Jen, it will be a long haul for you but things are going to change and you are going to feel better. You will want to run again, don't sell your stuff or throw it away. It is hard to see right now, but you have nothing but opportunity ahead of you. In times of extreme stress, you just need to survive. Push yourself a little bit, maybe even just go for a walk instead of run, to get some fresh air. Do you have someone that would walk or run with you? You might need a training buddy for accountability.

You are going to struggle for a while and then you are going to grow a lot and eventually you will be glad for the experience. It's going to be tough, but try to trust yourself and take care of yourself. Find little bits of happiness in each day and try to replicate it. When I was at my worst stress, it was the middle of winter, I was living in western Oregon where it rains a lot, and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I walked every night and found myself enjoying the various elements. I would make myself hot chocolate when I got home and lost myself in bad TV. Eventually, I got through it. I am glad to know that I can trust myself to get through tough times.

My advice is: make your well being a priority and don't judge yourself right now. Take care of yourself, the rest of it will follow.

What Erika said.

I should put you in touch with other Jen since you all are in the same vicinity. I'll see her next weekend.

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

I was in the same place exactly, but I wanted to run and could not, physically, and still can't. I'd get somuch satisfaction filling out my running log....and now, can't do that anymore.
I know you can't buy DVDs-but what helped me SOOOO much was doing something totally 100% different than the swim/bike/run. I stopped caring totally about tris and started doing yoga and core/boot camp style workouts...that you can find online also for free. But I think the important thing is keep moving, somehow. For me it works as a sort of anti depressant...I need to do something.
You don't HAVE to run right now, not to say you never will again, just find something else, for now, but keep moving!

It's maybe hard to believe right now but it WILL get better.

Great advice here already. Give yourself time to heal. Don't beat yourself up because you're not running 30+ miles a week. For now, just do something for yourself every day. Take a walk, take a bubble bath, buy a new book, make yourself a great dinner, reconnect with friends, etc. I also think you should try doing something different from an activity point of view. Join a bowling team or softball team, take yoga at the community center, join a walking or hiking club, etc Mix it up so you're not doing the same old thing.

I second everything everyone's said so far. I have had my budget slashed this year, and therefore I have re-discovered the joys of the public library! They will loan you books for free... and they have music, videos, and movies too!

i think the jog-a-dog will be one of the best things you can possibly do for yourself, along with making a pup very happy!

other than that, i agree with what has been said about going for a walk, taking a bubble bath, and just generally keeping yourself moving while offering yourself some extra relaxation. don't stress about doing "real training", but hiking a favourite trail and taking some photos is good for the soul.

youtube has tons of videos for basic yoga routines (check out tara stiles' channel - http://www.youtube.com/user/MTSTaraStiles); the internal focus of yoga might help you find some peace.

wishing you all the very best to find your mojo again!

cheers!

-mistress k

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ill advised racing inc.

Laughter is great medicine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FPv2toi5og

Some really great advice here!

One thing that I find can make a big difference is music. Going for a walk or run with some great tunes, dancing in the dark at home or just singing along.

Upbeat music, sad music...it's all great at either lifting your spirits and giving you energy or helping you release all the hurt and tension.

Know in the back of your head that it will get easier. Focus on the present and doing what you need to do to get thru it and don't worry about the future.

When this happens, I go back to the island for a few days. That's my "place." Do you have a place - a take-a-trip place or current activity that makes you feel centered? I know travel is probably not in the budget, so I'm thinking somewhere nearby, or go crash at a friend's house for a weekend. Different physical location = a break, sometimes. Doesn't have to be fancy. You could even camp, if the weather works for that.


One of my favorite posts ever from you was when you guys had no power for 3 days and you had to snowshoe for like 4 hours to get groceries. Do you have snow yet? Going out in fresh snow on snowshoes would be a new/different activity.


Are you working right now? If not - or if so - do you have time to do some volunteer work? Being with kids is emotionally recharging for me. Is being with kids emotionally recharging for you? If not, what other types of volunteering would be, if any? Working with the elderly, in a soup kitchen, ? (No pets - you'll bring 'em all home!)


What little things help you reduce stress "in the moment" on a daily basis? Make a list and keep it around. Things like "reading funny stories" or "meditation" or "listening to _______ [song/artist]."


You said you wanted sympathy and that's fine to ask for. What are your other emotional needs aside from sympathy/empathy from others, and less stress? How can you meet those?


I hope that helps in some small way.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Everything that has been said is great. Have you thought about reading to seniors or children a couple hours each week? It sure helps me when I feel lousy about me.

