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Poll: Single Tri-Addicts
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There is a fair amount of talk on this board about sex, relationships, and how this fits in or doesnt with the tri lifestyle. I'm a 31 yr old single guy, I'm pretty quiet anyways and don't like "hooking up" or the standard bar scene but I also have a fear of intimacy (standard heart ripped out at an early age story). Anyways, I've been hooked on tri for about 18months now. I mean really hooked. I'm up to about 12-20 serious hours /week of training, go to bed early, get up even earlier, and spend most of my waking hours thinking about tri either on this board or reading everything I can get my hands on. My first IM is in september. I'm a good, but not stellar triathlete (although I admit reading Gordo's story and thinking, hmm maybe that could be me....). I think Kona is not an unrealistic goal for me, although it might take a year or 3. If all goes to plan, in october I will begin a year-long stint as a pro triathlete in between a change of jobs. Well, I mean pro except that I wont get sponsored or paid.

Anyways, sorry for the rambling lead in. But in looking at my current life I often wonder whether tri is a good thing for me, or whether I am using it to hide from things. Basically what Im wondering is whether any of this is sounding familiar to any single AGers out there? Or should I just shut up and go hang out with Tinley? I guess it comes down to what is important in life. When I think of my dream (qualify for kona) I also think of crossing the line and having no one there to hug me or be glad for me. But on the other hand training gives me an unbelievable rush and makes me feel so content and confident in my solitary lifestyle.

Well, this didn't turn into much of a poll. More like a ramble. I'll just shut up now and go read "The Mental Edge: Maximize your sports potential with the mind-body connection" then I'll go for a run and then I'll stretch and shower and then I'll eat and then I'll go to bed.
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Re: Poll: Single Tri-Addicts [johnthesavage] [ In reply to ]
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Hmm. Rambling yes, Good Question too though.

First, in Maslow's hierarcy of needs, a person yearns for self-actualization. This is a phase of development few adults acheive, and is a source of tremendous discord in relationships: One or both parties are not self actualized.

Your involvement in triathlons sounds like part of your self-actualization process. Good. It is a healthy, positive and effective way to acheive self-examination and self actualization. But it is important to remember that it is only a tool, a means to an end per se'.

Now, conversly, relationships are not necesarily a good means to acheiveing self actualiztion.

If you are looking for a relationship to "complete you" or your life or fill a void or complete your happiness you will not find it there my friend. The very best relationship does not provide that. You must own it first within yourself to be able to appreciate it in the context of an interdependant relationship (as opposed to a dependant one, which is destined to fail).

In short, do what you do. When you are ready, it will work. In the mean time, don;t hurt people, live the golden rule, be honest and don;t vie relationships with an "agenda" or as a "goal". It doesn't work like that.

Good luck Boss.

Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com
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Re: Poll: Single Tri-Addicts [johnthesavage] [ In reply to ]
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Three rules:

#1: They's just bitches

#2: It's just ass

#3: "Love" is a multi-billion dollar industry, think about that.

Brett
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Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [ In reply to ]
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That's a hoot John, I sympathize with ya.

Well high levels of endurance training are said to reduce a person's sex drive.

Add to that the fact that getting sloshed and chasing bar-skanks on Friday night isn't very appealing because it would hinder one from having a good long ride on Saturday morning. And I'd rather be at home reading the Training Bible.

And then with 20 hours a week spent in training, or spent en route to training, it doesn't leave one much time to shower ladies with choclates and flowers.

I think this is why we are so obssessed with Tri-Babes. We all dream of triathlon romance; being swept off of our feet by a lean, mean, triathlon queen, who rides Zipps and talks splits.

We're fixated hopelessly on a dream girl that is about as rare as the Cardiologists dreamt of by the 39 year old thrice-divorced mother of 6.

Funny how the top overall male and female in an area seem to be an item.

Ever notice how that isn't the case at the back of the pack?

So I guess the lesson we can gather from all this is, "ignore that triathlon-is-bad-for-you nonsense and bring an engagement ring to Kona."
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [YabYum] [ In reply to ]
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"So I guess the lesson we can gather from all this is, 'ignore that triathlon-is-bad-for-you nonsense and bring an engagement ring to Kona.'"

Amen to that, Brother YabYum. Amen.

