I once found a comb in a parking lot that other people had apparently overlooked. Does that count?

Is Carol Lewis Carl's sister? She's probably fast too. Sorry Ultra, I just had too :)

I'll try to think of something cool I've done. It may take a while. I worked in the meat department at the local grocery store during high school. What a dumb ass! I thought having a new car was cool. I should have played football. That car is all rusted up in a junk yard somewhere and the memories I have are of grinding hamburger. Oh crap, now I have to get back to work, engineering. That's not exciting either and I finished MOP at my last race. Ok, now I need to punch a wall...

heck ya that counts! now that comb isn't in a land fill! your helping with pollution by recycling. then i bet you sanatized that comb and combed your hair and met a hot chick.

dude that was sweet!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

you right carol lewis s carols sister. she isn't as fast but is is one of the best track broadcasters out there. great point!


you had a new car in high school? dude i had a piece of crap chevy luv. that rawks!

you worked with meat in high school? that kicks ass! ain't nothing better than a well cut porter house. i worked in a book store and was a range officer. my jobs sucked.

your an engineer? at work? you have a real job? that is brilliant! i bet your really good at it too.

dude that got me so charged up i cut the grass with the scissors from my swiss army knife!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Cool story! Makes me want to do a Rudy on some one!

Mine is more of a "I can do more than I think" story. A buddy and I had started mountain biking about the same time, but he got much better at skill riding than I did. Bunny hops were no problem for him. I think that years of endurance stuff had taken the spring out of me. Any way, we had this favorite fire road that we did speed runs on. About a half-mile straight down, with about 150 feet of flat runout into a river. This hill was just MADE for speed. Any way, one day my buddy hit 56 mph going down this monster (3 other witnesses verified it). I, being a lot skinnier, had a hard time getting over 45. One day, I decided I was going for it. Riding alone (okay, you can probably all see where this is going). Coming around the final turn before the down hill I was at full sprint. The air is just cutting into me like knives. Oh, and did I mention the HUGE windstorms we'd had the two days prior? No? Well, I finally decide to look far down the hill, and that's when I noticed the downed tree. Hub high, and I have no idea how far across. I hit the binders, only to quickly realize there's no way I'm gonna stop in time, and I'd end up doing a Superman impression (probably with bike still attached). So I decide, screw it -- BUNNY HOP! I hit the pedals hard to get speed, then just pull hard. I FLY for what seemed like an hour, to gently land about a mile down the road (okay, you get the idea, I know the whole thing was only a half-mile long). Whe I get to the bottom of the hill, my heart is thumping so loud that the salmon in the river are scattering. I let out the primal scream of my life -- YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, no witnesses. Lesson learned: no matter how well you know a hill, ALWAYS check before going on a speed run, and ALWAYS have witnesses (if not for any other reason than to call in the medivac chopper to pick up your carcas if you dump it).

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brider kicks ass! dude what was great is you did it alone. not to impress people but to push your own limits. that what i'm talking about! you broke your own limits. thats hero stuff right there.

i got so pumped that when i flexed, my pecs shot out of my chest!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I beat my best friend in our local sprint triathlon once...around 1987. My lifetime record against him now stands at 1 win, about 40 losses.

Guess which one I remember best?

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Mr Ed
Triathlete with one horsepower

dude that victory must have been sweeter than sugar! you buddy proably thought he had it all together than like a ninja you jumped in there and ruined his day! yeah that's how you do it. catch them napping!

that was so awsome that while my co-worker was reading your post over my shoulder punched me in the back of the head so hard my eyes popped out and hit the screen!

YEAH!!!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Yeah, I remember those days! (I'm the friend BTW!)

I was a swimmer in high-school so I would always blow away the competition in the water. MrEd and I would then post nearly identical bike splits and he would nearly run me down. Do you know how long 8K is when you're constantly looking over your shoulder! Yeah, sure, he caught me once...

Guess which one I remember best...

I never want to feel that feeling when he ran by me with less than 1K to go!

- Ken

Next time remember that a quick jerk of the elbow will solve that.

Before every gets on me for being too harsh and not playing fair I am Just Kidding!