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When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you suffer.
Dan

I agree with a lot of the responses! I understand how you feel- don't make any rash decision (i.e. Getting rid of the treadmill) When you feel ready again, you will be glad you kept it. Take care of yourself and know that time is your friend.

Amanda

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I'm here to race- myself and you.

I wish I had more to add to all the great comments that everyone has already provided...

I can offer positive thoughts and empathy though! Hang in there girl -- just because you are not running now doesn't mean you will NEVER run again. Sometimes all we can do is get through one second at a time...then one minute at a time, and then one hour at a time.

Good luck, take care of YOU, and positive energy is coming your way!

Hugs!

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http://www.runningwithdoggies.blogspot.com

Thanks everyone. Usually running provides relief from stress but this may be too much noise in my brain even for that. I've missed the fall leaves almost completely because I haven't been outside to notice. This weekend would be a good time for a walk so I can catch a glimpse of them before they blow away.

Great advice all around. I signed up for a Jog-a-Dog program at the local Humane Society that starts in Dec/Jan. That will be a great commitment to have. Every Saturday I need to do at least 5k. That may be the only run I get in that week but at least it is one.

I'll get through all of this, I just wish I could fast forward 6 months.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

I know it is little cheezy but everytime I feel low and need a little kick to snap back to reality it works like magic...

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you!"

One more voice in agreement with others have already said about cutting yourself some slack (and not selling your treadmill/equipment.) I know we're heading into Depression Weather Central here in Seattle, but try to get out there for a walk or a hike. For all of it's gloom, it is still pretty out there and getting out into nature will lift your mood.

Some other budget-friendly thoughts for you:
* check your local library for fitness DVD's. I'm endlessly amazed at what our libraries have in stock.
* take advantage of intro offers/groupons for local yoga/fitness studios. There are some decent deals to be had given the state of the economy and the ridiculous number of studios in this hippie town of ours. :-) Similarly, you can sometimes find cheap class options through local community colleges, etc.

I've not been through exactly what you're dealing with, but I've been in some tough places in my life. Recognize that this won't last forever, even though that seems impossible right now. Have patience that you'll get through this and come out the other side stronger. Exactly like the lows you hit during an Ironman or one of those crazy-talk long running races you do.

Hang in there!

M

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The beatings will continue until morale improves

Those of you in the north, consider getting a "SAD" light, use it 30 to 45 min in the AM. It stimulates the eyes. Also double up on Vitamin D, 2000mg.

Give yourself about another 90 days to absorb the changes. Major upheaval in life usually takes more time than you expect to recover from. Then , you have to find your new normal. 6 months after your life-changing event, your mojo will find you!

Good luck; this too, shall pass...

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DFL > DNF > DNS

x2

Jen, I feel for ya. I went thru a divorce from early 2006 for about a year (it took that long to get it all sorted - Feb 2006 to Feb 2007). It was extremely stressful. My running tanked at the same time too, and my finances were completely in limbo/on hold. I knew the running would come back when I was ready, as would my credit score haha. It probably took another year after the divorce was finalized to actually enjoy running again, so a good 24+ months.

My immediate thoughts:
- keep the shoes
- sell the treadmill
- drop the gym
- run whenever the hell you want and don't beat yourself up if you don't
- save your pennies you will need them
- invest a few pennies in fuzzy socks, nice warm pjs, and netflix subscription
- do things that you haven't done in a while, maybe connect with people you haven't talked to in a while, remember a big part of this process is answering the question "who am I?"
- hunker down and get thru winter sane - spring will bring you out if you're ready

Hang in there.

Andy

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

Hey Jen
Awesome advice from all. You gave me such good advice last week when I was feeling lower than low!! If you can't see yourself running right now, try going for a walk. That has helped me. Maybe not huge fitness gains, but at least it will get you outside breathing in the fresh cool fall air. I like to walk at night when everything is still.

Maybe try looking at some future goal and connect it to now. If I walk around the block tonight then next week I can next week I can jog around the block... then next month I can jog 5k or 2k or 10k or... It doesn't matter if you stay on schedule or even move forward really. Just keep the wheels turning.

Or try something totally new. I am going to phone on Monday about taking a squash lesson. I know that I will totally suck at it, but that is okay cause it is new and I will be just learning and it will be fun and I know I will laugh at myself. I also thought about teaching myself to draw and letting the creative half of my brain express itself for a little while. There should be lots of how-to lessons on the internet. Find something new to make your own.

Don't sell your stuff - I am willing to bet that it is worth more to you than you will ever get if you sell it and you will only have to pay more to buy it again when you come out of this slump. And you will come out of it - you are already on your way... look at how far you have come!!!!

