I'm very comfortable with the way my body smells, even after spending a week in the mountains without showering. I'm comfortable with the smell of my farts. I'm comfortable with the sound and smell of my long, satisfying burps after a big meal. I'm comfortable hawking up a big loogie or doing a farmer's blow. I'm comfortable sitting on the toilet and reading my Sunday paper.

But that doesn't mean I THRUST THESE THINGS UPON STRANGERS! General human decency and our own cultural rules (spoken and unspoken) dictate that I should not walk around the office farting. I should not blow snot out of my nose while waiting in line at the movies. I should not let out a loud satisfying burp in a restaurant. And I should close the doors and the windows before I sit down to take a crap. Even though I am very comfortable and unashamed by the natural functions of my body.

You want to take a shower next to me at the health club, fine. You want to walk back to your locker naked, fine. These things are within the range of acceptable activities. But for the love of God, please at least wrap yourself in a towel before you sit down on the couch next to me to have a beer and talk sports.

With all due respect, I don't think anyone has a "problem," I just think that we all need to keep our farts and our penises to ourselves unless and until those around us have "invited" those things out.