My advice may not be what you want to hear but it’s may be the reality if you still want to do it while helping family duties and still enjoying the kiddo

(1) ditch group rides/runs....that will save you a lot of time and can get just as much work in far less of a time suck. It may not be as fun but it will be effective. Or limit the group activities.
(2) sleep less-do a workout every morning earlier before anyone else would be up—I committed to this unfortunate reality after having kids.
(3) lose the planned day off for Monday...you will inevitably have off days for stuff going on with the kid, wife etc but don’t build in those days off.

This is a balance you guys have to work out as a family. It’s going to require flexibility from both of you. I’m a pretty new triathlete; my husband is a dedicated long time road cyclist who calls himself a “monathlete”. He’s training for Race Across America. I’m training for Galveston 70.3 April 5. I work from home, he travels 2-3 days a week for his job. Our roles are almost embarrassingly old-fashioned with domestic chores but that is just how the chips have fallen. What I say to him is never “No”. It’s “of course you can; just give me some of that time back.” Becoming a parent is a massive identity shift for any gender parent- it’s just that we kind of haphazardly traditionally fall into a pattern that can often feel overwhelming for a default parent, which so often falls to the mama role. Is there a way for you to get your priority training but make it overlap with a nap, or is there a different start time that would allow her to do what she needs wants earlier or later? Are there tasks that you don’t mind doing that maybe she detests and maybe is there something you abhor that she wouldn’t mind at all? Be expansive as you think about it. You might come to a solution that works well for both of you. Good luck. Our kids are 8 and 5 and I promise that although we are still sometimes in the weeds, the weeds are different and a lot gets easier.

I found that having a weekly day off training on either Saturday or Sunday really helps - it can be a proper rest day where you switch off from work and training, focus on your family, have a lie in etc. You can be flexible on which day you take off based on your weekend plans.

So maybe do the long ride / brick on the weekend and get your long run in on a week day.

I'll caveat this to say, I haven't had a child of any age in the house for 12 years when my youngest graduated high-school. And its been a LOT longer than that since I had a real kiddo. That said...I get the same sidelong looks from my wife on "those days" when the training is getting out of hand to her. Not the least of which is because the kids aren't in the house to keep her "entertained".

I race Olympics...but, I train more like HIM (12-15 hrs between March and October....10 ish in the "off season"), with a typical 50m ride on Saturday.

My week days look similar to yours. Mostly mornings and lunch workouts...with just a couple in the evening. Its easier to take a longer lunch, and I generally do my long run mid-week during that time...working a little late to make up any extra---but, 30min extra at work is better than a full long run AFTER work.

On the weekend, I try to limit it to either Saturday or Sunday...not both. Her perspective was, "your gone at work all week, then youre gone all day saturday AND sunday. Then when you are home you're exhausted."

Typically my off day is Sunday. My wife is happier having me totally available for one full weekend day rather than "gone" for a good chunk of both.

I also have a TM at home, a bike trainer (that I don't like), and I will use stretch chords to get in an extra "swim" or two. So, I will maximize my use of these indoor tools where possible to be "in the house".

I don't do group training because generally it takes more time to go do. But, then I live in the country and can just ride/run out the door.

I ride up to 30 hours / week, work 50, have a wife and 2 kids.

That means one option. Ride EARLY. Generally even on Saturdays I can finish a 100 mile ride nearish to 10AM. Almost all my other riding is finished in time to get my kids to school and be at work at 7:15 AM.

Yep....early to bed. 4AM alarms. Some short lunch rides and maybe 1 evening session per week. I try to time the evening session when nobody's home :)

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24 Hour World TT Champs-American record holder
Fat Bike Worlds - Race Director
Insta: chris.s.apex

Hi, I’m not in your position. But a few years ago I heard from a slowtwitch member that’s no longer with us, “Don’t take recreational athletics so seriously.”
I don’t currently train, but at the time when I heard his advice I was ALL IN on my “A” race for my first time of following a premise 36 week triathlon template training plan to the T, aka super anal, and from my POV... training properly. The tunnel vision did pay off! I didn’t comprehend his advice at the time, but I’m fully aware of what he was talking about now.

I wish you the best! Please don’t be inpatient. You can always try again and again! Please please accept the idea of missing a day of scheduled training won’t kill your race day! You have plenty of time to make gains for your race! “Rest as hard as you train.” And if you continue to train the following year/years, all the gains you make now will help you later. From my POV, stress from everyday life/lifestyle is so important to race day execution.
I don’t know if setting ground rules with your family is appropriate to mention. I assume that would help.
I think it’s great you’re asking for advice from in this topic in this community.
Please have a chill attitude with your family and yourself. Please don’t carry stress with you everyday and into your race because you feel insecure/guilty with what you’re doing. Please remember to take deep breaths everyday.
I wish you the best! :) Your family is sooo important!

[
#1, #2 and get your long ride done by 9 and long run done by 8.

Or
Race shorter races.

Agree with lose the group stuff and do something on Monday for same reason mentioned. For long rides I have to cut short I look at the TSS and build a shorter workout with same TSS. It will be a lot harder but saves time. I ride in the evening too since it's more convenient for us. All my rides are on the trainer except the rare few to test some things.

