put the light back on him and ask him what can you do to make him feel better. he can come up with some ideas and then you can agree on a few.

no doubt you are right. if this is your one shot, then this is your one shot. he needs to get on board because it's important to you. hell, you've already been pregnant for 9 months--if you can handle that then he can handle you training for an IM. look at all you've had to give up during pregnancy!! training for an IM is nothing in comparison...not to mention the breast feeding, etc etc etc.

he might not understand your need for a goal in your IM, and that's ok...he doesn't need to. you have your own goal. you don't have to see eye to eye on everything. after all, this is your thing babe, and you gotta do it your way. so if a goal is what you need to do this, then a goal is what you'll have.

put the light on him for some ideas and tell him you'll recap and talk about it this weekend--which will give him some time to get some thoughts down. maybe by then he'll think through it, realize he's just jealous and come to his senses.

maybe it's as simple as him getting a footrub once a week, going on a date once a week (or whenever), time in the sak, or verbal reassurance. who knows. but make him come up with ideas. you've done alot and are doing alot. he can't say this to you without sharing the responsiblities for a solution. (and the solution will not be that you forget your IM goal).

he's probably just whining. men do this when they feel they aren't getting enough attention. so, make sure to laugh at his jokes, rub his shoulders a little, and put on some hot lipstick. he'll forget all about...wait, what was he complaining about?

good luck. you're right on to want this for yourself ;)

as you said in the metabolism thread - more sex...he is a guy after all!!![reply]

---

http://www.endurancesports.ca
Coaching and Training Camps

oh, and tell him you have dirty dreams about him. call him at work and tell he's so hot you want to do XYZ to him when he comes home.

this will boost his ego so much that he'll be on a high for weeks. lol.

Thanks fellow cool ST chick. I suspect it's 1) less sex (re: need for sleep) and 2) perhaps some jealousy that I seem so hyper organized (if you have a child under 2 and work full time you know what I mean) that's bringing this up.

He spent Sunday with our dd downtown then at the Aquarium, he took her on a walk thru Davie Village - big & cool gay area on Vancouver. He said to me later that night "I was so sad, walking by myself and seeing all these men holding hands... sniff sniff"... it was pretty funny the way he said it ;-)

---

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

well, shoot! what are you waiting for! $*&% his brains out and he'll shut up! lol...then bring him a big bowl of ice cream into the bed and rub his hands. this should shut him up for a good 6 weeks ;)

Damn and he loves ice cream... I'm on it! ;-)

---

------------------------
"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

Go baby! Getchyour game on! lol!!!!

Frequent sex always help, even if occasionally with your spouse!

Balancing work, family and training is the greatest challenge for most people. I've put off doing an IM for exactly that reason as I know realistically I cannot commit the time to do the event justice with a wonderful young family (2 kids, 6mths and 4 years) and demanding job of 60 plus hour weeks.

I'm already banished to the 5am or 10pm training slots, but that's where my sacrifices are made to do what I want to do - triathlons and adventure racing. I can't take the time out of work and I refuse to take the time away from my family so the point that gives is "my time", when the family sleeps. Obviously rest is important, and I can only maintain that programme for so many days/weeks on end, but that's how I get my training time in.

Keep at it as where there's a will there's a way and you will perservere - that is one of the great attributes of this sport. Part of the elation of completing an endurance event is knowing all the hard work and sacrifices have been worth crossing that finishing line!

If YOU want to do the IM, go for it! Your husband is not saying "don't train". Maybe just have a look at rescheduling your time out of the house (difficult to do when on a 6 hour ride, I know!) to best fit all parties demands.

The workload of having 2 children is not linear (I thought it would be slightly concave given some weird notion of economy of scale) but in fact exponential, so don't think that with 2 kids you will have any more time than you do with 1!!!!

how often does he have to do things like go to the aquarium by himself ?

it's a long life you know . you could do an ironman in 20 years, after your kids are grown.

it may have been funny the way he said it , but he's just trying to avoid a confrontation.

it's no fun feeling like your spouse has more important things to do than be with you.


personally, I don't think anyone with a small child should be spending that much time on a hobby. male or female.

just my opinion.