Can i be honest with you from a mans point of view..........? Id be happy if you said no. :/ I have a terrible ability to speak my belief.

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"A wise man once told me......God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called."

Jen I'm rarely on slowtwitch these days. I know things are lousy for you right now but don't be so hard on yourself. If you're able lean on your close friends as I'm certain they have leaned on you in the past. Recruit a buddy whether it's for a walk to a favourite coffee shop or a hike in the rain. Moving in the fresh air - no matter what type of movement it is - is really good for the soul - even in the rain. Get out into nature - discover a local trail etc. Breathe, move, and in time things will settle themselves for you in a new and better place. But please, be kind to yourself.

You might also want to look into yoga. Lots of great free apps for you little phone and I'm sure there is plenty to read on line. I can't tell you how much I'm loving yoga these days for my body, and most importantly my soul.

Karen

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"There's good all around you, you just have to be able to see it".

Thank you everyone. You all are right. I need to be patient with myself and know I'll get back out there. In the meantime my running shoes will wait patiently next to my treadmill.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

I actually wanted to thank you for posting this. I am in a similar place and fighting to find/keep/dust off the mojo. I guess I wanted you to know that you helped just by ensuring me I was not alone. I am going to try to take advantage of this fine NW weather and get out there today, but have been trying all day!

Hang in there. You are powerful beyond measure!

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________________________________________________
Don't Just Live, Thrive!
Thrive Kinematics Physical Therapy - http://www.facebook.com/...8178667572974?ref=hl

So this is long...but your post hit home with me....please believe that the other side of right now is a helluva lot better.

I gave up so much of myself over the past two years - hardly working out, not racing, no self-esteem. Between a lousy work environment, a relationship that wasn't fulfilling & left me angry & lower-than-expected financial ability to deal (funding multiple houses) just left me wasted at the end of each day. I told myself that it was ok to not put pressure on myself to be an athlete right now, it's ok to just survive each day doing what I can & not stressing about what I wasn't. It drained almost all of who I am, what I'm proud of & what I do to reclaim my sanity. I hadn't ever needed medication & found myself on a small dose of Lexapro just to sleep through the night & shut my brain off long enough to recharge to make it through the next day.

About two months ago I realized that life is way too short to spend it getting beat up (metaphorically) all the time. To spend time being angry or being sad, to allow the excuses making it ok for me not being "who I want to be", to blame the financial issues on the bad situation, to say that it'll get better & I'll/we'll come out the other side, to continue taking the blame for everything that was right/wrong/indifferent/unhappy - without making any efforts to do so. I had already started the ball rolling to relocate & had to do a major gut-check on WHY I was doing it - for him or me. Turned out the process started for him. But then things changed. I took charge of my own situation, my own happiness, my own destination. I still relocated to the same town, but I did it for me. Great job opportunity fell in my lap, great house, good weather, awesome parks to run in & great pool to train in. It's not my fault that he was unhappy, it was my fault that I was allowing myself to be unhappy. It's not my fault that he lied to me & cheated on me - it became my fault for sticking around & letting it continue, for thinking I wasn't worth more than that sooner & that he did love me enough to work it through. It's not my fault that the relationship failed - it's my opportunity to say I did everything I could possibly do & now I get the chance to be as happy as I deserve to be.

I relocated to a new town where I only know 2 people. I've severed ties with those people now (in walking away from the relationship) & am so happy I could fart rainbows. I got in the pool for the first time in almost 2yrs four days after handing his shit back & swam nearly the fastest intervals I have since college. I've run through a hilly park & realized that it's not as easy as it was, but damn it feels good to be able to look at the deer, the owls, the leaves, the trees....so I walk a lot for now on these runs & they're nowhere near fast - I'm exploring a new town, new areas, finding new people, etc. I'm reconnecting with the person I want to be & rediscovering the standards & expectations of myself & my life. After so long of allowing the excuses to justify why I was just floating through & allowing (maybe needing) someone else to set the expectations, the standards, the pace, the outcomes - I realized that I'm extremely lucky to be alive, to have the abilities I do & the opportunity to be who I want to be. I owe it to myself to not take that for granted, to not look back & realize that I wasted too much time on less than my best. I deserve someone that wants to be with me & someone that wants to work with me (through the good & the crap) to enjoy life together.

