And kind of creepy to me. And I am old and outdated myself.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one that thought that.

At my friend's wedding, the groom's dad asked the bride's dad permission to do some kind of blessing. It was really, really weird. When I was complaining afterwards, another friend didn't understand at all - he thought "it was very respectful to ask permission". WTF. Ask permission - but ask the person you are talking about, not their father.

Before I proposed I had no plans to ask for the FILs blessing. A friend convinced me that I should do it even if I thought it was stupid.

FIL said no. I proposed that night anyway.

Awkward...

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How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Why did he say no?
What did you say to him?

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Long Chile was a silly place.

... the backstory.

Geez so long ago now I barely remember what I said.

He explained later that he was concerned that I didn’t have a good job. He didn’t know at the time that I was making plans to go back to college which I did. Then went into IT.

Anyway, all water under the bridge now.

I never should have asked. I didn’t believe in that crap and still don’t (and neither does the wife)

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How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Lol

I asked my FIL permission and he agreed. Years later when my kids were born he and his wife were screaming at me- won’t go into that. Although, it was about me applying for a job while the kids were young and Life was complicated. I walked my wife out to the car and after she was in the car, I went back into the house and gave them a piece of my mind and told them they gave their rights away and gave permission. FIL- says, ok- but .... I was like, you don’t get that this doesn’t involve you.

Anywho- we are divorced now and my ex’s parents were a big problem so the marriage counselor pointed out. Often they were involved in our lives and didn’t need to be.

Technically, a sin is a sin and weighted equally. Cheating on your wife is no worse than any other act of betrayal or dishonesty.

Regardless, it’s about communication. That’s the real issue. It’s not the sex. Fact is that some people are married and have open relationships. So, their partner has sex with other people. It isn’t the sex, it’s the lack of their partner knowing.

Now, as far as the 2 week comment. It’s again about communication. Sometimes it’s a quick comment and recognition... the GF and I may give a quick kiss on the way to work and one of us says- we are off track. Or, we are slipping. The other agrees and we somehow make time to reconnect. The comment of 2 weeks is that I am not saying a relationship is broken, I’m saying the situation should be addressed.

Or, you can keep driving that car without oil and see how well the engine holds up.

It never occurred to me to ask him. It turns out he was mad about that. I just found out recently, over 30 years later. So it obviously has had a big impact on our lives.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

In my case, I asked. More out of respect for traditions, and also to him. But if the answer was "No", we would've gone ahead anyway.

At the time we got engaged, we had been dating for awhile (~7yrs). Early in the relationship, her parents were far from supportive; But by this point, it was all good.

He asked, "That's great! I will say it's about time. When's the wedding?"
Us, "Thinking about next year, maybe June."
Him, "Gee. Why wait so long?"
Me, "Well, I figure that would give me time to get to know your daughter."

And the rest is history.

Fixed it for you, you're welcome.

oldandsore

Awesome!

This is only partly right. My first wife had 2 affairs 7 yrs apart. I can assure you that even if I had known before she had them, I would not have been okay with it. For me, sex is a very intimate interaction and an expression of the commitment my ex-wife and I made to each other. “Not knowing” may be part of it, but the biggest part is the betrayal by sharing what is meant to be an intimate expression of commitment with someone else. So, it IS most definitely about the sex, at least for me. If you want to have an open marriage, that’s fine, but you better both be on the same page about that and okay with it.

I would also take issue with your statement that cheating on your spouse is no worse than any other act of betrayal. It is. You are supposed to be able to trust your spouse’s commitments to you. The implications of spousal cheating are FAR, FAR greater than many acts of betrayal, such as spilling the beans about a minor, but embarrassing secret, or choosing to blow off an import event after promising to be there. There ARE degrees of betrayal and in my mind, cheating after promising before God and the world to forsake all others is at or near the top of that list.

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''The enemy isn't conservatism. The enemy isn't liberalism. The enemy is bulls**t.''

—Lars-Erik Nelson

A lot led up to those affairs. Don’t think what I said meant your wife simply says, “, Hey I’m gonna go have sex with someone else”. As if that’s ok. I didn’t say that. If sex isn’t happening in the relationship, then that’s a red flag. Talk to your spouse. Something is up. Affairs don’t just happen. That’s my point about communication.