducing him to various sports or activities (as it sounds like you already have) will help him find that passion.

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"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."

My son (just turned 9) doesn't have a lot of interest in sports. It was a struggle to get him to learn to ride a bike, he literally just started riding without training wheels in March and I hoped he would turn a corner and be more interested in riding (just for fun). He even asked us to get him a road bike for a 24" model and I got a good deal from a club mate. We had been going out on a quarter mile loop in our neighborhood for an hour or so and he was doing great, but pretty after a few rides he started to get really impatient with the time and lately he's pretty much refusing to go ride whenever I ask him if he wants to do that. Obviously, I love bikes, but never want to be that parent who insists on kids being into whatever they are (I like soccer too, my son doesn't care about it either)

He's been to my CX races, he sees other kids riding, he sees me riding in the basement 6 days a week, but cycling just doesn't click with him. I wish he would ride more because he takes ADHD medication, and I think that activity would do him a world of good. The only sport I can actually see him doing is swimming, but currently that's a non-starter. Kids, of course, don't have any foresight, I wish he were more into it and coming out with me just so he could build the habits of a healthy active lifestyle, and gain any benefits from doing aerobic activity from a young age, since that stuff carries with you.

• I wish my mom and dad had pushed me harder in sports (all they ever did was drop us off and leave it to the coaches)
• I wish my mom and dad provided some sort of guidance in sports (again, all left to the coaches)
• I wish my mom and dad had instilled healthier lifestyle habits when I was a child (we now drive these healthier changes in our parents)

I often feel the same, My parents never pushed me and I feel like I may have missed out on some potential to go farther in sports. My Coaches always saw the potential and tried to push me but the lack of encouragement from home seemed to hold me back.


I encourage my 11yo daughter to train hard while still having fun. I will support her with whatever gear, training or extra classes she needs and wants as long as I can. We train together for some of it which is a great bonding experience where we can talk about how she is doing and feeling about her activities.

How about soccer?

He doesn't like soccer enough to play, unfortunately.

Sign him up anyway.

What do the other kids in the neighborhood do?

When I was his age, as a kid in CT, everyone would play baseball in the spring & summer [either Little League or pickup games of Wiffle Ball], then hockey in fall & winter [street hockey until the ponds froze solidly enough to skate on, then we'd be on the ice] We'd ride our bikes to get from place to place, naturally

The same continued when we moved to Jersey, then I started skateboarding around age 12, and that's when trouble started LOL

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Well it’s complicated. We have lots of kids his age around but my son is gender non conforming and so doesn’t really have male friends. So he’s not exactly going to be into what the other kids are into. I don’t know if he sees sports as a “male” thing and subsequently isn’t drawn to it. So I’m still trying to figure out the right levers to pull with him

This thread makes me happy that I’ve decided not to have children.

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"The person on top of the mountain didn't fall there." - unkown

also rule 5

Hah! If he clearly doesn't like it now, odds are like 10:1 that he will continue to hate it, if not more, if you force him to play in a soccer league.

Some kids just aren't drawn to sports, even if they have good physical characteristics for it.

And some kids just love competitive sports to death if even if they have few physical gifts for it (yep, that would be me.) I always loved doing anythings sports as a kid, but I was absolutely terrible at all of them until high school - slowest natural speed, worst endurance, smallest size, picked last. The only thing I was good at was coordination dance-type movements but I didn't want to dance, and doing martial arts kinda sucked compared to the glamour of the ball sports.

My parents were not at all encouraging in any sports activity - they made it a point to NOT sign me up for sports leagues I begged them to take me to. Probably because they knew I'd suck at them compared to music, which I clearly had a gift for (but didn't want to do, go figure.)

Luckily, as an adult triathlon AG-grouper, talent is not required to do well in local and regional fields. Hard work will get you almost entirely there against your fellow peers.

My daughter is a weirdly good runner and swimmer but doesn't want anything to do with competition in sports. And I'm ok with that, even though I will keep encouraging to do the occasional fun run etc.