I can't get him out of my mind

Jun 10, 19 19:55

Post #1 of 15 (1720 views)

Four or five years ago I was in Boston working as an adjuster. I was outside when I heard a young man walking down the street. He was talking to himself. What he said broke my heart and still haunts me. Based on what he was saying, I'm guessing that he was a special needs person who was walking home from school.

I'm sure he was repeating what he had been told many times. He was saying "You are a wonderful young man and any girl would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend".

How many times do you think he went to his parents with a broken heart telling them how lonely he was? How many times do you think that with a broken heart and a warm smile the parents told him that line?

It brings tears to my eyes thinking about his loneliness. If I had the money, I would finance a website where special needs people could link up with others, if for no other reason than to be able to chat and say "I have a girlfriend" or "I have a boyfriend".

One of my good friends has a high functioning autistic son (like mine) and he's told his dad several times that he just wishes that he had a friend. My own son had a best friend from kindergarden to his senior year in high school, but unfortunately the boy fell in with the wrong crowd and they are out of touch.

My heart breaks thinking that my son, my friend's son, and the young man I heard on the street will experience a lifetime of loneliness, hoping for a girlfriend or even just a close friend.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 10, 19 20:06

Post #2 of 15 (1692 views)

That is a sad story. If you wanted someone non-judgmental to hang out with a person with a disability would probably be a good choice.

They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 10, 19 20:27

Post #3 of 15 (1658 views)

Are there not local meetup groups?

My old neighbor’s daughter has Down Syndrome and they had massive parties with bouncy castles and dozens of kids with Downs. We were lucky to get to party with them. It was always a ton of fun.

That and special Olympics created quite the friend pack for our neighbor.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 10, 19 20:28

Post #4 of 15 (1654 views)

There's a good British TV show on YouTube. It's called The Undateables. It's very moving, finding dates for special people.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 10, 19 21:10

Post #5 of 15 (1607 views)

I volunteer at a rescue mission and a group of special needs adults join in often. They are our best volunteers and a few have coupled up and have been together for some time now. Fortunately none have become parents but sure they are practicing.

_____________________________________
DISH is how we do it.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 10, 19 21:28

Post #6 of 15 (1589 views)

That's a sad, but touching, story. Good on you for having that level of empathy for that young man you never met. As others have mentioned, there are resources for special needs individuals to meet. It's obviously on his mind, so hopefully he'll meet someone.

The story reminds me of the time in college when I tutored a young lady with Cerebral Palsy. Her mind was sharp as she was doing college-level math, but she was in a wheelchair and couldn't write. The first time I met her she blushed and got a little flustered. It was really sweet. It certainly seemed like she like me, as she'd often react that way when we met. She passed the class and it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 10, 19 21:34

Post #7 of 15 (1585 views)

Reminds me of a Humans of New York post I saw recently. https://m.facebook.com/...sts/2944971462243601

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [wimsey] [ In reply to ]

Jun 10, 19 21:44

Post #8 of 15 (1570 views)

wimsey wrote:

Reminds me of a Humans of New York post I saw recently. https://m.facebook.com/...sts/2944971462243601

Thanks for posting that. The responses were great also and worth reading, even though I didn't through them all because there were so many!

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 11, 19 8:43

Post #9 of 15 (1296 views)

This breaks my heart. My 14 yo son is on the spectrum and has difficulty making and keeping friends. To make matters worse, he's now ~ 6'2" and ~ 250 lbs (and growing) and extremely self conscious of his size. And as kids are cruel, he's been bullied at school and comes home crying far too often. We've left him in that school as he does have a couple friends, but we can't tolerate it anymore. Next year he will be attending a different school (joining his younger brother for one year before HS).

My biggest fear is that he will be like the young man you saw, alone and lonely for a lifetime.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [Moonrocket] [ In reply to ]

Jun 11, 19 8:59

Post #10 of 15 (1276 views)

Moonrocket wrote:

Are there not local meetup groups?

My old neighbor’s daughter has Down Syndrome and they had massive parties with bouncy castles and dozens of kids with Downs. We were lucky to get to party with them. It was always a ton of fun.

That and special Olympics created quite the friend pack for our neighbor.

The challenges we've found with autistic "meet-up groups", associations, and the like is that there are such diverse levels of autism that it's difficult to find other kids at a similar level. Most of the groups are understandably geared toward those with more extreme autism and have difficulties interacting with others at even basic levels. And as my son is very high functioning, he feels he doesn't belong.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [Ringmaster] [ In reply to ]

Jun 11, 19 9:11

Post #11 of 15 (1260 views)

Ringmaster wrote:

Moonrocket wrote:

Are there not local meetup groups?

My old neighbor’s daughter has Down Syndrome and they had massive parties with bouncy castles and dozens of kids with Downs. We were lucky to get to party with them. It was always a ton of fun.

That and special Olympics created quite the friend pack for our neighbor.

The challenges we've found with autistic "meet-up groups", associations, and the like is that there are such diverse levels of autism that it's difficult to find other kids at a similar level. Most of the groups are understandably geared toward those with more extreme autism and have difficulties interacting with others at even basic levels. And as my son is very high functioning, he feels he doesn't belong.

