Help with a disruptive kid on my team - UPDATE

Feb 29, 12 19:30

Post #1 of 29 Views: 3773

I coach my daugther's soccer teams. (5 and 6 year olds). Our team had their 2nd practice today (I was not at the first practice, my assistant ran it for me).
I was told after that practice that one of the girls "had a rough day", but didn't really think much of it.
Today she showed up and seemed great. Good introductions. Seemed excited to kick the ball back and forth.
Then when I lined the kids up to do a dribbling drill, she lost it. Screaming, crying, yelling "It's too hard". She hung out on the sideline with her dad.
This pretty much lasted the entire hour. I tried to encourage her to come join us. I asked her to help me coach. Anytime that there was running involved, she melted down. It was a little disruptive to the other 6 girls on the field and I didn't want them to have to deal with a screaming kid the entire time.

I am a pretty patient dude and have had kids that need a little help in the "listening and paying attention" department (usually because I am doing something boring).
I suppose it could be autism or something, but I have been around quite a few kids with autism and this seemed a little different. She was very talkative and seemed engaged at the beginning and the end.
She was also pretty athletic (for a 5 year old). She kicked the heck out of the ball. When we practiced throw-ins, she chucked it pretty good.
They dad just said to me 'She gets a little frustrated sometimes." They paid for her to play and I want her to have a good time (My goal each year in coaching is that the kids want to play again the following year. If they think it's fun, they will come back)

I'm just a volunteer dad. I don't have any training on how to deal with these types of situations.

Any advice?

EDIT UPDATE- The mom approached me at our game today and told me that she as Autism/Aspbergers. She get's scared and nervous at new situations but is highly intelligent (IE - she knows all stars and planets. She reads the news on a Kindle. She is in Kindergarten.) She played a few minutes today. Whenever it was our turn to kickoff, I walked her out to the center (holding her hand). She kicked the ball and ran off the field to her mom and dad. I am going to work my hardest to make sure she has a good time this year.

Last edited by: timboricki: Mar 3, 12 14:09

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 19:33

Post #2 of 29 Views: 3764

Anything else from the dad? Maybe approach him and say you really need help finding ways to motivate her, does he have any suggestions? Do you know whether she is an only child?

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 19:43

Post #3 of 29 Views: 3752

Let it play out
See what happens the next few times
Don't react
She'll either leave or join in

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 19:56

Post #4 of 29 Views: 3736

M&M's seem to work most times.

"I really wish you would post more often. You always have some good stuff to say. I copied it below just in case someone missed it." BarryP to Chainpin on 10/21/06

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:07

Post #5 of 29 Views: 3723

It is great that you are coaching.

did you get any help with setting up practices for 5/6 year olds from the club?

You need a lot of short fun games that are drills in disquise.

Something like hospital tag. have the kids dribble in a small box. the you have one girl (start with the problem one) be your helper. They tag people with a pinny (not their hand as they will start beating on each other (at least boys do). the person dribbling has to hold on with one hand where they were tagged. So encourage them to tag below the knee or the back shoulder etc. Not the head. so she goes around tagging people with the pinny and everyone else is dribbling. Once tagged they dribble to you, you are the doctor. you tap them on the head to heal them and then they can let go of the part tagged and dibble normally. After a few minutes, you pick a different tagger and she starts dribbling.. Repeat several cycles, but not too long.

Another dibbling one is kick the cone. say you have 10 kids, put 5 on each side. then have two lines of cones about 10-15 yards apart. each kid tries to dibble to the other end and kick their ball into a cone. if they hit it, they pick up the cone and carry it back to their end. Each team is trying to get all the cones. It may never happen as each team is trying to get the other teams cones. As they get better they have to "shoot" the ball 5 yards from the cones.

Monster soccer you play a monstor and the kids take turns trying to get around you and score in a goal. you are on your hands/knees or butt and are growling etc. you work harder to block the better players. But every body gets some successful goals as you encourage them to work the ball around you to goal.

Crab soccer wher everone is on the hands/feet with belly up. they move around trying to play a small game.

If you need more, i may still have them. 5-6 years old are great. If you ever forget that soccer is fun, go watch the 5/6 year olds.

Last edited by: patf: Feb 29, 12 20:24

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:18

Post #6 of 29 Views: 3712

Wow, if I had ever acted like that on a field my dad would have beaten me when I got home and it would never happen again.

I'm not so extreme, but my daughter knows when she is sitting out to always be prepared to go in and sit in the seat closest to the coach, and my son is only allowed to take a knee at breaks and never takes his helmet off on the sideline. I tried to take away the values my dad taught me, and implement them in a better way (sans beating).

