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Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose
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I'm almost sorry for "forwarding" an email but this was some funny stuff and perfect for friday afternoon, if you don't laugh well... oh well, I've been wrong before.

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper

according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do

more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long

loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added

vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced

with real passionfruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until

red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body

wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them

in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-

woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub

the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the

'woo- woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind



this, there is something so very wrong with you.

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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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There is something very wrong with me...

-
"Yeah, no one likes a smartass, but we all like stars" - Thom Yorke


smartasscoach.tri-oeiras.com
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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oh my gawd, I couldn't stop laughing I am crying. That was awesome. THanks
Why is it that the truth is the funniest. ;)
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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I gotta say, the best part is the "woo-woo" sounds.

-C

------------------------------------------------------------
Any run that doesn't include pooping in someone's front yard is a win.
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [smartasscoach] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
There is something very wrong with me...


something very wrong with me = those pink socks ;)

_______________________________________________
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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holy crap, I'm dying. That was great! Us men are predictable slobs, aint we?
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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fuc*ing perfect. i'm goin to shower now, and drag my wife with me
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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Nah. I'm the neat and orderly one around our house. My wife acts like a trashcan is whatever surface is closest to her. I cannot believe how much extra work she makes (usually for me) because she doesn't simply put stuff in the trash, unroll her dirty socks/shirts/pants, take folded laundry upstairs as long as she's going that way anyway, put folded laundry IN THE DRAWERS whenever I've reminded her to take some with her, etc. I'm certainly not all that fastidious, but, my goodness, she's a slob! If she weren't so damn sexy and good looking....



Quid quid latine dictum sit altum videtur
(That which is said in Latin sounds profound)
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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OK, that was freakin' HI-larious! Thank you.

Just more reason to hang out here instead of working.

(I'm forwarding this to 8 million people.)

Mr. Uncaptured External Costs

Fossil carbon is planetary poison.
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [don] [ In reply to ]
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Oh, yeah... one more thing.

If you score 20 or more on the metrosexual quiz then the first description could also read:

How to Shower Like a Metrosexual

(OK, do have a loofa mitt but no apricot scrub. It's called Island Dream exfoliating rinse.)

Just kidding.

Mr. Uncaptured External Costs

Fossil carbon is planetary poison.
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [tim-mech] [ In reply to ]
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I didn't laugh once. but then, I am french. no shower or bathtub at home.
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [Francois] [ In reply to ]
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Yeah, but Jerry Lewis...now he is HI-larious! Right?

Mr. Uncaptured External Costs

Fossil carbon is planetary poison.
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [tim-mech] [ In reply to ]
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of course...he jokes are so subtil...hmm....let's say...he is the will ferrell of the 60s...
I truly wonder how Ferrell gets so popular and why he isn't in France too.
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Re: Way the hell off topic, but you'll spit water out your nose [smartasscoach] [ In reply to ]
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I usually taste the fruit flavored bath items.
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