- I can drink a fifth of whiskey in one sitting and go to work the next day

- I have no idea how to talk up women (probably a good thing)

- I have had my poetry published

- I too was stoned from 1981-1990

- I like to exercise so hard I puke

- I fear dying old and alone and not being found for months, after my cats have eaten my face

- I have committed random acts of violent vandalism

- I am vain enough to be a metrosexual, but too repressed to actually buy hair gel

- I am often lonely

- this is the best thread ever

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"What kind of a stupid post is this?" - swimfan

Ok, here are some of mine. I kept thinking of good ones over the weekend, but now I can't remember them... This is a great thread!!

• I once did a small-town triathlon solely so I could take the overall win away from someone I didn't like. It was so much fun I am doing it again this year.
• I have a childhood teddy bear that travels with me everywhere and sleeps with me at night. My husband even had him out cheering for me at a few ironman events. He's so ragged and dirty (the teddy bear), but I can't wash him because he'd fall apart.
• I just lost 5 pounds and now can't get enough of my abs in the mirror. Another 5 and my ass will be there too.
• I generate an insane amount of snot while biking. Sometimes I've sucked it back in through my mouth. I figure it all ends up in the same place anyways so it really isn't so gross. I do it around my husband but no one else.
• I have a few nipple hairs that I have to shave off every so often.
• I LOVE passing men on the bike. It cracks me up to see when they try and pass back. Then I go by them even faster the 2nd time.

I am addicted to Clif bars.

~Alan~

Only going cold turkey can save you... I'll PM you my postal address, send them to ME! :-)

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-
"Yeah, no one likes a smartass, but we all like stars" - Thom Yorke


smartasscoach.tri-oeiras.com

Yes, this must be the greatest thread ever on ST...

- I have a terrible fondness for Burger King french fries - I'll eat them 2 or 3 times a month.

- I LOVE spending lots of money on underwear and training clothes and tri gear, but I resent spending money on clothes for work.

- The arrogance of many triathletes really bugs me. Unfriendly triathletes stink.

- I have only worn thong underwear for the past 12 years.

- I think flip turns are WAY overrated, and although I can do them, I refuse to.

- I think Cytomax tastes like crap.

- I really don't like chocolate or coffee and I never eat/drink them.

- I bought a CompuTrainer 6 months ago, and I have only used it 3 times.

- I honestly don't know the difference between tubulars and clinchers, and I don't know which one I have.

- I have the song "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" on my iPod shuffle running mix. I'm not sure how well it fits in with Queen, U2, Shaggy, Jimmy Cliff, Shakira, and Abba...

- For the only 2 weeks I ever had cable TV, I watched CMT every day.

- I absolutely LOVE staying in nice hotels. And I LOVE airports. And trains and cars. Being in motion is much better than not.

- I've lived in my house for 4 years and I have never cleaned the floors myself.

- I love to camp, and I love triathlons, but I refuse to do them together - it would require too much gear.

- If I lived in Canada, I don't know if I would have the discipline to train for triathlon in bad weather.

- I wish that Martin Sheen was the real president. Then I could be happier about our country.

• I am the ultimate posuer...I can't swim and don't own a bike, but I love to run.
• I'd kiss this forum goodbye, but alll the running forums suck.
• I have a corporate job because that's what was expected of me, but I hate it.
• I will never quit my corporate job.
• I love my kids more than life itself.
• I don't like children.
• I am a Christian.
• I'm way too judgemental.
• smartasscoach will flame me.
• I'm a Republican with liberal tendencies (mostly environmental).
• I think Starbucks tastes like peat moss.
• I miss my grandpa and the smell of his Zippo lighter.
• I think about what my life would be like if I were single.
• I'm afraid my wife is going to get tired of me.
• I miss Mr. Tibbs.

Have I tried a pick-up line on you yet?

like it'll work after the Veet thread....





(just kiddin' Gopha.)

Hey..............come on over and we can wax togethor......

The first ones are not secrets... at least for me ;-)



And how's this for a self-fulfilling prophecy? :-)

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"Yeah, no one likes a smartass, but we all like stars" - Thom Yorke


smartasscoach.tri-oeiras.com

It's nice to know that some things can be counted on.

-I have had panick attacks going downhill on my bike

-I am so scared of the ocean, i don't don't in the water above my knees and was once rescued (2 years ago) by a mexican in a snorkeling trip, he thought I was drowning. yet I am training for kona

-I have a hard time passing trucks on the highway

-I do often wear underwear under my bike shorts

-My favorite fast food is poutine (french fries/gravy/cheese)

Poutine??

you really have to meat Jonathan then...he's been trying to convince me that this 'stuff' is real food and is good...

Nope, I cannot recollect a pickup line from Ze Gopha.

What is Veet?

"What's Veet?"

Money I should have spent on you.

Dirty little secrets...what dirty little secrets????

- I love being a Jedi but I yearn for the power of the dark side.

- I have never met anyone with my patience and tolerance.

- I complain of my poor performance but then am secretly happy to be at the back of the pack checking out the latest women's fashions in tri wear.

- I really want a tri girlfriend but am intimidated by said stereotype.

- I've never met anyone who was a bigger under acheiver than myself....something that was foreshadowed in elementary school...."does not work to his full potential".....I saw this on no less than 20 report cards from my childhood.....wish I could've grasped the importance of this back then.