Seems like there are some parental issues going on in your situation. Maybe if it continues talk to the dad about appropriate behavior and how it disrupts the team - maybe he wasn't an athlete growing up, or maybe he just needs to be aware of the impact on the team and your focus as a coach.

__________________________________________________________________
Eat right. Get lots of sleep. Drink plenty of fluids. Go like Hell.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [triguy101] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:20

Post #7 of 29 Views: 3710

triguy101 wrote:

Let it play out
See what happens the next few times
Don't react
She'll either leave or join in

I think I have an idea for myself on this one. If this continues and she won't participate in any of the drills/games that we do, I am going have her act as "team manager". I'm going to ask her if she wants to help me set up and take down cones, chase after loose balls, etc. I will involve her in the stuff that involves "just kicking" but when we do anything with movement, she is going to be my helper. I tried this a little bit today, but I didn't have anything planned out for her. Next week, I will come prepared.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:29

Post #8 of 29 Views: 3703

My experience is coaching teenagers, but I'll take a stab:

First, she probably has some coordination hang-up with running while doing another task (dribbling the ball), and the worst possible thing for girls is to have this fault publicly exposed among her peers.

Second, her coping mechanism to gain control of the situation is to make a spectacle of herself. She knows she can remove herself from potential embarrassment soon enough. Spectacle is socially acceptable. Incompetence at a skill all her friends can perform is not.

My proposed solution is to verify this by working one-on-one at a running skill, starting at the most basic level (slow-motion walk-dribble) out of sight of her peers. You can ask her dad to do this on their own time - say two hours per week. Eventually she'll gain competence (unless it's a deeper cognitive hang-up, like autism, or significant motor control issues), and won't feel the need to engage her coping mechanism.

In the interim, maybe just have her practice kicking and throwing whenever she loses it, being sure to emphasize that it's not a punitive action. But take charge, don't let her continue to succeed in manipulation through spectacle, or that behavior will be reinforced. As soon you sense it coming, maybe split her off with another girl to just kick, of work more slowly through the drill.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:29

Post #9 of 29 Views: 3704

Punch her.

customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [Mr. Tibbs] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:33

Post #10 of 29 Views: 3699

Mr. Tibbs wrote:

Punch her.

No, that only works for the 3 and 4 year olds.

"I really wish you would post more often. You always have some good stuff to say. I copied it below just in case someone missed it." BarryP to Chainpin on 10/21/06

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:43

Post #11 of 29 Views: 3693

She is 5. I have a 5 year old girl, sometimes she acts out and is completely irrational for no particular reason. Maybe this girl just doesn't like running, is embarassed because she thinks she is slow, or runs funny, or doesn't like/isn't ready for the competition that occurs during scrimages (my daughter in particular has trouble reconciling constantly being told at home, at day care, and now at school, to share and then going out in a competition and take the ball from others (or have it taken from her).

There could be a millon different things going on in here developing mind. Let it play out. Eventually she will come around, or her parents will get the message and enroll her in a different activity.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 20:57

Post #12 of 29 Views: 3679

She is as much your child as a coach as she is her fathers daughter.....she is actually a child of mine as well, since I have been indoctrinated into all of this "our children" bullshit.

With this in mind you should kick her off of the team and let her be the problem of her birthparents.

**All of these words finding themselves together were greatly astonished and delighted for assuredly, they had never met before**

Last edited by: Mojozenmaster: Feb 29, 12 21:01

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [Sshoreli] [ In reply to ]

Feb 29, 12 23:08

Post #13 of 29 Views: 3634

Amen Sshoreli
The good part of getting advice from an internet forum is that you'll get the full spectrum. The bad is that some is just batshit crazy, maybe mine. Please don't give up on the kid. She's 5. My daughter is 5 and has some of the same tendencies. She's really competitive and athletic but really self conscious about not knowing how to do something and the learning process in general. Beginning of any season, it takes her awhile to adjust to learning from a new coach and new team mates. It always mellows out for us by third or fouth practice. In my case, I'm always helping the coach and my daughter regardless if I'm an assistant coach or not. I always discuss what to expect with the coach and try to intercept if a problems brewing. It's a good thing that the dad is there, means he's hopefully cognizant of what's happening. Good luck.

From previous posts, you're in orange county right? We are too, Aliso Viejo. Instead of spring soccer we went with softball and are having a blast.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [ErnieK] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 3:32

Post #14 of 29 Views: 3610

Make her goalie so the other girls can kick balls at her till she straightens out.

