My husband used to tell me that I walk like a trucker..

Cheers!

-mistress k

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ill advised racing inc.

Good one :)

When I was doing some training with the Marines in Quantico we spent an afternoon learning to call in artillery to different positions. There were about 250 of us in this particular exercise, and by "us" I mean 230 guys and about 20 women. The DIs were taking turns calling out individuals to use the mic and call in different things. OK, so lots of dudes in a room, and over the course of the afternoon ~20 people were on the mic. I got called on, and so I started "calling" in my directions. I was about 4 seconds in and my DI interrupted and said, "Did I just dial a 1-900 number? Try to make it sound like an order for Christ's sake."

Um, OK. I have a "raspy" voice. Always have. When I smoked, which I did then, it was worse. OK, dude, I'll just change my voice. I'll get right on that. And thanks a lot for calling attention to that in front of the other dudes, with which there is always enough inherent weirdness. Awesome.

The other thing that complicated this situation, is that I have a very unfortunate habit of uncontrollably laughing when I'm being reprimanded or in "trouble." Man, that went over like a dream in the military.

Yep, so there I was, now laughing, trying to change my voice and finish an artillery call. Neat.

I ended up doing a lot of push ups that afternoon.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I might've once said "I'm fine waiting until marriage if that's what you want"

So dumb.

I think implants look good on very few women, especially muscular women. Some women do look great with them though, but to pressure women to get them or not get them is silliness. I think the gals with boobs should enjoy them and those without should enjoy that pleasure too. I consider it a great joy in my life to NOT have dudes staring at my tits.

p.s. can you believe how insane guys are over that swimsuit model Kate Upton? That woman could run for office and she would get elected on the off chance that she might have a wardrobe malfunction.

Haha, yeah, how'd that go for ya?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

OK, I kinda live under a rock, so I had to look up who she is. She's lovely, and, well, they're lovely. No doubt. Honestly, if she could hypnotize the idiotic men of congress into doing something useful, I would vote for her tits in a heartbeat.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I consider it a great joy in my life to NOT have dudes staring at my tits.

Well, how selfish of you! :)

As I was doing my anti-golf rant on the "Nice shit that guys say" forum I was reminded of this little gem. Brought to me by the same ex-boyfriend, of course. We had already broken up but stayed on good terms, and a few months later at my first sprint tri in several years I came out of the water and there he was on the beach. How nice! Since everyone is in a rush to get the hell out of the water and onto the bike it wasn't a good time to stop and catch up but he got a big smile from me. I said Hi then, and I said Hi nice to see you on my way out of T1. I actually looked forward to seeing him after the race. When I got back to T2 and out on the run he was gone.

When I spoke to him later he complained that he didn't really get to see me and I was busy, and since he didn't know how long it would be for the race to finish he just went home. I guess asking one of the 200 spectators there when we'd all be done didn't occur to him.

So, even thought it was my event and a fun morning I had looked forward to all spring, he put the guilt on and made it about himself. Nice move, dude. Thanks for that....and you wonder why I dumped you...?

I love the ones where the guy is complaining about the length/fatigue/boredom of waiting for the womens to finish a tri. Damn, man, STFU.

Here's my gem of the week;

Had to go get some blood work done. I sat down and the phlebotomist said, no joke, "Woah, have you ever heard of man hands? You have man arms!" I was in a good mood, so I just started laughing, which probably just encouraged him, but then he called over the other three phlebotomists to look at my veins, and then they were counting how many easily stickable veins I had, at which point one said, "I could even hit this one up here on your shoulder." Um, OK, guys, show's over.

I did end up saying to the guy that though I didn't mind, he really shouldn't do that. He apologized profusely and insisted it was a compliment. Yeah, OK, "man arms" just screams compliment doesn't it?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Yeah, that's right up there with post #26 "Your legs are like logs". That one still makes me laugh!

Note to Guys: Comparing a woman's parts to that of a man's parts is rarely seen as complimentary...but hey if she brings it up first then it's Game On.

If you know they have implants they aren't done right. You'd be surprised at how many good boob jobs you see and just don't know it.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

:/

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

My sister paid thousands for a natural looking boob job (she's 5'9 - was competitive swimmer HS/College - 36A to a 36C so very natural looking) with tiny scars in her armpits that eventually faded...when you hug her they didn't feel like two hard cantaloups.

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"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

This past month I spent a week in Oz for a wedding where I shared a house with a guy that has to be the one of the dumbest individuals I've ever met. A high school drop out so I think he feels the need to mansplain things to all females to make himself feel smart or something. Seriously, EVERYTHING! He knows everything. I've picked a few highlights...

I walk into the kitchen one evening and notice that there are large patches of sugar dumped on the counter. I ask the other three what the heck was going on with the sugar. Mansplainer tells me that he's put the sugar on the counter so that overnight he can attract the ants and they can come in and he'll kill them all for us and "solve the ant problem". No, I am not making this shit up. Needless to say I told he needed to get his ass in the kitchen and clean up the sugar.

