I'm so sorry about your friend. That is so sad and tragic.

You certainly have very valid reasons for your anxiety.

As far as the swim: Luckily most triathlon events have rolling starts (or AG starts) instead of the mass starts. And those are much safer or at least "feel" safer. I have had panic attacks in the swim portion of triathlons early on in my first few triathlons. One thing that really helps me is swimming on the outside and out of the chaos. I can't swim with a lot of people so close to me, so I have to swim on the outside. It does cost me time. And I have to watch out for the kayakers. But I feel so much more comfortable in the swim now. There was a time I thought the Kona IM WC swim would be terrifying in the ocean with so many athletes and waves. But this past October it was lovely and the best part of my day. I probably lose a few minutes which is a lot. But it's worth it to me and I no longer stress over the swim.

As far as the bike: yeah depending on the race and course and amount of athletes, it can be dangerous. I have good bike handling skills and used to race road bikes in the 1990s and rode in large packs. I'd even jump into Men's cat 3 races if there was no women's race. Even with that experience, I have felt unsafe at times with so many triathletes (who have less adequate bike handling skills) . For instance I do not like the big descent in IM Lake Placid. Actually it's not the descent but so many other athletes taking crazy chances bombing down that one. Solution? Flatter courses or courses with more rolling terrain instead of courses with big descents. Or choose races that are not so crowded. Some Ironman branded fulls and halves are just too congested at times on the bike courses.

I do try not to think about crashing or panic attacks in the swim. I just try to visualize executing each leg of the triathlon well and to the best of my abilities. Focus on what you can control. I also make peace with the fact that the day before a race and race morning are going to be hard with the normal amount of pre-race anxiety and that we are all in the same boat. Everyone is feeling nervous. And focus on that finish line and how good it feels to run down the red carpet.

If you do go down the route of taking meds the night before, I would practice during your training. Take them the night before a big brick session as well as practicing your nutrition with the meds (make sure carb loading agrees with the medication). I lean more against taking stuff for nerves but if you find something that helps make racing a better experience, then go for it.

Again, wishing you find more peace before a race.

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Death is easy....peaceful. Life is harder.