Screw you Rian Johnson

Apr 15, 18 17:00

Post #1 of 25 (2409 views)

I have brushed my teeth 14 times today to get the taste of Rian Johnson's 2 and a half hour shit on my childhood out of my mouth. I would rather watch Jar Jar in 50 Shades of Gray than to watch that again.

Waste of Luke. I wanted to see Luke kick some ass, not sit on a rock in the middle of nowhere. And really? 30 years of not seeing Chewie and finding out Han died and all u can say is Hi?

Kylo Ren is terrible, and Jesus put your shirt back on. Now I know what happened to Khan's fake pecs. He's a goofy looking weirdo I can't take seriously. Whiny millennial. Almost as bad as Jesse what's him name as Lex Luthor in the latest Justice League movies, but even my taint stained hemmoroid is not as bad as that.

There have now been 9 Star Wars movies, including Rogue One (which I haven't seen), and 2 have been good, basically Star Wars and Empire. The rest have given us the Ewoks, Jar Jar, the Force is really only little bugs, 3
8 hours of space C-Span, and now Crybaby Ren and that awful General Hux. Oh and they have killed Han Solo and Luke for no real reason and Leia will now have to disappear offscreen. All 3 get senseless deaths unworthy of their characters. Because lets face it, Lukes death was stupid.

Let me ask you something. So Luke basically did what Obi-Wan did, right? Thought he could train a powerful Jedi who then slaughtered a bunch of people. Did Obi Wan stop fighting? No, he protected Luke and waited for the time he was ready to be trained. And Luke? He milked a space cow.

Oh, and the Rebel alliance is now 8 people in a Hyundai.

Dont get me started on the whole Finn and Ruby subplot. What a waste. They didn't even have enough balls to have the black guy kiss a white girl. Gave him a plunky Asian instead. Like Temple of Doom but with romantic awkwardness.

And Leia, flying through space. Give me a break. Princes Leia now starring in Mary Poopins. And yes that was an intentional typo.

Rian Johnson, I hope someone ruins your childhood by having Troy McClure sell the TMNT to a bestiality cult.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 4:28

Post #2 of 25 (2275 views)

After reading that only one question comes to mind.

Who is Rian Johnson?

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 4:43

Post #3 of 25 (2262 views)

bluemonkeytri wrote:

There have now been 9 Star Wars movies, including Rogue One (which I haven't seen), and 2 have been good, basically Star Wars and Empire. The rest have given us the Ewoks, Jar Jar, the Force is really only little bugs, 3
8 hours of space C-Span, and now Crybaby Ren and that awful General Hux. Oh and they have killed Han Solo and Luke for no real reason and Leia will now have to disappear offscreen. All 3 get senseless deaths unworthy of their characters. Because lets face it, Lukes death was stupid.

In fairness, Star Wars was great for its time especially if you were a kid. But it wasn't exactly great movie making.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 4:56

Post #4 of 25 (2243 views)

Obi Wan ran and hid from the world on Tatooine for 20 years when things went bad.

Yoda ran and hid from the world on Dagobah when things went bad.

So naturally Luke ran and hid from the world when things went bad.

It's the way of the Jedi.

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [BLeP] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 5:39

Post #5 of 25 (2213 views)

BLeP wrote:

Obi Wan ran and hid from the world on Tatooine for 20 years when things went bad.

Yoda ran and hid from the world on Dagobah when things went bad.

So naturally Luke ran and hid from the world when things went bad.

It's the way of the Jedi.

I disagree. Obi Wan was on Tattoine to watch over Luke. At least that is the ret-conned version.

The Empire (and Vader) thought Yoda dead and so he hid to wait for Luke and Leia to grow up and train them.

Luke just wanted to suckle space cow teet.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 5:48

Post #6 of 25 (2200 views)

I have no idea what Ret-conned version is. I don't remember any of this being talked about in the original movies. I don't care what garbage the "prequels" told you or the expanded universe novels.