- Before triathlons the last competitive sport I competed in was tee ball.

I used to think a trigirlfriend might be nice.

Then I read the Dirty Secrets thread. I never knew so many of them had hygiene issues.

Clean is not bad.

Really.

Thanks for the props, RA.

A couple I forgot to mention:

• It chaps my hide when people refer to their pets as "children", treat them like children, or say, "I know how you feel, Spot did that for a week when we first got him" when I tellthem how hard it was dealing with a newborn that needed to be fed every two hours for the first eight weeks of his life. Animals are not people.
• I'm an Athiest and I like to tell people, just to see how they'll react.
• I size people up in the first 30 seconds I meet them, then I never change my opinion. I only know of one time I made a mistake.
• I used to conduct investigative interviews for a living and can tell if someone is lying to me by subtle things like when they blink or the way their breathing changes. I never use this talent in my personal relationships.

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Father Kevin

http://www.churchofcycling.org

I used to live in Cole Valley, Gordo's was pretty much a nightly thing! Yes, Los Hermanos is on Chestnut! I'm coming up for Alcatraz, you can bet I'll be making a visit to the brothers! :-D I grew up in Marin and LOVE LUCINDAS!!!!!!!!!!!

I just moved in around the corner from Los Hermanos this weekend. 2 blocks away. I work in Marin and live in SF. I'll stop by Los Hermanos on my ride home tonight and give it a shot. Done and done.

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"He broke into the long easy lope, and went on, hour after hour, never at loss for the tangled way, heading straight home through strange country with a certitude of direction that put man and his magnetic needle to shame."

-Call of the Wild

- I don't listen to others well enough

- I did my first of 5 IM's only to prove something to others (now I could give a sh!T)

- I'm embarssed by the fact that I'm scared sh!tless on long high speed descents and often wonder is this the last second I'm going to be alive.

- I'm not good to my family

- I rationaize my actions too often

- Instead of taking action, I let problems linger sometimes too long

- I'm a poor writter but I'm an engineer

-Can't spell for my life or is that redudentent

 

Here goes.

- I feel out of place in this forum. There are some elite athletes here and I have only done 1 sprint tri. Although I now have plans for many more.

- This thread does not beat the hottie thread.

- I lose respect for people who do not know the difference between your and you’re. Also to, too, and two, and their and there.

- Even more annoying to me is the difference between good and well. As in “I am well.”

- I have driven drunk way too many times and gotten away with. I often thank God I didn’t kill someone.

- I frequently get upset at people for doing things that I do myself.

- I cannot understand how anyone could be so apathetic towards life to think it is ok to abort a child.

- I am pro-death penalty in certain circumstances.

- Having the 2 previous opinions sometimes makes me feel hypocritical.

- I love watching Jeopardy and usually do well, however the Tournament of Champions is kicking my ass.

- I am a selfish person.

- Ever since reading about a guy who wants cashiers to check his I.D. when he buys something, http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit/ and http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit_card/ , I haven’t signed my name on any receipts. I have even signed “slowtwitcher” recently. My favorite way to sign is a tic-tac-toe board.

- I have only been swimming a few months and I am bad.

- I haven’t taken pictures of my cycling position out of fear of how bad it is.

- Next month I am going back to finish my bachelor’s after 3+ years away.

- I will be the first person in my family to finish college.

- I have never smoked anything in my life. I don’t think this makes me better than anyone who does.

- I have a huge thing for Suze Orman.

- My wife doesn’t know how much my bike costs.

- I think even if it is fiction, there is probably some truth to Tom D’s story. (http://www.bikesportmichigan.com/editorials/0000023.shtml) Great short story by the way.

- I watch too much reality t.v.

- I have only ridden on my trainer 3 times in 6 months.

- My children are by far my favorite people in the world.

- I am going to miss them so much when my wife and I separate (for good) in a few weeks.

- I think there should be mandatory counseling before people get married.

- I won’t date for awhile, unless I meet a hot tribabe!

- I came within a few feet or seconds of being killed in Iraq several times. Either I am extremely lucky, or a higher power was watching over me. I believe the latter.

- Dozens of people were killed in the neighborhoods I was in charge of in Baghdad, including 3 American soldiers. JR, RB, IM. I was with IM when he died. I helped recover JR’s body. I think of these heroes every day, and I am sure that will happen everyday for the rest of my life.

- Several other soldiers have been killed in my sector since I left. While none of these soldiers, including the 3 from above, were in my unit, I feel a great deal of responsibility for their deaths.

- I saved the ones that were tougher for me to write until the end, and wrote a lot of these so hopefully people would get bored and not read them all.



Peace!

That's hilarious!

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_______________________________________________

I speed every time I drive, but I am too scared to go through a red light at 4:45 in the morning when there are no other cars.

I love to take showers. I sometimes take 2-3 a day.

I can't change a flat even though I took a class.

I don't clean my bike chain.

I remember the first mile I ever ran.

I quit smoking after 26 years, completed a marathon, rode 100 miles on my bike, but I can't loose weight.

I hate my job, but make too much money to quit.

I am buying a house next month and I don't know if I can make the mortgage payments.

I have read every dirty secret.