_____________________
Fester from Detroit, Mi

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 4:59

Post #15 of 29 Views: 3571

Call a press conference and tell everyone what a bad kid she has been all season - the crying, whining, being late, skipping class, drugs, ...

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 5:10

Post #16 of 29 Views: 3561

This could be all kinds of things from a 5-year-old having a bad day to intermittant explosive disorder. There is an 11-year-old in our neighborhood who is in the latter category. He's a great little athlete until something goes wrong. Then he'll storm off the field/court or have some sort of fit. Last week, he got a technical in a basketball game that cost my son's team a chance to win in overtime. This kid has serious mental health issues, but his parents are useless. However, I'd like to think most parents of kids like this are trying to do their best. If this behavior continues from this girl, have a conversation with the parents to find out how if there are any tips on how to diffuse or otherwise deal with the meltdowns. I would also make clear that her disruptive behavior will not be tolerated, as it can affect the team as a whole. Good luck. I feel for kids like this, but I also know that they can make life for coaches and other teammates extremely difficult.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [triguy101] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 6:24

Post #17 of 29 Views: 3535

My only experience with directly coaching little kids is with swimming but my limited experience is that often the 5 year old that totally freaks out the first few days of practice will pretty quickly get into the swing of things. For kids that age, its not just that some might not take quickly to new things, many may NEVER have actually had to try new things as big as getting turned over to a strange man and being told to run up and down a field. What you are asking her to do is about as big a departure from her limited normal live experience as someone plopping you down in the pilot seat of a 747 and shouting "fly it."

Frankly, after 2 days, she came back the second day, did much of what you asked her to do and it sounds like most of what she actaully did was pretty good. Just let it ride for a while. As for the other 5-6 year olds, seeing another 5 year old cry is pretty normal for them, I bet they did not really even notice.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [chainpin] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 7:09

Post #18 of 29 Views: 3513

Depends on how big she is...

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [JSA] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 7:16

Post #19 of 29 Views: 3503

+1

If all you get from a parent is "'She gets a little frustrated sometimes" then you are going to be making a ton of wild guesses.

As to some of the comments regarding her coordination and concerns: Can she run in a coordinated manner? Is she ok with just passing a ball back and forth with another girl? Has she had this type of reaction with any other drills?

If it is "just" dribbling (not like that's important in soccer at all) then perhaps you can suggest to her dad she practice at home? Away, by herself, no one being critical.

Maybe she'd do well in a race? (probably not) Or maybe you can do the most simple and basic of dribbling drills where the girls are spread out not looking at each other? Or work with her after or before practice?

If nothing else, good for you (!) for being concerned and caring enough.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 7:23

Post #20 of 29 Views: 3499

At that age, it is more the parent's problem than yours. I certainly wouldn't be jumping through hoops and giving her special jobs to get her to calm down. Get the dad involved ASAP, (I'd send him an email along the line of "It seems <daughter> has been getting frustrated at practice. How should we handle it if this comes up going forward?", and then make her understand that if she gets frustrated by a drill she is always welcome to take a water break and maybe go kick the ball with her dad instead, and as soon as she feels ready to re-join the team you are psyched to have her back because the next drill/game you are going to play is super-fun, but that throwing a nutty is not ok.

I'd also shoot a quick email to the league coordinator outlining the situation and what steps you've taken. Crappy parents rarely put the blame where it's due when their kids melt down.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [AmyCO] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 7:35

Post #21 of 29 Views: 3492

This could be all kinds of things from a 5-year-old having a bad day to intermittant explosive disorder.

I have a seven year old that can be "Disruptive" as well. Like you said it can be just about anything and some things just can't be "Fixed" at an hour practice once twice a week.

If I were in the OP's situation I would approach the parents and ask them what they are doing to deal with the situations when it happens with them. This will do two things, first will let you know if the parents are aware and or working with the issue(s) and second give you some idea what the problem is...assuming the parents are actually doing anything about it which may not be the case.

Quite frankly there's absolutely no way for a coach to be able to deal with this kind of stuff without the input and direction of the parents. If the parents can't help you you're going to have to wing it and I'd suggest just letting it play out like others have said. You might stumble upon something that works or you might make it worse.

If you're stuck with parents that are ignoring the situation themselves whatever you do is probably as good as what they do and likely better because you're actually attempting to get results.

