Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named
Chief of the Communist Party in China.
Hu's on First (We now take you to the Oval Office)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have a report here about the new leader in China
George: Great! Lay it on me!
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: What's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you! Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes
George: I mean the fella's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China!
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or won't you tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East?
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who's in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the leader of China. Get me the
Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You don't want Kofi?
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And get me
the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy in the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?
- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'Rourke
Chief of the Communist Party in China.
Hu's on First (We now take you to the Oval Office)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have a report here about the new leader in China
George: Great! Lay it on me!
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: What's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you! Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes
George: I mean the fella's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China!
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or won't you tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East?
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who's in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the leader of China. Get me the
Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You don't want Kofi?
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And get me
the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy in the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?
- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'Rourke