My wife and I both trained for IM together back when we used to race regularly before we started a family. Made it easy as far as planning time around workouts etc where we were both going to the pool at the same time as well as doing rides together, or go for runs at the same time. These days she still runs and I still ride, but we coordinate around each other and our daughter's schedule. It means getting creative with time management (I mainly work out early mornings) but we make it work.

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"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race." - Richard Butler

My wife enjoys running but it very casual about it. She tolerates my early morning training as long as I don't wake her while I'm getting ready.

Where we have had conflict has been expenditure on the sport and trying to take my bike on vacation.

Married 27 years. Started doing stuff right from the beginning. I was flying gliders, she riding horses when we first met. I taught her how to glide, she taught me how to ride. From that we went running and cycling. Rode a tandem for three years around the world shortly after getting married, then carried on cycling. Move to the shaky isles up over in the Southern Hemisphere and began triathlons. Did our first IMNZ in 2005 finishing together then 5 others over the years. Completed at the ITU Long Course Champs in Perth in 2010, Oly distance in Auckland in 2012, and Xterra Worlds together in 2015. Moved into ultra marathons mostly for the last few years most recently finishing together at the Old Ghost Ultra in NZ in February. Next up is Swim-Run, She's just done Breca Bay of Islands with a friend (I'm in Australia at the moment), but next year we'll do it as Team 120 (our combined ages in 2019).

No challenges from having an active spouse, only benefits. Easy for us though as we don't have kids so just us to think about.

I can't imagine how it must be not to be able to share this active lifestyle with someone who is not interested. Yet I see so many relationships like that. I've also noticed that while it works for a few years, something breaks after a while.

I would not swap what I have for anything else.

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Trust me I’m a doctor!
Well, I have a PhD :-)

Beautiful. What a very full life.

Wife is also a Triathlete. Like others she has gotten on board with my hobby. Now she has her Triathlete friends and is getting stronger everyday. She tries to get me to sign up for races, even when I say no she pushes. She just loves the atmosphere. We have 3 kids and she pushes me out the door when I am feeling lazy. I would 100% find an athlete if I were single.

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http://www.sfuelsgolonger.com

My wife is an athlete, way more gifted than me. She was a D1 Nordic skier, but since college has not really taken anything too seriously. She does MTB racing, trail runs, and running hillclimbs still. Without any training that anyone would refer to as structured she wins races or finishes top 10% of her AG, always. When we were married after college we would do mountain bike races every weekend and she won every one she entered for 5 years.

Her training is a bike ride once or twice a week, and 3-4 runs for 45-60 minutes average. She also is religious about doing 20 mins of stretching / strength in the morning. But with that said, she does not do intervals, speed work, track workouts, or any real structured intensity levels. No hour counting, workout timing, heart rate monitoring, nothing. She is the same weight since graduating from college 25 years ago less her massive shoulders from nordic. It makes me sick, but she has good genes. She tells me I suck because "I just dont know how to suffer". I work hard to be FOMOP or BOFOP.

There is some seriously awesome stories in here...keep them coming!

My wife is not an athlete. She enjoys working out a bit but nothing close to what I do. She does 5ks every now and then. It took us a bit to figure things out but now everything seems to be good. There still are times that she wants to do something and I might not be able to/want to because of training but I have also become more accommodating to things too. Unless I am within a month of a big race I might alter a workout if she wants to do something over the weekend or I just suck it up and walk around the mall with her.

The new challenge is me racing professionally this year and having a 4 month old daughter! So everything is a learning process now but she is very, very understanding of everything so far. She does get a bit frustrated that we can't go certain places during certain times because I need to train but we also try to use a race as a time to go somewhere. Even if it is Michigan, we are outside of Chicago, it is something that we might not have done otherwise.

I don't think I would look for an athlete if I had to go through it again. I like being able to turn training/racing off when I am around her and my friends. I don't care to talk about my training since I know no one really cares. I also have learned to never say I am tired now that we have our daughter since my tiredness does not compare to hers!

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Twitter - Instagram

Both my daughters have developed into self motivated endurace athletes. Older one (age 18) does nordic skiing, runs, swims, road and MTB races, also major hiker /backpacker. Did one triathlon last year and qualified for nationals. Younger one (15) does MTB and road racing, and Nordic skiis, also hikes a lot.

