Hilarious :)

It’s cool that you’re intrigued. I imagine tuft selection and locations will be a something of a study on its own.

Without having tried it, I would guess that a somewhat rigid and thin wire, like high-vis fishing line (maybe bent through a tape “platform” such that they tend to protrude normal to the body) may work best, since flow reversal or local shear may be too weak to activate tufts with any tendency to adhere to jersey material. Then, the direction these things
take on will be less likely to be corrupted by gravity or fabric properties, more correlated with local flow, and hopefully thin enough to not affect aerodynamics. When I think about this, I wouldn’t be surprised if such flow tripping late down in the lower back would be beneficial (good flow-tripping devices add turbulence just before it is needed, to avoid excess losses to shear, and are sized as small as possible to do the job, unlike say, jersey rear pockets filled with stuff).

Lets ruin any patent prior art here by suggesting tension, pressure or vibration measured mechanically, visually, or acoustically of any distribution of wires or transducers can be used to predict aerodynamic performance, and their integration into an article of clothing is not novel to those in this art :)