One day while going snorkeling he decides to tell me how to swim by rays so they don't attack me. "Swim slowly over them but don't splash too much because then they might attack you and you'd die like the Crocodile guy".

He was commenting about how racist Oz was and then about two hours later started to complain that he hates all Asian food, how Chinese folks and other Asians are rude and demanded we have India for dinner. My husband is Japanese and thankfully has was not around to hear this tirade of stupidity.

On my last day I picked up my suitcase to judge how heavy it was. I had a 40Kg baggage allowance (Vietnam Airlines). I figured it was about 25kg. Mansplainer comes over, picks up my bag and declares it to be "too heavy". "It's at least 30kg and you won't be allowed to get that on the plane." When I tell him it's about 25 and I am fine, he starts on about union laws, back problems and law suits and there is no way in hell I will get that bag on the plane. I pull out my ticket and show him the 40kg limit written on it. He then goes on about how it means TWO bags. When I explain to him that I called and asked, he goes on and on about how I must have misunderstood them. Yes, "I" misunderstood it all. My bag actually was 24kg and one bag is fine.

Unreal that ONE man can be this dumb. And at 40 he wonders why he's not married.

Doofus. There's gotta be a word for somebody who thinks he's showing off expertise but it's at the expense of the person he's talking to. It's nice that you were gentle with him.

That is RUDE and I apologize on behalf of all men who say dumb stuff...

I've lost track of the number of stupid things I've said to my wonderful wife over the last 18 years of marriage. To her credit, she acknowledges my occasional stupidity and loves me anyway. :)

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- John
"Have courage, and be kind."

Getting into the pool at the local Y the other day: You are in great shape. Do you exercise regularly?

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

Ha ha....that's funny. It's like the line from Dumb and Dumber- "are those your skis?" "yes." "Both of them?"

I think this is more proof, that if a woman likes you, you can say just about anything. And usually if she doesn't like you nothing a guy can say will change her mind.

My Mum has a great one.

She went on a date with a vet who got quite drunk, looked intently at her and said "You have eyes just like a heffer!"

Mum had grown up in farm country and knew that heffers have lovely brown eyes and it was intended as a compliment, but still wasn't thrilled at being compared to a cow. There was no second date.

I was working at a university and I had asked one of my students to come in to fill out some paperwork. She stuck her head in my office but I was tied up on the phone and told her it would be a few minutes until I could meet with her. She told me she would be in our computer lab and to just let her know once I was free. When my call was over I went to the computer lab and discovered she had her pant legs rolled up to her knees and she was getting a demonstration on how to tape up her shins because she was suffering from shin splints. I leaned against the door jam and watched for a few minutes before my mouth decided to engage without any input from my brain and at this point I proceeded to say "When you get done, why don't you pull down your pants and come to my office and I'll give you what you need." About 2 seconds after I said that my brain kicked in and I started stumbling through a very embarrassed apology to the laughter of everyone in the computer lab.

A group of us were doing some post run stretches and somehow the conversation got directed to facial hair. One of the women commented on how she had once kissed a guy with a mustache and how she hadn't enjoyed it. A friend of mine had a serious crush on this woman and sees an opportunity to bond with her and decides it's a good idea to relate by saying, "I dated a girl with a mustache once and you're right, it wasn't really fun to kiss her because it would always tickle my lips."

Same friend from above was having some people over to his house for a BBQ. My girlfriend and I arrived late in the evening and during our hellos, my girlfriend asked if one of her girlfriends was there. My buddy said she had been there but she had to leave and after a slight pause added "....I think she had to leave because of the full moon." I had no idea what he meant by that and my girlfriend looks at me so I can explain what this "bro code" meant. I asked my friend "What does the full moon have to do with with anything?" My buddy replies with "Well you know, it's a full moon....and women get their period during a full moon." After a long fit of laughter my girlfriend explained to him that menstrual cycles are not based off phases of the moon. I wisely kept my mouth shut and refrained from making any type of werewolf jokes.

LOL!
My husband is also a vet, and when I was pregnant (3 times already!) he used to tell me how cows looked down there ;-)) while expecting - just like mine looked, I suppose! In moments like these I really wanted to hit him with sth really HEAVY!!!
I adore my kids and here is a sweet present for all moms
http://www.craftskids.org/wreath-deer/
do it together with kids - he's so cute and funny - my children adore him, our poor Rudolpho - Christmas is coming!!!

Probably one of the dumbest things I ever said to a woman was when my ex was trying on a new dress and asked me "Honey, does this dress make me look a bit heavier". To which I replied "Yeah, I think it does."

Sometimes being honest is the dumbest thing a guy can say.

Or, perhaps assuming that women are too weak to handle your honesty, especially when they ask for it, is dumbest thing a guy can do.

Just sayin'