I'll also bring the ring to the masters swim meets just in case.
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Re: Poll: Single Tri-Addicts [Tom Demerly] [ In reply to ]
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Well Tom "Dr. Phil" Demerly, that's some really good info/advice. I agree with you 100%, not that you needed me to. I'm somewhat in the same boat in that I'm a single guy/triathlete that spends almost all my free time training. It's very difficult to meet someone on a long ride or run. When friends ask if you have a girlfriend, triathlon is a good excuse for not having met anyone. And going back to the thread from the other day, it seems logical to look for someone with the same mindset/triathlete psychosis as me thinking that we would understand each other. But between working and training and sleeping when are you supposed to do that?

Wow. Welcome to Sad Sack dating. I think I need a girlfriend.
Last edited by: Archer: Jul 1, 04 13:57
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [YabYum] [ In reply to ]
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So if those girls are so rare, why am I still single? :-)
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Re: Poll: Single Tri-Addicts [Tom Demerly] [ In reply to ]
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>>Maslow's hierarcy of needs

As a Psychologist I could tell you that Maslow's theory has no empirical evidence, suffers from many theoretical pitfalls and is considered completely obsolete. Abraham Maslow's idea is that self actualization only happens to extraordinary men and women such as Spinoza, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln and himself. According to him only 1% of the population has the potential to get to this stage. This stage is more related to an experience of goodness, truth, and self-sufficiency and is less related to fulfilling one's athletic potential. Also, one possible conclusion is that there is a probability of 99% that John the Savage does not have the potential to get to the final stage of Maslow!

During World War II some Jews in concentration camps were observed trying to grow, develop, read and learn despite their hunger and thirst (Maslow stage 1), being insecure and in danger (Maslow stage 2) and not feeling love or affiliation (Maslow stage 3), According to Maslow this is not possible. Maslow’s ideas are one of those Psychology in a pence things that generations of MBA students read thinking that it will equip them with a way of understanding their future (illusionary in many cases) sub-ordinates.

Pluto


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Re: Poll: Single Tri-Addicts [Archer] [ In reply to ]
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I dunno. I don't worry about it.

Tom Demerly
The Tri Shop.com
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [Marisol] [ In reply to ]
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Because you're in Cincy instead of L.A.
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [Marisol] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
So if those girls are so rare, why am I still single? :-)


I'll try this again,,, try spending more time in Chicago... or other bigger city? Kidding!

If you're "open" to it, It WILL happen for you.
Last edited by: Weege: Jul 1, 04 14:36
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [Marisol] [ In reply to ]
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Hey Girl-
My hip's 98% now, thanks again. Good luck in LP, I'm doing Canada, eh.
And I'm single because I'm selfish and leave dishes in the sink (so I'm told).
-bobo
-

"What's good for me ain't necessarily good for the weak-minded."
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [Marisol] [ In reply to ]
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Because you know your market value and choose to be selective. ;-)
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Re: Poll: Single Tri-Addicts [johnthesavage] [ In reply to ]
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Hmm. I think about this a lot as a single, professional, triathlete mom who can't imagine under what circumstances she will ever meet a potential partner again (I'm exaggerating, it just feels that way sometimes). Yes, you shouldn't look for a relationship to fulfill you or complete you (ever notice how people in relationships often say this?). But we are social beings. Personally, I don't feel wired to spend my life alone. So it's not necessarily desperate or unhealthy to acknowledge feeling that something is lacking if you are single.

I think many of us that have been through divorce or other heartbreaks may be left with a fear of intimacy (probably everyone over 19 years of age....). I think that it may take some work to stay open to a relationship under those conditions. And I think diving into triathlon or partying or video games or bingo or anything else can be way to keep yourself out of the game and NOT remain open. Maybe that's fine for right now, maybe you're not ready for a relationship. Only you are in a position to really examine that.

If you decide you do want to be in a relationship, what's the fix? The same as for people who are in relationships and are trying to maintain them. Try and keep balance and perspective. Make meeting people (not just women) a priority. Plan some time to socialize. Combine socializing with training. Maybe ride with a bike club that might be slower than you but has a strong social component. Run with a running club. You get the picture.

Thanks for reminding me that I should be paying attention to this!

Leigh
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [The Herminator] [ In reply to ]
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I know!! I am just kidding with you guys!! I don't have time for a boyfriend right now anyway...
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Re: Confessions of the Tri-Bachelor [Marisol] [ In reply to ]
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We're so easy aren't we!

Tease!
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