I have talked with a lot of people about getting your kids into these sports and there are two components - it is what we all do as a family together, but WAY more importantly - the kids need a peer group that likes it and does it. I am lucky my daughters have gone to a private high school that has very hardcore endurance sports (Road riding, MTB team, Nordic ski team, XC running) and they have a great group of friends who do all those sports together. They have world class coaching and they see a steady stream of alumni from their school who are some of the whos who in endurance activities.

As a parent you will never force those sports on your kids (especially as teenagers) alone - you need to create / provide an "enclave" of their peers.

This is just about me, minus the rowing.

If I were single, I don't know that I'd be on the hunt for an athlete, but I bet I'd find one just because the social stuff I'd be doing is going to the gym, racing, playing on co-ed adult teams, etc.

I think the best part of having a triathlete wife is the training. First, we can ride together indoors, do our longer runs together, and go to the pool at the same time. However, the most important thing is likely zero tension around training time. We both understand that we need to get in our training so we compromise very easily to allow the other to get in good work. My best example was when I was training for IM, I was doing a lot of indoor riding, but a tri-club I knew was doing an all-women Mother's Day long ride. I needed some outside time but really didn't know the good areas to ride so the ladies on this ride invited me. Spending Mother's Day riding your bike with other women is not something that likely passes in many marriages. My wife, however, pushed me to join the ride.

Like Phillly 1x said, the biggest downside is the cost. We upgraded to tri-bikes last year. If it was one or the other of us to upgrade, we probably would have gone P5. But we settled on two P2s due to cost. We could have swung the P5s, but having two bikes worth more than our cars seemed excessive!

Lastly, there has been more than one occasion that I've had a long work day, maybe flying across the country at 7AM for a meeting and getting home at 10PM exhausted. All I want to do is crash on the couch. But, my wife is there either motivating me or many times we've made a "date" to ride the trainers together when I get home. If I bag my session, I leave her hanging so I always find the energy.

My beautiful lady is quite an athlete. She is visually impaired since birth, but has never let that stop her. She crushes Zwift and Trainer Road regularly, is a stellar runner, swimmer; everything really. She has a goal of going sub 11 for an Ironman and i think she will get that goal in the next few years. Every time I think about bitching about a small pain or adversity, I think about what a bad ass woman I am with and I push through. She is one hell of a great human and I truly take inspiration from her.

This is all fine and well, but life happens.

My husband and I were both into cycling/racing when we met (it's how we met). Fast forward a bunch of years and he was in a really bad car accident and can't ride anymore. I feel guilty all the time about going out and doing stuff that he can't (not on him at all - he encourages me).

I'm just saying there are more important qualities in a mate than the hobbies they like to do. Life happens in lots of unexpected and unpleasant ways.

That is definitely key. As a gymnast - I had my team - but no one outside that. Once I quit and got into diving - it was like 4 or 5 people. Started triathlon and I am the only one. I train alone because no one I know runs or bike and certainly no one swims. It does get rather dull after a while but working in high stress finance, it is nice to unwind a bit.

Being from Florida - all those sports make me chuckle. I dont even know what "nordic ski" is. I am going to have to get the ol google machine going after I type this.

I can see the cost sucking. I just got a Felt IA - and cant imagine getting two of those! or two trainers, two new pairs of running shoes, two entry fees, etc, etc.

For the gent with the visually impaired wife - that is awesome! Makes you look at life just a little bit differently when you get into one of the moods (fully understand but long story behind it)

I have been thinking about this from time to time as well:
1) Gf of 5 years is not a triathlete, when we met she did nothing (and still had a body that looked 10x in shame as mine). Then she started doing some fitness and turned to running. Runs 3x aweek 25k combined just for fitness but wants to do a half marathon this fall.
2) I actually think i prefer it this way, i can see the benefit of both being into tri, but what if one get enough of it? It sure as hell should not be the thing that keeps you together! I'm also being practical here, children comes along, if both want to train for e.g. an ironman, holy hell try fitting in household chores! Both tired from workouts, crying babies, late home noone is cooking food, naa. I think i prefer a "normal" GF/Wife then.
But i would require some kind of activity.

Wife and I both are endurance athletes. I mainly run and bike now, she mainly runs.

