Stages of Post Tour Depression (Explicit)
0600 Get up, make coffee, blow off AM workout, turn on OLN, just like every day in the past 3 weeks. Habit.
0700 Listen to Bob, Phil, Paul, and even Al give commentary and Lance history lessons. Endorphins.
0800 Action Starts, my buttocks slowly meld with the couch like a seatpost in a Kestrel KM40 (bad analogy) and we become one for the next 3 hours. Heroin.
1000 Lance has won, race is over, credits are rolling, "Top 25 Skydiving Moments" comes on. Confusion.
1001 In withdrawal, I click over to Fox News and click back, expecting to see something different. Denial.
1100 Legs are still asleep. I should ride today. I want to, but can't. Don't know why. Listlessness.
1200 Finally realizing that the tour is over, I start to pace about the house, nervously, occasionally glancing at my bike, my watch, the TV. Cold sweats.
1300 Knocking at the door, which I totally ignore. By now the rain and wind are shooting through the open windows as I'm sitting naked in the corner of an empty room, biting my fingernails, rocking back and forth, nervously laughing. Shaking my head, squinting hard as if it would "make it all better"...Make the Top 25 Skydiving moments go away. PLEASE! I just need to hear Phil say Hushovd ONE MORE TIME...PANIC.
1600 Phone is ringing, which I ignore. Fingernails are down to the nub. Drenched in sweat. Unlikely I will fit in my long ride today. Three more hours and tour comes on again, but I already know what happens and there will be no racing tomorrow...the downward spiral continues. I stumble to the fridge and grab the cookie dough. Ripping off the top I squirt half the thing into my mouth, pour some milk vaguely in the direction of my mouth, and pass out again. DEATHWISH.
"Post Tour Depression is and ugly, but real thing. This dramatization was brought to you to raise awareness of this common but oft-ignored malady that annually strikes thousands of athletes who should otherwise be putting in big miles in July but find themselves entranced ensconced and entrapped in the velopornography that is the Tour Day France. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, and they persist for more than 5 days, please seek help. Take your credit card, and go to your prefferred vendor of $5,000 bicycles. If your garage is full, perhaps buy and SRM, or a CompuTrainer. Or an Altitude tent. In 345 days, the cycle (ism) will begin again. Rejoice! The new year starts today!!!!! Get out and RIDE!"
ISSAQUAH
0600 Get up, make coffee, blow off AM workout, turn on OLN, just like every day in the past 3 weeks. Habit.
0700 Listen to Bob, Phil, Paul, and even Al give commentary and Lance history lessons. Endorphins.
0800 Action Starts, my buttocks slowly meld with the couch like a seatpost in a Kestrel KM40 (bad analogy) and we become one for the next 3 hours. Heroin.
1000 Lance has won, race is over, credits are rolling, "Top 25 Skydiving Moments" comes on. Confusion.
1001 In withdrawal, I click over to Fox News and click back, expecting to see something different. Denial.
1100 Legs are still asleep. I should ride today. I want to, but can't. Don't know why. Listlessness.
1200 Finally realizing that the tour is over, I start to pace about the house, nervously, occasionally glancing at my bike, my watch, the TV. Cold sweats.
1300 Knocking at the door, which I totally ignore. By now the rain and wind are shooting through the open windows as I'm sitting naked in the corner of an empty room, biting my fingernails, rocking back and forth, nervously laughing. Shaking my head, squinting hard as if it would "make it all better"...Make the Top 25 Skydiving moments go away. PLEASE! I just need to hear Phil say Hushovd ONE MORE TIME...PANIC.
1600 Phone is ringing, which I ignore. Fingernails are down to the nub. Drenched in sweat. Unlikely I will fit in my long ride today. Three more hours and tour comes on again, but I already know what happens and there will be no racing tomorrow...the downward spiral continues. I stumble to the fridge and grab the cookie dough. Ripping off the top I squirt half the thing into my mouth, pour some milk vaguely in the direction of my mouth, and pass out again. DEATHWISH.
"Post Tour Depression is and ugly, but real thing. This dramatization was brought to you to raise awareness of this common but oft-ignored malady that annually strikes thousands of athletes who should otherwise be putting in big miles in July but find themselves entranced ensconced and entrapped in the velopornography that is the Tour Day France. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, and they persist for more than 5 days, please seek help. Take your credit card, and go to your prefferred vendor of $5,000 bicycles. If your garage is full, perhaps buy and SRM, or a CompuTrainer. Or an Altitude tent. In 345 days, the cycle (ism) will begin again. Rejoice! The new year starts today!!!!! Get out and RIDE!"
ISSAQUAH