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http://www.sfuelsgolonger.com

I posted a similar thread back in Feb and got some good advice. You might want to give it a read.

https://forum.slowtwitch.com/...ming%20life#p6860726

10 months (and a season of two 70.3s later -- where am I? I have a 14 month old son, and I can relate to your plight. What's been working for me is what DWF_Tri suggested. You have to make your training invisible, or as invisible as possible. Our son wakes up at 7am like clockwork, I get 100% of my weekday workouts done by 6:50 so I'm showered and ready to rock and roll when he wakes up. I've mastered the art of getting ready for work from 7-8 while also taking care of our son until our nanny shows up at 8. On days where I have 2-a-days, I do the second workout during lunch or do it in the evening if my wife is working. If she's not working, I'll skip the workout and hang out with her and not even mention/complain about my missed workout.

Weekends are a bit trickier. The long run you should be able to crack off before anyone is awake. The long ride is a bit trickier. What's worked for me on the long ride is I wake up at 7am Saturdays to take care of the kiddo while my wife sleeps in, often until around 10am. I make her breakfast, do chores for her with our son, etc. Do stuff to make her life easier. I try to plan to leave for my long ride when our son goes down for his nap. It gives my wife a couple hours to herself. She'll usually take our son to hang out with some other babies and moms while I finish up my long ride. I've also taken to a rhythm where I do a longish but hardish tempo ride one Saturday (which I can get done in about 2 hours, thus while son naps) and a more typical "long" ride (3+ hours) the next. I alternate. So I'm really only "gone" every other weekend.

On weekends when you're traveling, or your wife plans activities, don't grumble. Just do what she wants and figure out how to work in your long rides/runs around the family.

Another thing is to become more aware of how much time and energy you spend talking about triathlons, working on your bike, planning triathlon travel, etc. Make all that invisible. Wake up a little early on Saturdays to do it. Do it while she and baby take a nap on Sunday, etc.

So far so good for me. My wife, much to my surprise, actually encouraged me to do a full Ironman (Mont Tremblant) next season. I figured my full Ironman days were behind me. We'll see how that goes.

Try this for a few weeks and ask your wife how it's going. Check in. Show you care. Good luck.

Badly. First kid I raced my first two 140.6s fairly well but nowhere near my potential, and at a cost. Second kid I basically gave myself mono trying to do what you are trying to do, when my boy was 9 months old. Set myself back a couple of years and probably never really recovered.

My advice would be to postpone your race ambitions and keep your fitness ticking over until I could race again a few years later. Probably what I wish I'd done was look after my FTP with trainer sessions and run for fun as the opportunities came up. Group rides as an occasional treat.

What I know now is that whilst my long ish rides and runs were mainly when the kid was asleep and the missus was at home anyway, what I was actually doing was making her feel abandoned and like a single mother. Hard to repair and the resentment stayed with us, making it even harder to get back to racing at a later time.

But that's just how it went for me. YM(and your wife)MV.

Adding to that: riding on the indoor trainer will probably be more acceptable to the wife than going outside on those longer rides. If something important comes up with the child or whatever, you can step off the trainer and help her out. Training for a half, 2 hours on the trainer isn't too terrible.

I have three kids, 10,6 and 3 years old. My wife is a Marathon runner and is good enough to be in the trials next year for the 4th time at age _ well not 20. Needless to say I think she will run around 90 miles this week and I will get in around 12-13hrs.

This is how we do it.
1. My wife does her long stuff on the week days not the weekends. That lets me do a longer session on the weekend.
2. I get up early (4:30) every day except maybe sleep in until 6am on Sundays. My wife may get up early with me once or twice to get in a morning run.
3. I almost never double unless the second workout is lifting for a short time picking up my kids at swim practice. That means a morning may be swim/run or bike/run or bike/swim or just run and done.
4. I do races that I can drive to the morning of the race mostly sprint and olympic
5. My training isn't structured and my goals are to have fun and give my best effort on the day. I don't follow a plan and go with the flow. My only training goal is to do something hard in each sport every week.
6. I race on Zwift way too much because its fun. In season I'm more likely to do a structured workout.

Find what works for you and good luck. Just remember triathlon has a zero % chance of ever loving you back.

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Ed Alyanak

Did you think when you sat down to plan a family that you would have more time for recreational activities?

Taking one step back, how do both adults achieve self-actualisation while raising a family?

Does your wife have a hobby or interest?

My wife's is music. She plays lead violin in an amateur orchestra and sings with a choir. Her time spent rehearsing or performing probably equals mine spent training , average 6-8 hours per week.

I don't think either of us have ever resented the other. The opposite, probably. I am interest in her music, go to her concerts and like meeting her friends.

She simply loves washing my sweaty lycra, standing for hours at the finish line, and watching IronWar on loop for the 69th time. LOL not really but she's happy for me to do these things

Hey,
I have not much more to add to this, as time management and family stuff is complicated and very individual. All I can say is that it is a million times more difficult to train for 10-12h per week AND do it in a perfectly structured way than to "just train" for 10-12 hours per week. When I got too stressed about my training plan, at some point I just abandoned it. I now train when the opportunity presents itself and surprisingly my overall numbers have not changed much.
Depending on you financial situation you could also think about outsourcing home duties (cleaning, laundry, repairs around the house etc.).