1) Benefits, we both get the other needs to workout and burn some energy. No issue allowing one to do an event. Half our dates are runs or bike rides together. Its awesome. Downside: I'm faster then her, so its tough when I want to go hard and she can't keep up. Biggest downside: Young Kids. It seems very hard for us to both get good workouts in each day. Kids take up all of your free time.

2) No, our 'workout dates' are the best times for us to talk, discuss life, problem solve home issues, and form a strong relationship bond.

Wife is very active but does not have the competitive desires to crush the competition.

1) No challenges. The benefits are extensive
2) I'd try to find her.
3) She moved next door to me my senior year of high school.

So from what I am gathering, triathletes should never do any of the following:

1) have kids
2) marry someone high maintenance or clingy

putting these in my mental notes haha

I'd say you SHOULD have kids. Both of my boys race and have for 10 & 8 years. Some of our best memories are racing.

Front door brag warning :)

I remember my older son's 1'st adult duathlon like it was yesterday (it was also my 1'st overall win). His 1'st overall kids tri race win came 24 hours before my 1'st overall adult tri-win. That was a tough 24 hours.....but a fun ride home.

We've traveled around the country and some international racing.

Not sure I would have enjoyed this sport nearly as much if it wasn't for my 2 kids racing with me.

That would be rad. My dad and I have taken some surf/camping trips around the country and it is epic..especially when you are 16 and open the cooler and it is full of beer with NO food and he just looks at you and says "what we are camping..also don't tell your mother"

D'Wife aspires to call herself an athlete; I say she is, already

We do Charity rides in the Summer & Fall, which is her focus [no racing for her] but she trains with weights as well as cycling & other cardio

Plus, we have weekly swim dates, so she's in the gym 4-6 days a week

I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning/laundry

D'Kid pretty much takes care of herself [she's 18, so she'd better be able to by now]

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Sorry this is going to be a long one, riddled full of errors, typed on a broken iPhone, at work, but you might find something of use in it. Long story short; it’s stressful, and while we both have had easier relationships in the past, we wouldn’t trade the world for the other.

I used to think that I wanted a significant other that had nothing to do with the bike racing world, and in some respects, I still think that would still be easier (I.e. my new “$500” bike, wheels, etc.) but I’m thrilled to be in a relationship with another athlete. We share an understanding of what the other has gone or is going through. She struggled to understand me early on especially when my cycling world came crashing down. I couldn’t pull myself out of a dark depression that it caused and it took me a while to find my feet but now I can use my experiences to give her the best support possible.

When we met, over two years ago, we rushed into living together as I was about to start another season as a pro cyclist and she was moving to where we both wanted to be. I was on a poorly run team with a title sponsor that pulled all of their money from the sport, just as the season was about to start. She had accepted a new job in Boulder, and started thinking about racing outside of the local scene after being an injury prone collegiate runner. We struggled as our roles have switched but now we are settling into a life where I have the full time job and she’s the professional cyclist. While riding her and I have/had similar, basically useless paychecks of $250-$500 a month. In the office she had a much bigger paycheck as she has a masters in statistics and I have a BA in business and accounting.

The biggest challenges are living off of one or sometimes no paychecks for two people and her (now our) amazing dog. Our financials have caused many arguments and has lead us to follow whatever paycheck the current most non-racer is currently earning. It has also allowed us to experience many things as we have lived in Ohio, Colorado, Rwanda, Ohio (with her family this time) and now Arizona.

The next biggest problem is the level of selfishness that is required to be a professional cyclist. The monk like state to train at that level and the travel during the season. When you are home and training, the process of sleep, train, eat, recover and sleep, is the way of life. You’re pretty much useless to the outside world during a big training block so your other half has to understand that 99.5% of the relationship weight is on them. This caused problems for us early on but I try to be understanding what she’s going through and it has allowed me to return the favor as she pursues her dreams. This includes but doesn’t limit me to taking care of the pup, condo, two cars, her garden, airport runs, being the bike mechanic, making sure that she knows that she’s loved when I can’t be the physical shoulder to cry on, traveling to her on my weekends if she’s within a driveable distance and trying to learn the ropes at my first real job in the accounting world, while not forgetting to set some time aside for myself. I’m sure this has given me a few grey hairs but we are making it work and all three of us seem to be happier than ever.

