I'll answer a question with a question; do you have children with her?

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DFL > DNF > DNS

Nope. Understand if I do start dating someone I will be all about the new lady and do all the awesome boyfriend things but my ex will be in my life like my other friends are.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I believe it is possible to be friends, BUT - you will need a cooling off period with no contact. Also, do you both want to be friends??

Now, to answer your question-yes it IS going to be a problem to the new girl friend if you appear to be carrying a torch for your ex-wife.

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DFL > DNF > DNS

Yes, she does. We are in a cooling off period keep in touch some. We just broached the friends part and it seems to be a go.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My ex-DH said he wanted to be friends, but it's just too weird for me, considering he walked out on our marriage. Given how devastated I was, I'm not certain it's actually possible for me. I prefer to have no contact with him and just focus on me.

There's a period of time when you first separate when it's so weird to not be talking to your spouse constantly throughout the day or to consult them to make decisions, or all of the things that you do when you're married. Eventually this does wear off.

Of course you think your wife is awesome. You married her. I think it's possible to be friends, depending on the circumstances, but for me it would not be healthy to have him around because I am just so sick about what happened. YMMV.

Once again, the wonderful, beautiful and smart ladies of Slowtwitch have given me food for thought. As I mull this situation over I have decided I will never ever ever ever ever date again. I am taking myself out of the game. Nope. I am too old for this shit. No more romance or dating or connections of the heart kind. If things get rough I will just date myself if you catch my drift. I will be a friend to ladies but no romance. Nope!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I certainly swore men off when this happened, but I went on a date on Friday night.

There is no need to make these types of decisions right now. It sounds like things aren't even decided completely. Things change, and over time you start to adjust, and your perspective changes.

I've found I quite enjoy my new situation. But before I got there, I couldn't go very long without feeling extremely depressed. But then the good days started outnumbering the bad ones, and it got better. A lot better, actually.

For no reason other than I feel I need to say it i want to point out my soon to be ex-wife is great and she still puts up with my run on sentences.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Hi Tibbsy!
Sorry about the divorce :-(

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Hey babycakes. You know I'll always love you, right? So to answer your q, I think you can - but will you want to? It will be closer to the acquaintance style of friend. I would say that after almost 10 yrs, I could probably have a beer with K's dad (my Ex) and it would be more than just civil. But, on the flip side, I also think that I'd rather spend my time with other friends than him.

Just because we're exes doesn't mean we have to be jerks to each other.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

I hear you Andy. You guys right I am still too close though I am swearing off dating and romance. Gonna focus on other things.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I'm the odd duck probably, I think it's totally possible to remain friends. I do agree that there's probably some cooling off & there might be some awkward for a bit, but I adore a couple of my exes - I consider them close friends.

I try to understand if my guy friends' broads have issues with our friendship, but it bugs me. Honey, if I still wanted him in the sack I'd probably still have him....be confident that the person that's with you loves you & wants to be with you. Have an open & secure enough relationship that you can speak about things that bug you but don't change who you are & who you have in your life for someone that "loves" you because if they don't understand your friendships, then they don't love you.

Again, I may be the odd one. I'm fine with the friendships that my guy has, many of them including exes. I'm the one he's choosing to be with now. If he wants to choose otherwise, I want him to tell me. If he chooses otherwise & doesn't tell me, then we have much bigger issues.

Likewise, I expect whoever I'm with to understand that I used to date a select few of my close friends. These are people that know me, have put up with me for a long time & for whatever reason, "we" didn't work. I try to make friends with the girlfriends/wives and it's usually pretty easy. I'm not a threat and I want to be friends with both of them, I make that very clear. I may have a history with him, but if he's choosing you to be part of his life then I want to like you too because he's my friend.

Sorry about the divorce, but if it's what makes you both happier then it's best in the long run. Giving up the romance doesn't mean giving up the person. Obviously there's a reason you thought she was good people....

But yes, for now there are other things..

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AW

1. If you do decide to divorce, divorce. Don't play tag if you plan on getting involve with other women in the future.
2. Cool off for a while and try to sort out your wants.
3. If you decide to date, don't talk about your ex from jump. Doing so is a clear sign you are not ready.
4. Do not share your current dating business with your ex.
5. Though you are asking for a female opinion, think about how you would react if the table was turned.

I have met and dated a number of men who never heard about my past relationships because I never talked about them. We got on well untill they started talking about their ex/exes because they clearly were not over them. I told them, I date men, not couples. A few stopped talking about them whereas others were in complete denial. Needless to say, they are all in the past.

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_____________________________________
DISH is how we do it.

I agree with Aware.

Last week I had dinner with a former STer and her ex. They are still great friends even though married to other people. It can be done.

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

All good things for me to chew on. I am still in love with the idea of never never never never ever doing any kind of dating, romance or anything like that. I am going to build a life around coffee, endurance sports, driving video games and no chicks. A single no chick touching TIbbs is a happy TIbbs. Now I know this is is going to cause a problem in the Slowtwich-o-sphere. Word is spreading throughout this fine land that Tibbs is single. All the girls are gonna want me based on my long history of mental stability, wealth accumulation and drop sexy good lookingness. Sorry honies. This meat ain't on the rack.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

You are a trip!

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_____________________________________
DISH is how we do it.

Can you recommend me some good driving video games?

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Starting from scratch...

Gran Turismo 6 is the best racing simulator. If you want realistic racing and graphics with a ton of cars go no further. The Crew is the best open world game. It will give you cool cars, missions and just driving around fun. Need For Speed if you want to run from the cops. Forza Horizons 2 if you just want a fun all around driver without the details of GT 6.

Come on ladies. Don't you want to date me now after I laid down that sweet sweet video game talk? SEXY!

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I thought you just swore off dating.

Men are weird...

Since you're swearing off dating, are you going to try to be friends with your ex?

And of course the triathlete would be into racing games. FIFA is for cyclists, from what I hear. So what kind of athletes play RPGs? Or is there no overlap between RPG gamers and athletes at all ever?

I have. It's just know how sexy adult men playing video games are.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

I would love to be friends with my ex and while discussing it with the smartest women in the world, Slowtitch womens, I realized what a nightmare I am and that women like rom coms so I am going sexless, romance, dateless for the rest of my life.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Ugh I can't stand rom coms. waste of my time. but I too love driving games. hmm. enigma < riddle <sweater vest.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS