You are the sum of your own actions, your own faith, your own aspirations.

Imagine the situation being nastier and the person giving the revelation had horribly abused the kids. Does it make it better or worse if they weren't his?

I wish you the best. I can't pretend like that isn't huge news or pretend it doesn't affect you.

Assuming you're a guy and don't mind faith based reads......I didn't like it since I didn't have any father/parent issues growing up but can suggest "Wild at Heart" for people who did. It explores boyhood and manhood through the lens of men who were not the best cared for in childhood and their interactions with the world at present.

It doesn't claim to be written for neglected kids, but reading it and feeling I came from a pretty good situation didn't get much from it.

Ninja edit: My grandad revealed upon death he was once married before and never told anyone. He volunteered for WWII but the woman left him during the war and he returned home to no-one. No kids, but still.

So that means he could be. Seems you have a strained relation with him anyhow, assume he was your biological dad and not worry about it.

If for some reason it would impact your life knowing he technically is or is not, ask him for a DNA sample get tested and know for sure.

He either said this cause when he raised you he always had doubts and wanted to share that, or he just wanted to be mean and throw the possibility even possibly knowing its not true.

If your unsure if you want to know. Pull a strand of his hair now and keep it, you can always get it tested later, after he dies it will be harder to get a sample.

At this point in my life I am not sure it would change much if I found out the man who raised me was not biologically related to me.

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Just Triing
Triathlete since 9:56:39 AM EST Aug 20, 2006.
Be kind English is my 2nd language. My primary language is Dave it's a unique evolution of English.

What a horrible, mean, and classless thing for him to do. You were right not to like him, regardless of relationship. He SHOULD have taken that to the grave.

Forget about it, as there is nothing YOU can do now and get on with your adult life without him. Good riddance to him; may he burn in Hell for what he said.

I wish you well.

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DFL > DNF > DNS

The more I think about it, and remember I've only known for about 5 hours, the more I think there is no way he is my bio dad. He was always the hustler. Never really had any job that was "real" He was a telemarketer most of his life. I was embarrassed just knowing him.

I'm so confused right now. Yes/no, does it really matter? I don't know.

53 years and he lays this crap on us now. Why?

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"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." Jimi Hendrix

Pretty much this, every word.

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"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." Jimi Hendrix

On the bright side, if true, the chances of you getting the same disease that's put your father on his death bed have significantly down.

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Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/

https://www.nytimes.com/...iro-inheritance.html

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“Read the transcript.”

If it makes you feel better, my father, who is 77, told me a little about his family. My dad has 6 brothers - he is the 2nd oldest. Apparently my grandmother had children by three different men even though she was married to my grandfather the entire time. The first 3 were by my grandfather, then there were two by one man, and the last 2 by another. When my dad started telling me I was able to guess which ones were which based on their appearances.

Where you saying grandpa to the right grandpa?

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"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." Jimi Hendrix

... Some deep stuff here, and like others' said, important to keep going.

Do you think your dad said he didn't "think he's the father", because he was trying to soften the blow for you (unsuccessfully), or was there really doubt whether he is or isn't your biological dad? Is it important to you to definitively know?

And while he could have taken it to the grave, maybe your dad was trying to come clean about stuff weighing him down before he passed on?

He's been an ass to me my whole life. No hitting or anything, but callous.

He told me sister that he would not do a DNA test (I don't know how it came up.) because things have a way of coming up when you do those things. He was round about, but it's pretty clear of the meaning.

I've known for 7, maybe 8 hours... I'm over it. He will die, I will not.

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"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." Jimi Hendrix

Yes. My father was one of the first three. You could look at them and tell which ones were biological siblings. It was easy for me to guess based on their appearances. There is 20 years age difference between the oldest and youngest.

My grandmother is 100 years old and still alive. In fact, unlike many people her age - she is terrified of dying. I think it is because she believes in god and is afraid that she's going to have to answer for this.

As to your situation, others have provided great advice. What he did was a selfish, mean thing. But knowing this doesn't change who you are, it only changes who your biological father is.

He's been an ass to me my whole life. No hitting or anything, but callous.

He told me sister that he would not do a DNA test (I don't know how it came up.) because things have a way of coming up when you do those things. He was round about, but it's pretty clear of the meaning.

I've known for 7, maybe 8 hours... I'm over it. He will die, I will not.


If you really want a DNA test, well there is a mountain of it right there in his room. I was in a similar situation as you, found out by accident when I was 16. My mom and dad probably would have taken it to the grave, hard to tell really. But unlike you, I loved my father, and he was my father in every sense of the word, other than DNA. Just as yours was to you, only he was a shitty father, but the one you knew, the one you grew to hate. Just now, it may be easier for you to dismiss him, but really, dont spend too much time or energy on it. I have friends and relatives that have to go to meetings for just about everything under the sun, I just want to slap them, and say get over it already!!! You are an adult, get to make your own choices, and have been for quite sometime, so move on like this was an illness, one that you are now recovered from.


Now my younger brother would want to know everything, he was the one who found our birth father(a year to the day after he died), and we now know a bunch of stuff about a total stranger to us. I was fine not knowing, he was not, and either way it has not really changed anything of note in my life. Yours should get easier and better I would presume, use this information to set some feelings and thoughts free, and go forward a little lighter...

I don't know if it really matters who your father is. If you had a dad that was your dad the sperm source shouldn't make a difference. I am guessing if you are an adult and the biological father has not come out, maybe it is not meant to be. I am a bit afraid of all the DNA testing done that a lot of kids may find out their brother or sister may only be a half sibling. Oops. I hate to see people prying into these matters as if it isn't hard enough without bringing DNA into the family dynamic.

Well, I guess I’ll nevrr know. He died yesterday at 1 o’clock.

RIP, dad!!!

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"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." Jimi Hendrix

I'm sorry.

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who's smarter than you're? i'm!

I’m very sorry for your loss. I read this thread and believe you’re better off ‘knowing’ what he stated to your sister than not knowing. You’ll sort through it, no doubt.

All the best to you and your family.