I’m a lawyer who knows about Medicaid lookback rules and such, and nevertheless I and my brothers still did not/are not managing to mitigate the exorbitant end of life costs for my Dad. He simply refused to do any prior planning while he was competent, and once the dementia set in it was too late to do meaningful planning.

He has decent resources saved, and we eventually also sold (via power of attorney) a rental property he owned, which was accruing citations for failure to keep up to code. Between proceeds of that sale and his savings, he’s got enough to pay for memory care unit. The price tag is astronomical, and if he was still competent he’d be horrified at seeing his grandkids’ inheritance being spent on it.

Think my mother in law is reasonably well prepped. I know my father in law isn’t. Right now I’m focused on getting my own and my wife’s retirement funds secured, building college funds for Wimsey jr, etc. In other words, we don’t have a good plan for father in law.

Of course we haven't "planned" for it but we are living it. My parents divorced when I was young. So between by wife and I we have more than just 2 sets of parents...

Dad and his 2nd wife: They will never need any financial help, mid 70s
My Mom: My brother and I cover her monthly bills after her SSI. It hasn't been a burden yet; she is 75
My wife's Mom: is a trainwreck and we began helping her when we first go married....its complicated but I pissed her off about 9 years ago and have not idea where she is...she could be dead, she refuses contact with us our her grand children, its all sad.
My wife Dad and 2nd wife: They are very secure financially and will not need our help, mid 70s.

So my Mom is the only unknown for the future.

My parents sorted themselves out

My wifes parents have done some planning. There net worth is sufficient to ensure they have no problems. They may not have planned how to access and use it efficiently

When my mom was diagnosed with Huntington's when she was 46, her and my dad pretty much laid everything out. When my mom died 12 years ago, he went back through everything again and has a very specific plan all drawn up. My brother and I have power of attorney if needed but it's all pretty cut and dry. Of course as soon as I say that there will be a huge problem.

My wife's parents on the other hand...

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TEAM HD
Each day is what you make of it so make it the best day possible.

My parents are in the their early 70s and will never need financial support from their children.

I worry much more about them aging and living alone. They have five children but my brother who lives closest is still 2.5 hours away.

My mother said if she ever gets to the point where she has to go to a home, to smother her with a pillow. I've got a My Pillow sitting in the closet.

Already went through it w/ wife's dad. Fortunately(?!? ~ I guess at least in this context) he just up and died fairly suddenly so things didn't drag out too long, although it was a giant fucking mess to deal w/ his estate since he had none of his shit together. Going through it now w/ her mom; again, fortunately, wife's stepdad left widowed MiL w/ a decent pension & IRAs plus sale of their old house, so she *should* be covered for the foreseeable future at her current burn rate of ~$5K/mo providing she doesn't live to be 110 or some crazy shit like that.

My folks are about the same age but in much better physical shape so they could live a lot longer (if dad doesn't fall down a mountain trying to do stuff like he's still 55 instead of 75). They aren't wealthy by any stretch, but they've also always been pretty conservative financially so everything's paid off, they don't do anything that isn't well within the budget, and so forth. I'm sure it won't be *easy*, but I'm not overly concerned they're gonna have to move in w/ us or some shit cuz they can't afford any other options.

I'm just dealing with transferring my dad into long term care. My mum's going through chemo so she's unable to deal with any of it.

Luckily we can get subsidized care, but that's still taking 80% of his income. My sister and I now have to look at my parent's finances to see what that does for our mother's lifestyle. I have no idea what their expenses are or if she'll need to sell the house. Sadly I'm not in a position to help them out financially.

Fortunately, my parent's and my wife's parents (and grandparents) have tended to live 90-100 years, be really alert and healthy, and then decline quickly when they get really old. We are hoping for a similar trajectory. My mom is the only parent left (93 and very feisty). OTOH the financial management has sometimes been a mess. I took over my mom's finances after my dad died, and straightened a lot out.

My dad's dad and his uncles all tended to live into their 90s. So ten years ago when my mom had quadruple bypass I would have said dad will be in nursing home at some point and mom will die before 80. Dad got lymphoma and died at 79 four year ago and mom is still here in her own apt at 80. She has enough money to last another 5-6 years and I don't think she will last longer than that. She very sensibly moved into retirement apt and it works well

My wife's dad left family and moved to Scotland 40 years ago and never met the guy no ties at all with his kids. My mother in law is in bad shape diabetes poor mobility and insists on staying in her small dangerous three level home. She will likely have a crisis and end up in nursing home (for which her assets and the state will take care of that) or go out of her house feet first.

My only planning over the years has been to give advice and save aggressively in case my help was needed.

I'd say we are lucky in that in most of the world kids have to take care of the parents on their own when they get old.

Or maybe not because it is another way we are distanced from our families.

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They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

My dad died at 55, so no issues there. Hospice care was covered by insurance. He died in my mom's living room on the hospital bed that was set up for him.

My mom is 66, got another 30 years left. Her parents lived to 91 and 98. At 91, my grandpa was still driving from Florida to Michigan every summer. For the last 9 years of her life, after he died, my grandma lived with my eldest aunt.

We're looking at houses with accessory apartments on ground floors (my mom just had ACL surgery, so she's better but long term...)

Everyone in both sides of my family die suddenly - except my dad. Single massive strokes and heart disease

Good question - I'm surprised it doesn't come up more often given the prevalence of dementia in North America.

My brother and I didn't plan for my parents' retirement and ageing. Fortunately they had pensions to cover any costs (and thank goodness for Canadian healthcare: there were no medical bills to worry about.) They also told us about what they wanted should they become mentally infirm. Except that things didn't go as planned: they both became devastatingly ill within months of each other. We had always assumed my father would get sick first and my mother, a force of nature, would take care of him. She ended up diagnosed with an advanced brain tumour that suddenly incapacitated her just as he went into the final phases of dementia.

Thanks to their pensions my brother and I were able to have them moved to a residence that took care of them. But between the two of us we still had to make some major changes: I looked for a transfer and relocated halfway across the country (losing promotion and seniority), while my brother took long absences (reduced income.) My bosses tolerated the situation but were clearly unhappy that I couldn't be at work all the time.

If there's one thing that stands out for me it's that quote that, while plans are useless, planning is essential. Thing didn't go as we thought, and that's probably the case for most people. We didn't think my mother would get sick at the same time as my father, and we certainly didn't realise the extent to which we'd have to be involved in their care-taking in spite of government services available to do that: government provides individual services, but it doesn't coordinate care. We were OK financially, but we had to make career choices that we're living with seven years later.

I bought two income properties for them nearly ten years ago. I decided long ago that I would not bust my ass to support my parents collectively (only for my father) so by owning income property, the rents would help. My father got social security and VA health benefits so he was good until his death. My mother is out of the picture and is now collecting from my fathers social security and pension (from their divorce). She should be doing well, hopefully. If she needs a place to live, I’ve got her covered.

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DISH is how we do it.