Good luck for your races and don't worry, if you have the ability to qualify for WC this year you will have the ability to qualify any other year after that - just stay healthy.
Uli

If your lucky in your lifetime you will have 80,000 hrs to do things you want.

Spend them wisely.

Hi Fulla, I (IM Distance athlete) had similar problems when I did my long rides in the weekend.
I solved the problem in the following way:

-Long run on Monday as a commute.
Works because the distance is 11 km (of course I can extend that). Costs hardly time: going by train is as long.


Long bike ride on Tuesday as a commute: in winter with electric light on a gravel bike.
Costs some time but not too much: if I can leave work at 16:00 I'm home at 20:00.

So Tuesday all the long things are done. Shorter things in the rest of the week, swimming in lunch breaks and I have weekends for the family. Wife was happy.

All the further commutes on the bike of course (only Tuesdays I have to take the train since my bike stays at work when I run home on Monday)

I know I'm lucky that I have flexi-time and that the distance to my work makes it possible to use the commute as training.

When I was your age I almost never did group rides/runs and would also run (or ride) to the pool or even run from the pool. Also would occasionally ride my bike to work. I did what I needed to do to make it work without screwing up family time.

I was never into group rides/runs, but I’d ditch those to work around your own schedule. I have two kids (6 & 3) and have embraced early mornings since having kids. This past season I did two IM’s and had all long rides/runs done by 8:30 am at the latest. That meant sometimes being on the trainer before 3 am, but that also gave me the weekend days to be with my family. On those super early mornings I aimed for six hours of sleep, which definitely isn’t ideal. I also never watch any TV other than while on the trainer or treadmill. Think of the amount of time many people waste while watching TV, and translate that into extra sleep. Good luck making it work!

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Blog: http://262toboylstonstreet.blogspot.com/
https://twitter.com/NateThomasTri
Coaching: https://bybtricoaching.com/ - accepting athletes for 2023

Father of a five year old and four year old here. I agree with what’s already been said: make your training invisible (don’t even dare mention that you’re tired or can’t do parental responsibility because you have to train) and ruthlessly efficient. You’re a real grownup now.

The one thing I’ll add that hasn’t been said yet is that your kid is only little once. It’s a unique phase of life that will be over in a few years. Obviously that’s important for establishing a bond between you and your kid. What may not be so obvious is that your wife is probably hyper-sensitive right now and your perceived performance as a partner and parent is going to stick in her memory for a lifetime. Prioritize accordingly.

Personally, I found short course MTB racing to be much more achievable in those first three years. I was able to get back to long course tri once the kids were about four and had steady sleep schedules.

When I was in you shoes (have 3 kids now 16, 18, and 20 - all triathletes) I blogged regularly on the topic. You can start here "The Keys" on http://www.IronmanLawyer.com

A couple of quick things from what you wrote:

1. Your work schedule appears relatively "light" at least from the world I come from, so you need to be thankful for and take advantage of that.
2. I think group workouts are time drains . . . you have to do it on "their" schedule, you wait, some have to pee pee, etc. You can't afford that time or fitting someone else's schedule. Stop for coffee??!! That is a luxury you don't have right now.
3. I don't see anything about 0-dark-thirty . . . . I have gotten up at 4:15 every day for 35+ straight years. Something you just have to do.
4. Lastly, lots of folks who ask the question you have asked really don't want the answer . . . they want permission to say what they are doing is OK. Between the lines, that is what I see in your post quite frankly. There is no "balance" . . . it is family first.

Best wishes,

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David
* Ironman for Life! (Blog) * IM Everyday Hero Video * Daggett Shuler Law *
Disclaimer: I have personal and professional relationships with many athletes, vendors, and organizations in the triathlon world.

How long is your commute?

8:30 to 5:30 plus 10-12 hours of "your time" does not seem like much assuming you don't have a lot of other hobbies.

Dump the group stuff and run/ride on your home treadmill or trainer will also cut out some "wasted time"

My kids are older now, but the simple answer for me for years has been to be flexible and dump the swim when I can't fit everything in.

you gotta stop that coffee shop shit... you have zero balance. It's all tilted in your favor.

Saturday. Wake up at 3am, hit the trainer by 330am, done by 730am, feed baby breakfast from a bottle 8am.

Tuesday. No running with the group. Hit the treadmill and get it done ASAP. Feed baby dinner bottle and put her to bed.

Give the wife some time. Her time alone with baby while you work or ride is not time.

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Eric Reid AeroFit | Instagram Portfolio
Aerodynamic Retul Bike Fitting

“You are experiencing the criminal coverup of a foreign backed fascist hostile takeover of a mafia shakedown of an authoritarian religious slow motion coup. Persuade people to vote for Democracy.”

