Is it that you don't want to be social, or that you want to train? If your brother and dad wanted to go for a 50mi ride (using ebikes to keep up) instead of fishing would you be all in, or still want to train alone?

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ECMGN Therapy Silicon Valley:
Depression, Neurocognitive problems, Dementias (Testing and Evaluation), Trauma and PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

Concur with your thoughts as I also usually would rather train than socialize. The drinking thing you’ve mentioned really gets me. In a lot of circles you must drink to fit in. That and while doing the drinking waste your day doing some ridiculous activity like you mentioned, yard games. It would be better if hanging out more often included things like volunteering or working on projects. Many times I’ve cut out early from the socializing to do that 10 miler and of course I’m never invited back.

My best advice is make sure you get a spouse that is onboard with your personal socializing/drinking philosophy. I punted on many a woman for that very reason.

Sounds like you could use some endurance athlete friends to go on long runs or rides with... that is, if you have any desire to be social at all when exercising. I generally go by the 80/20 rule: 80% training solo, 20% with other people (though it's been 100% solo since mid-March and I do miss company on rides and runs at times, though much less than many others who depend on the social aspect to get out the door).

But seriously, nothing wrong with wanting alone time to train. Our society is heavily biased towards extroverts.

Here's your answer.

Tell them for every fishing trip you go with them they should go on a 50+ mile bike ride with you.

I knew I was not the only one!

Yes I train by myself about 99.9% of the time and enjoy it well enough. But I have been day dreaming about getting some sort of run group together to meet Saturday am weekly sort of thing. Just put it on the calendar and plan around it. Most of the time though I am going hour to hour juggling work, family etc. so I get out with 10 min notice most the time, tough to plan with friends.

Today is actually my 4 year 'training anniversary' (trainiversary?) and I feel like I am finally pushing through some plateaus just by being consistent in keeping easy runs easy, long runs long and hard runs hard. And sticking with 80/20 training rule. And I want to keep doing that. Maybe time to make some new friends...? lol

But it gets tough when my dad calls every other week to go fishing and I fell like I keep making excuses and when I finally go about once a summer I'm just doing time when he loves it out there so much.

I keep thinking of the Cat Stevens song. What is more important in the end?

Speaking as someone that would give just about anything to go to one more baseball game (he didn't fish) with my dad, there will come a day that you regret not spending more time with him. I say that as someone that passed on a few Friday night games so I could get up for a Saturday morning ride.

Btw, I don't really like baseball either.

Two things here.
1) Some people 'recharge' from social engagement (parties, meeting friends to talk, through joint activities). Others recharge through 'me time'. Extrovert vs Introvert, although those terms often get used in a different context for individual behaviours. I am at the edge of that spectrum, becoming very drained by spending time with others, and recharge through time on my own as a general thing.
2) There's nothing surprising about you wanting to prioritise time to activities that are your current focus. We only have so many hours. And it is also hugely common for people to be 'guilted' into spending that time with people in a bar. If I am feeling up to it, I may pop in for a soft drink then go and do a run. Or vice, versa, do my workout and then pop into the social location after. By that point no-one seems to be all that bothered if I either only have a soft drink, or don't turn up at all.....

I do sometimes train with other people, but I do a lot on my own, and that's fine for me. As I've got to understand myself more, I'm less apologetic about being honest - nah, I'd prefer to go train on my own, or "sorry, that's not really my thing, you all have a good time and I'll see you next week" responses are a lot easier than making up an excuse everytime.

First off, they are right, you are a wierdo. And I mean that in the best possible way. As my son and I were starting our 1:45 long run this morning in 20 mph winds with worse gusts, I pointed out that this is not how people like to spend their Saturdays.
I don't drink and I hate fish and fishing, so I would have a hard time in your position. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling them you don't like fishing. If they want to get together socially in some other way then suggest that, but 8-10 hours is pretty much a whole day if there is any travel involved.
Life is too short to spend it doing something you don't really want to do.

Yeah it is 2 hour drive to just get to the water. Usually go down night before and camp. All the masses from the city also race to same small town to camp and fish and pretty much kills your weekend if you had any other things to do. Gotta pay at boat launch, pay gas in truck, gas in boat. Salmon ends up costing like $50/lb depending on how many you get, sometimes none.

I can just buy 50 fish from the commercial guys when they come into town for pennies on the dollar and I told my dad that and he said "it is about the adventure". And to be honest it is real nice when you are out there, open North Gulf of Alaska, deep blue water, fresh breeze... shit, maybe I'll go next weekend. Make an excuse to taper the week and make up some time trial to doing next week.

I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

This is only part true because he did make time for me as a kid...

Do you mean Harry Chapin “Cat’s in the Cradle”

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Let food be thy medicine...

My father, brother and I used to go fishing at this pier that sometimes had ungodly amounts of speckled trout. There was no bag limit, and it was a company owned pier so only those who worked in then company had access to it. My brother and I were barely teenagers then so there wasn't much meaningful conversation then.

"Speck Rig" baits on small Zebco 202 reels (Haven't said that name in 30+ years), or Shimano open faced reels sometimes had me and my brother catching them faster than my father could filet them. We'd all crowd back in my father's Isuzu P'up truck with a cooler packed with enough filets to last a year or more. My mom would batter them up with corn flour and pan fry them, and I remember my nephew getting a bone stuck in his throat and my sister jamming her finger down his throat to pull it out in the house my father, brother in law, my brother and I built, which was on 1 acre of land we cleared during 2 of my Summer breaks with axes, chainsaws and heavy duty gloves.

