Just curious how old you are and what your background is.

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David
* Ironman for Life! (Blog) * IM Everyday Hero Video * Daggett Shuler Law *
Disclaimer: I have personal and professional relationships with many athletes, vendors, and organizations in the triathlon world.

I married an Asian girl. We got married at the courthouse because neither of us wanted a wedding, and certainly not to pay for it.

I am also aware of your second point. That being the case, if you expect to recover the expenses, why is this a question? If the wedding is revenue-neutral, you aren't facing a choice between it and the bike as you pose.

Let me also say, "tradition" is a piss-poor reason to make a bad decision.

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The point is, ladies and gentleman, that speed, for lack of a better word, is good. Speed is right, Speed works. Speed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

29, engineer. She's 30, a doctor. I'm middle class, her family is pretty rich.

'Tradition' in asian families is not really a stupid reason. Tradition typically involves the parents, and you do not want to start your wedding off with a war with the in-laws. If you can make them happy with a relatively net-nuetral financial spend, and give your wife a nice wedding, why not?

I think you guys will be fine moving forward........buy the bike

Adopt a World Triathlon Corporation perspective and maximize the revenue producing potential for your wedding. Think merchandising - coffee mugs, beach towels, ugly Christmas sweaters, All Wedding Attendee (AWA) gear......This will pay for your bike.

This woman says buy the bike. Especially if I get a new one out of the deal as well.

David-

I was almost literally in your same position last November. Asian fiancee with a doctorate (not MD) and a family that wanted a huge wedding, and we had a comparable amount of money saved for both a wedding and a house in a joint account. I wanted a 3-4k dollar bike.

We typically discuss any large purchases and she basically told me the same thing your future wife told you. "It's your money, buy the bike if you want. You spend a lot of time on it and you better use it for the next 5 years."

So I bought the bike with my personal savings (although I'm sure she would have given me a temp loan if I needed it). I will note that she did spend a few grand on something for herself - with her money. We also had a discussion about that before she spent the money. As long as you both believe you can afford it without compromising other priorities AND she gives you the go ahead, don't feel guilty. Buy the bike - just don't ask to upgrade the wheels two months later.

Also, I wouldn't plan on recouping the money from the wedding. You might (we did) - but treat it like an unexpected bonus. Buy one or two nice things that you both want and stash the rest.

Do the best stuff first:
1) Have sex
2) Train.......
......
......
Etc.)
.....
36,456) Go shopping for crap (marital or triathlon related)

half off that biachi is more than it is worth.

 
Didn't comb through the whole thing, but buy the bike you want before you get married. Gonna be much harder after.

If you have to ask this forum for this answer then you know your wrong.

No bike.

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Ask me how much I love my Kiwami LD Aero Trisuit

Agreed!

Agreed, do not buy the bike.

I think you're asking the wrong question... the bike is a given. You should probably be asking how many upgrades you can afford. Don't forget the wheels!

Put me down for the bike. I can't rationalize marriage as anything other than an expensive day of symbolism for the families, that gets more expensive when it fails. Bike.

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https://connect.garmin.com/modern/profile/domingjm

Haha. So good.

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https://connect.garmin.com/modern/profile/domingjm

Sounds like you've gotten a pretty clear answer to your question, but I'll add my personal experience...

I got married in 2014 and financed almost all of it along with paying off my wife's student loans. Already owned a home that she moved into after we said 'I do.' That year I got a nice tax return and my wife encouraged me to buy a new bike. Only spent like $1200 on it, but it felt damn good to spend a little money on myself.

You've been diligent and it sounds like you've covered your bases financially. Get the bike. You gotta enjoy your money from time to time as well. Plus you're marrying a MD, you'll be just fine ;)

thought I'd give an update.

We talked it over, she said it was fine if I bought it. But there was some hesitation I could sense.

Fast forward 6 months when I'm about to pull the trigger- She says not to buy the bike and to wait till after the wedding.
Now obviously I was pretty bummed to hear this, but then I find out from my Brother in law (who knows bikes) she's been conspiring with him to actually buy me the bike as a birthday gift. Obviously though, she can't get it at the discount I can get- So eventually she tells me to buy it but she's paying for it.

TLDR: I am marrying an awesome woman.

If you have not talked about having/not having kids yet that's the more important discussion. She's 30 if you are going to have kids soon is the best time given fertility etc falls off precipitously after 35. And if she is in a high workload specialty you might be doing alot of the kid stuff. If you are going to have kids you probably won't be riding the bike that much! Unless you are going the nanny route. Financially meh you will be fine.

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They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

Wauw, what a beautiful ending to this whole thing :)
That is pretty damn reassuring "event", going into a marriage!

Very nice, she is awesome indeed! But her awesomeness may not have eventuated if you didn't speak to her about it... I'd be pretty pissed off if soon to be hubby went off to buy a bike that costed a few grand whilst we were saving for a wedding and mortgage (even if we were financially secure)... the main issue would be the lack of communication and compromise. So welcome to Team M = Married life. Where life is a regular and constant juggle between these two C words. Breathe and live those words, is my mantra...

Also, in Asian culture - weddings are an important family and community event. It is about uniting two families together, with a couple getting married thrown in. You are a good gwailo to follow her family's lead on this.

Congrats on the bike, married life and awesome wife :)

Lavish weddings are okay, but who are they really for? All you really do is give free food and drinks to your friends. You could easily have a party after your wedding to celebrate with your friends and family. I had a lavish wedding the first time and was divorced 7 years later. My wife and I got married at the court house for our second marriages and couldn’t be happier. Buy the bike, you are going to use it all the time, not one day.
However, you might want to get the opinion of the only one that really counts, your future wife.

Congratulations!!

But obviously a good thing I'm not married - I would have bought the bike without asking a husband's permission.

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com