We have the same concern. My son is 6 and is high functioning to the point where he graduated from SPED to Collaborative and now is in main stream classes with no outside behavior/occupational therapy any longer. We worry about going to Autism Speaks walks now because we have not talked about his DX with him and we don't want to introduce it to him as a potential crutch someday. I do see how relationships could be hampered in the future but for now he has found a good set of friends. My biggest fear for him right now is some shitbag bully in 3rd-5th grade.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [OakCliffTri] [ In reply to ]

Jun 11, 19 9:56

Post #12 of 15 (1194 views)

OakCliffTri wrote:

Ringmaster wrote:

Moonrocket wrote:

Are there not local meetup groups?

My old neighbor’s daughter has Down Syndrome and they had massive parties with bouncy castles and dozens of kids with Downs. We were lucky to get to party with them. It was always a ton of fun.

That and special Olympics created quite the friend pack for our neighbor.

The challenges we've found with autistic "meet-up groups", associations, and the like is that there are such diverse levels of autism that it's difficult to find other kids at a similar level. Most of the groups are understandably geared toward those with more extreme autism and have difficulties interacting with others at even basic levels. And as my son is very high functioning, he feels he doesn't belong.

We have the same concern. My son is 6 and is high functioning to the point where he graduated from SPED to Collaborative and now is in main stream classes with no outside behavior/occupational therapy any longer. We worry about going to Autism Speaks walks now because we have not talked about his DX with him and we don't want to introduce it to him as a potential crutch someday. I do see how relationships could be hampered in the future but for now he has found a good set of friends. My biggest fear for him right now is some shitbag bully in 3rd-5th grade.

My 7 year old has an autistic boy in his class (has a counselor with him for part of the day). I coached a basketball team this past year and opened it up to all the boys in the class. The mom of the boy signed him up and it was pretty clear to me at the first practice he was autistic. We exchanged some emails and she was super nervous about him playing. She said he doesn't know he's autistic, just that he's different. With some small adjustments (he would only play with a specific ball) the kid had a great time and the other boys treated him like everyone else. I plan to coach a team again next year and plan to reserve a spot just for this kid to play if he wants to. I ask my 7 year old about him occasionally and remind him to be a good friend to him. I talked to my 10 year old about the boy and explained how he is a little different and to make sure nobody makes fun of him at school and to stick up for him if anyone does. There are ups and downs for all kids, but a good school with good parents will hopefully decrease shitbag bullying.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 11, 19 12:19

Post #13 of 15 (1123 views)

That's tough. My uncle has down syndrome and he lives with my family and I. He's getting older and has slowed down considerably but he used to attend a local group once a week and play basketball.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [Uncle Arqyle] [ In reply to ]

Jun 11, 19 15:42

Post #14 of 15 (1051 views)

Uncle Arqyle wrote:

OakCliffTri wrote:

We have the same concern. My son is 6 and is high functioning to the point where he graduated from SPED to Collaborative and now is in main stream classes with no outside behavior/occupational therapy any longer. We worry about going to Autism Speaks walks now because we have not talked about his DX with him and we don't want to introduce it to him as a potential crutch someday. I do see how relationships could be hampered in the future but for now he has found a good set of friends. My biggest fear for him right now is some shitbag bully in 3rd-5th grade.

My 7 year old has an autistic boy in his class (has a counselor with him for part of the day). I coached a basketball team this past year and opened it up to all the boys in the class. The mom of the boy signed him up and it was pretty clear to me at the first practice he was autistic. We exchanged some emails and she was super nervous about him playing. She said he doesn't know he's autistic, just that he's different. With some small adjustments (he would only play with a specific ball) the kid had a great time and the other boys treated him like everyone else. I plan to coach a team again next year and plan to reserve a spot just for this kid to play if he wants to. I ask my 7 year old about him occasionally and remind him to be a good friend to him. I talked to my 10 year old about the boy and explained how he is a little different and to make sure nobody makes fun of him at school and to stick up for him if anyone does. There are ups and downs for all kids, but a good school with good parents will hopefully decrease shitbag bullying.

This is great! My son was on a soccer team and I told the coach. He worked with him like every other kid on the team, listened to him when he had a complaint (of which there were many) and played him just as much as the other kids. Some days the boy was killing it and other days he had no interest, but his coach made sure that he never felt any different. Understanding coaches for youths with special needs are wonderful people.

Re: I can't get him out of my mind [rick_pcfl] [ In reply to ]

Jun 11, 19 16:20

Post #15 of 15 (1027 views)

I had a similar, but much happier, memory.

I was at a train station, waiting for my train. I decided to buy a paper, and the machine ate my quarters and didn't open. So I think I swore at it mildly, and sat back down on a bench.

So maybe an hour later, I'm on the train, and I see this clearly mentally handicapped kid walking up down the train cars.

Then after another 20 minutes he stops by my seat, hands me a paper, and says, "I found a paper for you."

It was just heartbreaking that this guy somehow noticed my small frustration and spent like an hour and a half just to make me happy. Never forgotten it.

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