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Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts???
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You have all been there. You settle into a paceline for what is going to be several hours on an otherwise pristine Saturday morning... and you look up to see that the guy in front of you is wearing bibshorts that have worn so thin that you can almost see the Eye of Sauron staring back at you. The scenery isn't gonna change anytime soon; it is enough to make you want to set the pace for an extra few minutes when it is your turn at the front of the group.
1. DO you tell the dude?
2. HOW and WHEN do you tell him?
3. What is the best way to make sure that I am never that dude?

____________________________________________
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” -A.W. Tozer
"The best things in life make you sweaty." -Barbara W.
"I was never great at math, so I had to learn to run faster." -Robbie Sandlin
“Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” Charles Schultz
Last edited by: TheJeff: May 2, 16 5:24
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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TheJeff wrote:
You have all been there. You settle into a paceline for what is going to be several hours on an otherwise pristine Saturday morning... and you look up to see that the guy in front of you is wearing bibshorts that have worn so thin that you can almost see the Eye of Sauron staring back at you. The scenery isn't gonna change anytime soon; it is enough to make you want to pull for an extra few minutes when it is your turn at the front of the group.
1. DO you tell the dude?
2. HOW and WHEN do you tell him?
3. What is the best way to make sure that I am never that dude?

Of course you tell him.

If it's a lady, obviously not. Sit back and enjoy.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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How to tell him? Easy...

"Dude, your fuckin' ass crack is staring at me in the face. Either do a bit of manscaping back there, or get some new frickin' shorts, its gross".

Done.

Swimming Workout of the Day:

Favourite Swim Sets:

2020 National Masters Champion - M50-54 - 50m Butterfly
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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Just tell him, he's a dude, he's not going to get upset.

As to how to advise being that dude, buy dark shorts. White or pale coloured shorts go translucent much more quickly than black or navy ones, particularly when you add rain into the mix.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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just give to him straight. But now I have a question. How do I know if it's time to retire a pair of cycling shorts? I think mine are okay. I have two pairs of cycling shorts and 3 tri shorts and I switch between them regularly so I think I'm good.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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Guy friend told me he could see through my shorts and I told him to quit drafting so close.

Girl friend told me 2 months later she could see my butt and those got retired to trainer shorts.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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Yep. Same applies for the baked-in funky smell. If your shorts smell dank the second you heat them up, it's time for new.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TriTamp] [ In reply to ]
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TriTamp wrote:
just give to him straight. But now I have a question. How do I know if it's time to retire a pair of cycling shorts? I think mine are okay. I have two pairs of cycling shorts and 3 tri shorts and I switch between them regularly so I think I'm good.

Psst! Hey, TriTamp...
C'mere, I need to tell ya something... ;-)


float , hammer , and jog

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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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I for once would appreciate a heads up - since i don't look at my ass in the mirror - esp against the light ...
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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I rode with a tri friend I didn't see often and her shorts were very thin and see through. I just told her time to retire those shorts, no big deal. She was happy I told her since she normally rides alone. For women to it is easy just tell them just like men. I do think it may be harder to tell a friend of the opposite sex than same sex friend.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [R2] [ In reply to ]
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This is why I get a stretch in with the wife around every once in a while. Haha. Between cycling shorts and jammers for the pool, I make sure I'm not showing off more than I should before I head out. Now, I wouldn't put it past her to tell me I'm fine just to screw with me, but I guess I got to trust her sometimes.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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I've been told this before. It didn't offend me. It was more of a "hey dude, you're zipper is down" sort of thing. Slightly embarrassed but otherwise thankful someone said something. It is hard to know yourself when your crack shows through.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [Murphy'sLaw] [ In reply to ]
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Murphy'sLaw wrote:
TriTamp wrote:
just give to him straight. But now I have a question. How do I know if it's time to retire a pair of cycling shorts? I think mine are okay. I have two pairs of cycling shorts and 3 tri shorts and I switch between them regularly so I think I'm good.