Take the time you need to let the pain subside & do what you need to get by, but don't allow yourself to be at the mercy of anyone else's decisions or feelings. The only thing we can control in our life are our reactions. There are not victims, only volunteers. You may not have asked for this or wanted this, but you're in control of how long you let it affect you. It takes time to heal & to move forward but you cannot live your life being a product of what has happened. You are worth more than that & you deserve nothing but the happiness that lies just ahead. Realize you're worth it, you deserve it. You deserve to live each moment stoked to see what's next, with someone/something who can't freaking wait to see it with you.

Keep plowing forward & rest assured that the best is yet to come. (Enough of the Hallmark commercial already!)

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AW

Thank you :-) I'm glad to help any way I can. I hope you were able to get outside because today was miserable!

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Thank you so much. I had to wait until I got home to answer because what you wrote really moved me.


I spent the first 6 weeks taking Ativan every night just trying to get a couple hours of sleep. I finally can sleep through the night most nights of the week without it.

I'm feeling much better. Still trying to figure out what I did in a previous life to deserve this. One day at a time.

I'm hoping the running comes back. Right now the weather has turned to shit which makes it so much harder to think about putting on running shoes. I miss the excitement of planning a racing season. I'm not putting any pressure on myself, just thinking about thinking about races I'd like to do next year. Still not enough mental energy left at the end of the day to think about it for very long. I have a short attention span so Twitter, FB and ST have been great company.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

>> You may not have asked for this or wanted this, but you're in control of how long you let it affect you.<<

Thanks so much for your response. The above really hits home with me in my potential relocation. I needed that jolt.

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

I am a guy,,,but wanted to thank you for your post and congratulate you for being courageous enough to make those decisions. Best of luck to you and Jen! Oh and welcome to Tennesse ( I think you are in Nashville now per your profile)!! Its a great state to live in!! Go Vols!

Everything is a new opportunity to rediscover who we are, what we're capable of & what we want to become. Be strong & know that, whatever your faith, there's a guiding hand at work. We don't get to choose the path, we get to choose whether we enjoy the journey & what we learn. I moved from IN to OH last October, from OH to TN this September. Nothing has to be permanent if we don't want it to be. If you don't like where you're at, find a way to either make it work to find your happiness or find someplace else. It takes courage to face life & wring from it what you want, but it's so much more fun.

As I wax poetic only 1/3 of the way through my coffee lemme tell ya...having gone out on 3 dates, two rockin swim practices within the past week & a marathon (eek...that one may be ugly, but it'll be funny nonetheless) this weekend....when we decide to live our lives instead of letting life live us....it's a helluva lot more fun.

Keep your heads up ladies. Fight the good fight for yourselves & try to find the happiness in each day.

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AW

Being a guy is ok....we like guys that play nice.

Life is fun when you add adventure. If nothing else, I'm amassing really good stories to either put in a book or tell grandchildren (or both).

I am in Nashville now (well, close enough, Brentwood area) & am loving it! I can't quite say I'm a Titans or Vols fan yet....but War Eagle & go Preds! I'm at least close enough to say those things now!!!

AW

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AW

"Still trying to figure out what I did in a previous life to deserve this. One day at a time."

Stop trying to figure it out. The answer is absolutely nothing. We are given challenges in this life to realize who we are & why. You'll be just fine, keep chugging through. There will be good that comes of this, you will be so proud of yourself on the other side of this when you are once again strong, confident, sure of yourself & able to be balls-to-the-walls again, I promise. Let them rot, those that doubt or are not strong enough to keep up with us, they were not willing to accept a challenge & are not worth our energy now. You have all you need inside (with a little pharma help occasionally...no shame) to buck up & get there.

My first run out here through Percy Warner Park I saw an owl about 3mi in....I wouldn't even have seen it had I not been darn near dying & running so slow (uphill). We just stared at each other for a few minutes until I finally turned away. Such strength & serenity.Thank God for the opportunity to breathe so hard & be hurting enough to witness that. Second run I was within about 4ft of a yearling fawn. Again, we both just stood & stared for a few minutes. I watched it go from frozen in fear to curious to knowing I wasn't a threat & moving across the path right next to me. Another moment....life is about how we deal with what we come across. It's ok to be afraid, tentative & uncertain, but our reaction & the outcome we control is the only thing that matters.

One day at a time.....best words ever said.

And in case you get really bored or need another good distraction...another story... http://awaretris.blogspot.com/...r-february-2010.html

"I am stronger for having healed on my own and looking for my own path. I have rediscovered happiness by simply walking through my pain, accepting it & moving past it."

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AW

Wow, that was very well put. I think you nailed it.

Vols fan

Commodores. I did my internship at Vandy

great expression!

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No coasting in running and no crying in baseball

X1000.

Great post.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS