Sometimes I tell my wife, sometimes I don't....it all depends.

Why bother telling her if its going to hurt her? Will it make any difference if you do or don't tell her, other then upsetting her?

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Paul

I told my wife about Doug and Jim as she knows who they are. I didn't tell her about the incidents in races as they weren't related to us in any way...people, location etc. She races too and knows it's dangerous but I still think driving to work each day is probably riskier, especially in LA. We're all going to die at some point, I don't see how giving up something you enjoy that, all other things being equal, has a general benefit to your health is going to help you live longer as it would probably be replaced by some other behaviour that carries some form of risk.

My main worry in races is cars on the course. Training is sketchy at times, particularly the cycling part, but I'd rather go out doing something I enjoy than pissing my pants in a nursing home in 80 years' time. Take sensible precautions and hope for the best.

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Forget speedwork. Speedwork is the icing on the cake and you don't have a cake yet. - MattinSF

Basically they have 9 tenants, live life to the fullest, do not turn the cheak, and embrace the 7 deadly since. - TheForge (on satanists)

I'm sure she knows about the inherent risks of riding a bike and participating in anything that can test your limits. I don't think it's worth pointing out the examples, it will just get her upset and it won't better or worsen your odds of being the victim.

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Jonathan Blyer,
ACME Bicycle Co., Brooklyn, NY

I believe that if you look around, there are risks in almost everything we do. I can get into a car accident driving to work, I can have a slip and fall accident walking the dog, or I can have a heart attack shovelling snow. I can also get hit by a car while cycling - I can do things to minimize that risk, but it will never be gone. In almost everything we do, there is a certain element of trust in others around us, and we must accept that, deal with it, and proceed. My wife, also a triathlete, understands that thing may happen while swimming, biking, running, rock climbing, mountain biking, skiing, etc.

There have been a series of unfortunate events lately in the world of triathlon, and they have perhaps drawn our attention because they happened during sport. People sometimes think "that shouldn't happen in a sport", but when you really think about it, of course they should. For some reason, people often think they are insulated from accidents while participating in sport, but in reality it's just as likely a place for bad things to happen, maybe even more likely. We shouldn't get into car accidents while driving, but they happen. We shouldn't have heart attacks while shovelling snow, but they happen. If you apply the same line of thought to accidents while swimming, biking or running I think many people will see that it's just natural order however terrible it may be. I don't mean to downplay the tragic events of late, but as a professional coach in a sport where people destroy their bodies in crashes, I will say that I am never surprised by accidents and tragedies in any sport.

Good question. I tend to avoid unless it's a situation where there was a tragedy in a race I participated in, such as IMFL this year.

Part of my unwillingness to discuss much is to keep her from worrying, but I think there's an element of denial on my part that this sport does have it's risks to loss of life. And if I don't talk about them, maybe they aren't really there. And if I am unfortunate enough to die at a race, it'll make me look ignorant if I had just talked about the risks involved and proceeded forth anyways - I'd much rather be remembered as a victim of a tragedy than an idiot.

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Coach at KonaCoach Multisport

Tend to keep it to myself concerning bike accidents. There is enough local bad news on tv concerning people on bikes. I have told her about some of the swim related deaths in races.

Parkito-I am the female spouse and I don't really understand all the commotion.
what do you think will happen if you share something with your wife? She will have a breakdown, she will forbid you to ride your bike, race? What do you think we are ? mamby pambys? Don't you want to share your fears, your anxiety with someone who understands you better then all the guys blowing snot out of their noses? Who better to talk with? and you can probably find a good time to discuss things-instead of at the stop lights-Yeh, did ya hear......talk to us-we'll be more than happy to listen ;-)

I agree!!!

Shits happen all the time, everywhere that is not at all Tri related anyway... not need to make a big out of it (of course if you know the person it is a different story)..
as the French saying goes: "With IFs we could put Paris (the city :)) inside a bottle"

Fred.

I only tell her if it will get me permission for buy some new tri-stuff. :) ;)


Now if only a set of Zipps could somehow be spun safety gear. ;)

Thats what I told my boss to get my Zipps, they make me safer.

