Jeez Tom! You know I hear the Foreign Legion is recruiting (really big grin)!

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¯\_(ツ)_/¯

damn Tom, was the line at Starbucks extra long this morning?



Having been divorced, I would agree with you - don't do it.

But I'm still an optimist.

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"Man, know thyself."

I think all relationships are ultimately "successful" if they help out with the above quote.

the odds might be long but the rewards are immeasurable

It's a highly individual thing, Tom. For you the cost may be too high versus the potential returns. For others, not so much. It all depends on your own personal priorities.

Why bother? Because for many of us, it's worth it.

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Steve Perkins

Take a stroll through the hottie thread. You clearly need a fix.

Why bother? Because I have an awesome wife/partner. I encourage her in her endeavors and she does likewise for me. We have a mutual respect, admiration, and love that I cannot imagine having with anyone else. Does that mean that everything is roses all of the time, no. Relationships like businesses take lots of work to make them successful; even with the requisite amount of work and attention there are no guarantees. However, I would rather have taken a swing then never have stepped up to the plate.

Well said. When you find the right one it's amazing.

I, of course can only speak for myself but:

The cost of my current, long-standing, "one-on-one heterosexual, intimate relationship" has been immeasurably high, and has included even a few of the pitfalls you listed.

However, my overall "return" has been threefold: First, I'm a better person for it. Second, his name is Ryan, born almost three years ago. Third, her name is Emily, born in May of last year.

The enormity of this return is equally immeasurable.

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Dan DeMaio
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Life is like riding a bicycle.
To keep your balance you must keep moving.
- Albert Einstein

If you are thinking relationships and love in terms of time and financial cost, then i guarantee its not for you. There is a lot more to life than managing your time the most efficiently and shielding youself from taking any emotional risks.

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-Erik

"I don't half-ass anything. For me its either whole-ass or nothing." -elake

They take tons of work. In the process you experience the highest highs and the deepest lows. But in the end the payback is hundred-fold...

Very true. When one sits and puts a pencil to the time/financial commitment then they aren't ready to be in a meaningful relationship. That outlook will doom a relationship.

It's interesting hearing that from a triathlete. Most of us, maybe not you Tom, struggle along in training. We race and know that we'll never win. And the whole effort and expense sometimes seems stupid. But in between the pain and suffering, there are moments of transcendence that make it all worthwhile. You can't achieve those unless you pay your dues.

Or, as they say, you can't win if you don't show up.

Marriage, relationships, etc., are the same.

I would think that triathletes would be the last to dismiss an enterprise that will almost certainly cause (at least some) pain, will cost a huge amount of effort and money, and will hold out a rather small chance of payoff. That's the whole sport in a nutshell. We're idiots when it comes to calculating risk/reward ratios.

Benjamin

I'm 40 and a slow learner.

But one thing I've learned in 40 years is that in our current culture and society, the cost of competing in endurance sport racing is realistically too high in terms of emotional, time and financial cost versus the potential returns.

Additionally, based on statistics and my experience, the odds or chances of a race career being "successful" (i.e. hitting the podium, turning pro, getting sponsorship) are relatively slim as compared to the chances of there being a serious injury, burnout, emotional trauma or some other significant problem developing.

I've never been certain if I want to be triathlete, but I am positive I would never want to be couch potato. I've seen the toll it takes on people's lives. With such poor odds for success and such high risk, I suggest it is not a good bet.

That said, and with the current threads about nutrition, training and cost of equipment, I gotta ask:

Why bother?

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Jim

**Note above poster works for a retailer selling bikes and related gear*

is it safe to say you and the brazillian gal are no longer an item ...?

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Where would you want to swim ?

We still hang out. I don't have the energy for all that. I want two things from the relationship:

1. Someone to eat with about once a week.
2. Someone to go to the movies with about once every two weeks.

If I have that, I am happy.

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Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com

I'm feeling your vibe Tom.

what's life without love? it's the thing that makes the world go around.

personally i think alot of people need to work on theirself before they get married. most people don't do this, and it creates problems later. or they don't have their own interests, so inevitably one person feels let down by the other.

i didn't get married to get married, or because society wants me to. i got married because i loved somebody so much that i wanted to share vows with them. he has his thing and i have mine but we always meet in the middle to share life. it's wonderful. i know my own life wouldn't be as good without him. i'm thankful for it indeed.

