I like my Garmin's "achievements" just fine, but I think the market could use a watch that motivates you with insults (or at least makes you laugh). Things like:

A fat kid could run faster than this
You swim like a cat
That wattage wouldn't power a lamp

What else ya got?

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD