Does it need to be an either or? Maybe modify both.

How about downsizing your home and then go on the vacations you want but don't stay at the 5 star hotel? When pressed, I would lean towards retiring and enjoying life while you can. Prioritize things with your wife. What's more important: the security and comfort of a larger house and savings in the bank... or the power of living on what you need and sharing experiences the way you want while you still can. Life is short regardless and there are no guarantees for the future. But planning and being smart about things will go a long way in helping you life your best life.

25 years from now what would make you more miserable:

1.) Having full financial safety, but being stuck in a physical condition where you cannot enjoy it.
2.) Living in a 1 bedroom apartment eating cat food, with memories of the good times.

Pick the best worse choice and hope it doesn't hit that extreme.

I guess I would look at it as if my wife is continuing to work then we wouldn't be able to travel anyway...other than maybe if she has summers off. If I get satisfaction out of my job then I'd probably stick with it until I was confident I had all the money I could use in retirement. A lot of guys go into retirement and find that they are bored and driving their wife insane. If I had a 2nd career I wanted to start then maybe that would be a plan, but I can't see leaving a high paying job to sit around the house and read slowtwitch while my wife goes to work.

The ailment probably wouldn't factor in too much unless there was something on my bucket list that was a real "must do" and required walking...and if there was I'd probably do it right away job or no job. You never know what tomorrow is going to bring anyway. I had an activity like that that I knocked out last year...took 3 weeks of vacation and a lot of savings but it was really a "must do" for the wife and I and you do those as soon as you can.

1. Teacher pension isn’t going away.

2. Nobody on their death bed has ever said “I wish I would have worked more.”

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Negotiate job if possible to obtain more weeks off, enjoy more road trips that don't cost arm/leg. Even flight travel doesn't need to break bank if it isn't high end resort peak season.

Younger kid, state school. That is a major money drain of course

Once she's out, downsize, no need for anything bigger than 2 br really, even if kids come home blow up mattress or stack them.

You are missing major detail of cost of living, house situation (mortgage/taxes), other bills, so guess a good financial planner would be in order.

I disagree with you on both of these.

1) A number of the teacher pensions are at pretty high risk of restructuring at least which could significantly impact payments. My parents relied on a teacher pension and I did a lot of research into it. I am glad I am not going through the same thing 10-15 years from now.

2) There are a lot of elderly people that wish to have more options than they do due to finances.

To the OP- is there a middle ground? Can you take a step back workwise without totally up and quitting? I did this a few years ago while caring for my elderly parents and a young child. It is great for me because I was not ready to make a big decision and this lets me stay current and my resume is fresh so if I needed to I could jump back in full time or I can always quit tomorrow. I get more time with my daughter and mother. I still provide benefits for the family. I still get to do valuable and interesting stuff at work.

Or can you take an extended vacation in the summer when your wife is off?

Just some other options to consider. It’s a big choice. I wonder about taking time off now since my mom is on hospice in her early 70s with a common condition in our family.

Take more vacation in the summer. We're in a similar situation, except that my wife's knee is looking like it will be the major limiter. Of course, most of our vacation plans that are physically active are actually much cheaper than standard tourist vacations (hiking, bike touring, backpacking). Our limiting factor right now is finding times to go. We will be empty nesters in 18 months, and are working on a steep glide path to "retirement/part-time work" (3-5 years). Not sure that having one of us retired while the other works full-time would be a good strategy.

I'd generally agree, except the caveat to both #2s is now having gone through the end-game scenarios with a couple of ailing/deceased parents, it's not necessarily a question of how you yourself envision checking out, but how you wish to leave the various inevitable burdens to your survivors. So #3: Would you choose a shittier exit for yourself, in order to leave behind more financial security for your family? Or do you feel like they'll have enough security, they'd all prefer to remember dad going out in a fucking blaze of glory?

We've had other family members who had little/no money, so their choices were pretty limited ~ minimal health care/medical intervention, died relatively quickly/young, and didn't have shit to leave anyone for an inheritance so financial/estate planning was largely a non-issue. Fortunately it sounds like Ken's not stuck in that boat.

The absolute last thing anyone wants to do is face a long, slow, withering death, all the while bleeding away your life's earnings for expensive retirement care/assisted living (more like expensively-staffed dying). So, pick any of the other options besides that...

I know you're only asking for a "friend" so this is what I would say to him.

• If you have a lot in savings, it means you have likely had a good income and/or been good at savings. If your wife can earn 60% of your high income, it is likely more than enough for her to live on, particularly after the last year of your child's tuition, and she can continue to work a long time.
  
• People have been calling for the demise of teacher pensions in the future but there is almost a zero chance of that happening. Which politician is going to eliminate that.
• If there is a genetic problem in your family and you are starting to feel the impact, you can bet it will happen to you.
  

Leaving yourself out of this, since your wife has a job, cash needs are doing down in the future and loves to take vacations, it is an obvious answer for her.

For you it is a no brainer. Some might think you are doing the responsible thing by saving more money than they really need "just in case" but you are doing far more for them by spending time with them and going things they will remember. They won't remember the bank balance.

I would quit the job and then get imaginative in taking vacations that don't cost a lot. There are hundreds of ideas where you can spend time together, do fun things and not deplete your savings. You can spend time thinking about that and then when not on vacation or working, be careful with your spending habits in the day to day things. You can likely find lots of ways to cut your costs.

Get her a new knee.

How does your friend feel about the high paying job? Love, indifference, hate?

I don't quit my job because I don't feel like I should stop contributing. Your friend's milage may vary.

You could also buy a used motorhome and vacation on the cheap. For me, that would be the way I would go, as long as I could keep driving. I detest most flying these days, unless it is to an island I cannot drive to.

To narrow down this decision, talk it over with the wife and see if she is even interested in this early retirement scheme. She may not be on board at this time, so start to think about solo adventures to go alone with regular vacations that she likes. You are married to her, but you dont have to be married to the idea that you "have" to do everything together at the moment.

Anyway, that is what I would tell your friend, go as soon as possible, downsize as soon as possible, and let happy times and memories make him feel better. And a body that is happy, tends to be healthier too, so there is that...

My wife has a chronic autoimmune disease. There is a good chance that she won't live as long as my extremely long lived family. But then again, there is a chance I won't either since I have had 2 brothers have heart attacks.

Fortunately for us we are very close to the same age and we have a lot of vacation time. We make good money and we enjoy it. Others may think we spend too much and don't save enough, but I have no desire to die rich and no desire to live like a pauper and save now and have my wife pass away at 68, never having been able to enjoy the fruits of our labor.

My mom developed Parkinson's around the age of 50. I am very aware that by the time she was 65 she couldn't do much at all. My sisters husband has 3 of the best kids ever. They now have 3 of the most adorable grandkids possible. He has ALS. Over the last couple years it has progressed very quickly. He probably won't live more than another year or so. Those two situations along with my wife weigh heavy on me.

I'm willing to die broke if it means my wife gets to enjoy herself now.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

See your point but will you allow her to die broke if you go down first?

least need a budget down the road so you don't end up eating cat tuna to buy medicine

If I die she dies rich.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

I'll give you my parents experience.

My mom and dad saved a lot and were pretty well off. There wasn't much as a kid I didn't get, within reason. They had decided they were saving for retirement so didn't do much travel. However, both of them wanted to travel a lot. Their plan was to buy a nice 5th wheel and see all that America had to offer.

I'm the youngest of 5 and left home at 19. At this time mom was 45 years old and was finishing her last year of college. As they continued to stock money away in the bank and invest, mom was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease at the age of 48. She had noticed things were a bit off but not to worry. Mom was a fighter and would not be deterred.

Now fortunately for my mom, her brother was/is very wealthy and decided to pay for some experimental testing that was being done so they wouldn't have to take any of their own money out of the bank. It was a hefty bill that would have wiped out quite a bit of their savings. Well, with HD there is no cure. The experimental tests didn't work and she began to deteriorate. By the time she was 54, she was in a wheel chair and had a feeding tube, due to the experimental testing. Dad tried to take her to the places they had planned on going but it's not real easy to go to the bottom of the Grand Canyon using a wheel chair. Mount Rushmore was not much more than a picture from the easiest trail. Most national parks, it was just a glimpse as they were driving by.