---

_______________________________________________________________

"the trouble with normal is - it always gets worse"

- Cockburn

You guys are so damn funny...as my wife is looking over at me wondering why the hell I am laughing so hard.

---

----
Don't hold back

I agree with some of the earlier suggestions -- have more sex with him. He probably needs to be reassured that he's number one in your book. I know my hubby always thinks there's something "going on" with Slowtwitch. I emphatically disagree with the suggestion that you should put off the IM. Keep at it. As a formerly practicing lawyer now at home with 2 small kids (no way this will last -- it's making me crazy), you're right that change is around the corner. Life with kids gets MUCH busier as they get older, not easier.

I think you need to agree between the two of you how much time is appropriate and then stick to it. With my wife I get any a.m., lunch at work and the occasional ride home, plus Saturday morning. Nothing in the evenings, nothing on Sat. afternoon, nothing on Sunday. If he agrees to it and then he whines then you can gently remind him about the bargain.

I support whatever she wants to do, within reason, whether it is building a swing/treehouse for the kids, selling pampered chef or any of her other 91 projects. Plus she gets a night every so often where she goes for a massage and shops at Wal-mart ... what more can a woman want?

I have three kids under six and they don't require every moment of every day. I also wouldn't completely quit triathlon after this one. If triathlon is a part of you then giving it up is not right. Being a spouse and parent is a hard job but if you don't keep a little corner to yourself then you will not be happy. You can't live for others. Of course, if that little corner is training 15 hours a week then you better be willing to sacrifice some other stuff because work, family, church, ect means that time is limited.

Just my experiences. Oh and that other thing. "He is a guy, duh."

Chad

Dude just needs a blowjob. Maybe a steak too, if you have time - but definitely a blowjob. He'll mellow right out.

---

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?

I had "that" talk with my wife while training for a 1/2, only it was reversed- I was complaining about the lack of attention! My wife was (at the time) a competitive rower and a Type-A lawyer (still is). I was also working long hours (as a lawyer) and training hard for the half, yet it was she that needed to go to bed by 9:00 every night and not even give me a wink. One night it dawned on me- she had three things in her life: her work, her play, and her family. She cannot control her work hours; she's stuck with her family (me and the dog); but she can control her play. If something has to give to make your husband happy, it's the play. She immediately began adjusting her rowing schedule (i.e., skipping those stupid 5:30 a.m. practices every now and then) and we were able to spend more time together. Sure, Kittycat's suggestion of ice cream and whatever else it was is nice, but I bet all three of you would have had a great time at the aquarium. Family time is important even if it means adjusting your training.

Now, that said, I agree with Kittycat that you sacrificed 9/10 months to have your daughter and if he was part of your decision to sign up for an IM, he should remain part of your support team during your training. Remind him how much of a special part of the process he is, and how excited you'll be to see him and dd cheering you on throughout your race. Make him feel like part of the process, pay him some attention (ah hem) every now and then, and promise him endless whatevers once you've crossed that finish line!

Good luck!

Todd

....he's complaining 'cos he ISN'T GETTING SEX due to you zonking out by 9pm or whatever. Yes, it really is as simple as that believe me.....we men, shallow creatures we can all agree, equate being loved with our wives telling us we look good now and again and by you 'allowing' us to have sex with you....heh heh

There's a saying in Spanish that always makes me laugh that goes "women have sex when they want, men when they can". Sex is the answer....if that doesn't work then post again.....

Personally I sort of have the same issues in that I will NOT sacrifice my family time for training anymore....so I have basically quit traithlons really. I have Sean, aged 15 months, and Nicholas aged 3 and I spend all my spare time with them. The only time I take out of their time for training is the hallowed Sunday morning bike ride.....I leave at 6:45 and spend 3-4 hour out. The rest of the week I train by running home from work for example, or spending the lunch hour on the indoor trainer....I have the advantage that I work from my parent's home as a freelance designer.