The best thing I can say is make friends with your trainer. I have 3 boys (8,5,2) and a 4th on the way (yes I'm crazy). The trainer is so much more efficient of a workout than outside with stops/traffic/distractions. I can also be a good distraction for the kids while still "riding." I also find preparing for nutrition/hydration is faster for a trainer ride. I prefer to train by myself so I can just get in what I can. It's too hard to try to schedule my workouts around other people.

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https://www.strava.com/athletes/23685202

Great summary.

Well that's an easier starter for 10. Ditch the coffee. You're training for a triathlon, so either drink it on-the-go or not at all ;-) Like the others have said, you'll need to get out early; when I do IM training rides, I'm out the door before 6am and back after having done 100 miles plus a short brick run comfortably before 12. Training for a Half, that would get me back home by 10 at the absolute latest (4h to run & ride is loads!).

Can you run or ride to work? If you could incorporate that into your working day, that's some easier 'base' volume that can be absorbed into daily life. Not sure how easy that is if you live in the States where 'car is king'.

Don't sweat missing the odd session, you probably need the rest anyway if your little one is anything like our youngest was!

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29 years and counting

I have to disagree with this. You have to have some of your "own time" in any relationship. Whether its a family of 2 or 10.

You need time, she needs time to do what interests each of you. That's a personal decision between the family on "how much" but if you have none, You probably won't be happy and that leads to an unhappy family. Same goes for your wife having her "own" time.

My wife and I trained for and did a 1/2 marathon with a kid that age. Not a 1/2 IM, but still. It's about balance.

Bring the bargain chip of no more group runs and group rides otherwise if you want to have a 4 hour weekend long ride. I have older kids and I only do the weeknight worlds OR the weekend group ride. I don't do three separate group things. They're horribly time inefficient. I also will run sometimes with the kids while they bike.

Own a jogging stroller yet? That's how the wife and I did the 1/2 marathon thing years ago. We took turns pushing the stroller. If you go run with your kid, that's time she can't hold against you. In the US we're super over protective of young kids. In Denmark parents take their kids outdoors in winter at night time for walks. If that's something your family wouldn't do, then that's a "you guys" problem. They sell them for a reason, give it a try.

It's a lot more time efficient to fit runs in from home. Or work. I get in 45min workouts at the work gym then eat my lunch at my desk while working. I would never do group runs unless I was a one-sport runner and it was the equivalent of "weeknight worlds" cycling.

Agreed, being a 'lone wolf' is way more time efficient, even if it's not as 'fun'. Running is the thing I actually like doing alone the most; I really just want to do my session at my pace, no distractions; whether it's easy or hard.

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29 years and counting

I'd strongly second this. One day of the weekend devoted completely to family and everything feels back in balance. And it's quite nice too.

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Chop Nutrition http://www.chopnutrition.com (UK only)

This is all good. I have a 2 and 4 year old and train 12-16 hours in IM peak training, but 10 hours most of the year. If it's done before they're up in the morning, IT NEVER EVEN HAPPENED!

Some people crave the group interaction...I gave it up to be more efficient with my time. My general rule is NOTHING after work.

As for weekend workouts - lots of prior communication, but out the door or on the trainer ASAP. When I was training for Kona and it wasn't light at 5am, I would ride a couple hours on the trainer from 5-7am, then head outside for the final hours. If it's a 4 hour workout, you gotta be be done by 10am or earlier.

Make the change now or this will become a drag and a hot issue in your marriage that won't go away. Good luck and don't for a second think you can't be in peak shape with young kids.

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Blog: https://davidkoppeltriathlon.blogspot.com/
Coaching: https://dkendurance.com/

"Make the change now or this will become a drag and a hot issue in your marriage that won't go away. Good luck and don't for a second think you can't be in peak shape with young kids."
-----------------------------------
That first sentence is the best advice of the whole thread!!

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David
* Ironman for Life! (Blog) * IM Everyday Hero Video * Daggett Shuler Law *
Disclaimer: I have personal and professional relationships with many athletes, vendors, and organizations in the triathlon world.

What immediately jumped out at me is that you "help" at home and "help" with the child. Don't "help", simply do it because it needs to be done. Marriage, child, and home should be your priorities, not something that you "help" with.

You sir are a genius! Wish I had seen this years ago.

When I started triathlon training my son was 2 the first year or so was rough on my marriage, at one point my wife was seriously considering divorce.

What's worked for me:
1. Shorter distance. I'm not even thinking about 1/2 or full distance until the kids are older and self sufficient. We'll see then.

2. As others have said, try to make it as invisible as possible.

3. If it's not invisible, make the family part of it.
I swear one of the best pieces of equipment I've bought was a kid carrier to go behind my bike. Tell your wife your going to take the kid for a couple hours on a Saturday morning? She'll practically push you out the door. Better yet, invite her with you. Now it's not just training time, but time your spending with your kid. Your coffee stop becomes a park, play time stop. And your kid is seeing a healthy active lifestyle. It's been awesome watching him go from carrier, to third wheel, to now he rides his bike while I run. I'm hoping someday he'll be running with me and probably kicking my butt. =)
My wife's thing is HIIT style workouts, so once or twice a week I do a session with her as my strength training. (I'm pretty sure she gets a kick out of kicking my ass) Lately she's started running, so we plan to do at least one run together per week, her long run = my easy run (though she's catching up fast). And we're looking for a HM to do together this spring.

Triathlon will always be there. If you don't make them a priority, I can't promise the same for your family.

Do what you can now, but know that everything will change when your wife goes back to work. It's a big adjustment for everyone - so be prepared to step up not just with kid duty, but also household chores.

Alternatively - hire a cleaner.

Totally agree. Of course, compromises need to be seriously discussed and made, but making your passion invisible is just unhealthy for all in the family. My dad certainly didn't train as much as me, but watching him sweat in the daylight and come home from his own practices and games with a smile on his face as I grew up is likely one of the main reasons I'm still playing outside regularly with passion at age 60.


Ed, I realize it can't compare to familial love, but don't you feel just a little bit of love from your peers and Mother Nature when you're at a tri?

This is the one aspect of triathlon that nearly everyone struggles with at one time or another. Some figure it out, many others don’t. For me, I stopped doing long races when my kids were small. I did sprints and an Olympic distance or two for many years. I did an iron-distance in 2005 when my first kid was two and before my second kid was born. I knew once child two came along, there would be no more long distance racing. I tried a half in 2008 with a four year old and a two year old with disastrous results. Haven’t done anything long since. You have two choices if you’re going to keep your family intact: Make your training invisible to your family (and accept the fact that you will miss training days because of family obligations and don’t act miserable when those days come around) or do short course races. That’s really it.

Spend a few weekends doing your long ride and take 6+ hours. Then, when you only ride 4 hours she'll be happy.

In your final build, maybe take a half day off work on 2-3 consecutive weeks and get in 5+ hours on those days.

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____________________________________

Are you ready to do an Ultraman? | How I calculate Ironman race fueling | Strength Training for Athletes |

Starting at 5 months I did all my runs with my son in the stroller. Your wife will appreciate you taking the baby away on long runs so she can get a break.

My two biggest pieces of advice are:

1) Don't schedule off days. Especially when your kids are young, you're going to have natural off days when they are sick, don't sleep well, are tired from taking care of them, etc.
2) Race shorter races. Until they're self sufficient, time will be precious and you're going to be able to train with more quality than quantity. As such, racing shorter races, where endurance is less of a limiter, is a great way to still compete and keep your fitness high until you get recover enough time to train for the longer stuff.

Absolutely. There is a huge amount of satisfaction that I feel every day be it finishing a workout or pushing the limits of my fitness with my peers at races. Just the environment is exciting if not addicting to my personality. Triathlon has changed my life, period. That is exactly why I have to have my mind straight on family value vs. my passion for triathlon and outdoors. Our kids know that Mom and Dad go for runs, bikes and swims - every day. Our 3 year old goes for runs around the house and thinks is completely normal. Seeing her run around with a smile on her face is hard to beat. That is what I want the OP to understand and not miss out on. Good question!

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Ed Alyanak

have you had a come to Jesus yet?

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Eric Reid AeroFit | Instagram Portfolio
Aerodynamic Retul Bike Fitting

“You are experiencing the criminal coverup of a foreign backed fascist hostile takeover of a mafia shakedown of an authoritarian religious slow motion coup. Persuade people to vote for Democracy.”

Find a routine that works for everyone. I have twin boys that will be 5 in April. I have switched up my rides and runs so that 90% of them are indoors on the treadmill and trainer. I do my long workouts early morning on the weekends and do my other stuff at night when the boys have gone to bed.

My wife used to ask: “are you training tonight?”
Now she asks: “what’s your workout tonight?”
I credit that to just finding a schedule and a routine. When I didnt have a schedule or routine my wife felt like every workout I did was an unwelcome surprise. Once it’s expected, it’s not as bad.

Having said that, I make sure and do as much as I can when I’m not training to be present and helpful. I do most of the cooking, bathe the boys every night, clean, etc. And once I’m finished on the weekends with my long stuff, it’s all family time.

My 2c ...fwiw...been training for various things starting with a marathon when my first was four months old, have since run eight or nine, a bunch of HIM and two full IMs (kids are now 19 and 13).
Both my husband and I have "somewhat" flexible job hours (and I have an on-my-feet job):

Discuss ahead of time what will be required of everyone prior to signing up for whatever race. I trained for my first IM during one kid's swim season, so that required some juggling -i literally rode up to the pool for a timing shift at the end of a long ride and timed in my kit, not ideal but got it done.
Planned all my weekday workouts for very early am so it wouldn't interrupt the afterschool routine-was home to make dinner/eat w family/help w homework.
Did almost zero group rides etc -fun but literally can take up a whole weekend day if there's coffee or you drive somewhere to ride etc.
I also race solo...if my family wants to come to a race great but it's not required, and up until my most recent IM I raced fairly local so it wouldn't eat up a whole weekend. The only race my husband loves to go to are any in Santa Cruz so he can surf-a fun family trip for everyone .
Don't be a dick about "your time" (not saying anyone is)- but acknowledge that there will be days when something else takes precedence over training and that's ok.
As I now have one kid in college and one still at home...it goes fast, really fast. I am so glad I went to all those basketball games, swim meets, Little league games etc. You don't get it back.
If you can-run with kids in jogger/get a trainer or treadmill...I also ran with my kids (obviously not 9mos!)