It's like a trainer vs. the road. You have to put your time in on the trainer over the "crappy" months to perform well during the season. You don't necessarily like the trainer as it may not be very exciting nor flashy, but you need to use it.

Marriage/partnering does have valleys emotionally as well as mountains. But to be successful you need to commit to puting time in during the less exciting moments because it is that shared experience that make the exciting times more elevating.

I have only been married 10 years now and there have been some real deep valleys, but for the most part, my wife and I enjoy each other immensely because of of shared experiences, both good and bad.

Mike

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One of the few who actually finds Kangaroo entertaining.

I definately don't define success in endurance sports as hitting the podium, turning pro or getting sponsorship.

Participating is success to me. Getting out of bed every morning and getting on the bike are success for me. Feeling the sun on my skin in the last mile of a hot run in a race in Thailand, Hawaii, New Zealand or the Riviera are success to me.

Endurance sports is a largely tangible endeavor: You face your limitations and the conditions of terrain, time, weather, distance. Those are tangible challenges.

Relationships are utterly intangible: Subject to the bizarre and cryptic whims of two organizisms whose motiviations and agendas are so oddly convoluted and codefied that there is an entire science, an unexact science, just to try to decode the behavior.

Climbing Mt. Everest or doing Ironman is easy. The challenges are pretty apparent.

Trying to understand the behavior of yourself and and another person in a relationship context is much more difficult, especially in today's society.

People ask me why I'm not in a relationship. The quick answer is, the risks don't outweigh the rewards.

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Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com

Apparently there is troble on the relationship front. Like an injury in sports, it is unavoiadable. Why bother to swim, bike and run, if in the end you'll just get injured, be depressed, and feel sorry for yourself. I'll tell you why. It's because of that great feeling that you get ,when you have that really top training session, or finish strong in a big race that you have prepared for. Relationships are the same, you have to prepare for them, expect some highs and lows, and know when to move on to another venue. With the right person, the highs will exceed the lows, and the rewards to your well being are enourmous. Unfortunately, the opposite is true when the lows outweigh the highs. Use your approach to athletic injury when this happens. Don't emotionalize the problem entirely, but use your big brain to sort through it logically. Come to grips with the problem, and begin to move in a direction that solves it. It will not always work out with a paticular person, no matter how much we want it to. We often make bad choices early on, and then suffer over time as those problems grow into mountains. Like racing, it is not easy. If it were, then everyone would be winning Ironman, and we would all be hopelessly in love forever, completely content, living in a dream world. That is not the human condition. We strive, we suffer, we grow and learn, if we allow ourselves to, and we try to string as many moments of contentment and happiness together as we can. It's when you begin to live in those past moments, that you begin your journey backwards. Don't give up Tom, there are many more moments to look foreward to, including the pain, suffering, and all the good stuff that goes with it. You can't have one without the other, the light needs the darkness. As they say, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater".

"Break some hearts, get your heart broken, but live. L I V E, live." Maude, Harold and Maude, circa 1972....

Tom I believe the medical term for for condition is Sexual Burnout.
You are surrounded all day every day with sexy carbon and titanium bikes. And lets face it, you can have anyone you want. It's like living the life of a Rock Star. At some point you come to a place in your life that can no longer be filled with ladies and partying. You need something else, but your not sure what so you get depressed.
I recommend getting rid of some of those bikes this week. The reason most lbs don't stock tri-bikes isn't becasue they are incompetent or hate triathletes, it's becasue they know, deep down, that they can't stand to have all those wonderful machines flaunting around the shop.
Maybe it's just time for a bike sport sale.

Having been married for just short of 17 years and having been blessed with not having to put up with any kids I can say that the benefits have definitely outweighed the costs for me.

Financial, heck my wife now makes more than I do and together we can afford to buy and do things that we never could alone.

Emotional, not sure what kind of train wrecks you are getting into but I must say that if your relationship has a net emotional loss it isn't a very good place to be.

Sex and training, my wife trains along side me and study after study has shown that married people have much more sex than single people. These guys complaining they don't have sex because they've been married for 4 years are doing something wrong.

If we divorced tomorrow I'd still be light years ahead of where I'd be if I never married her. It isn't like there is some big payoff to expect late in life, my relationship pays out every day.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

I figure Steveperx is the most "right".

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Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com