Great summary.

Well that's an easier starter for 10. Ditch the coffee. You're training for a triathlon, so either drink it on-the-go or not at all ;-) Like the others have said, you'll need to get out early; when I do IM training rides, I'm out the door before 6am and back after having done 100 miles plus a short brick run comfortably before 12. Training for a Half, that would get me back home by 10 at the absolute latest (4h to run & ride is loads!).

Can you run or ride to work? If you could incorporate that into your working day, that's some easier 'base' volume that can be absorbed into daily life. Not sure how easy that is if you live in the States where 'car is king'.

Don't sweat missing the odd session, you probably need the rest anyway if your little one is anything like our youngest was!

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29 years and counting

I have to disagree with this. You have to have some of your "own time" in any relationship. Whether its a family of 2 or 10.

You need time, she needs time to do what interests each of you. That's a personal decision between the family on "how much" but if you have none, You probably won't be happy and that leads to an unhappy family. Same goes for your wife having her "own" time.

My wife and I trained for and did a 1/2 marathon with a kid that age. Not a 1/2 IM, but still. It's about balance.

Bring the bargain chip of no more group runs and group rides otherwise if you want to have a 4 hour weekend long ride. I have older kids and I only do the weeknight worlds OR the weekend group ride. I don't do three separate group things. They're horribly time inefficient. I also will run sometimes with the kids while they bike.

Own a jogging stroller yet? That's how the wife and I did the 1/2 marathon thing years ago. We took turns pushing the stroller. If you go run with your kid, that's time she can't hold against you. In the US we're super over protective of young kids. In Denmark parents take their kids outdoors in winter at night time for walks. If that's something your family wouldn't do, then that's a "you guys" problem. They sell them for a reason, give it a try.

It's a lot more time efficient to fit runs in from home. Or work. I get in 45min workouts at the work gym then eat my lunch at my desk while working. I would never do group runs unless I was a one-sport runner and it was the equivalent of "weeknight worlds" cycling.

Agreed, being a 'lone wolf' is way more time efficient, even if it's not as 'fun'. Running is the thing I actually like doing alone the most; I really just want to do my session at my pace, no distractions; whether it's easy or hard.

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29 years and counting

I'd strongly second this. One day of the weekend devoted completely to family and everything feels back in balance. And it's quite nice too.

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Chop Nutrition http://www.chopnutrition.com (UK only)

This is all good. I have a 2 and 4 year old and train 12-16 hours in IM peak training, but 10 hours most of the year. If it's done before they're up in the morning, IT NEVER EVEN HAPPENED!

Some people crave the group interaction...I gave it up to be more efficient with my time. My general rule is NOTHING after work.

As for weekend workouts - lots of prior communication, but out the door or on the trainer ASAP. When I was training for Kona and it wasn't light at 5am, I would ride a couple hours on the trainer from 5-7am, then head outside for the final hours. If it's a 4 hour workout, you gotta be be done by 10am or earlier.

Make the change now or this will become a drag and a hot issue in your marriage that won't go away. Good luck and don't for a second think you can't be in peak shape with young kids.

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Blog: https://davidkoppeltriathlon.blogspot.com/
Coaching: https://dkendurance.com/

"Make the change now or this will become a drag and a hot issue in your marriage that won't go away. Good luck and don't for a second think you can't be in peak shape with young kids."
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That first sentence is the best advice of the whole thread!!

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David
* Ironman for Life! (Blog) * IM Everyday Hero Video * Daggett Shuler Law *
Disclaimer: I have personal and professional relationships with many athletes, vendors, and organizations in the triathlon world.

What immediately jumped out at me is that you "help" at home and "help" with the child. Don't "help", simply do it because it needs to be done. Marriage, child, and home should be your priorities, not something that you "help" with.

You sir are a genius! Wish I had seen this years ago.

When I started triathlon training my son was 2 the first year or so was rough on my marriage, at one point my wife was seriously considering divorce.

What's worked for me:
1. Shorter distance. I'm not even thinking about 1/2 or full distance until the kids are older and self sufficient. We'll see then.