Dave

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Dave Campbell | Facebook | @DaveECampbell | h2ofun@h2ofun.net

Boom Nutrition code 19F4Y3 $5 off 24 pack box | Bionic Runner | PowerCranks | Velotron | Spruzzamist

Lions don't lose sleep worrying about the sheep

what do you think will happen if you share something with your wife? She will have a breakdown, she will forbid you to ride your bike, race? What do you think we are ? mamby pambys?

I'm glad you chimed in. I always enjoy your posts (am I am being dead honest, no sarcasm).

No, she won't forbid me to ride, she knows my level of passion. But, yes, I do make her aware of what and where the risks are in this sport as they pertain to me. I can't and don't lie to her. But, telling her about the unfortunate circumstances of others can't possibly help her feel more comfortable, or less concerned. The chances of me having a swimming problem are pretty remote. These two particular stories don't pertain to my personal risks. I therefore see no benefits in telling her about them.

As far as mamby pambys (or namby pambys), I worded the original question in a nonsexual form. Significant others, so, womens what do you tell your SO's is an equal part of the discussion. I was not implying or otherwise indicating that female spouses were specifically not up to the task of dealing with the downside and risks of the sport.

Don't you want to share your fears, your anxiety with someone who understands you better then all the guys blowing snot out of their noses?

But, see, that's probably also the point, in a race I don't have any fear. In a race, I will far more willingly push the envelop than I ever do in training. My concerns are the normal, reasonable awareness that riding a bike for 4,000+ miles a year out on the open roads represents a reasonable risk. I share that information with my wife, and I make promises to exercize good judgement. She trusts me with that and I appreciate it. As far as my snot blowing friends go, I love sharing the stories of our races and training experiences. The more horrendous, the better! So, there I was ...

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Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)

I don't tell her. It's not so much a matter of "she doesn't need to know" as "she doesn't need to worry any more than she already does."

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Some are born to move the world to live their fantasies...

https://triomultisport.com/
http://www.mjolnircycles.com/

I don't think it's worth pointing out the examples, it will just get her upset and it won't better or worsen your odds of being the victim.

I like your summary.

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Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)

I tell her these things all the time and although she is concerned and scared sometimes (you should have seen her face when we drove the Lake Placid course and were descending into Keane), she understands the risks involved and knows 100% what I would want if gawd forbid anything bad were to happen. That way, the post accident can be a little easier. Communication is the key 100%

i called my husband about doug, as it was very upsetting to me, much like everyone else around here. he knew i was knitting a blanket for him, and i felt he would want to hear the news because i told him all about doug. he felt it was really sad and was sorry to hear it, etc.

the only things i cannot tell my husband is when a car nearly buzzes me, or when i've had close calls with a bike wreck. this upsets him way too much, and he doesn't want to know about it. also, if i went on and on about "close calls", his support might lessen>so telling him this stuff is a loose loose.

Good question. I tend to avoid unless it's a situation where there was a tragedy in a race I participated in, such as IMFL this year.

Good point, I didn't factor that into my original question. If I was at a race where something happened, it would definitely have an effect on me, and I would definitely have to share/explain that to my wife.

Yet, if it was 16,000 person marathon, and somebody dropped from a MI, I probably wouldn't be personally impacted unless I saw the actual scene. I find that somewhat curiously strange. Anonyminity in numbers I suppose (and the clearly obvious nuumber of people running with minimal fitness in those races).

I'd much rather be remembered as a victim of a tragedy than an idiot.

You know, we're dead in those circumstances, and it really isn't left to us to decide how we get remembered for the most part. I think the Doug Sterns, and the Jim McCanns are the exceptions and not the rule. I have already accepted that the odds are leaning pretty heavily towards the idiot label for me.

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Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)

i called my husband about doug, as it was very upsetting to me, much like everyone else around here.

As did I, and as Lazy Ben had indicated as well. Those kinds of things happen regardless to what other activities one is involved with. Some day, we will all face an event like that.