It's a damned hard balancing act and one I've not entirely mastered. My wife had initially okayed me doing Galveston 70.3 less than nine weeks after our daughter was born. She literally almost threw my shit out on the lawn while I was down there having fun, leaving her to fly solo. Since then, I've tried to balance - Dixon's book is a good template, but you need to realize that regardless of what you contribute to childcare it's literally a drop in the bucket compared with what your wife is doing. There are so many intangibles to motherhood and the bond between mother and child that you just can't match, IMHO, no matter how you try to carve up your training schedule. I'll offer a few tips that have helped me train for 5 70.3's and 4 IM's since our daughter was born:

- as stated elsewhere, reconcile yourself to the fact you will sacrifice sleep. In the words of Mick Mulvaney, "get over it"
-make lunchtime your friend at work - cram as much training as you can during the lunch hour - if you can do intense, end of range workouts on the bike or running, do so and eat at your desk. This will buy you time in the evenings.
-embrace the early mornings. If I am doing two workouts a day, I will always try to get one in very early in the morning, either in the pool just when it opens or on the treadmill/trainer in the basement and try to be done before our daughter is up or at least in such time that I can help with the morning routine.
-recognize that, as much as it's a cliche, doing what we do is a gift and thank your wife every day for giving you that gift. you may be working hard, suffering, sweating, cramping, etc - this is all peanuts compared with what your wife is doing and more importantly, the things she's sacrificing in allowing you to have your fun. There will be hiccups and worse down the road, but as long as you keep this in mind, you'll get there.

I went to IMWC in 2006, just married. First kid born in 2007 (second in 2010), quit IM training and shifted to "just-to-stay-in-shape" training-mode for 8 years: enjoyed life & family at full while staying just barely in shape by doing 1h workout/day. Last year I returned to IM mentally fresh and with family involved: won my AG.
My recipe:
1. Enjoy whatever you do, but keep in mind that somethings do not come back: first years of your kids. There are tenths of IM per year. Every year.
2. Wake-up early, very early.
3. Train at home as much as you can. It is super time efficient. So buy a good (and expensive) treadmill and a trainer. It is worth it.
4. Think about dropping triathlons for a few years and maybe just swim/bike/run for fun no more than 1h/day.
5. Become ONLY a swimmer/biker/runner, find a GOAL in one of those disciplines, and enjoy!

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STRAVA INSTAGRAM

I decided my family matters a hell of a lot more than my race results, or participation.
I've ditched triathlon since my son, now 18 months old, was born. I mostly cycle now, and less than I'd like, but that's okay.

I could continue to race, but it would have a cost I'm not willing to impose on my family. You can't have everything.

Maybe you can continue to train and race at the level you desire, but be willing to consider the possibility that it's better to accept you shouldn't.

I have read through most of the posts....
I am single, and it is up to prioririties..but is there anything more important than our families? No rules here, just my POV...some couples manage to balance work, children, family, friends...and sport. Amazing. I think we live in a society full of selfinesh and we all get dragged a liitle bit sometimes (to prove ourselves, to escape from daily life, to not face we get older..). I do sports for being healthy and for fun...but I would never sacrify my time with the beloved ones to pursue the carrot's trick. I will never win anything,...(even I always try to improve...little by little :D)
I like being busy but not rushing,rushing....otherwise i dont enjoy what i am doing in every moment and that is what matters for me.
My advice: enjoy every single second without trying to be the best in all

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Spaniard. Sorry for my english for the sensitive ones :P

Maybe I don’t need to know
what I’m hoping to find.

-Jackson Browne, Running on Empty

Everyone is different and every relationship works in its own way. But the advice about being ruthlessly efficient is the most important. Aim to fall asleep moments after your kid. If you are asleep by 8 you should be able to get in workouts of almost any type done before 7am. For weekends, start early on the trainer. Being in the house is going to be better.

• Coffee and nutrition pre-made and ready to go in the fridge
• Recovery breakfast pre-made and ready to consume. I like overnight oats, raisins, protein powder, chia seeds, cinnamon, maple syrup.
• Clothes laid out, it always sounds like it only saves a minute. But in the morning you need all your focus.
• When your kid goes to bed, you go to bed.
• Ditch all group rides and exercise until it is not a thing, but start with no group rides for this season, or just one.
• The tough part: when you are beat after hard sessions, you really can't take the rest of the day and recover, you need to be there, entertain, play.

When in doubt you need to organize your time to help your family.

My 2c, combo of several points already...

Always been an S/B/R guy since before we got married (met wife on college swim team), so that didn’t change when we had kids, BUT...

Early on, training was far less structured. Still did some group rides for enjoyment, and races too, but much more ‘opportunistic’ as openings presented themselves. Pretty much the opposite of scheduling out a structured training plan and then trying to fit wife/fam time into/around that (and if yer wife isn’t even working yet, that hill is about to get vastly steeper than you even think now). Mostly shorter stuff, and as I had a couple biking buddies available I did more just riding and far less swim/run/tri. No way signing up for IM a year in advance.