Psst! Hey, TriTamp...
C'mere, I need to tell ya something... ;-)

I'll just say "enjoy the show"
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TriTamp] [ In reply to ]
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TriTamp wrote:
just give to him straight.

Umm, phrasing.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [chaparral] [ In reply to ]
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chaparral wrote:
TriTamp wrote:
just give to him straight.


Umm, phrasing.

The hard truth, then??

Swimming Workout of the Day:

Favourite Swim Sets:

2020 National Masters Champion - M50-54 - 50m Butterfly
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [JasoninHalifax] [ In reply to ]
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JasoninHalifax wrote:
chaparral wrote:
TriTamp wrote:
just give to him straight.


Umm, phrasing.


The hard truth, then??

Don't beat around the bush!
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [JasoninHalifax] [ In reply to ]
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JasoninHalifax wrote:
How to tell him? Easy...

"Dude, your fuckin' ass crack is staring at me in the face. Either do a bit of manscaping back there, or get some new frickin' shorts, its gross".

Done.


hahaha that's about right :)
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [beston] [ In reply to ]
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beston wrote:
JasoninHalifax wrote:
chaparral wrote:
TriTamp wrote:
just give to him straight.


Umm, phrasing.


The hard truth, then??


Don't beat around the bush!

That's a cock and ball story
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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This recently happened. It went down like this:
"Hey fatass, I think it's time to retire that bib. I don't want anyone else in the world to see what I just had to see."






Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [Tri-Banter] [ In reply to ]
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I was thinking you could yell...

"Wow, I didn't know Lululemon made bike shorts!!!"
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TriTamp] [ In reply to ]
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TriTamp wrote:
just give to him straight. But now I have a question. How do I know if it's time to retire a pair of cycling shorts? I think mine are okay. I have two pairs of cycling shorts and 3 tri shorts and I switch between them regularly so I think I'm good.

Take a selfie from behind, post it on FB or instagram, and your friends will tell you if your shorts are worn out.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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Is it too early to start nominating Thread of the Year?

--------------------------
The secret of a long life is you try not to shorten it.
-Nobody
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [grosso27] [ In reply to ]
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grosso27 wrote:
Yep. Same applies for the baked-in funky smell. If your shorts smell dank the second you heat them up, it's time for new.
Wash with bleach. Only needed once every few months maybe even once a year. I run two rinse cycles after using bleach though. That stuff is worse for us than the bacteria causing that smell.

Same goes with stinky shoes. Soak in a bucket of water with diluted bleach, rinse, rinse again, then dry the shoes as quickly as possible. The latter is the key to success. Just don't melt them like I melted Spesh Expert road.

Anyway..... does anyone remember Joanna Zeiger's story from Lake Stevens 70.3 a few years ago? "Dude I can see your crack"?
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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TheJeff wrote:
You have all been there. You settle into a paceline for what is going to be several hours on an otherwise pristine Saturday morning... and you look up to see that the guy in front of you is wearing bibshorts that have worn so thin that you can almost see the Eye of Sauron staring back at you. The scenery isn't gonna change anytime soon; it is enough to make you want to set the pace for an extra few minutes when it is your turn at the front of the group.
1. DO you tell the dude?
2. HOW and WHEN do you tell him?
3. What is the best way to make sure that I am never that dude?

2. Happened on a group ride on a dark early morning last week. One guy told another that he could count his ass hairs with the use of his helmet light.

message received.

_____________________________________
What are you people, on dope?

—Mr. Hand
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [scofflaw] [ In reply to ]
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Happened to a guy in our run group.

Me to him : Neil, I can she your arse crack.

Immediate response = You know you love it ...

Response later in the run = To sprint past the group with them dropped.

Everyone see's the funny side and when he has worn them again, he has lightweight run shorts over the top.

