i think the most important question is...why do you feel from an ethical standpoint all of this bothers you? (ie, "this" meaning, being in a "dangerous" situation & telling your wife or not, etc)

would it be fair to say you are wondering if it is right to be risking what you are risking by riding a bike, etc?

as for me--i try hard to minimize risk. frankly, i didn't ride that much in New York because i didn't feel it was safe enough; even during epicman, i thought it was crazy to ride on those roads with semi-trucks flying by. i was happy to have the mechanical problem and turn around to be honest.