At 60 mom was in adult day care. Dad got up, got her ready, took her to day care and went to work. Picked her up on the way home and did it all again, 5 days a week. Mom passed away, at home in her bed at 68, pretty much a vegetable. Mom and dad spent the better part of 18 years fighting a losing battle, missing what they had hoped to enjoy together in retirement.

She never got to walk the trails of the national parks she talked about so much. She didn't really see the sights of America because she was confined to a wheel chair and then a bed.

The whole point is, you can't take it with you, do what you want while you can. I don't waste time on the meaningless stuff. If I want to go somewhere, I go, even if going will make money tight for a few months. I don't think I have HD, I'm pretty much past the point of knowing one way or the other and haven't been tested, but I'll wake up tomorrow knowing I did pretty much what I wanted to do today and if tomorrow doesn't come, I don't have any regrets of something I may have missed. Enjoy life.

As Duffy stated, no one on their deathbed says they wish they could have worked more. You wife and kids don't really care what you do for a living, they care when you're around. Those are the things I remember about my mom. She was a hard worker but when I needed or wanted her, she was there.

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TEAM HD
Each day is what you make of it so make it the best day possible.

My dad and his 3 brothers all died from dementia related diseases. My father died at 69 but in all honestly was barely alive the final few years. My mom on the other hand is about to turn 96 and is in good health for someone her age. Knowing my family history I could not wait to retire because, well, I feared the worst. I wanted to spend as much time as I could doing what I enjoy and be with my family in case I get the dreaded diagnosis. I retired at 60. I could easily have worked 5+ years more but toward what end? If I could have retired earlier I would have. You have to enjoy life while you have your health. Without that I don't see any sense in living. That may be kind of cold, but I saw my dad die and I would never let my family go through that with me because I love them and the thought of ending up the same way as him terrifies me.

So quit your job. Live out your wildest dreams and enjoy your life while you can. When the end comes try to have no regrets. I think that's a life worth living.

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"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

It is interesting to read your story. Sounds like what many of my patients are battling with. Nobody can tell you how to live your life, you have to decide what is important to you. Although it is more difficult to travel in a wheelchair, it is absolutely possible, and can be enjoyable. One of my patients travels around the world by himself several times a year in his wheelchair. He has recently been to places rather inaccessible to wheelchairs, like Russia and South America. If you have someone traveling with you, it is even easier.

I am curious (since you have put this sensitive information out here on a public forum): why have you decided to keep your children in the dark about your (and your mother's) diagnosis?

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Two wheels good. Four wheels bad.

My good friend is 62-3, his wife 50, daughter turns 18 this month. History of cardiac problems in family. He's not optimistic

Trying to persuade wife to stop work or go contracting now so they can travel whilst daughter at university

You can't spend it when your dead, if you have money set aside for your kids, your wife once you're gone, then you should make every effort to do what you want to whilst you can

If your wife is a teacher making 60% of what you are making - you don't have a high paying job.

That said -

I'll assume you like your job.

If you quit, but your wife keeps working - will you keep yourself "busy and happy" A lot of people that retire and don't have enough mental stimulation go "down hill quick"

If the above is "yes" - retire.

If the above is "no" - keep working.

If your close to retirement, you probably have 6 weeks vacation. (Christmas, Thanksgiving, and 4 weeks in the summer while the wife is not teaching is a lot of time to "visit stuff")

My all time favorite quote from a movie has never been more apropos:

"A man's got choice, he can either get busy living or get busy dying"

Andy Dufrane (sp?) - Shawshank Redemption

Is there something in your skill set where you could work half time? Or make some money on the side.

Part of the equation I find a bit unfair for lots of parents paying excess amounts for kid's college. I'd help a bit with in-state tuition and living cheap. But, beyond that you're going to have to take loans yourself and do some side work.

In that situation, a parent isn't doing their kids any favors. All it does is often endanger the financial longevity of the parents and possibly make them a liability to the kids much younger in their aging.

The kids can taper the college loan payments out over time.

You don't have any more time to save for retirement or keep what you've got! They've got their whole working life. You're near the middle to end of yours.

Consider that.

If you're set on gifting the kids something like expensive college tuition, wait instead until they're nearing a house purchase. Then, offer to pay off some money on the downpayment. Not so they can buy extra house, but only if it takes the down payment beyond 20% or takes it to the point they could do a 15 year loan instead.

Now THAT is a much better gift than college tuition.