My father passed away almost 20 years ago and at the time we fished or went out building a new house, I remember thinking that I'd rather be sitting at my friend's house talking about girls or playing video games. I'm not implying such trivial activities compare with training, but what I would give to have more memories with my father.

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The more people I encounter the more I love my cats.

Heh interesting... I guess this song and who sang it is up for debate a la Mandela Effect.

https://www.reddit.com/...troversy_on_youtube/

I could swear it was Cat Stevens.

There would be more than a few of us hanging around this forum... the thing I always look forward to on the weekends is the free time to do a long run, swim, ride, etc. I think the best way to go with your family is to find an activity that all of you enjoy. If you haven't said anything before to your dad, he might think you enjoy fishing... if he's healthy and fit enough perhaps you and the brother can do an easy ride, walk or hike together instead. I agree with some others that life is too short.. but at the same time, you shouldn't have to do something out of sufferance.

there are only a couple of people in this world i really WANT to spend time with. outside that im very happy to be completely alone doing whatever it is that i want to be doing at that time.

whoever thinks that people are innately social animals are completely wrong.

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80/20 Endurance Ambassador

If the kids have the flu, it could actually be Covid19.
He should be self isolating, not travelling to see vulerable aged parents.
😎

I have a similar situation with a group of 4 friends, except rather than backyard games and drinking it's a sports obsession. I couldn't care less about the hockey, baseball or football. At social gatherings they're all glued to their phones looking to see who scored the latest point. And when not at a social gathering, they're constantly in txt'ing about something sports related. I'd rather be riding on the road, or on the trail, than waste all of that time being infatuated with some local sports team.

Oh well, such is life.

So I went to the bar-b-q at the neighbors last night and conceded that my day was done when they cracked a keg of fairly tasty IPA .

You should have seen a couple of the guys faces glass over as I excitedly tried to explain the Zwift physics algorithms for climbs and drafting.

The one guy turns to the other and sarcastically gestures to me “that’s what I want to do with MY free time, bike around on the internet“

I’m like ‘ no, no it’s like the real Alp D’Huez, if you do 300 watts on the game or in real life it will take the same time!!’

They were not impressed

I think most endurance athletes are introverts, at least those who continue after they get the IM tat. :) My dad was an introvert and I grew up observing him being happy doing things by himself. My mom, OTOH, needs to socialize so the current social distancing has been far for her.

I think my "talent" as an athlete is that training alone is not boring to me, but instead one of my favorite things.

I think there is also an element here of trying to live up to some perceived notion of a "hardcore athlete" - not speaking about the OP specifically here but in general. As a cyclist primarily, i see plenty of roadies that act as though they are TdF GC contenders - dude, you are a mid-pack Cat 4 rider, get a freaking grip. I get being committed to your sport, i get the dedication needed to set aside time for it - but as some point, it's also good to have some perspective about life.

I am more than happy to try to tweak my training to accommodate time with friends or go on a hiking/wildife/diving trip. Certainly, I am not going to let a hobby dictate every other aspect of my life - and it most certainly doesnt take precedence over a family. If it did, it would no longer be a hobby - it would be an obsession.

(Hell, I didnt get obsessive with the one sport I played where I *was* at an elite level with a chance to go pro)

YMMV. .

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Those who are slower than me suck.
Those who are faster than me dope

I do that way too much tbh and sometimes I pitty myself that I don't go out more. Just enough social life to keep connected to friends. Haven't found the middle ground yet between training and social life. But tbh.. I love to train!

Good points Guadzilla, I recognize that at age 40 I have to be happy with being a regionally competitive AGer and I'm fine with that. But personality wise I have trouble NOT being obsessive about whatever I do, I don't like to half ass things ( not so say that you do!). If I can't devote the time needed to advance in whatever endeavor it might be, I won't do it at all. (to my detriment maybe?)

I live in a world class ski town and was a pro big mountain skier through my 20's and early 30's. (don't worry, not bragging, it doesn't pay shit) I was obsessed and knew that I had to be obsessed to make it and I knew that at some point real life would catch up (wife and kids) so I gave it my all. The ski scene though is inherently very social if you want it to be and I did. Go in backcountry with friends. Ride chairlift with strangers make new friends. Go to bar and celebrate the day (everyday!) and pass out and do it again for months on end.

Now I have all these friends who all charge out into the dangerous mountains all winter and I constantly say 'No I'm not coming, I'll go run instead' They think I am crazy but I can't stand going out 1 day a week. "What is the snow doing? Where are the instabilities? What will my kids do if I get buried in avalanche?" The value of finding joy in the mountains is now outweighed by the risk of the pursuit, in my opinion.

I have a dog now though, he likes running and is good for keeping bears at bay. He is looking at me now, time to go!

similar to you, but being social in some way is mentally healthy. I think we all have acquired some form of ADD. So when people invite me to these things, I just go for 1-2 hours.... similar to duration of my training sessions. After that I get bored.

'\"Yeah it is 2 hour drive to just get to the water."

Could you use this to your advantage and ride to or from the launch? My wife has family in Albany NY and we live in Utica 1.5 hrs away by car, so if the weather is nice I will ride out to the family gathering. On a good day there will even be a nice westerly tailwind so I feel like a pro cruising along at 25 mph!

Rich

^ ahh this too. I try to plan my workouts with these events. So if its a boring sit down event my legs are recovering :)