~Matt

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [patf] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 7:38

Post #22 of 29 Views: 3485

Yeah, I do a lot of those games-
"What time is it Mr Wolfe?"
With the Pennie Tag game , I have the girls put the pennie in the back of their collar. I call them "Rapunzel" and tell them to not get their "hair taken".
I love crab soccer, but usually for my older kids (the 5 year olds have a little trouble with the arm strength).
Kick the cone - I do "Cone Bowling", I set up 7 cones like bowling pins and have them taken turns trying to knock them down.
Throw in Practice - I have them try to throw the ball and hit me with hit (for some reason, kids get a kick out of hitting adults).

I'll figure it out. I kinda like having "project kids". They are the one's that make it worthwhile to watch their improvement. I have just never had one quite like this.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 7:48

Post #23 of 29 Views: 3482

I have a little experience coaching this age group in wrestling. And I'm a pediatrician (although not that type of pediatrician).

Get her dad to leave. Take away her place to go cry.

Give her positive feedback whenever she does anything remotely good.

When dad comes to pick her up, make sure she hears you tell him about all the great things she did.

Don't lie to her or dad. Kids are smart and hate liars.

Have fun. Kids that are are sponges. It is amazing how quickly they learn stuff.

Andy

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 9:27

Post #24 of 29 Views: 3432

Anyway you could convince Dad to be another assistant?

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 1, 12 9:51

Post #25 of 29 Views: 3415

Well, you had it pretty easy if she is on the sideline, she is easier to ignore. When I coached roller hockey I had a kid lie down in the middle of the court. I told him that I really didn't care if he wasn't playing but that he needed to get out of the way. Is her Dad's presence helping or hurting? I'd talk to him. Maybe if he wasn't there to react to her, she would get bored on the sideline and jump in.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team - UPDATE [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 3, 12 14:10

Post #26 of 29 Views: 736

See update at the end of my original post.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team - UPDATE [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 3, 12 14:31

Post #27 of 29 Views: 727

Man, would have been nice if they told you from the start.

But now that you know it should be "easy" to handle.

"I really wish you would post more often. You always have some good stuff to say. I copied it below just in case someone missed it." BarryP to Chainpin on 10/21/06

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team - UPDATE [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 3, 12 14:33

Post #28 of 29 Views: 724

timboricki wrote:

I coach my daugther's soccer teams. (5 and 6 year olds). Our team had their 2nd practice today (I was not at the first practice, my assistant ran it for me).
I was told after that practice that one of the girls "had a rough day", but didn't really think much of it.
Today she showed up and seemed great. Good introductions. Seemed excited to kick the ball back and forth.
Then when I lined the kids up to do a dribbling drill, she lost it. Screaming, crying, yelling "It's too hard". She hung out on the sideline with her dad.
This pretty much lasted the entire hour. I tried to encourage her to come join us. I asked her to help me coach. Anytime that there was running involved, she melted down. It was a little disruptive to the other 6 girls on the field and I didn't want them to have to deal with a screaming kid the entire time.

I am a pretty patient dude and have had kids that need a little help in the "listening and paying attention" department (usually because I am doing something boring).
I suppose it could be autism or something, but I have been around quite a few kids with autism and this seemed a little different. She was very talkative and seemed engaged at the beginning and the end.
She was also pretty athletic (for a 5 year old). She kicked the heck out of the ball. When we practiced throw-ins, she chucked it pretty good.
They dad just said to me 'She gets a little frustrated sometimes." They paid for her to play and I want her to have a good time (My goal each year in coaching is that the kids want to play again the following year. If they think it's fun, they will come back)

I'm just a volunteer dad. I don't have any training on how to deal with these types of situations.

Any advice?

EDIT UPDATE- The mom approached me at our game today and told me that she as Autism/Aspbergers. She get's scared and nervous at new situations but is highly intelligent (IE - she knows all stars and planets. She reads the news on a Kindle. She is in Kindergarten.) She played a few minutes today. Whenever it was our turn to kickoff, I walked her out to the center (holding her hand). She kicked the ball and ran off the field to her mom and dad. I am going to work my hardest to make sure she has a good time this year.[/quote]

You are a good person. I'm glad there are folks like you coaching.

Spot

___________________________________________________
Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

Re: Help with a disruptive kid on my team - UPDATE [timboricki] [ In reply to ]

Mar 3, 12 17:33

Post #29 of 29 Views: 678

No suggestions, but good luck to you this season. That's quite the challenge, but it's probably also very good for the other girls to meet someone with autistim/aspergers before they can attach too much stigma.

The question of who is right and who is wrong has seemed to me always too small to be worth a moment's thought, while the question of what is right and what is wrong has seemed all-important.

-Albert J. Nock

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