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"which is like watching one of your buddies announce that he's quitting booze and cigarettes, switching to a Vegan diet and training for triathalons ... but he's going to keep snorting heroin." Bill Simmons, ESPN

yeah he got you once but you had all the other times. maybe he should have spent more time in the pool!

i just got so excited i forgot who i was.! this not my beautiful house this, not my beautiful wife!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Funny thing is that we just did the Ralph's 1/2 IM and are in the same age group. However, MrEd got to start 3 minutes before me. This is the first time he has EVER been in front of me in a swim. Ironically, just before the turn bouy, I swam right along side of him and we each recognized the other. He tried to grab me, laughed and his goggles filled with water!

Out of the 400+ swimmers already in the water, what are the chances that we would see each other.

- Ken

I think the coolest thing I ever remember from a race was at the California IM in 2001. This was my first Ironman so the whole day was pretty surreal. The moment that stands out, however, was coming through the transition area at the end of the first lap of the bike. We rode past rows of tanks, armored transports, and HumVees, then through a pretty narrow section that was lined 5 deep on both side with spectators. It was like riding on some of the famous Tour de France climbs (without the hills and speed, of course) having all those screaming people around.

Of course, I suffered for the next 56 miles with a back spasm, but it was still cool.

- Ken

Winning the Baja 1000. The 1000 is a famous off-road race for cars and motorcycles. I grew up racing off-road cars and did it on and off for 20 years owning a few cars and driving other peoples cars.

http://www.off-road.com/~rcraft/

My dad used to race so I was around it when I was a kid and it was always my dream to win the 1000. In 1995 I drove a 400 mile section for car owner Mike James. I got in the car at 10:00 pm and got out in a place called La Purisima at 8:00 am.

The guy riding with me was supposed to drive the support vehicle to the finish in La Paz after we got out of the race car but he kept falling asleep so I drove. I got to the finish line just before the race car got there. I wen't up to the guy who drove the last leg for our team and we just looked at each other and smiled and we knew that we had finally accomplished something that we had both dreamed of.

Looking back at all those years of car racing, the time, money etc. I wonder what the hell it was all about. Now I have a box of trophies in my garage and a box of magazines I was in and it doesn't really mean much. I don't miss the ego crap and the numerous people in the sport who are legends in their own mind.

Ok, so I was on a collegiate rowing team and as a way to raise some funds for our team our coach set up this stunt with the old TV show, That's Incredible!. It was a long time ago, I don't know how many of you remember it. If you don't, the whole show basically revolved around people doing "incredible" things. So anyway, we raced our 8-man boat against a rival schools boat while each of us towed a coach on water skis.

This is certainly not the best accomplishment in my life but rarely am I reminded of it and even more rarely do I get to share the story.

Rusty

2 weeks to Gulf Coast 1/2 yeeeee hawwwwwwww



The Brag of the Sub-Genius. Br. J.R. "Bob" Dobbs:

"I pick the god damn terror of the fcking gods our of my nose! Pardon my language. But Yeehaw! let the sons of God and man bear witness! Even in the belly of the Thunderbird I've been casting our the False Prophets; I'm busting a gut and blowing my o-ring, and ripe to throw a loaf! For I speak only the fcking truth, and never in my days have I spoke other than! For my every utterance is a lie, including this very one you hear! I say, "fck 'em if they can't take a joke!" By God, "anything for a laugh" I say. I am the last remaining Homo Correctus, I am the god damn MAN of the FUTURE! I'll drive a mile so as not to walk a foot; I am a man of the first damn water! Yes, I'm the javalina- humping junkie that jumped the Men from Mars! I drank the Devil under seven tables, I am too intense to die, I'm insured for acts o' Gods and Satan! I was shanghaied by bodiless fiends and aliens from a corporate galaxy, and got away with their hubcaps! I cannot be tracked on radar. I wear nothing uniform, I wear no god damn uniform! Yes, baby, I'm 23 feet tall and have 13 rows o' teats; I was suckled by a triceratops, I gave the anti-virgin a high-protein tonsil wash! I'm a bacterial weapon, I'm armed and loaded! I'm a fission reactor, I fart plutonium, power plants are fueled by the sweat from my brow; when they plug me in, the lights go out in Hong Kong! I weigh 666 pounds in zero gravity, COME AND GET ME. I've sired retarted space aliens accross the Cosmos, I cook and EAT my dead. YAH-HOOO, I am the unshaven thron tree of the atlantis zoo. I pay no taxes. The devil's hands are my ideal playground. I hold the Seven-Bladed Windbreaker; the wheels that turn are behind me! They say a godzillion is the highest number there is. Well, by God, I count to a Godzillion and one!. Yes, I'm the purple flower of Hell County, give me a wide berth' when I drop my drawers, Mother Nature swoons! I use a python for a prophylactic; I'm thicker, harder and Meaner than the Alaskan Pipeline, and carry more spew! I'll freeze your seed before it hits the bathroom tile! Yee! YEE!. I kidnapped the future and ransomed it for the past, I made TIME wait up for me to bleed my lizard! My infernal breath wilts the Tree of Life, I left my spoor on the rock of ages, who'll tear flesh with me? Who'll spill their juice? Who'll gague with me? Who'se candle will I fart out? WHOOT! I'm ready! So step aside all you butt-licked, neutoric, insecure, bespecled, slabs o' wimpmeat! I'm a crime-fighting master criminal, I'm not insane! I'm a screamer and a laugher. I make a spectacle of myself, I am a SIGHT! My physical type cannot be classified by SCIENCE, my "familiar" is a pterodactyl. I feel IT, dipsh!ts! I communicate without wires or strings! I am a thuggee, I am feared in the TONGS, I have the evil eye, I carry the MOJO Bag; I swam the Bermuda Triangle and DIDN"T GET WET. I circumsise dinosaurs with my teeth and make them leave a tip. I change tires with my tongue and my tool! Every night I hock up a loogie and extinguish the Sun. I am the big footed devil of level 14. Who will come SHOE me? Where's the robot giant that will try to blow me down? I've packed the brownies of the Gods. Space monsters cringe at my tread! I wipe the pyramids off my shoes before I enter my house, I'm fuel injected and I'll live forever. I'm IMMUNE. I'm radioactive. Come on and give me cancer, I'll spit up the tumor and butter my toast with the juice. I'm supernatural, I bend crowbars with my meat axe and a thought. My droppings bore thru the earth and erupt volcanoes in China. Yes, I can drink more wine and stay soberer than all the heathens in Asia! Yee Haw! Gut blowout! I am a moray eel, I am a komodo dragon, I am a killer whale bereft of it's pup. I have a tripple backbone, I was sired by the wolfman, give me all you slack! I told Jesus I would't go to church and he shook my hand. I have my own personal saviors, I change them every hour, I don't give if there's life after death, I just want to know if there's slack after death. I am a damn visionary. I see the future and the past in comic books and wine bottles; I east black holes for breakfast! I bend my genes and whittle at my DNA with the sheer force of my will! I steer my OWN damn evolution! I ran 'em out of heaven and sold it to hell for a profit. I'm enlightened, I achieved "nirvana" and took it home with me. Yip, Yip, YEE! I'm so ugle, the speed of light can't slow me down and gravity won;'t tug at my cuffs. When the rapture comes, I'll make 'em wait. They'll never clean my cage! Now give me some more of that.....

man your like the road warrior! that had to kick ass! tons of horse bower. air time. over steering. power slides. your like a celberity!

i got so blitzed on this one i put a lot of leather on and shot a bunch of mohawked aussies with a crossbow!

two enter, one leave!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

give them slack ironsteve!!! i too have my humanity on the disc of lost souls! father bob will return and free us from the x men!! fuckem it they can't take a joke!!!

i'm ready get my yeti dna going on this one and will have devivle for the ages!

i'm mad as hell too bob!!!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Those are some great stories!

Got a couple more from my bike racing days.

First one: Tour de Malaga, Wenatchee.