The next challenge is that as we look forward in life and our relationship, we worry about not being having good enough insurance. Mine is pretty bad through work and not affordable to add her to it,should that even be a possibility. She’s using subsidized Obama Care, which she’s currently limited to coverage in Ohio. That’s an issue for her as we have recently moved to AZ, and recently found out that she has a Hyperthyroid issue.

On the positive side of things this journey has allowed us to see eye to eye and give the other as much respect and support that we can because we know the ups, downs and the pains that the other is experiencing. It’s really fucking hard but I’m glad that we have been able to walk around in each other’s shoes.

When I met my boyfriend 12 years ago, he had just bought a road bike a few weeks prior and had done a few 10ks, and had lifted weights regularly for about 7 years. I was a lifelong athlete (grew up playing "sports with a ball" and transitioned to endurance events as an adult) and had completed a few IMs and marathons and dozens of century rides by the time I met him. He decided to start training with me to see if he could keep up. He enjoyed getting in better shape but never had much of a desire to race. Over the years he has finished 2 marathons and one 70.3, but I don't see him doing many more races. He just doesn't have the drive to compete that I do, but he's an amazing IM sherpa and super supportive of me. He does all of my long rides with me, at whatever pace I want to go, so I never have to worry about find someone to ride with when I'm going long. He volunteers at most of the IMs I do, sometimes for multiple shifts over multiple days, and when I'm busy training he deals with getting my bikes serviced, cooking, errands and anything else he can do to support me. I feel super spoiled by how much of his life gets planned around my events, but he seems to enjoy that (and he likes the fact that when I'm training for IM he gets in great shape from doing the long rides with me). I've tried over the years to get him more into racing but he genuinely does not seem interested but he loves training just for the fun of it. When his friends were looking to chip in to get him a nice gift for a milestone birthday, I suggested they get him a power meter (which they did), and I signed him up for TR and Zwift, which he does use occasionally, but I don't think he has any idea what his average watts and cadence are after any given ride, and I think he probably has no idea what FTP or TSS mean, and probably has no idea how to sync his 935 (which I bought for him) with his training peaks account (which I created for him), and he's just fine with that. I tried to get him into the TR and Zwift podcasts but playing them while driving to/from our long rides, and he looked miserable so I gave up on that plan. He truly loves to bike and run, and he loves being around all things IM and supporting me at events, but he doesn't have the desire to race himself. After years of trying to force that to change I've realized I should just let him enjoy training blissfully ignorant of what all the data on his garmin means and how it compares to past rides/runs. It's hard because I have this passion that I want to share with him, and he seems almost close enough to the IM world to get it, but I know's he's happiest training for fun and supporting me.

Before I met him, I dated plenty of non-athletes and was fine with that as long as the person I was dating had some hobby (and sitting on the couch watching sports didn't count for me). I always felt like I didn't need to date someone who had the same hobbies as me, but they needed to have something outside of their careers that they were passionate about so they would be well-rounded and also so they would understand why my hobbies are so important to me.

Husband of 22 years is a natural athlete who doesn’t do anything with it. We met at the pool.

I learned after about 4 years that if I just sign him up for an event with me he’ll train for and do it and then continue the training. So I sign us up for “together” stuff every couple of years and it works great.

Con: when he is training the meals triple in size and I gain weight (he is nil% body fat).

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Hillary Trout
San Luis Obispo, CA

Your trip is short. Make the most of it.
https://www.slogoing.net/

Met my wife on a recreational touring bike ride 30 years ago. She was a recreational cyclist, but gradually became more and more serious. Three years later she rode over 400 miles in a nondrafting 24 hour race on an inexpensive sport touring bike. Four years later she took a leave from work to train full time for the Race Across AMerica. Rode 700-800 miles per week while training for RAAM, including 12 hour rides on the trainer. She would show up for a century ride, finish it with the first group, after having ridden through the previous night as part of a 250 mile nonstop training ride. I'd like to preserve her anonymity, but let's just say her RAAM ride was successful. Then she retired from competitive cycling and we raised two kids together. We still ride together and participate in various charity rides, triathlons, and aquabikes. Yes, she's a keeper.

She doesn't. She supports it, but I don't think she'll ever really understand it. Doesn't have that desire to find the edge like I have. It would be fun to have her do it with, but I don't mind. She has plenty of hobbies that I have zero interest in. Just because we don't share hobbies doesn't mean we don't fit well together.

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JustinDoesTriathlon

Owner, FuelRodz Endurance.