I had shown my wife reviews and pictures of Curacao (thanks Tom D), and we had hoped to go there sometime not too far into the distant future. I did not share the story on Jim McCann as neither one of us knew him or were previously aware of him. I do have a separate thread in mind regarding these two individuals, though.

the only things i cannot tell my husband is when a car nearly buzzes me, or when i've had close calls with a bike wreck. this upsets him way too much, and he doesn't want to know about it.

Ah, now this is getting closer to the heart of the matter. I do the exact same thing. I will tell others that train and race to share and vent, but I don't tell my wife about close calls (other than the case when the idiot in the pickup cut me off at an intersection and I ended up going down in gravel and sand with the subsequent trip to the ER to get my arm cleaned out). But, at least in that case I came home in one piece and conscious. ;-)

You state that your hubby doesn't want to know. I'm not exactly sure where my wife draws that line. I feel that I draw it for her, by generally not telling her. Yet, this bugs me on a certain ethical level, which is basically what I am wrestling with.

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Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)

Well, we're not married, but my POSSLQ hears the stories, especially if it's someone we know or have met. She knows I'm an accident waiting to happen (or perhaps not waiting, as I've currently got a thumb splint from a nasty fall last week and she's seen me through several injuries and crashes and knee surgery in the 5+ years that we've been together.
I don't like to worry her, but I don't want to minimize the possibility that something could happen to me either. If I don't come home from a race in a day or two, she'll want to get rid of my junk so she can get a new roommate!

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Cousin Elwood - Team Over-the-hill Racing
Brought to you by the good folks at Metamucil and Geritol...

Significant others count. This is my one and only PC thread for the year. I specified wife in my case just so's people know. Not, like there is anything wrong batting for the other team or anything. ;-)

Still, you leave me curious as to POSSLQ/roommate.

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Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)

I wasn't being serious enuf-you're right. My whole family rides and I guess we all know what the risks are. We just except it for what it is and it probably goes without saying. Sometimes I think when we have fears and anxiety we are afraid to voice them, maybe make excuses for not verbalizing them, Hell, i don't know! Now I don't even want to think about it. Please be safe so I don't worry about you too !

    
i think the most important question is...why do you feel from an ethical standpoint all of this bothers you? (ie, "this" meaning, being in a "dangerous" situation & telling your wife or not, etc)

would it be fair to say you are wondering if it is right to be risking what you are risking by riding a bike, etc?

as for me--i try hard to minimize risk. frankly, i didn't ride that much in New York because i didn't feel it was safe enough; even during epicman, i thought it was crazy to ride on those roads with semi-trucks flying by. i was happy to have the mechanical problem and turn around to be honest.

My whole family rides and I guess we all know what the risks are.

Ah, but that is a horse of a different color. If ever one rides, everyone has an equal share of both risk and concerns. It is totally fair.

My question relates more to the SO's that don't share your activity and therefore don't have a share in doing risky behavior.

Really, this question isn't just limited to triathlon. Skydiving, deep water scuba diving, free climbing mountains are examples of high risk activities.

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Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)

Hmmm-are you thinking it's somehow unfair? you might be cheating somebody if you take these risks? Somehow you don't come across as an irresponsible risk taker-but I don't know!

would it be fair to say you are wondering if it is right to be risking what you are risking by riding a bike, etc?


I think that would be just about exactly right. I have a wife and a daughter to consider. Where does one draw the line as to their activities as ones' responsibilities change? It is a question that changes constantly as ones responsibilities grow and dimenish, relatives risks increase and decrease, and other circumstances change.

I love doing rides to see how far away from home I can get. My record is 68 miles out, solo. I love those rides. But, this year, I find myself designing new routes that keep me closer to home. Why is that?

As far as riding around here, I live on the north edge of New Jersey, but I do 95% of my riding in New York. Their roads are far better, more shoulders, with better layouts and better visibility. The Lake Placid/Tupper Lake area is an even bigger improvement over the semi-rural southern NY area that I ride. I won't even mention NJ.

I cut my serious tri bike teeth riding out of Centerville, Ohio down towards Lebanon and out to Caesar Creek and Xenia, so I am quite familiar with those lovely country roads. I had more than a few routes that were straight out of Breaking Away.

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Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)