Unfortunately, this one is no longer run, but it's one of my favorites. Racing as a Cat 4, the course is basically a 3-mile flat promenade to a long-ass climb, followed by an equally long-ass descent, then 2 miles to the hill again, down again, then 2 miles to a sprint finish. So on the promenade, two guys slip away. One of them we know isn't a climber at all, but I don't know who the other guy is. We get to the base of the hill, and within half a mile, we catch the non-climber. I'm a little worried because we can't even see the other guy. As things go on, I'm just going my own pace, and suddenly the whole pack just fades away. I didn't attack or anything, just keeping what I thought was a steady pace, and I look back to see everyone's tongues dragging on their front wheels. So I decide to press on. A little while later, I catch the other guy who'd escaped earlier. We ride together for a while, and I knew there was a great prime at the top of the climb on the first lap. Well, I pass the 200m sign painted on the road, and there's no reaction from the guy on my rear left quarter. I step it up a bit, and he asks "Is this it?" I'm thinking "he doesn't know where it is!!" So I take off full-tilt, he charges hard, and I nip him at the peak by half-a-wheel to score a pair of Rollerblades. We congratulate each other on a good sprint, and then get to the task of charging down this hill. Well, we're topping 45-40 mph going through some wicked winds, then settle into a good pace to prepare to tackle the climb again. At the base, two other riders join us from behind. Again, I settled into my pace, and leave them behind. It's VERY quiet on that climb, with the lead car a ways ahead of me, and just my breathing and the whirring of my gears below me. As I'm going up this loooong climb, I'm thinking "yeah, this is what racing's all about." As I crest the hill, I top out my gears and try to grind out the descent, with no one to slingshot around. I struggle to keep the pace over 40.

Well, I'm thinking I've got this race sewn up (lesson -- NEVER think that until you've crossed the line), and settle in for the last two to the finish. About 1 mile left, and two riders come up -- one of them the guy I did the first climb with. I know the other guy would take me on a head-to-head sprint if I don't play it smart, but they're watching each other and letting the pace sag. I decide to take out the sprint early, cresting the small rise just before the line. I end up third, totally spent, but still got the big pay-off from the hill prime.

Second: Hammerfest, Rosalia

This was actually two races in one weekend (a road race and a crit), and my last races as a Cat 4. Rosalia is a small town just south of Spokane. Hot, dry, and rough backroads. Well, my team was doing well, and I decided to slip back into the pack to conserve some energy after spending 5 miles at the front to press the pace. I got back about 3 rows, and made one of the biggest mistakes of my racing life -- I put my hands on the bar tops. Well, just at that time, the front line hesitates and drifts right(we're going up a slight incline). I end up crossing wheels and crashing. Kind of a slow motion "Oh crap" thing. Well, when I stopped rolling on the ground, I look up to see the grill of the follow car (no worries, they were already stopped). I get up to see my team mate putting my bike back together, and putting his water bottle on it (my bottle was right there, so I grabbed it and gave his back). My glasses are no where to be seen, I see one team mate holding his arm, one other one picking himself up and hopping on his bike and going. Well, the team mate who was giving me his bottle says "hop on my wheel" and he proceeds to tow me up to speed. After a while he gives me the head nod, saying "I'm spent, go for it." I take off, and about 2 miles later, I see the pack ahead. They see me, and actually SLOW DOWN to let me catch back on. And that even with a guy off the front. When I catch back on, on of the other guys (not on my team, but a great guy) says "Dave. your head is bleeding." My reply? "Does it look bad?" They say no, so I say "Let's get going!" later, I feel this sticky stuff on my brake lever and realize my right elbow is bleeding and trickling down my arm to the brake lever (by that time the bleeding had pretty much stopped). Well, at the feed zone I must have looked pretty bad, holding up my bloody arm to grab a bottle. Poor girl doing hand-ups probably passed out from that one. Any way, when the final sprint came, I didn't have it, so I let things go.

next day was the crit. I had a left arm warmer and a righ leg warmer on to hold on the bandages. The crit was a short loop with a couple tight turns, one sweeping S going up hill, and a wide open finish. About half-way through, We had one rider away with one other from a rival team. Our guy dropped off the break, and the OTHER team started chasing. I'm thinking "what's up with that?" Any way, when we got close to their rider, I launched. My team must have done some incredible blocking, because I ended up winning solo, all the while looking the part of a harlequin clown.

One of my sweetest victories, especially comin the day after a nasty crash, and being my last Cat 4 race. The guys still joke about it being the "team crash." One guy swears he ran over my head.

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Some are born to move the world to live their fantasies...

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http://www.mjolnircycles.com/