2. As others have said, try to make it as invisible as possible.

3. If it's not invisible, make the family part of it.
I swear one of the best pieces of equipment I've bought was a kid carrier to go behind my bike. Tell your wife your going to take the kid for a couple hours on a Saturday morning? She'll practically push you out the door. Better yet, invite her with you. Now it's not just training time, but time your spending with your kid. Your coffee stop becomes a park, play time stop. And your kid is seeing a healthy active lifestyle. It's been awesome watching him go from carrier, to third wheel, to now he rides his bike while I run. I'm hoping someday he'll be running with me and probably kicking my butt. =)
My wife's thing is HIIT style workouts, so once or twice a week I do a session with her as my strength training. (I'm pretty sure she gets a kick out of kicking my ass) Lately she's started running, so we plan to do at least one run together per week, her long run = my easy run (though she's catching up fast). And we're looking for a HM to do together this spring.

Triathlon will always be there. If you don't make them a priority, I can't promise the same for your family.

Do what you can now, but know that everything will change when your wife goes back to work. It's a big adjustment for everyone - so be prepared to step up not just with kid duty, but also household chores.

Alternatively - hire a cleaner.

Totally agree. Of course, compromises need to be seriously discussed and made, but making your passion invisible is just unhealthy for all in the family. My dad certainly didn't train as much as me, but watching him sweat in the daylight and come home from his own practices and games with a smile on his face as I grew up is likely one of the main reasons I'm still playing outside regularly with passion at age 60.


Ed, I realize it can't compare to familial love, but don't you feel just a little bit of love from your peers and Mother Nature when you're at a tri?

This is the one aspect of triathlon that nearly everyone struggles with at one time or another. Some figure it out, many others don’t. For me, I stopped doing long races when my kids were small. I did sprints and an Olympic distance or two for many years. I did an iron-distance in 2005 when my first kid was two and before my second kid was born. I knew once child two came along, there would be no more long distance racing. I tried a half in 2008 with a four year old and a two year old with disastrous results. Haven’t done anything long since. You have two choices if you’re going to keep your family intact: Make your training invisible to your family (and accept the fact that you will miss training days because of family obligations and don’t act miserable when those days come around) or do short course races. That’s really it.

Spend a few weekends doing your long ride and take 6+ hours. Then, when you only ride 4 hours she'll be happy.

In your final build, maybe take a half day off work on 2-3 consecutive weeks and get in 5+ hours on those days.

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Are you ready to do an Ultraman? | How I calculate Ironman race fueling | Strength Training for Athletes |

Starting at 5 months I did all my runs with my son in the stroller. Your wife will appreciate you taking the baby away on long runs so she can get a break.

My two biggest pieces of advice are:

1) Don't schedule off days. Especially when your kids are young, you're going to have natural off days when they are sick, don't sleep well, are tired from taking care of them, etc.
2) Race shorter races. Until they're self sufficient, time will be precious and you're going to be able to train with more quality than quantity. As such, racing shorter races, where endurance is less of a limiter, is a great way to still compete and keep your fitness high until you get recover enough time to train for the longer stuff.

Absolutely. There is a huge amount of satisfaction that I feel every day be it finishing a workout or pushing the limits of my fitness with my peers at races. Just the environment is exciting if not addicting to my personality. Triathlon has changed my life, period. That is exactly why I have to have my mind straight on family value vs. my passion for triathlon and outdoors. Our kids know that Mom and Dad go for runs, bikes and swims - every day. Our 3 year old goes for runs around the house and thinks is completely normal. Seeing her run around with a smile on her face is hard to beat. That is what I want the OP to understand and not miss out on. Good question!

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Ed Alyanak

have you had a come to Jesus yet?

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Eric Reid AeroFit | Instagram Portfolio
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Find a routine that works for everyone. I have twin boys that will be 5 in April. I have switched up my rides and runs so that 90% of them are indoors on the treadmill and trainer. I do my long workouts early morning on the weekends and do my other stuff at night when the boys have gone to bed.

My wife used to ask: “are you training tonight?”
Now she asks: “what’s your workout tonight?”
I credit that to just finding a schedule and a routine. When I didnt have a schedule or routine my wife felt like every workout I did was an unwelcome surprise. Once it’s expected, it’s not as bad.

Having said that, I make sure and do as much as I can when I’m not training to be present and helpful. I do most of the cooking, bathe the boys every night, clean, etc. And once I’m finished on the weekends with my long stuff, it’s all family time.