Once kids got into skool and I had a little more time, I finally got around to the full IM thing. For that, the training did get more focused, and I shifted into ‘Lone Wolf’ mode as someone else said so there’s no more fussing around anyone else’s schedule/constraints (mentally, I think that’s also a good space to get comfortable in for long-distance racing when you have to grind through those inevitable valleys of doubt and suffering). For running, I’m a big fan of the BarryP ethos of building total weekly volume through more frequent shorter runs vs fewer longer runs; besides the idea of reducing injury potential from one much longer run per week, it makes it easier to break it up and fit more chunks elsewhere in the sched (sometimes even twice in a day).

Add those up, and I’d try to get most of my runs in early before everyone else gets up. 5:15 is plenty early for a decent run, neither crazy early nor a really long run. Most swims are squeezed in at lunch, or sometimes a swim/run brick. Like someone else said, it’s usually easier to stay a little later at work to cover an XL lunch than it is to fit in another session after work.

With most of that squeezed into the cracks during the week, I could still get a pass for a long ride most weekends. We’d often ‘trade’ w/ each of us getting one day while the other had the kids; which day would be flexible if she had something going on, or maybe I signed up for a century ride once in awhile. If we were traveling for a weekend that might wipe out a long ride, so those would be the times I’d bring along the running gear and substitute a longer run than normal for a typical week.

Additional short runs are also tacked on to most rides. I know there’s a school of thought that bricks are overrated for training specificity, but I used them a lot just cuz it’s logistically a lot simpler on the prep/cleanup overhead to just leave the house once rather than try to squeeze in one more separate workout.

1. Do your workouts early.
2. Use a trainer.
3. Full IM and young kids ain’t compatible.
4. Be creative.

Enjoy time with your young kids. Triathlon will always be there, your kids will never be today’s age again.

Just curious, why did you not run with a stroller? I trained for my last 2 Ironmans with a Bob stroller. 18 miles and he doesn't need me to stop. Do I just have a cooperative baby? I have a 2nd on the way so I'm wondering if I was just lucky with the 1st one loving it. I also live next to a bike path with great weather year round, so that helps. I see a lot of parents on here never mention strollers so wondering if it's a climate thing or not near running paths...

just want to add one thing, i have also dropped group rides, but my wife prefers that i do not do my long rides alone (for safety),
so find a couple of buddies, set up a whatsapp group or whatever platform you prefer and use it to schedule "long" rides. much more efficient than group rides

since we had our first kid 5 years ago i only get a handful of 3+hour rides in in total. I have redefined long ride to 2 hours. Much better for the family

Andreas

Sorry, I have to comment.
-A 2 hour ride can not be called a "long ride".
-Tell your wife that group rides are more dangerous than solo rides. Accidents mostly happen between members of a group.

Since this is a discussion forum, I would like to comment.
First of all I fully agree with your last statement. And with point 4.
But not with points 1-3.

concerning your point 1:
If it is possible, sleep enough, it will make your life and shape better. So do not train early. I used to do my long ride on Saturday: getting up at 5:00. Horrible. Not only you do not get enough sleep, but you miss the important weekend-breakfast with the family. I changed this, see post #18 here above.

concerning point 2:
If you are on the trainer, your family is around. If you train outside (possibly as commute after work) you're just not home yet. I have the feeling this gets more acceptance as getting home and go straight away to the trainer with a bad conscience.

concerning point 3:
Depends. If you can organize it, you can do IM having kids. Not with a 60 hour work week, but certainly with a 40 hour work week.

Fully agree that 2 hours is not a "long ride", but it is the longest rides i can regularly schedule into my training plans. hence the "redefine" comment.

Riding with 1-2 friends does not trigger any of the unwanted group ride dynamics...

Andreas

I'm with others that mentioned you need to ditch the rigid structure (for the most part) and be opportunistic about things just because EVERYTHING will constantly change with a 1 year old, especially if your wife is going back to work in 2 months. That's a big transition and you don't really know how it will work out. I'd suggest figure out what workouts you don't want to miss and prioritize those, make deals, whatever is healthy for your family, but at least from experience (8, 4 and 2 year olds here) things will inevitably get messy with a 1 year old and both parents working. If you can still structure things exactly the way you want and everyone is happy then that's awesome, but if you're the type that gets upset about missing a workout and thinking it will derail you, etc etc, then it may be best now to accept the fact that you will most likely miss a workout (or 2/3/4) and be prepared not to lose your focus and drive if that does happen.

You are at a really difficult stage with a 10 month old.
To be honest, there is no easy balance. This is a difficult time for your wife as well with sleep deprivation and all sorts of other things that come with having a baby (physical and psychological).
I only found triathlon when our youngest was 5-6 years old, by that stage it is a lot easier and even better now that the kiddies are old enough that I can leave them all at home and train if my wife is working etc.
The answer you probably don't want to hear is that you have to make priorities in life and this time, as much as it might seem ideal for Taupo, might not be best for the family and it may be better to put it to one side or challenge yourself to see what you can do on the minimum of training. You honestly cannot get these years back and you will most likely regret not having this time around your family (compared to what you may get out of a qualification slot etc....).
If you do want to try and smash it in March (remembering you may then need to smash it again for the Worlds), discuss it with your wife now, explain why and what it means to you and how you will make it up. Be a bit more selfish with your group rides (I met my group, did a bit, but would never stay back for coffee etc, I was home as soon as the work was done).