Just get him told :-)

WD :-)
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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Sure man just gotta let him know. Some of us are cavemen including myself. When I used to wear jammers on a couple of occasions I was told my nuts were visible that fabric gets like cheese cloth.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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One of my clubmates in the bike club turned up with some nice yellow shorts to match his TdF leaders jersey. (yeah - whatever).
All was well on the club run until the heavens opened. That really torrential rain that turns it into more like powerboating than cyling. Plumes of water off the back wheels.

His yellow shorts went completely see through.

We banished him to the back of the run. I think he was scaring the motorists back there.

He never did wear them again.

<shudder>
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [cougie] [ In reply to ]
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Told a dude this morning. Super nice guy, one of the slower guys in our group.

His response: "That is why I ride in the back of the group, so you won't have to see it!"

lol

____________________________________________
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” -A.W. Tozer
"The best things in life make you sweaty." -Barbara W.
"I was never great at math, so I had to learn to run faster." -Robbie Sandlin
“Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” Charles Schultz
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [Dilbert] [ In reply to ]
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Dilbert wrote:
grosso27 wrote:
Yep. Same applies for the baked-in funky smell. If your shorts smell dank the second you heat them up, it's time for new.

Wash with bleach. Only needed once every few months maybe even once a year. I run two rinse cycles after using bleach though. That stuff is worse for us than the bacteria causing that smell.

Same goes with stinky shoes. Soak in a bucket of water with diluted bleach, rinse, rinse again, then dry the shoes as quickly as possible. The latter is the key to success. Just don't melt them like I melted Spesh Expert road.

Anyway..... does anyone remember Joanna Zeiger's story from Lake Stevens 70.3 a few years ago? "Dude I can see your crack"?

Easier than that: just add a cup of white vinegar to the wash. Works like a charm.

- Jeff
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [tigerpaws] [ In reply to ]
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Looks like ST has one of its own Denizen's.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [scott8888] [ In reply to ]
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scott8888 wrote:
Looks like ST has one of its own Denizen's.

I have self-administered a mesh drag suit with liner = it lasts forever and no accidental bag flash flip turns.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [TheJeff] [ In reply to ]
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Had to tell my buddy recently that I don't mind getting up at the crack of dawn for a ride, I just don't want to be looking at the "crack of Don" while I'm doing it.
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [James Haycraft] [ In reply to ]
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James Haycraft wrote:
If it's a lady, obviously not. Sit back and enjoy.


When your ilk come out of the wood work, my memory always pops out a little gem of verbiage from that Tom Cruise movie Minority Report:

"You sick bastard! You're what makes this a terrible world to live in!"
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [Dilbert] [ In reply to ]
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Dilbert wrote:
grosso27 wrote:
Yep. Same applies for the baked-in funky smell. If your shorts smell dank the second you heat them up, it's time for new.

Wash with bleach. Only needed once every few months maybe even once a year. I run two rinse cycles after using bleach though. That stuff is worse for us than the bacteria causing that smell.

Same goes with stinky shoes. Soak in a bucket of water with diluted bleach, rinse, rinse again, then dry the shoes as quickly as possible. The latter is the key to success. Just don't melt them like I melted Spesh Expert road.

Anyway..... does anyone remember Joanna Zeiger's story from Lake Stevens 70.3 a few years ago? "Dude I can see your crack"?

You're not supposed to wash elastic materials with bleach... Might as well throw them in the bin afterwards.

ZONE3 - We Last Longer
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Re: Do you tell a dude when it is time for him to retire a pair of cycling shorts??? [noofus] [ In reply to ]
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noofus wrote:
I've been told this before. It didn't offend me. It was more of a "hey dude, you're zipper is down" sort of thing. Slightly embarrassed but otherwise thankful someone said something. It is hard to know yourself when your crack shows through.

My take as well. Simple and direct... unless it is a buddy that I'm really familiar/comfortable with, in those cases, show no mercy and joke about it for years to come!
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