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [BLeP] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 6:04

Post #7 of 25 (2190 views)

I agree on all of your points. This movie was bad. The Leia flying through space was awful. Why not just have her get knocked out in the ship. I didn't understand that part.
Luke did come off as whiny. I don't understand how he died in the end. He was on the rock then just disappeared? At least obi wan got it from the light saber.
I thought Luke was going to show up at some point with his x-wing fighter since they showed it in the water near the beginning of the film.
Loved Stars Wars and Empire as a kid but wasn't really into the rest of the series as. Still, disappointed how they wrapped everything up in this movie.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [BLeP] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 6:06

Post #8 of 25 (2188 views)

True, I shouldn't pay any attention to the garbage prequels. Haven't read any books or watched any of the shows, to me "Star Wars" is the movies. Although after The Last Jedi I may be out for the same reason I refused to read Go Set a Watchman. Atticus Finch as a racist destroys To Kill A Mockingbird for me.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [mattr] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 6:11

Post #9 of 25 (2181 views)

mattr wrote:

Leia flying through space was awful.

Leia didn't fly through space; she used The Force to pull the ship towards her

From ... a certain point of view

"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [mattr] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 6:56

Post #10 of 25 (2145 views)

mattr wrote:

I agree on all of your points. This movie was bad. The Leia flying through space was awful. Why not just have her get knocked out in the ship. I didn't understand that part.
Luke did come off as whiny. I don't understand how he died in the end. He was on the rock then just disappeared? At least obi wan got it from the light saber.
I thought Luke was going to show up at some point with his x-wing fighter since they showed it in the water near the beginning of the film.
Loved Stars Wars and Empire as a kid but wasn't really into the rest of the series as. Still, disappointed how they wrapped everything up in this movie.

Obi Wan didn't get killed by a lightsaber. He died before the lightsaber killed him.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [trimick] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:11

Post #11 of 25 (2121 views)

trimick wrote:

Obi Wan didn't get killed by a lightsaber. He died before the lightsaber killed him.

Please, he "became one with The Force"

But, how exactly DID he "become more powerful than you can possibly imagine?"

I mean, all he did as a Force Ghost was tell Luke he lied to him about Vader/Anakin, which pissed Luke off enough to go kill The Emperor

"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [RandMart] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:17

Post #12 of 25 (2113 views)

RandMart wrote:

trimick wrote:

Obi Wan didn't get killed by a lightsaber. He died before the lightsaber killed him.

Please, he "became one with The Force"

But, how exactly DID he "become more powerful than you can possibly imagine?"

I mean, all he did as a Force Ghost was tell Luke he lied to him about Vader/Anakin, which pissed Luke off enough to go kill The Emperor

You might want to watch Return of the Jedi again... Luke didn't kill the Emperor.

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:27

Post #13 of 25 (2100 views)

Quote:

I disagree. Obi Wan was on Tattoine to watch over Luke.

That was my impression

Quote:

The Empire (and Vader) thought Yoda dead and so he hid to wait for Luke and Leia to grow up and train them.

I thought he didn't want to train them or Luke?

Agree wholeheartedly on the Leia flying in space. That one scene killed the movie for me.

"I think I've cracked the code. double letters are cheaters except for perfect squares (a, d, i, p and y). So Leddy isn't a cheater... "

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [Leddy] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:36

Post #14 of 25 (2089 views)

So what ended up killing Luke? Did he kill himself to be a force ghost like Obi Wan was to him. Or was his projection of himself fighting Kylo Ren too much for him and he croaked?

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [mattr] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:44

Post #15 of 25 (2075 views)

My take was that it was more of a voluntary transcendence than a death. He'd trained Rey, he'd helped what was left of the rebels escape, and he'd lit the spark that would ignite the rebellion or whatever, so his job was done and he could move on.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [mattr] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:48

Post #16 of 25 (2073 views)

mattr wrote:

So what ended up killing Luke? Did he kill himself to be a force ghost like Obi Wan was to him. Or was his projection of himself fighting Kylo Ren too much for him and he croaked?