I had my big day when I raced for Gibraltar in the Island Games in Guernsey in 2003 so I am content with that achievement in my sporting life. My next goal being to qualify for cycling TT at the Rhodes (Greece) Island Games in 2007 by which time Sean will be in nursery and Nicholas in school so my training will be easier to accomplish. 1 workout per day, 6 days a week.

So, in summary, as long as you don't miss out on time with your daughter and you give him attention you should smooth things out and he will end up being proud of your achievements when you cross that finish line and feeling like a dick for complaining during your training for it....

---

Stephen Perera
Gibraltar, Europe
graphics@gibraltar.gi

Without reading all the advice from others....



Give him more sex and he'll keep his mouth shut....



I'm a guy in the exact opposite situation... I train, she loses out on time spent.. I initiate sex, she's satisfied, I go to bed and wake up at 4:00am workout complete....Kiss on the cheek as I go to work.... All is well.

I think you've got a lot of great suggestions here that should help. I'm not sure what type of guy your hubby is, but he may not actually be speaking of sex *gasp*. :) Some guys (myself included) really just like to know that they are important in their wife's life. That can get lost amid training, work, rest and general life stuff. Guys won't admit it, but they like spontaneous gifts, too. Buy him his favorite beer or something for his hobby that he wouldn't be expecting you to get for him. It'll go a long way.

Also, it might be good if you could get him involved in your training. Can he ride a bike next to you while you run? Can he meet you at a half-way point during a long ride to bring you water bottles / food? Perhaps he can bring your daughter and you can play for 30 minutes before resuming your ride.

As an aside, my wife went through the same sort of thing when I was training for an IM a few years ago. The best thing I did was ask her to help me. She gave great massages, became my designated water carrier, met me all over the place for short breaks (sex during a long ride can really help you break-up the monotony). ...just my $0.02.

-Jay

jealous.

---

Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com

We still love you -pants.

---

Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com

Tell him you don't have time to divorce him right now, but will get to it right after your "A" race.

Divorce him and marry me honey... :-p

---

-
"Yeah, no one likes a smartass, but we all like stars" - Thom Yorke


smartasscoach.tri-oeiras.com

bang him more.

end of story.

oh yeah, bj's work too ... "it's all for me"

Not replying to you SAC but through you.

I love the double standard we seem to have. If he had a hobby that was keeping him away from home 15 hours each week we would be bemoaning how he is the typical male and not being considerate to his spouse. Make a deal with him. After the IM is over he gets to play internet poker for 15 hours each week. Better yet he gets to go to a casino for 15 hours. Then when he gets home he gets an hour a day on the poker forums. You have to leave him alone. Don't bother him with any of the day to day issues that arise during his training time. Add up the money that has been spent on training gear and be sure to count the gatorade, power bars, gels and other edurance products. This will give him a dollar figure that he is allowed to lose before he has to quit. Its only fair. If you get to spend thousands of bucks on bikes, shoes, race fees, etc., he should get to spend an equal amount on his hobby. See how you feel when the bank account is 10 grand light because he went all in at the wrong time.

He didn't ask you to quit tri's. He ask you to train a little less. Is it going to make alot of difference if you finish in 14:30 instead of 13:30?

See some of Fleck's posts about keeping this tri thing in perspective.

That being said I wish you luck in your IM. Train safe.

Andy, do you work close to your husband? I , at least once a week, call my wife and take her out to lunch from work. In the summer I'll pick up a couple of sandwhiches and we'll go to a park near her office. A quick bite and a walk together holding hands. Just time for the two of us without kids, without interuptions, phones, time to talk etc.. Works wonders for a busy relationship.

Find the time in your day to spend together that you wouldn't normally think about

J