My 2c ...fwiw...been training for various things starting with a marathon when my first was four months old, have since run eight or nine, a bunch of HIM and two full IMs (kids are now 19 and 13).
Both my husband and I have "somewhat" flexible job hours (and I have an on-my-feet job):

Discuss ahead of time what will be required of everyone prior to signing up for whatever race. I trained for my first IM during one kid's swim season, so that required some juggling -i literally rode up to the pool for a timing shift at the end of a long ride and timed in my kit, not ideal but got it done.
Planned all my weekday workouts for very early am so it wouldn't interrupt the afterschool routine-was home to make dinner/eat w family/help w homework.
Did almost zero group rides etc -fun but literally can take up a whole weekend day if there's coffee or you drive somewhere to ride etc.
I also race solo...if my family wants to come to a race great but it's not required, and up until my most recent IM I raced fairly local so it wouldn't eat up a whole weekend. The only race my husband loves to go to are any in Santa Cruz so he can surf-a fun family trip for everyone .
Don't be a dick about "your time" (not saying anyone is)- but acknowledge that there will be days when something else takes precedence over training and that's ok.
As I now have one kid in college and one still at home...it goes fast, really fast. I am so glad I went to all those basketball games, swim meets, Little league games etc. You don't get it back.
If you can-run with kids in jogger/get a trainer or treadmill...I also ran with my kids (obviously not 9mos!)

It's a damned hard balancing act and one I've not entirely mastered. My wife had initially okayed me doing Galveston 70.3 less than nine weeks after our daughter was born. She literally almost threw my shit out on the lawn while I was down there having fun, leaving her to fly solo. Since then, I've tried to balance - Dixon's book is a good template, but you need to realize that regardless of what you contribute to childcare it's literally a drop in the bucket compared with what your wife is doing. There are so many intangibles to motherhood and the bond between mother and child that you just can't match, IMHO, no matter how you try to carve up your training schedule. I'll offer a few tips that have helped me train for 5 70.3's and 4 IM's since our daughter was born:

- as stated elsewhere, reconcile yourself to the fact you will sacrifice sleep. In the words of Mick Mulvaney, "get over it"
-make lunchtime your friend at work - cram as much training as you can during the lunch hour - if you can do intense, end of range workouts on the bike or running, do so and eat at your desk. This will buy you time in the evenings.
-embrace the early mornings. If I am doing two workouts a day, I will always try to get one in very early in the morning, either in the pool just when it opens or on the treadmill/trainer in the basement and try to be done before our daughter is up or at least in such time that I can help with the morning routine.
-recognize that, as much as it's a cliche, doing what we do is a gift and thank your wife every day for giving you that gift. you may be working hard, suffering, sweating, cramping, etc - this is all peanuts compared with what your wife is doing and more importantly, the things she's sacrificing in allowing you to have your fun. There will be hiccups and worse down the road, but as long as you keep this in mind, you'll get there.

I went to IMWC in 2006, just married. First kid born in 2007 (second in 2010), quit IM training and shifted to "just-to-stay-in-shape" training-mode for 8 years: enjoyed life & family at full while staying just barely in shape by doing 1h workout/day. Last year I returned to IM mentally fresh and with family involved: won my AG.
My recipe:
1. Enjoy whatever you do, but keep in mind that somethings do not come back: first years of your kids. There are tenths of IM per year. Every year.
2. Wake-up early, very early.
3. Train at home as much as you can. It is super time efficient. So buy a good (and expensive) treadmill and a trainer. It is worth it.
4. Think about dropping triathlons for a few years and maybe just swim/bike/run for fun no more than 1h/day.
5. Become ONLY a swimmer/biker/runner, find a GOAL in one of those disciplines, and enjoy!

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STRAVA INSTAGRAM

I decided my family matters a hell of a lot more than my race results, or participation.
I've ditched triathlon since my son, now 18 months old, was born. I mostly cycle now, and less than I'd like, but that's okay.

I could continue to race, but it would have a cost I'm not willing to impose on my family. You can't have everything.

Maybe you can continue to train and race at the level you desire, but be willing to consider the possibility that it's better to accept you shouldn't.

I have read through most of the posts....
I am single, and it is up to prioririties..but is there anything more important than our families? No rules here, just my POV...some couples manage to balance work, children, family, friends...and sport. Amazing. I think we live in a society full of selfinesh and we all get dragged a liitle bit sometimes (to prove ourselves, to escape from daily life, to not face we get older..). I do sports for being healthy and for fun...but I would never sacrify my time with the beloved ones to pursue the carrot's trick. I will never win anything,...(even I always try to improve...little by little :D)
I like being busy but not rushing,rushing....otherwise i dont enjoy what i am doing in every moment and that is what matters for me.
My advice: enjoy every single second without trying to be the best in all

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Spaniard. Sorry for my english for the sensitive ones :P

Maybe I don’t need to know
what I’m hoping to find.

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