I kind of think both. He knew projecting himself in that way would kill him, but did it anyway.

Now Annikan, Obi Wan, Yoda, and Luke can show up creepy Force Ghost Style and tell Rey what to do.

--------------------------
The secret of a long life is you try not to shorten it.
-Nobody

Last edited by: mck414: Apr 16, 18 7:53

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [BLeP] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:50

Post #17 of 25 (2070 views)

BLeP wrote:

RandMart wrote:

trimick wrote:

Obi Wan didn't get killed by a lightsaber. He died before the lightsaber killed him.

Please, he "became one with The Force"

But, how exactly DID he "become more powerful than you can possibly imagine?"

I mean, all he did as a Force Ghost was tell Luke he lied to him about Vader/Anakin, which pissed Luke off enough to go kill The Emperor

You might want to watch Return of the Jedi again... Luke didn't kill the Emperor.

But he WANTED to!!! And thereby free Vader, to restore Anakin

It wasn't until The Emperor explained that killing him would complete Luke's journey to the Dark Side, and Luke said "Wait a minute? I may not have thought this thing through"

"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [mattr] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:55

Post #18 of 25 (2059 views)

mattr wrote:

I agree on all of your points. This movie was bad. The Leia flying through space was awful. Why not just have her get knocked out in the ship. I didn't understand that part.
Luke did come off as whiny. I don't understand how he died in the end. He was on the rock then just disappeared? At least obi wan got it from the light saber.
I thought Luke was going to show up at some point with his x-wing fighter since they showed it in the water near the beginning of the film.
Loved Stars Wars and Empire as a kid but wasn't really into the rest of the series as. Still, disappointed how they wrapped everything up in this movie.

Wasn't Luke always whiny????

--------------------------
The secret of a long life is you try not to shorten it.
-Nobody

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [RandMart] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 7:58

Post #19 of 25 (2053 views)

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [RandMart] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 8:00

Post #20 of 25 (2050 views)

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [ThisIsIt] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 9:35

Post #21 of 25 (1998 views)

ThisIsIt wrote:

In fairness, Star Wars was great for its time especially if you were a kid. But it wasn't exactly great movie making.

I agree, the original movies were great in their time, but everything else has been crap.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [bluemonkeytri] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 11:21

Post #22 of 25 (1931 views)

I agreed and I was hammered on a flight when I saw it but I thought rogue one was excellent.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [Andrewmc] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 11:38

Post #23 of 25 (1906 views)

Rogue One was excellent. I actually thought The Force Awakens was a pretty decent reboot/remake as well. After the shitshow that was the prequel trilogy it at least went back to feeling like a proper Star Wars movie, even if it did so by rehashing the original plot and playing the nostalgia card rather than breaking any new ground.

I was hoping for more from the Last Jedi. Didn't think it was entirely bad but even by Star Wars standards (let's be honest, the plots have always been pretty thin and riddled with holes but the characters, humour and action scenes made up for it) it was pretty hard to suspend disbelief.

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [mck414] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 11:53

Post #24 of 25 (1889 views)

mck414 wrote:

mattr wrote:

I agree on all of your points. This movie was bad. The Leia flying through space was awful. Why not just have her get knocked out in the ship. I didn't understand that part.
Luke did come off as whiny. I don't understand how he died in the end. He was on the rock then just disappeared? At least obi wan got it from the light saber.
I thought Luke was going to show up at some point with his x-wing fighter since they showed it in the water near the beginning of the film.
Loved Stars Wars and Empire as a kid but wasn't really into the rest of the series as. Still, disappointed how they wrapped everything up in this movie.

Wasn't Luke always whiny????

I'd always thought his voice hit an extra-whiny pitch in his "bad motivator" line...

Re: Screw you Rian Johnson [cartsman] [ In reply to ]

Apr 16, 18 17:09

Post #25 of 25 (1841 views)

Rogue One ranks just after Star Wars and Empire for me. I knew it was going to be fucking interesting when one of the "good guys" murders a completely innocent character to save his own ass. Definitely the darkest SW film.

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