Thanks for the suggestions everyone.

My wife liked the idea of training on Mondays instead and keeping a weekend day as an off day. What I could do I guess is push back my routine by a day so I do my long(er) run Friday morning?

Another option was to begin my weekend long ride when my daughter goes down for her midday nap, as that is generally her longest nap (2 hours or so)

In terms of getting up super early, that might not always work either as I am quite often up between 5.30am and 6am with our daughter before doing some training. And I can't see myself getting up at 4am to train.

Longest I have gone for in morning is 1.5 hours, which usually just means I get in to work a bit later than 8.30am, which is not a problem as I am a self employed lawyer/barrister so can turn up when I want, unless I have clients or court, but court doesn't start till 10am.

For example, this morning, I was up around 5.45am, changed nappy, fed her a bit then when she didn't go back to sleep, brought her to our room, then began to get ready for bike and put her into this play stroller thing to watch me on my indoor trainer.

This allowed my wife to sleep a bit (she got up at 4am to feed her) more and meant she did not have to worry about having the sole responsibility for our daughter whilst I trained. Daughter just watched me, pushed herself around in the garage and played with the knobs and buttons on her stroller thingee, although she was starting to get a bit grizzly towards the end...

In terms of maximising my time with my family, the weekend long ride is probably the biggest hurdle to that, so another option could be to do some of them on zwift, with my daughter watching for a while.

In my case, with 2 and 3yr olds..

1. I schedule just one weekday morning per week that I like to pretend is non-negotiable. My wife knows it's my morning to do whatever I want. I give her the other four mornings of the week. So, Friday mornings I meet my friends at 5:30am to run. We can get in 20 miles if needed and be at work by 9am. I've been doing this since my first son was a month old. My wife is happy to have Mon~Thurs to herself.

2. Then Saturdays are long rides, starting earlier than I'd like. But, we are done by 10am and the rest of the weekend is for/with family. I will say, my wife has never objected to me taking the kids out for a run in the stroller for an hour on the weekend either.. she likes the quiet time.

3. I do pretty much everything else at lunch. I'll take a longer lunch and work 20~30min later each day, but all said and done it's 10~12hrs per week with only two instances of being gone. Occasionally I swim on the way home from work, or go to the gym at 9pm to swim when everyone is in bed.. but it's not common.

4. No off days during the week. In general, if there's time to train which will not affect the family life (say, Monday during lunch), you gotta capitalize on it!

And yes, a lot of the luxuries are gone, which I admit is not fun, even three years later... no stops for coffee. No breakfasts with friends after long runs/rides. Walking in the door after a 3hr ride and getting right into the action is brutal some days, but that's the only option. Kids don't care if you are tired from your long run. I crave the days where we would ride for 5hrs, then watch movies all day Saturday on the couch.. but whatever. More people have a busy or family lifestyle than don't.

Regarding the invisible part. Sometimes that works, sometimes not. If your wife finds out you are running 60 miles a week at lunch without telling her, that could result in the "Oh wow, you're out running while I'm at home pulling my hair out with the kids". I prefer to just give her every opportunity possible to have a break, do her own thing, hang out with friends etc. Sometimes the best breaks are when she goes out with friends and I can just lay on the floor and play with Legos with the kids. And whether I like it or not, do as much as I can around the house and with the family. It is exhausting, but the kids do see what we are doing with the running and cycling and catch on quickly.. in our minds, it's important for them to see it.

I would try the longer run on Friday.

I have an 18 month old and what I've learned is his schedule changes all the time. So what may work today may not work in a month. So just try it but be open to changing again or adjusting on the fly.

What's working for me now is swimming or running at lunch and then zwifting at night after our son goes to bed. He goes to bed at 6:30. My wife usually wants to do her own thing at night during the week. The weekends are what she gets pissed about. She's also a light sleeper and doesn't want me to wake her up early in the morning. So the night it is.

Sometimes I'll squeeze in a zwift ride during one of his weekend naps but it's not always a slam dunk.

Similar here: Wife is not happy when she has to deal with both small kids alone. We both work. I raced 70.3 Worlds last year. Generally, this is of course very complex and you need to find an individual solution. She's frustrated when you go out training. You are probably frustrated if you do not get proper training in. Having a clear structure helps a lot, having a joint plan and schedule, and most important: Being reliable on that schedule. Go to bed early or make sure that you can take a short nap around noon on the weekend.

My schedule typically looked like this in the last two, three years (incl. 70.3 Worlds, two Ironman races, one KQ), 10~12 hours:
Mo. - late night indoor trainer session
Tue. - early morning run; late night swim session (eventually with a run before the swim)
Wed. evening - bike ride (my only day skipping family dinner)
Tue. - off
Fri. - early morning run
Sat. - early morning bike ride; from time to time afternoon bike ride instead
Sun. - early morning long run (plus open-water swim in summer)